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BS: Rap for emperor

olddude 11 Feb 16 - 02:09 PM
Backwoodsman 11 Feb 16 - 02:18 PM
GUEST,David C. Carter 11 Feb 16 - 02:25 PM
fat B****rd 11 Feb 16 - 02:29 PM
GUEST,wysiwyg minus cookie 11 Feb 16 - 03:15 PM
olddude 11 Feb 16 - 04:25 PM
olddude 11 Feb 16 - 04:27 PM
olddude 11 Feb 16 - 04:29 PM
olddude 11 Feb 16 - 04:33 PM
GUEST,# 11 Feb 16 - 06:50 PM
frogprince 11 Feb 16 - 07:25 PM
Amos 11 Feb 16 - 08:04 PM
Bill D 11 Feb 16 - 08:42 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 16 - 08:47 PM
gnu 11 Feb 16 - 09:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Feb 16 - 09:47 PM
olddude 11 Feb 16 - 10:28 PM
Backwoodsman 12 Feb 16 - 12:31 AM
Ebbie 12 Feb 16 - 12:52 AM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 16 - 01:57 AM
Rapparee 12 Feb 16 - 08:49 AM
olddude 12 Feb 16 - 10:15 AM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 16 - 12:19 PM
olddude 12 Feb 16 - 02:58 PM
olddude 12 Feb 16 - 03:03 PM
frogprince 12 Feb 16 - 03:10 PM
olddude 12 Feb 16 - 03:16 PM
keberoxu 12 Feb 16 - 05:00 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 16 - 08:36 PM
olddude 12 Feb 16 - 08:52 PM
Acme 13 Feb 16 - 12:05 AM
gnu 13 Feb 16 - 07:03 AM
keberoxu 13 Feb 16 - 01:54 PM
gnu 13 Feb 16 - 02:19 PM
Donuel 14 Feb 16 - 11:13 AM
Ed T 14 Feb 16 - 11:20 AM
olddude 14 Feb 16 - 03:08 PM
Rapparee 14 Feb 16 - 10:16 PM
olddude 14 Feb 16 - 10:31 PM
JennieG 15 Feb 16 - 12:28 AM
Rapparee 15 Feb 16 - 09:36 AM
olddude 15 Feb 16 - 11:28 AM
JennieG 15 Feb 16 - 03:15 PM
Donuel 15 Feb 16 - 04:29 PM
olddude 15 Feb 16 - 05:01 PM
keberoxu 15 Feb 16 - 05:03 PM
olddude 15 Feb 16 - 05:24 PM
Donuel 15 Feb 16 - 06:24 PM
Severn 16 Feb 16 - 12:51 PM
keberoxu 16 Feb 16 - 01:33 PM
olddude 16 Feb 16 - 02:00 PM
olddude 16 Feb 16 - 02:05 PM
Severn 16 Feb 16 - 03:02 PM
David C. Carter 17 Feb 16 - 05:46 AM
David C. Carter 17 Feb 16 - 06:01 AM
gillymor 17 Feb 16 - 07:00 AM
Rapparee 17 Feb 16 - 09:07 AM
olddude 17 Feb 16 - 10:36 AM
Rapparee 17 Feb 16 - 12:05 PM
David C. Carter 17 Feb 16 - 01:14 PM
olddude 17 Feb 16 - 04:44 PM
GUEST,Severn 17 Feb 16 - 06:22 PM
Rapparee 17 Feb 16 - 06:30 PM
olddude 17 Feb 16 - 06:58 PM
JennieG 18 Feb 16 - 12:29 AM
Rapparee 18 Feb 16 - 09:39 AM
olddude 18 Feb 16 - 12:04 PM
gillymor 18 Feb 16 - 12:17 PM
Donuel 18 Feb 16 - 02:32 PM
olddude 18 Feb 16 - 04:23 PM
GUEST,Severn, E & CP W/ & W/O P to the Emperor 18 Feb 16 - 04:37 PM
JennieG 18 Feb 16 - 04:45 PM
gnu 18 Feb 16 - 05:52 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 16 - 09:28 PM
Donuel 18 Feb 16 - 09:40 PM
olddude 18 Feb 16 - 11:31 PM
Rapparee 19 Feb 16 - 09:39 AM
olddude 19 Feb 16 - 10:30 AM
gillymor 19 Feb 16 - 11:07 AM
JennieG 20 Feb 16 - 12:06 AM
olddude 20 Feb 16 - 12:30 AM
David C. Carter 20 Feb 16 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 20 Feb 16 - 12:53 PM
Donuel 20 Feb 16 - 03:20 PM
JennieG 20 Feb 16 - 03:50 PM
Rapparee 20 Feb 16 - 04:18 PM
JennieG 20 Feb 16 - 10:20 PM
gnu 21 Feb 16 - 06:38 AM
GUEST,Severn 21 Feb 16 - 02:04 PM
olddude 21 Feb 16 - 02:55 PM
Severn 21 Feb 16 - 03:45 PM
olddude 22 Feb 16 - 11:44 AM
olddude 22 Feb 16 - 11:44 AM
frogprince 22 Feb 16 - 05:38 PM
GUEST,Severn 22 Feb 16 - 07:25 PM
olddude 22 Feb 16 - 07:36 PM
GUEST,Severn 23 Feb 16 - 03:32 PM
olddude 23 Feb 16 - 06:30 PM
keberoxu 23 Feb 16 - 07:15 PM
GUEST,Severn 24 Feb 16 - 11:48 AM
olddude 24 Feb 16 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 25 Feb 16 - 12:54 AM
Severn 25 Feb 16 - 01:08 PM
Severn 25 Feb 16 - 01:18 PM
gnu 25 Feb 16 - 02:28 PM
Severn 25 Feb 16 - 03:07 PM
gnu 25 Feb 16 - 03:16 PM
Severn 25 Feb 16 - 04:04 PM
olddude 25 Feb 16 - 04:07 PM
olddude 25 Feb 16 - 04:08 PM
Severn 25 Feb 16 - 04:11 PM
JennieG 25 Feb 16 - 06:01 PM
GUEST,Severn 25 Feb 16 - 08:06 PM
keberoxu 25 Feb 16 - 08:15 PM
JennieG 25 Feb 16 - 08:25 PM
GUEST,Severn 25 Feb 16 - 09:00 PM
olddude 26 Feb 16 - 12:03 PM
olddude 26 Feb 16 - 12:51 PM
gnu 26 Feb 16 - 03:41 PM
olddude 26 Feb 16 - 04:04 PM
GUEST,The Donald 26 Feb 16 - 08:43 PM
olddude 27 Feb 16 - 01:14 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 16 - 02:09 AM
JennieG 28 Feb 16 - 03:50 AM
Rapparee 28 Feb 16 - 01:53 PM
gnu 28 Feb 16 - 05:41 PM
GUEST,Severn 29 Feb 16 - 04:03 PM
gnu 29 Feb 16 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 01 Mar 16 - 12:14 PM
GUEST,Severn (two bits worth of mastery) 01 Mar 16 - 02:19 PM
gnu 01 Mar 16 - 05:16 PM
olddude 01 Mar 16 - 08:25 PM
Rapparee 02 Mar 16 - 12:33 AM
frogprince 02 Mar 16 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 02 Mar 16 - 01:25 PM
GUEST,Quotamaster Severn 02 Mar 16 - 02:50 PM
Donuel 02 Mar 16 - 06:51 PM
Rapparee 02 Mar 16 - 07:10 PM
Rapparee 03 Mar 16 - 11:46 AM
GUEST,Severn (Supreme Justice of the Court Of Mast 03 Mar 16 - 02:41 PM
frogprince 03 Mar 16 - 02:49 PM
keberoxu 03 Mar 16 - 02:57 PM
JennieG 03 Mar 16 - 05:32 PM
Rapparee 05 Mar 16 - 01:35 AM
gillymor 05 Mar 16 - 03:55 AM
JennieG 05 Mar 16 - 06:39 AM
Rapparee 05 Mar 16 - 11:24 AM
GUEST,Severn 05 Mar 16 - 02:51 PM
JennieG 05 Mar 16 - 07:12 PM
Rapparee 06 Mar 16 - 02:23 PM
GUEST,Severn 06 Mar 16 - 02:53 PM
gnu 06 Mar 16 - 04:10 PM
keberoxu 06 Mar 16 - 04:14 PM
Rapparee 07 Mar 16 - 01:32 AM
keberoxu 07 Mar 16 - 01:53 PM
frogprince 07 Mar 16 - 02:24 PM
Donuel 07 Mar 16 - 04:30 PM
Severn 07 Mar 16 - 06:16 PM
Rapparee 08 Mar 16 - 01:31 AM
gillymor 08 Mar 16 - 08:17 AM
JennieG 08 Mar 16 - 10:24 PM
gnu 09 Mar 16 - 02:43 PM
Rapparee 10 Mar 16 - 11:55 AM
Rapparee 11 Mar 16 - 11:34 AM
gnu 11 Mar 16 - 01:33 PM
Rapparee 12 Mar 16 - 01:03 AM
Rapparee 12 Mar 16 - 11:58 AM
gnu 12 Mar 16 - 04:14 PM
gnu 12 Mar 16 - 06:19 PM
gnu 12 Mar 16 - 06:37 PM
gnu 12 Mar 16 - 07:29 PM
keberoxu 12 Mar 16 - 07:35 PM
JennieG 12 Mar 16 - 09:22 PM
Rapparee 13 Mar 16 - 12:39 AM
GUEST,Fenian Rascal 14 Mar 16 - 02:52 AM
Donuel 14 Mar 16 - 08:53 AM
Donuel 14 Mar 16 - 09:07 AM
Rapparee 14 Mar 16 - 11:59 AM
JennieG 14 Mar 16 - 04:50 PM
GUEST 14 Mar 16 - 05:05 PM
GUEST 14 Mar 16 - 05:07 PM
Rapparee 14 Mar 16 - 09:55 PM
olddude 14 Mar 16 - 11:38 PM
GUEST,gnu in cogs... neato eh? 15 Mar 16 - 07:51 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 16 - 01:48 AM
gnu 16 Mar 16 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 16 - 12:19 AM
gnu 17 Mar 16 - 08:48 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 16 - 12:57 PM
gnu 17 Mar 16 - 02:12 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 16 - 12:37 PM
gnu 19 Mar 16 - 12:59 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 16 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 16 - 06:10 PM
Donuel 19 Mar 16 - 08:01 PM
gnu 20 Mar 16 - 06:35 AM
GUEST,Severn 20 Mar 16 - 01:26 PM
JennieG 20 Mar 16 - 04:26 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 16 - 08:44 PM
GUEST 21 Mar 16 - 08:33 AM
Rapparee 21 Mar 16 - 12:09 PM
gnu 21 Mar 16 - 11:03 PM
GUEST,Ed T 22 Mar 16 - 06:15 AM
frogprince 22 Mar 16 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 23 Mar 16 - 12:08 AM
GUEST,Ed T 23 Mar 16 - 05:51 AM
JennieG 23 Mar 16 - 07:11 AM
Rapparee 23 Mar 16 - 11:01 AM
frogprince 23 Mar 16 - 01:06 PM
Rapparee 23 Mar 16 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 23 Mar 16 - 03:23 PM
GUEST,Ed T 23 Mar 16 - 05:56 PM
GUEST,Ed T 23 Mar 16 - 06:02 PM
GUEST,Severn 23 Mar 16 - 07:56 PM
GUEST,Ed T 23 Mar 16 - 09:07 PM
GUEST,Ed T 23 Mar 16 - 09:16 PM
Rapparee 23 Mar 16 - 09:56 PM
GUEST,Ed T 23 Mar 16 - 10:52 PM
GUEST,Ed T 24 Mar 16 - 07:07 AM
gnu 24 Mar 16 - 07:29 PM
Rapparee 24 Mar 16 - 09:19 PM
GUEST,Ed T 24 Mar 16 - 09:34 PM
GUEST,Ed T 24 Mar 16 - 11:08 PM
GUEST,Ed T 25 Mar 16 - 11:59 AM
Rapparee 25 Mar 16 - 12:04 PM
gnu 25 Mar 16 - 07:00 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 16 - 10:34 PM
GUEST,Ed T 26 Mar 16 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 16 - 09:05 PM
gnu 26 Mar 16 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 16 - 09:27 PM
keberoxu 29 Mar 16 - 05:24 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 16 - 09:39 PM
Ed T 30 Mar 16 - 04:54 AM
gnu 03 Apr 16 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 16 - 08:59 PM
Ed T 03 Apr 16 - 11:56 PM
Ed T 03 Apr 16 - 11:57 PM
Ed T 04 Apr 16 - 12:07 AM
keberoxu 30 May 16 - 04:24 PM
gnu 30 May 16 - 07:04 PM
keberoxu 18 Jun 16 - 06:49 PM
gnu 18 Jun 16 - 06:53 PM
Rapparee 18 Jun 16 - 11:16 PM
keberoxu 23 Jun 16 - 08:00 PM
Severn 24 Jun 16 - 02:32 PM
keberoxu 24 Jun 16 - 05:12 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 16 - 11:15 PM
gnu 25 Jun 16 - 10:49 AM
keberoxu 25 Jun 16 - 02:47 PM
Severn 26 Jun 16 - 04:10 PM
keberoxu 26 Jun 16 - 05:15 PM
keberoxu 20 Jul 16 - 04:21 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 16 - 09:21 PM
gnu 21 Jul 16 - 08:28 AM
Rapparee 21 Jul 16 - 10:25 AM
keberoxu 21 Jul 16 - 03:31 PM
JennieG 22 Jul 16 - 07:39 AM
keberoxu 22 Jul 16 - 05:36 PM
gnu 22 Jul 16 - 06:19 PM
Donuel 05 Aug 16 - 05:33 PM
keberoxu 05 Aug 16 - 05:46 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 16 - 08:29 PM
