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CHOLESTEROL
(Adam McNughtan)




@food @health
filename[ CHOLSTRL
XX
APR99
CHOLESTEROL
(Adam McNaughtan)

I've been taking advice on the right things tae eat
Since shortly before I was born
Frae the national dried milk and the cod liver oil
Tae powdered rhinoceros horn
In they days they'd tell us tae lay aff the starches
The sugar, potatoes and breid
Now they've done a U-turn, tell us breid and potatoes
Will give us the fibre we need

So I've made up my mind that the menus designed
By the experts just are nae for me
Nae trained dietician or general practitioner
Dictates what I'll have for my tea
Brown bread with the low fat paste thinly spread on
May be healthier than a meat pie
But who wants tae grow old eating St Ivel Gold
I would raither taste butter and die

Cholesterol, Cholesterol
My chance o' surviving is small
But I'll no' get a dose o' anorexia nervosa
'Cause I love my cholesterol

Now the thing that has brought this affair tae a head
Is a good hearted Glasgow campaign
I just said, What's that?, and the doc had his needle
Sucking blood oot the handiest vein
Two weeks later they measured my height and my weight
And took my blood pressure and all
A computer said, Mate, tae survive at your weight
You would need to be seven feet tall

But I'm not gonnae take the suggestions they make
About changing the way that I eat
Cutting oot cheese and nae chips if you please
Nae chocolate, nae ice cream, nae meat
They tell you to give up these goodies below
And they promise you pie in the sky
Well semi-skimmed milk might diminish my bulk
But I'll take double cream till I die

Cholesterol, Cholesterol
My chance o' surviving is small
The cream I consume that may lead tae my doom
But I love my cholesterol

Now it's a' right for you that smoke 40 a day
And spend every night in the bar
You can tell the health visitor you'll cut it down
She'll say, What a fine fellow you are
But when I tell her I'd never smoked in my life
And I was teetotal tae boot
She says, Go away, there is nothing tae dae
You've nae vices that you can cut oot

Now I don't mind them probing in my haemoglobin
If it's just for a case history
But it puts the health visitor intae a tizz
At her duty to try and save me
She says, Fresh fruit and yoghurt's a lovely dessert
Why don't you give it a try
Well I don't gie a hoot for her yoghurt and fruit
I'll have Black Forest gateau and die

Cholesterol, Cholesterol
My chance o' surviving is small
The way that I dine I'm on course for angina
But I love my cholesterol

Recorded by McNaughtan on Last Stand on Mount Florida

@food @health
filename[ CHOLSTRL
XX
APR99



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