gnu 05 Aug 16 - 09:51 PM
Donuel 05 Aug 16 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 16 - 01:17 AM
Donuel 06 Aug 16 - 08:06 AM
gnu 06 Aug 16 - 03:03 PM
gnu 06 Aug 16 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 16 - 03:38 PM
gnu 07 Aug 16 - 07:05 AM
Rapparee 07 Aug 16 - 09:03 AM
keberoxu 07 Aug 16 - 04:21 PM
JennieG 08 Aug 16 - 01:23 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 16 - 12:31 PM
JennieG 09 Aug 16 - 02:23 AM
Senoufou 09 Aug 16 - 04:05 AM
Donuel 09 Aug 16 - 10:22 AM
gnu 09 Aug 16 - 04:15 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 16 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 16 - 06:46 AM
JennieG 10 Aug 16 - 06:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Aug 16 - 09:54 AM
keberoxu 14 Aug 16 - 05:15 PM
Rapparee 15 Aug 16 - 03:14 PM
Ed T 15 Aug 16 - 11:49 PM
Ed T 16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM
keberoxu 30 Aug 16 - 02:02 PM
gnu 30 Aug 16 - 02:39 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Aug 16 - 04:57 PM
keberoxu 08 Sep 16 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 16 - 10:00 AM
olddude 09 Sep 16 - 11:44 AM
Ed T 09 Sep 16 - 08:30 PM
keberoxu 11 Oct 16 - 11:55 PM
keberoxu 12 Oct 16 - 02:06 PM
JennieG 12 Oct 16 - 05:36 PM
gnu 12 Oct 16 - 06:21 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 16 - 08:53 PM
keberoxu 24 Oct 16 - 02:31 PM
Ed T 24 Oct 16 - 06:59 PM
Ed T 24 Oct 16 - 07:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Oct 16 - 07:45 PM
Ed T 25 Oct 16 - 07:32 AM
keberoxu 25 Oct 16 - 06:33 PM
gnu 26 Oct 16 - 01:28 PM
Ed T 26 Oct 16 - 04:11 PM
gnu 27 Oct 16 - 08:28 AM
keberoxu 02 Nov 16 - 03:31 PM
keberoxu 18 Nov 16 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 18 Nov 16 - 06:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Nov 16 - 10:08 PM
keberoxu 19 Nov 16 - 12:40 PM
Rapparee 19 Nov 16 - 08:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Nov 16 - 08:44 PM
keberoxu 20 Nov 16 - 12:47 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 16 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 23 Nov 16 - 08:32 PM
JennieG 23 Nov 16 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 24 Nov 16 - 10:55 AM
keberoxu 25 Dec 16 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 25 Dec 16 - 09:11 PM
Jon Freeman 25 Dec 16 - 09:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Dec 16 - 09:55 PM
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JennieG 26 Dec 16 - 04:44 AM
Jon Freeman 26 Dec 16 - 06:32 AM
Rapparee 26 Dec 16 - 10:07 AM
keberoxu 11 Jan 17 - 01:01 PM
JennieG 11 Jan 17 - 03:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 17 - 04:09 PM
Jon Freeman 11 Jan 17 - 06:37 PM
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Jon Freeman 12 Jan 17 - 06:48 AM
keberoxu 12 Jan 17 - 06:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 17 - 07:31 PM
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gnu 13 Jan 17 - 05:16 PM
Ed T 13 Jan 17 - 06:49 PM
olddude 14 Jan 17 - 12:55 AM
Will Fly 14 Jan 17 - 04:45 AM
keberoxu 14 Jan 17 - 01:29 PM
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JennieG 14 Jan 17 - 11:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 17 - 05:49 AM
Ed T 15 Jan 17 - 10:32 AM
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Rapparee 15 Jan 17 - 09:07 PM
JennieG 16 Jan 17 - 01:31 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jan 17 - 06:16 AM
Rapparee 16 Jan 17 - 10:42 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jan 17 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 17 - 09:26 PM
keberoxu 17 Jan 17 - 03:51 PM
Jon Freeman 17 Jan 17 - 08:34 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 17 - 09:22 PM
keberoxu 21 Jan 17 - 04:18 PM
JennieG 21 Jan 17 - 05:22 PM
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Ed T 21 Jan 17 - 10:59 PM
Severn 22 Jan 17 - 12:10 AM
JennieG 22 Jan 17 - 01:10 AM
Ed T 22 Jan 17 - 07:57 AM
keberoxu 22 Jan 17 - 03:34 PM
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Severn 23 Jan 17 - 09:49 PM
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gnu 24 Jan 17 - 08:46 AM
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Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jan 17 - 10:19 AM
gnu 24 Jan 17 - 08:43 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 17 - 09:08 PM
JennieG 25 Jan 17 - 05:42 AM
keberoxu 31 Jan 17 - 02:52 PM
gnu 31 Jan 17 - 04:26 PM
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Amos 31 Jan 17 - 10:25 PM
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Ed T 02 Feb 17 - 09:02 AM
Ed T 02 Feb 17 - 09:04 AM
Ed T 02 Feb 17 - 09:13 AM
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Ed T 02 Feb 17 - 12:34 PM
Amos 02 Feb 17 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 17 - 10:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Feb 17 - 11:12 PM
JennieG 03 Feb 17 - 06:44 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 17 - 08:53 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 17 - 10:31 AM
JennieG 03 Feb 17 - 04:35 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 17 - 08:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Feb 17 - 06:33 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 17 - 07:50 PM
keberoxu 05 Feb 17 - 06:09 PM
keberoxu 07 Feb 17 - 02:34 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 17 - 11:40 AM
Richard Bridge 08 Feb 17 - 12:39 PM
gillymor 08 Feb 17 - 12:46 PM
keberoxu 08 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM
Amos 08 Feb 17 - 03:17 PM
Severn 08 Feb 17 - 03:53 PM
Ed T 08 Feb 17 - 08:13 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 17 - 08:22 PM
Amos 08 Feb 17 - 09:15 PM
frogprince 09 Feb 17 - 11:41 AM
frogprince 09 Feb 17 - 01:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Feb 17 - 02:40 PM
JennieG 09 Feb 17 - 04:59 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 17 - 07:03 PM
JennieG 10 Feb 17 - 12:13 AM
frogprince 10 Feb 17 - 01:38 PM
keberoxu 10 Feb 17 - 02:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Feb 17 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 17 - 10:32 PM
JennieG 10 Feb 17 - 11:36 PM
gnu 11 Feb 17 - 07:57 AM
Donuel 11 Feb 17 - 08:13 AM
gnu 11 Feb 17 - 08:14 AM
Severn 11 Feb 17 - 10:50 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Feb 17 - 11:55 AM
gnu 11 Feb 17 - 01:05 PM
keberoxu 11 Feb 17 - 06:44 PM
keberoxu 12 Feb 17 - 12:50 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 17 - 10:03 PM
keberoxu 13 Feb 17 - 12:09 PM
gnu 13 Feb 17 - 03:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Feb 17 - 05:51 PM
JennieG 21 Feb 17 - 12:28 AM
Rapparee 21 Feb 17 - 09:19 AM
Amos 21 Feb 17 - 05:54 PM
Rapparee 21 Feb 17 - 07:11 PM
JennieG 21 Feb 17 - 09:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Feb 17 - 12:05 AM
Rapparee 22 Feb 17 - 05:15 PM
JennieG 22 Feb 17 - 10:27 PM
keberoxu 23 Feb 17 - 12:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM
Ed T 23 Feb 17 - 03:44 PM
keberoxu 05 Mar 17 - 03:27 PM
Rapparee 05 Mar 17 - 08:42 PM
Donuel 06 Mar 17 - 02:09 PM
Rapparee 06 Mar 17 - 08:55 PM
keberoxu 07 Mar 17 - 06:00 PM
Rapparee 07 Mar 17 - 09:05 PM
keberoxu 11 Mar 17 - 08:33 PM
Rapparee 12 Mar 17 - 02:58 PM
JennieG 12 Mar 17 - 04:13 PM
keberoxu 12 Mar 17 - 07:33 PM
keberoxu 16 Mar 17 - 01:12 PM
keberoxu 22 Mar 17 - 03:18 PM
JennieG 29 Mar 17 - 11:28 PM
keberoxu 06 Apr 17 - 01:57 PM
gnu 06 Apr 17 - 02:17 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 17 - 09:42 AM
Donuel 07 Apr 17 - 11:30 AM
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gnu 08 Apr 17 - 03:49 PM
keberoxu 08 Apr 17 - 07:04 PM
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Donuel 09 Apr 17 - 09:27 PM
Donuel 10 Apr 17 - 08:56 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Apr 17 - 03:12 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 17 - 10:44 PM
Amos 11 Apr 17 - 12:06 AM
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frogprince 11 Apr 17 - 09:32 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 17 - 03:32 PM
keberoxu 12 Apr 17 - 01:45 PM
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Donuel 21 Apr 17 - 04:55 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 17 - 11:07 PM
keberoxu 22 Apr 17 - 05:22 PM
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frogprince 23 Apr 17 - 04:42 PM
keberoxu 23 Apr 17 - 04:57 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 17 - 08:45 PM
frogprince 23 Apr 17 - 09:09 PM
keberoxu 08 May 17 - 05:47 PM
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Donuel 09 May 17 - 08:00 PM
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JennieG 10 May 17 - 08:11 PM
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keberoxu 23 May 17 - 04:01 PM
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Rapparee 26 Jun 17 - 10:11 PM
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Subject: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 02:09 PM

Since none of the political party candidates can get it right, I say we appoint an emperor.. I hereby appoint Rap....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 02:18 PM

I hereby appoint oldude as vice-emperor. 👍


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,David C. Carter
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 02:25 PM

Dan should be emperor of vice

I think he's well versed in vice


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: fat B****rd
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 02:29 PM

Surely Dan should be President of the Watch Committee.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,wysiwyg minus cookie
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 03:15 PM

I'm in. But only on birthdays.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 04:25 PM

Lol ok I take vice emperor of vice stuff


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 04:27 PM

We need a castle, I think we should let trump build a wall for it


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 04:29 PM

I appoint will fly in charge of travel


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 04:33 PM

Sanders is in charge of beaches


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,#
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 06:50 PM

And on his birthday, too. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 07:25 PM

So, is the emperor wearing new birthday clothes ?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 08:04 PM

The emperor is an insufferable narcissist, and what's worse a philosophical solipsist with delusional patterns of bipolarity. He would be a big improvement over any of the Repugnicans on the ballots.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 08:42 PM

He's an OUTSTANDING music stand, however.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 08:47 PM

You're right. There has never been a better music stand.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 09:36 PM

Emperor? A mere emperor? That is far beneath his excellent see, as he is want to point out ad infinitum, and to beyond.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 09:47 PM

Why would anyone want to be an emperor? You'd have to move to Antarctica and spend the winter standing on an ice floe trying to keep an egg warm.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 11 Feb 16 - 10:28 PM

Living in buffalo, I am use to that weather beebub


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 12:31 AM

You live in a buffalo dude? Is it dead?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 12:52 AM

JFYI, Rap's birthday evidently is tomorrow (for the persnickety of y'all, I recognize that it is his birthday *anniversary*) so let's go easy on the aged.

Humph. I just re-read this thread and it appears that it sprang into being *because* you know that it's Rap's birthday. Sometimes I am dim. Verily.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 01:57 AM

Three of Chongo's buddies react to the idea of Rap becoming Emperor....


nervous little "ook ook" sounds....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 08:49 AM

Why should your Emperor settle for underlings when Chongx itself is available?

Your Emperor thanks you. Your Emperor herewith appoints and commissions, by revokable Imperial Writ, olddude as Enforcer and Bouncer Extraordinary w/Portfolio.

Your Emperor has done stranger things than sitting on an egg until it hatches, for Your Emperor is a retired librarian and dealt for many, many years with the unwashed patrons.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 10:15 AM

I sat on gum once, does that count.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 12:19 PM

My God...that is the UGLIEST ape I have ever seen! You know, Chongo usually doesn't much like Orangutans.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 02:58 PM

The emperor need a anthem any suggestions


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 03:03 PM

I tried to write one but nothing rymes with opossum


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 03:10 PM

flotsam ?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 03:16 PM

Lol maybe, the opossum is the symbol of the new state... I think the muskets can be in charge of security since they are loaded and maybe we can get steve shawls to take over the dress code.. How about it guys


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 05:00 PM

ocarina? (in honor of catspaw)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 08:36 PM

I hereby do appoint Catspaw49, known colloquially as Spaw, the Patron Saint and Spiritual Leader of This, Our Empire.

Let it be done as I say!

Corripe Cervisiam!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 12 Feb 16 - 08:52 PM

Agree, he is laughing his ass off


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 16 - 12:05 AM

Good move. I miss Spaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 16 - 07:03 AM

Ditto Acme.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Feb 16 - 01:54 PM

what happened to the possum?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 16 - 02:19 PM

I am sure he's still safe and sound. I have Spaw's word on that...

Subject: RE: BS: Cleigh O'Possum: I'M LEAVING!
From: catspaw49 - PM
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 08:30 PM

It's news to me Sins! As a matter of fact he's been real happy lately and "Artie" has been a lot of company to him. Artie seems to be a real hoot to Cleigh and I just went in and looked and Artie is swingin' and Cleigh is grinning like always.........said they were both pretty happy!

I think we have an impostor here trying to stir up trouble. Cleigh has been really happy to since Cletus went cross-eyed staring at Artie's head bouncing and tail swinging. THAT really endeared him to Cleigh so I don't think that was for real at all!!!!

Spaw

Memories... sweet memories.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Feb 16 - 11:13 AM

Who is Vice Emperor?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Feb 16 - 11:20 AM

"An emperor needs only his imagination." 
― Lionel Suggs


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 14 Feb 16 - 03:08 PM

Me, I'm in charge of vice


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 16 - 10:16 PM

All vice is licensed by the Emperor. So is all non-vice. What is not mandatory is forbidden, except that the forbidden can become mandatory.

I have spoken.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 14 Feb 16 - 10:31 PM

Exactly


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 12:28 AM

And Mrs Rap for Empress?

Should she need some regalia, I have a gen-u-ine 1960s rhinestone tiara (a very pretty sparkly little trinket it is too) which I will hire out for quite a reasonable fee.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 09:36 AM

She still have her opera-length kid gloves (no, I'm not kidding -- she grew up in DC). Besides, a tiara would go to her head.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 11:28 AM

Our currency is the bong with the picture of the emperor


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 03:15 PM

Groan......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 04:29 PM

Lots of things will fall through the cracks of article 22 of forbidden mandatoriousness.

That's when the wisdom of an emperor will shine or display the truth of a squatting monkey.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 05:01 PM

Exactly and smile when you say that partner


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 05:03 PM

re:vice
what would catspaw do?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 05:24 PM

You would have to listen to non stop yolding while locked in a room with a fat guy who ate twenty spicy burritos


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Feb 16 - 06:24 PM

Rap you know the book never published is in the anals / annals of the posts that Spaw posted under three different names.

I would begin with the Eureka post of waking up with profound inspiration.

Some come in sequence and a number f brain droppings would fill it out to the end.

The title?
Naked Truth of the squatting monkey

or...

$ goes to widow and son.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 16 Feb 16 - 12:51 PM

O, Master of all empirical and Empire-acal, whose Rap Id leads us by fast thinking. While we regale ya about regalia, here's a few suggestions:

We should gale ya a first time, for a start.

We need an official Empire Umpire with a supreme quart always at his or her side, and sighed with the Emperor when someone emps it up too high.

So that you don't become an Em-poorer, we need a trusty treasurer to watch over the money supply, seeing that prosperity flows freely to all of his predicated subjects and keep any of Rap's rapacity below capacity.

All would-be anthem composers, remember that Possum, that some folks eat raw some rhymes with "awesome". If one gets them mad, it tends to cause 'em claw some with their paw some, cause they don't like folks to boss 'em. But in the end, the finished song should be superior to even anything that Walt Kelly wrote for Pogo. Being a huge Pogo fan, Bill Day should head up the Anthem Judging Committee. The winning song will be premiered by olddude playing his old oud.

Give Mrs. Rap a Tiara Del Fuego that she can wear lower down.

Rap's crown should either come from Imperial Margerine or have at one time been worn by Clifton Chenier on tour. An occasional turban to give Rap a good wrap on his noggin with a large gemstone of some sort on the front.

Shouldn't we have some different faces on the coinage than the paper money? Chongo, for one, makes a lot of them.

Whaddaya think, folks?.......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Feb 16 - 01:33 PM

Now why didn't the rest of us think of "awesome"? Of course it rhymes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 16 Feb 16 - 02:00 PM

Youaalways make me burst out laughing Severn... Priceless Lol


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 16 Feb 16 - 02:05 PM

What are your first edicts oh enlightened emperor rapparee, your wish commands us loyal subjects


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 16 Feb 16 - 03:02 PM

Don't tell me he's one of those e-dict haters or an edict-tator or even an e-duct taper. Anything's possible on line, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: David C. Carter
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 05:46 AM

An Emperer needs an Empire.

I don't see one.

Remember Napoleon,don't go there!



Bob Dysleksick


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: David C. Carter
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 06:01 AM

And you need one of those funny hats,that spins round when you're driving with the top down.




Bob Dystopia


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 07:00 AM

Hail to the Beef!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 09:07 AM

In this, the sixth day of Our reign, the following is mandatory for the Health and Happiness of Our subjects:

First, that all shall be happy,
Second, that We should be happier than everyone else,
Thirdly, that everyone else has more money than We,
Fourthly, that contrary to the Olde Sayinge, money can buy at least a facsimile of happiness,

It is Therefore Ordered:

That all of you, Our subjects, shall within the next forty-five days (including weekend, holidays, holy days, sick days, personal leave days, feast days, famine days, Lent, Easter, and all times wherein the Earth Our Domain does rotate around upon its axis in a Solar Day (as defined by the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service (IERS) as 86164.098 903 691 seconds of mean solar time (UT1) (23h 56m 4.098 903 691s)), shall send to Us all wealth, valuta, jewelry, jewels, gold (that is, the element with atomic number 79 and having a standard atomic weight (±) (Ar) of 196.966569 and an electron configuration of [Xe] 4f14 5d10 6s1 or per shell 2, 8, 18, 32, 18, 1) and other inanimate rare and valuable things (as defined by the society in which Our subjects live).

Failure to comply with This, Our first ruling, shall call down upon those failing the Wrath of olddude who shall salt their fields, burn their hovels and huts, and otherwise cause unto them Annoyance Great, which shall not exclude the playing of the banjo at ungodly hours.

Given at My Seat Of Power this Sixth Day of Our Reign and the First Year of the New Calendar, by

Your Beloved Emperor

Rapparee      ®   (his mark)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 10:36 AM

Amen your most esteemed


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 12:05 PM

Inaminate but tangible things. We do not want your thoughts or words, We want your obedience and valuables.

Emperor Rapparee   ® His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: David C. Carter
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 01:14 PM

Beware the Ides of March


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 04:44 PM

Any weaponry has to be turned over to me.. Especially if you have a tommy gun


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 06:22 PM

Just what are we getting esteemed up about?

Rap'll be disappointed, bless his appointed little head, as I haven't much use for any shiny rocks that don't play LPs. I don't know what I like better about precious metals, gemstones and jewelry, the fact that the stuff tastes so good or the fact that it keeps me warm at night when I cuddle up to it. In short, the stuff's highly overrated, so I'll have none to send. You'll have to test my mettle without much metal by meddling in other ways and probably giving yourself a medal for your efforts.

And what will become of all those weapons due or overdued to olddude. It is my belief that no man should posses more arms than, say, a squid. That he's prostituted himself for this mongrel whored of lethal stuff, begs the question ("Can I ask it? Huh? Huh? Can I, can I, can I, puhleeeze?") what he will DO with such an armory.

And I'm sad to say that the most I've been offered so far by the present regime is the post of Naval Attaché To Nepal, with no mention of salary, much less, amount of salary. "I'm the one who made you free", says Rap and I'm sure you're worth every penny of it....."
That's gratitude for you. But, as I said, I'm one who doesn't pick, and eschews precious stones and other like sucheries.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 06:30 PM

We now, in Our wisdom, do appoint Severn as Emissary and Commisary Plentypenitentiary With and Without Portbottle to The Duchy of Grand Fenwick and We authorize him to act in whatever way seems most reprehensible at the time, as long as he continues to pay for his orifice from Us.

Emperor Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 06:58 PM

Lol indeed oh grand employer... And Severn
Some day youse will Thanks me fer the whipons


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 12:29 AM

Sorry, Rapping Emperor, I leige to you in every way possible......but you are not getting my tiara. It stays here.

That, however, is probably cancelled out by the fact that I do not now, and have never done in any way, shape or form, played a banjo.

So that makes us square.

I get to keep my tiara, and in return I promise not to assault the Imperial Ears by plunking the Instrument of Torture.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 09:39 AM

We in Our Wisdom do hereby and immediately appoint and name Jennie G, in all of her ramifications and notions, Our Imperial Torturer, with all of the Rights and Privileges and Banjos appertaining there unto, and We further grant her as her wages, salaries, and pay for this position all of the Iscreams she cares to enjoy, and further she may enjoy the Torturer's Quarters in Our dungeons and oubliettes, not excluding the use of the swimming pools, executive flying machines, yachts, saunas, wine cellars, chefs, and dining rooms accompanying said Quarters. Long may she wave!

Given on this, the First Year of Our reign, on the 18th day of February and the 7th after Our Birthday.

Emperor Rapparee ® His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 12:04 PM

I can loan her my banjo.. And a tuner not that it's needed


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 12:17 PM

Don't let all this genuflection and fawning behavior go to your head, Emp, while it's still attached to your neck, that is.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 02:32 PM

RSVP Dear Emperor,
you are honorably invited to The Rotunda at 5 PM Stardate 2344.76'

Chipolte' buffet will be provided in your honor.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 04:23 PM

Mexican food we don't eat no stinking Mexican foids.. Not the emperor he only gets French stuff from the swedish, cajun, Indian, cook


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn, E & CP W/ & W/O P to the Emperor
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 04:37 PM

The sign on the door said Rap For Emperor. I rapped and rapped on said door in all sorts of patterns from three times to "Shave & A Haircut" until my fist got sore in case there was some sort of secret code to it all, and I achieved a state of "Rap", sure, but nobody was paying rapped attention, so there was no answer. Maybe I just gave a bum rap (like when I gave my ex a fake fur, a faux fox). I even rang the bell a few times, because the name Rap seemed to ring one, so why shouldn't I, as well? I hate to knock rap for not at least sending a Rapresentitive of some sort to spond at least once, as I knocked for Rap until Taps without any sort of sult at least once. I can only think that Raparee must have temporarily closed down for Rapaires.

I was just trying to bring him the painting I did of our new capital entitled "Rap City In Blue". Oh, well. Tomorrow's yet another one, eh Scarlett? Maybe two......

As I type this,I still remember the Duchy Of Grand Fenwick, that I'd thought Peter had used enough, but if our esteamed up leader wants to send me there, it's there I'm bound, to go along with this gag. Computer mice, alas, do not roar......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 04:45 PM

Gee thanks, Your Imperialness!

Mwaahaahaahaa.......come into my dungeon, my pretties.....

plink....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 05:52 PM

But, who will be in charge of Takin Names and Kickin Ass? Spaw ain't around no more... he was the best ever. I think it should go to someone with his spirit in the FUCK YOU and the white horse you rode in on you broke dick mamaluccas department. Maybe Big Mick? Now, there's a guy who can, and has, kicked some serious ass. I dunno. Help me out here.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 09:28 PM

Big Mick is and has been the Successor to the late Spaw, and has been the Person In Charge Of Kicking Ass And Taking Names (PICOKAATN) for quite some time. You will address him by his Title and Name: Picokaatn Big Mick SIR!.

We have spoken.

Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 09:40 PM

future famous last words


Et tu Big Mick?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 11:31 PM

I agree with big mick, please note not big dick but mick.. Get it right peasants.. Oh yes

Did you try using the password Severn... I bet not.. It's not just the knocking. Or the girl the emperor knocked up.. But the password has to be used


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 16 - 09:39 AM

We have designated the phrase "Emperor Rapparee Is My Lord And Master And Always Will I Follow His Wise Dictates" as the base for the password, which is "ER!ML@MAawIFHwD." This may be disseminated widely, as Mistress Jennie G. awaits those who befoul this Our realm.

Note ye well, We have put the base phrase and the password in the unbreakable code developed by those worthy denizens of MOAB so that We may pass it on to you.

Given by Our fingers this day the 19th of February, in the first year of Our reign,

Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 19 Feb 16 - 10:30 AM

Please note, the password swordfish not longer works due to the grand exhaled emperor bequest


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 19 Feb 16 - 11:07 AM

Somebody better tell Harpo.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 12:06 AM

We will shortly be taking bookings for a tour of the Imperial Dungeons, with the proceeds going straight into the Imperial Coffers (not coffins, you ignorant peasants/pedants) in order to further His Imperial Goodness Gracious Rapparee's munificence to his subjects.

We can guarantee an ear-splittingly finger-wrenchingly good time!

BYO banjo optional. For those who don't have access to such an Instrument of the Gods, some will be available for hire at a modest cost. We won't be asking an arm and a leg.

To book, please reply to OurImperialTorturer@thecastle.org. Please have credit/debit/Christmas card details ready.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 12:30 AM

However   I recall a ban on accordions or was it a band


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: David C. Carter
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 11:28 AM

It was bodhrans


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 12:53 PM

No music or noise producing instrument is permissible save for the banjos in Our dungeons and that Instrument Of God, the trumpet and its relatives such as the bugle, shofar, lur, cornet, and flugelhorn. No others are permitted without a license granted by Us. Those desiring such a license must entertain Us and Our Court for not less that two continuous hours with no more than two off-key or other false notes offending Our hearing.

Given this 20th day of February in the First Year of Our Reign,

Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 03:20 PM

But the Conch is the most pure in tone while the shofar sounds like the results of a intestinal flu.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 03:50 PM

Your Imperialness, I was wondering......how about an ensemble of crumhorns and sackbutts?

I was thinking such an ensemble could be useful for torturing the recalcitrant, on the principle that no one could withstand questioning under the dulcet tones emanating therefrom. It could be useful for extracting information previously withheld from Your Good Self.

Yours Respectfully,
Our Imperial Torturer
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 04:18 PM

Our Imperial Torturer, Jennie G., has Our permission to use whatever is necessary to extract information and whatever else has been withheld from Us. She may ten percent of all tangibles as her reward.

Given this 20th Day of February in the first year of Our reign,

Emperor Rapparee    ®   His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 10:20 PM

Many thanks, Oh Gracious Imperial Sire!

How goes it in other parts of the Great Empire? Being stuck down here in the Imperial Oubliette, as one is, means that one misses out on happenings in the big world out there.

By the Imperial way, that was tangibles not tangerines?

Respectfully Yours,
As Ever,
Our Imperial Torturer
JenieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 21 Feb 16 - 06:38 AM

Honey (Murcott) Tangerines are in season. Best thing in the world that you peel. Well, at least second best. I nominate them as The Official Fruit of The Empire.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 21 Feb 16 - 02:04 PM

Reply to Famous Future Last Words----"Oui, je suis Big Mick!....". Some of us retain a bit of our first year French......Followed, of course, with a chorus of "He Ain't Gonna Reigh No More" (or even arraign)......

If they're not tan, why not call them "Orange Gerines"? They DO put the 'tang' in 'tangibles'....

Shofar?--No good! Surely, our musicians could use a good conch or two upside the head Strombus gigas, preferably. Nothing like a little shell shock to raise the general conch-iousness. As long, of course, as they don't end up sounding like Lawrence's Whelk Orchestra, or the like. Lawrence should go back to being a Floren Contractor. A band with accordians that SHOULD be banned, even "The Gossipal Accordian To Lawrence" show on Sundays.......

I'm sure Jennie will be known as "the one who put the 'dung' in dungeons" for eons to come......

Speaking of dung, someone please give me the password, or at least the rest room key, or some words WILL pass, among other things....

After that, if I'm going to Grand Fenwick, I'd better go pack my Duchy Bags.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 21 Feb 16 - 02:55 PM

Can't stop laughing, you are priceless Severn


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 21 Feb 16 - 03:45 PM

.......And worth every damn penny!

Affordable Art! Even in....uhhhh.....what are they calling the Empire's currency these days?......

I've found that, at least locally, the Empire's currency can't be passed, which bodes ill for the future. I'm swept away by this currency and am unable to reach the banks. Our treasurer informs me that they will forge ahead, nonetheless, nonethemore....

Say, who IS our treasurer, anyway? Whoever it is, Rap should make them a Count for themselves (Or a Countess, if applicable)....

Hey! How come all the various coins have different women's faces on them that all claim to be pictures of Acme? Will they get us through the troll booths? (In the Empire, we apparently get charged for passing UNDER bridges)....

A copper whatever for your thoughts......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 11:44 AM

In order to keep inflation down all of our coins are made of highly active uranium. This also spurs the economy by people passing them off to others as soon as they get them. That's why our economy is so strong even if some people have three ears and seven fingers. A small price to pay


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 11:44 AM

In order to keep inflation down all of our coins are made of highly active uranium. This also spurs the economy by people passing them off to others as soon as they get them. That's why our economy is so strong even if some people have three ears and seven fingers. A small price to pay


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 05:38 PM

Speaking of troll booths


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 07:25 PM

Hey, olddude! Get a half-life.....

Does this mean I can empty out my piggy bank into a nuclear reactor and work toward tests to make us a World Power?

Any anium of yours is an anium of mine.

Remember the song "Watching Scotty Glow"? Was that Steve Goodman?.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 07:36 PM

Correct Severn


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 23 Feb 16 - 03:32 PM

On all counts?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 23 Feb 16 - 06:30 PM

I am not a count, I am a duke of early


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 16 - 07:15 PM

....of early whereabouts?


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Subject: RE: BS: Emp for raperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 24 Feb 16 - 11:48 AM

I thought you were Count Noah. My missed steak, though I can see the deep Dukey side of you, olddudoo. A Discount Viscount would have been my choice for you.....

If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early Duke get?.....

When you die, will you be The Late Duke Of Early or merely The Duke Of Late?......

Wouldst thou put up thy dukes against The Count Of Knight?.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 24 Feb 16 - 12:02 PM

Lol you need to write a book, so I can club you with it Lol priceless. Can't stop laughing


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 12:54 AM

We will shortly proclaim more proclamations during this, Our imperial visit to the Kingom of Hawai'i to accept their submission and pledges of fealty to Us.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rump for apperor
From: Severn
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 01:08 PM

Maybe I need to write a book so that everybody can tell me how much better it was than the movie, and a book club choice, besides. However, I'd need money to finance either of those things. Can I get a grant from The Rappire's Council for the Arts. I was denied by the New England Council for the Auts, as I wasn't autistic enough, and they wouldn't put it on paper......(Sigh!). I guarantee that the readers will be turning pages over even faster than our Congressfolk.....

Your Royal Hyenas, please remember the probre native behavior when sailing in Hawai'i. When you're sailing away into the sunset, you turn back to the shore and cry out "ALOHA!". When you are sailing into the SUNRISE, you point your finger at the sun and cry out "DAWN, HO!"

Good luck on their submission, should they choose to accept it. They may just take you for one of those impossible missionaries......

Should we refer to our Affairs of State (along with our state of affairs) just as "Govern" until we detect proof of anything "Mental"?......


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Subject: RE: BS: Reap for Grimperor
From: Severn
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 01:18 PM

"Proper Native Behavior", that is. Sorry! I type like a Ha-wino on the Dole. I'll start taking my pineapple juice straight from now on.....

Oh, and, virtuoso uke-arist that you are, don't go playing "Lava Come Back To Me" while standing on Mona Loa.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 02:28 PM

I would like to nominate as The Official Flower of The Empire the Chrisaanthamum... Crysanthemom... Chrys... Dandelion.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rope for the emperor
From: Severn
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 03:07 PM

Dan DeLion. Staglee shot his brother, didn't he?

I nominate The Venus Flytrap.

The Hooded Merganser as the official bird.

The Sea Lion as the official Great Seal of The Republic.

And we need a flag design......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 03:16 PM

"The Hooded Merganser as the official bird."??? Fuck a duck! Nay, nay, nay!

The Ruby Throated Hummingbird is the King of all birds. Why, an Hbird could kick the living shit out of any number of ducks, Daffy or not. The Hbird is exactly what the Empire needs to strike back against the oppression of large, foul tasting fowl. Duck? Yuck! I say The Ruby RULES! Who's with me? If you are not with me... DUCK! Them little buggers got sharp beaks!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 04:04 PM

I love hummers, but the Hooded Merganser looks like a duck designed by a committee, which seems appropriate for the present regime.....

For a Ruby Throat to be truly King, he must have documented proof that he had perched on the back of the Wren who had perched on the back of the Eagle in that contest for the crown so long ago in Ireland....

Besides, I don't think that Rap wants any other legitimate monarchs around to pose any sort of threat to his seat of power. Not only could a Ruby Throat kick the ass of a fucked-up duck, I'd be tempted to give it good odds head-to-head against our Exalted Emperor....

Eh, gnu, brew? Tay?.....It's my round.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 04:07 PM

We lease the hounds, attack I say


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 04:08 PM

Lol


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Subject: RE: BS: Rip for Armperor
From: Severn
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 04:11 PM

(With apologies to Tom Lewis)

Oh, Mother F*ck, bring me a duck
With beaks as sharp as razors
For him who dotes on Ruby Throats
And other such e-mailers....."


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 06:01 PM

Your Gracious Goodness, will you be needing Our Imperial Torturer's presence on your visit to the Pacific Kingdom? I have in my possession three (3) ukuleles, a soprano, a tenor and a baritone (no castrato uke, and as yet, alas, no bass uke) so should you need something other than the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (or EBE for short) to serenade you and Her Imperial Highness Patricia whilst boarding, sailing or embarking on your journeys I'm sure we could round up a few ukeists for the job.

Also, I have been meaning to ask......now that Your Empire is gaining a floral emblem, a state bird and a great seal, what about uniforms for your subjects? Do you have any ideas on this?

I personally myself am quite fond of lime green, and as Our Imperial Torturer feel sure that a chartreuse uniform would strike terror into the hearts of all who beheld it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Zap for hemperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 08:06 PM

Lime Lame, like the Young Elvis on St. Party's Night?

I don't think all your subjects need uniforms. We're not in Catholic School or anything. The Armed Services, however, could use some. I'm not sure what lime green and chartreuse camo would blend in with. Jennie sounds like one who would prefer Camel flogging to camoflauging, one who doesn't prefer to hide her charms....

However, all you Fashists, or whatever you call the fashion conscious (That would leave me out, as anyone who knows me would be the first to tell you), should submit your ideas on all this stuff. Flowers uniforms birds etc.

Speaking of birds, though, and getting back to gnu's contention that the Ruby Throated Hummingbird rules the avian kingdom rather than the Wren, try to imagine going out on St. Stephen's Day with your little box singing:

"A hummer, a hummer, is dead. What a bummer!
But we'll accept money from any comer
Although you're a lover of watching them hover....."

Awwww,enough already! You get the idea. It's just not the same. Maybe the Ruby Throat Boys should just hum tunes as they go door to door collecting money and assume people know what they're humming about, but I doubt it would prove effective.

Wrens are hard enough to catch, but you can at least stick a cork in the tiny entrance hole of one of the wooden houses folks put out in the yard for them and suffocate them. Try catching the wily hummer or even locate their nest. You could mix liquid arsenic with the contents of the hummingbird feeder in your yard and watch them suddenly plummit to the ground, I suppose....

Whaddaya think?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 08:15 PM

Was that lease the hounds, or loose the hounds ??

Oh goodness. I nearly typed, just now, Rugby Throated Hummingbirds. What ails my fingers!

Anyhow, the hummingbirds. It all depends on what you make of Las Vegas showgirls, because that's what the ruby throaters remind me of, sequins and all. Not for me to say whether or not the Emperor goes for showgirls in sequins.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 08:25 PM

Oh no, no, no, Severn......I wasn't thinking of a uniform uniform for all His Imperialness's subjects, just those specifically in his service, i.e. the Imperial Bodyguard, the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (or EBE), etc.

And perhaps for your good self, as Poet Parakeet? I can understand your wish to stand out from His Imperial Whatever's other subjects by your wit, so perhaps something amazing by way of headgear......something like this perhaps?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ramp for enterer
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 25 Feb 16 - 09:00 PM

I'll just be a plain poet without a pair o' Keats or a single Shelley. And we never had a family crest that wasn't in a tube.....

Rap hasn't the Vegas notion, but like Liberace, he's an orderly sort who likes everything in its proper sequins......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 26 Feb 16 - 12:03 PM

It's imperial potentate of purrwasion oh cousin of Kenny g


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 26 Feb 16 - 12:51 PM

No we lease the hounds, from michael Vick


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 26 Feb 16 - 03:41 PM

Oh, Dan. That's baaaad! >;-)

I nominate me for Chief Game Warden of the Empire on accounta I am game for it. Plus, I know how to poach... ahhh... I know the tricks of the trade so I can outsmart any war... ahhh... poacher. If appointed, my first act will be to hire Troy Landry to be Assistant to The Chief Game Warden, Moat Security. Troy will be more than able to ensure the gators in the moat do not cause any problems at The Emperor's Castle but we'll have to move fast on hiring Troy as his present employment is ending soon and I am sure he will sought by companies in the moat business.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 26 Feb 16 - 04:04 PM

Ok I will ask the great potentate, or was it great potatoes.. I get so cornfused


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,The Donald
Date: 26 Feb 16 - 08:43 PM

That deal where we mixed Iridium 92 with gold was really great. Profits were 100%.

Also the Platinum like by products from old reactors has been better than a gold mine. Especially with our sales to dentists to use as filings.

We have some radioactive diamond deals that are greatest of all.

Call me when you want to deal' thanks Rap baby.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 27 Feb 16 - 01:14 PM

Chernobl blades work best


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 16 - 02:09 AM

Your Emperor appreciates your interest in the Empire. Therefore We do proclaim and post the following Imperial Announcements:

Firstly, that gnu is appointed Imperial Head Game Warden with all of the rights and privileges appertaining thereunto. More, he can keep all entrails, blood trails, and hoppy-happy rabbit trails for his own use.

Secondly, there shall be an Imperial Uniform for all those not part Our Imperial staff, to whit, and this shall be worn by all men and women until they can afford to purchase better from

Thirdly, Our Imperial Uniform Maker, Severn, who shall charge whatever the traffic will bear, keeping always in mind Our cut of the take and the Imperial Torturer.

Fourthly, Our Imperial staff shall dress as they desire as it befits their station, save that those who chose not to so dress shall wear
this if a woman and this if a man. Thus We instill good fashion sense in Our Imperial staff.

Fifthly, We do appoint olddude as Our Imperial Public Relations Klaxon and do allow him 10% of all that he doth so relate.

Give this 27th day of February in the First Year of Our Reign,

Emperor Rapparee   (r) His Mark in another but valid style


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 28 Feb 16 - 03:50 AM

Sounds good to me, Your Imperial Graciousness!

And what about Your Good Self and Her Regal Highness The Most Mighty Princess Patricia? Any thoughts on regalia?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 16 - 01:53 PM

We may wear whatever We wish to regal ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 28 Feb 16 - 05:41 PM

Thank you, your Majesty. I have entered into talks with Troy but I doubt we can compete with Cabelas and Bass Pro Shops. The next order of business shall be the repeal of the times of legal hunting being designated as time of day. We shall return to the definition of hunting at night as being "Illegal to hunt with the aid of a light." I am confident this change will not increase the number of animals shot in the extremities of the front legs*.

* If you don't understand that, look up on a sunny day without a wide-brimmed hat or peaked cap.

Your esteemed Emperor and guest are invited to dine up country at the camp anytime. BYOB and reservations are required. Hey... it ain't a hotel, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Wraps for the empire!
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 29 Feb 16 - 04:03 PM

Congratulations, gnu, and happy entrails you! A little scrapple do ya!

We have reservations even trepidations, but will show up anyway. I'm sure he'd be fronting a gnudist colony, if it were warmer......

How did I get to be uniform maker? I DID design the Emperor's New Clothes, and I tend to keep olddude in stitches, but as far as formal stitchery, SEW WHAT? I can recommend some good tailors-James, Koko, Livingston, Billy, Cecil, Eric. I own recordings by all, as I tend to like their choices in material. I will properly clothed-minded and try to do the best I can and overcharge like a wounded rhino (or was that a ruinded wino?), as is His Royalness' wish and give him a Royality Check off the top, as stipulated......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 29 Feb 16 - 05:19 PM

As I now carry weight (piss off) with his Royal, I declare, if he approves, the Smelt as the Official Fish of the Empire. Yes, The Atlantic Salmon is the King of Fish but it's all catch and release here now because the forestry industry has decimated the spawning grounds by silting up the very birthplaces of same.... SO VERY sad. So I say SMELT it!

As for the Official tree, I am torn. Of course I want the Maple. But the Silver Birch is near and dear to my heart. Why, that is where Bonasa Umbellus thrives. I suggested the Ruby Throated Hummingbird for the Official Bird but others wanted some lame fuckin duck over the nastiest most tenacious little motherfu...

So, I wish to nominate the bird that is nearest to my heart and stomach. Bonasa Umbellus. Now, I have, on previous threads, recounted that I USED to be a hunter and that I took over 2000 of these into my pots and frying pans. I do not hunt anymore... but if any of you get some and want to donate them to my stove... come ahead!

Now, the name is misleading. Bonasa = good when roasted. Yes... in January when you are arse deep in snow and hungry and you can make a fire way back in the woods. Other than that, fried in a pan with a rum toddy ta wash em down, well, there it is.

So BONASA UMBELLUS for the Emporer's Bird.

Hmmm... that didn't sound right.

Anyway... fuck a duck!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 16 - 12:14 PM

We agree with Our Imperial Game Warden's choice hereby name the Gnuis Umbilicus, known commonly as "gnu's bellybutton" as Our Realm's Official Bird, second only to the middle phalanges of Our Imperial hands. Jennie G., IT, may do as she will with those who malign or maltreat a gnu's bellybutton.

We create Severn as Royal Quartermaster and Uniform Maker as he is uniform in certain quarters which he has mastered and is, We find, cut from whole cloth without being warped or be weft of either honor or honour.


Give on this, the first day of March in the first year of Our Reign,

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r) His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rump for importer
From: GUEST,Severn (two bits worth of mastery)
Date: 01 Mar 16 - 02:19 PM

Very few people know that gnu will regularly lie outside on his back, pouring sugar water into his rather deep navel and use it for a hummingbird feeder, keeping his "innie" free from all lint and contaminents, so in a way, he has sneakily at least partially won the bird argument. He got the idea watching cable TV and seeing a specialized friendly bird cleaning the teeth of the very reptile that stuffed his croc pot by dining on The Crocidile Hunter. (Showing you CAN pick your friend's teeth).

Thank you for making me quartermaster. If anybody has an issue with that, I shall show them who's master and give them no quarter! Aaaaaarrrrgh! To the rest of you, I assure you that I'll end up giving you proper fits. However, if I should die, I would want the as yet undesigned flags flown at Half-Master......

If anyone should harm gnu'd belly button, our Admiral Of The Fleet assured me that he'd send out a naval destroyer to take care of the matter. Any harm to his backside will be handled by the Rear Admiral....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 01 Mar 16 - 05:16 PM

And what of the Official Bug? (So much to do creating symbols of The Empire!)

I nominate, ahhh, gee.. the Dragon Fly eats skeeters, Ladybugs eat aphids, cock roaches... LADYBUGS!

Long story but George next door got the apartment complex manager of the apartment complex which abuts out properties to the rear to mow down all the foliage under our pine trees. I say "our" because I planted them 45 years ago under the supervision on my then neighbour (I now own his former abode). He didn't like the "look of it". He didn't even have to look at it unless he looked over his fence. He said it was full of skeeters. It was full of dragon flies that eat skeeters. And, it was FULL of Ladybugs! If you can pick the leaves of plants that have Ladybug eggs attached and then shove them in hanging pots, you got NO aphids all summer long.

I request that the Ladybug be the official bug of the empire and that George be sent to the bowels of the dungeon torture chamber. Treat him with compassion JG but teach him a lesson.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 01 Mar 16 - 08:25 PM

Naw I like the deer tick, good old ball scratchin . Lyme disease gettin . Tick... Keeps the population on their toes


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 16 - 12:33 AM

Subjects! Cease your petty squabbles! We name Nicrophorus obscurus as the Imperial Insect of our Empire!

And We herewith name frogprince as Minister of De Fence, which We find is badly in need of painting.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex   (r) His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Mar 16 - 10:47 AM

Thanks so much, your Royal Somewhat-Highness. If anyone will give me the good stuff from their lunch, I'll be happy to allow him. her, or whatever, a turn with the brush!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 16 - 01:25 PM

You may have the core of Our apple as a gesture of Our magnanimity. We, of course, cannot do manual labor or labour, and so Our Imperial Torturer will select a few select souls for such servitude.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ripe for the empiring
From: GUEST,Quotamaster Severn
Date: 02 Mar 16 - 02:50 PM

But the Lyme helps prevent scurvy, knaves. They take a lickin', but keep on tickin'. And, they are washed in the blood.....

Dragonflies are great, but I like the Ladybird Beetle, 'cause it takes more than bullshit to make my new roses grow. But Lyme Green for the Royal Bughouse uniforms, definitely....

The roaches will be here long after us humans destroy each other, so they can appoint their own after we're gone.....

Frogprince in charge of De Fence? I just Sawyer fence post. It's enough to make the average White picket and maybe threaten to charge. It might not be able to keep out those pesky Mexicans that Trump worries about But I'm sure the Green Collard workers will get behind it and help out with the general whitewash, both gilding and padding the Frogprince's lily, so let's go ahead and go Green. In fact, Lyme Green uniforms for HIS workers, too. Goodbye, old paint!....

Thanks for the apple remnants. They're good for esprit and enhance the décor. Speaking of esprit, I might go out on one this weekend. Anyone want to join me?.....

FP, since you're in charge of De Fence, after you're through fencing with Rap in epee-ing position, could you help me get rid of some hot jewelry and some hubcaps?.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Mar 16 - 06:51 PM

# wreath #




   all fame is fleeting







besides the role of an emperor is nothing more than a data compressed algorithm.

What we actually need is a new universe which is challenging, to say the least.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 16 - 07:10 PM

We are Emperor over all Universes, in every dimension, within and without all Time. You forget that at your peril

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 16 - 11:46 AM

We may have a Special Announcement later.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Ramp for offererer
From: GUEST,Severn (Supreme Justice of the Court Of Mast
Date: 03 Mar 16 - 02:41 PM

Put that sourness back where the wreath of grapes is stored for now, at least. He may not last any longer than Frosty The Snowman or Pope Paul VI, but then he might have his reigning hands on the reins for quite some time. The Grand Mudcat Sorcerer Joe Offer might put a spell on him that no Imperial Spellcheck could defeat and make all of us vanish into thin air, leaving Rap contemplating becoming Emperor of Facebook, instead. Hopefully, we can get this built up to maximum strength before anyone can try to tear it down......

We might consider doing what a lot of emerging nations do. First build or refurbish a palace. Second, form an army and third, create a national airline. All this before we take a look at the people out there. What'll we call Air Rap?.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Mar 16 - 02:49 PM

Insudentully, why are Emperors Imperial instead of Emporial ?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Mar 16 - 02:57 PM

Carrion beetle?

Carry-on beetle?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Mar 16 - 05:32 PM

Your Great Imperialness, I am working on that list of miscreants as we speak......do you have any names that you yourself would particularly like to add? Anyone who may have slighted the Imperial Might, for instance? Any scurvy knaves who may have impugned Her Great Imperial Goodness The Most High and Mighty Regal Princess Patricia? Anyone whose cooking you didn't like?

Now's your chance!

Also by way of a footnote, Oh Great Sire, I've been wondering about a National Anthem because I would like to make sure that each and every person who passes through my hands, so to speak, is word perfect. Any suggestions?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 16 - 01:35 AM

You have failed Us and left Our Empire fall from the page. In the future please remember the presence of Jennie G., IT.

This time We forgive you, although you have made Us forget the Special Message We had to impart.

As for an Imperial Anthem, We suggest these slightly edited lyrics as they are so correct about Us:

Your Emperor should be someone invincible
Succeed where a less fantastic one would fail
Climb a wall no one else can climb
Cleave a dragon in record time
Swim a moat in a coat of heavy iron mail!
No matter the pain he ought to be unwinceable
Impossible deeds should be their daily fare
But where in the world
Is there in the world
Someone so extraordinaire?

It's you! It's you!
I'm forced to admit
'Tis you, I humbly reply
That mortal who
These marvels can do
It's you! It's you! Says I!

You've never lost
In battle or game
You're simply the best by far
When swords are cross'd
'Tis always the same
One blow and au revoir
It's you! It's you!
So admir'bly fit
A Modern Prometheus unbound
And here youy stand with valor untold
Exception'lly brave, amazingly bold
To serve as Emperor all 'round.

The soul of an Emperor should be a thing remarkable
With a heart and mind as pure as morning dew
With a will and a self-restraint
That's the envy of ev'ry saint
He could easily work a miracle or two
To love and desire he ought to be unsparkable
The ways of the flesh should offer small allure
But where in the world
Is there in the world
Someone so untouch'd and pure?

It's you?

It's you! It's you!
I blush to disclose, I'm far too noble to lie
That person in whom these qualities bloom
It's you! It's you! Says I!

You've never stray'd from all I believe
You're bless'd with an iron will
Had you been made the partner of Eve
We'd be in Eden still!
It's you! It's you!
The angels have chose to fight their battles below
And here you stand as pure as a pray'r
Incredibly clean, with virtue to spare
The godliest man we know
It's you!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 05 Mar 16 - 03:55 AM

A.J. Lerner is spinning in his grave.

Here's a dandy little page refresher.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Mar 16 - 06:39 AM

Oh my......Your Most Imperial Goodness Graciousness......words fail me!

I shall, of course, do my utmost to instill those words into each and every oh-so-lucky miscreant who has the amazing good fortune to fall into my hands. It will, of course, be accompanied by a band of assorted banjos because nothing else could possibly do justice to such magnificent sentiments.

I am also thinking of kazoo accompaniment to drown out any screams which may escape the lips of said tortured souls.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 16 - 11:24 AM

The lunette is too low for the bascule, the mouton appears too light, and the uprights are too short for efficient and humane use.

We say these things because We know these things and wish to educate Our people. Should you desire more information on this subject We are certain that Jennie G. IT will educate you.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rasp for enterer
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 05 Mar 16 - 02:51 PM

Do you need a Lerner's Permit to use and adapt those lyrics?.....

You might try doing a rewrite of "What Do The Simple Folkies DO".....

JFK always wanted a Camel Lot. He'd be glad we parked soldiers in Iraq. Are you thinking of involving us overseas, O Imperious Rex?.....

JennieG, while Broadway tunes are being looted, you might want to check out "Was I Wazir" from "Kismet"......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Mar 16 - 07:12 PM

I'm sure I speak for the whole nation of The Great Land of Oz when I say that, should Their Most Regal Magnificences desire an OS trip, they would always be welcome here.

We have sun-kissed beaches, breathtaking mountains (if you climb one it will take quite a while to get your breath back), strange creatures which will kill you, interesting birds and cuddly animals.

The Great Land of Oz is the best country in the world because we have wombats, and as such it may appeal to Your Regalities.

By the way, and despite rumours to the contrary, a wombat is a short legged furred mammal capable of achieving great speeds and baby wombats are the most adorable critters in the whole world. "Wombat" does not mean "waste of money, brains and time".


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 16 - 02:23 PM

We encourage speculation as it keeps Our Imperial Torturer productive and busy.

Oz is far away, but We would like to make an Imperial visit someday. Perhaps Our subjects there could move it closer to Our Realm to facilitate Our visit.

Dear Quarter Master, We do not need a Lerner's permit. How could you sink so Lowe as to think We do? If you cannot put "Rogers" on that, please have a Hart and don't hammer a stein.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex   (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: RapShure for preemtperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 06 Mar 16 - 02:53 PM

I've always dreamed of going down there to Australia and even have friends down there, but health and money have been issues. If I actually go into debt, it's not a sure ticket there any more.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 06 Mar 16 - 04:10 PM

You can do that? Change the thread title when you post? Does The Emp know of this?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Mar 16 - 04:14 PM

It changed the title in the post in question, not in the whole thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 16 - 01:32 AM

We hereby nominate and name keberoxu as Our Minister of Education and Re-Education (Adults) and trust that the cooperation with Our Imperial Torturer will greatly improve standardized Test results in cricket and otherwise.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex   (r) His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Mar 16 - 01:53 PM

Your Imperial ness, don't know if you were aware of this, but I flunked blue clicky school...


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 07 Mar 16 - 02:24 PM

Who cares what ya flunked. It's an appointed position; you don't have to pass a civil service exam or nothin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Mar 16 - 04:30 PM

How is one elected emperor?

What if there is a brokered emperor convention.

Rap if you run into trouble just remember to ask yourself what would Trump do, or even Genghis Khan.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rahp for emperator
From: Severn
Date: 07 Mar 16 - 06:16 PM

I've been varying the subject titles for years now. I'd have think he'd noticed Don't worry. Just because subjects have been given new titles does NOY mean there is any sort of nobility amongst the peasantry......

Trump has been 'brokered", even bankruptured, numerous times and has always found ways of making new fortunes. And if Ghengis Khan, there's no reason why Rap khan't. Emannuel is another question, though I doubt he'll ever reKant.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Mar 16 - 01:31 AM

Our people! Your Emperor is always thinking of you and of new ways to bring you the best of everything. We must ask you to give your share, just as We give Ours. This will mean a short period of total contribution but We assure you that it will be no longer than is necessary. Endure, We ask you, a little more hardship. Give a little more for Us and you will be richly rewarded! Have patience, for your reward will be great.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 08 Mar 16 - 08:17 AM

A check is in the mail, Your Royal Travesty.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Mar 16 - 10:24 PM

Right now as we speak there is a vacancy in the dungeon - the third rack from the right is empty. This cannot be allowed to happen, so would any of you good people like to join us for an afternoon of fun and games? Anyone vertically challenged who always yearned for an extra few inches, perhaps?

Please address all replies to
JennieG,
Imperial Torturer and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble,
Deep In The Dungeon where it's dark as a mine.

Who knows......perhaps we may even be treated to a special Imperial Visit from His Amazing Greatness The Emperor Rapparee!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 09 Mar 16 - 02:43 PM

Me, moi and Jimmy Suis offer our services for the Enforcement Division of His Royal Heinie's Security Forces. Being from Acadie, we know how to deal with undesirables. Our motto : "I t'row my coat bot' side da road; I come to fight, me!"

Tough as ongles! Loyal and as sustaining as poutine râpée is to estomac. Poutine râpée should be the Royal Cuisine as it represents The Emperor definitively - a simple gooey potatoe paste on the outside and a ham on the inside. Perhaps He could rename it Poutine Rapparee!

I'll have extra sauce and brown sugar s'il vous plaît. Merci, la.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 16 - 11:55 AM

Our people will speak clearly and concisely, as Our Imperial Game Warden gnu has done. Therefore he and his ilk are also appointed Our Imperial Enforcers and Bouncers, charged with enforcing Our proclamations and laws and whims and bouncing (as Tigger would) those who would not keep such into the clutches of Jennie G., Our good IT.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Mar 16 - 11:34 AM

We have added a new form of address for Our audiences with those seeking Our favor:

All above
All below,
Mountains, sea, and sky,
Belong to our Beloved Emperor!
Rah! Rah! Siss Boom Bah! for Him Our Beloved Emperor!


Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex   (r) His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Mar 16 - 01:33 PM

As Chief of Our Imperial Enforcers and Bouncers, I am sad to report that a scurrilous rogue of a Highwayman has been robbing Our Gentry of their valuables. One of our surveillance drones has captured video of this heinous villain at work and I submit it herewith.

If it pleases You, Emp, I should take great pleasure in terminating him with extreme prejudice.

I await your approval.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, g (my mark*).

* I get to have a mark, right? I mean, without a mark, seems kinda unofficial, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 16 - 01:03 AM

Of course you may mark your mark. We are nothing if not re-markable. But please work with Jennie G., Our Imperial Torturer, and work up a really good termination. We cannot have this sort of thing making the roads and houses dangerous places for Our people, so please make an good example of this bad example so that people will live in fear of Our laws and therefore obey Us.

We find your mark especially appropriate to you, as it has been known in the computer world as a "splat."


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 16 - 11:58 AM

We herewith name Joe Offer Our Theologian Extraordinary and Plentypotentiary and Extraordinary Inquisitor Into Various Beliefs.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 12 Mar 16 - 04:14 PM

Jennie git yer gun! We's goin after tourerists! Ya know. Them what rob them city folks on the highaway. Word has it that Roger Moore, stupid bitch that he is, is riding through the glen with his merry men as we speak. We must move swiftly... like, RFN, eh? Iffin ya don't get back to me like RFN, I will have no recourse but to act on the Emp's orders and take him out on my own.

Now, normally, I would use a large calibre rifle but I have been advised in a Facebook group that small calibres are better because "it's all about shot placement" soooo, being frugal and wishing to stay within the Emp's budget (cheap bastard), I shall endeavour to take him out with a Red Ryder BB Gun. You know, the one with the compass in the stock? Well, that was the one made famous in the classic Kissmeass movie A Christmas Story. Mine doesn't have the compass. We were poor. But, I never shot my eye out.

Right then! There shall be no delay as I take matters into my own trigger finger. Wish me good luck, tight lines and straight shootin. I am away to defend Our Realm from evil doers. Our Lupines shall be defended no matter the peril I may face. I hear he is good shot but I have a lever action repeater!

g


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 12 Mar 16 - 06:19 PM

The Deed is done, my Leech. The Highwayman has been switched off; he's gone for a dirt nap; he bit the dust, bought the farm, kicked the last bucket, sleeps with the fishes, pushes up lupines... he is... no Moore*. He shall not pose a threat to Our Gentry again. Grow your lupines in security and comfort, all.

g (My mark... I finally got a mark! Da would be proud.)

* I went a long way for that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 12 Mar 16 - 06:37 PM

It has been pointed out by PM that my post including "Word has it that Roger Moore, stupid bitch that he is,..." is incorrect. Indeed, it is so. I hang my head in shame. Tis not Roger Moore but, in fact, Dennis Moore.

I beg empathy and forgiveness from all of Our Empire, save one. Myself, as I have flogged myself with palm fronds in penance and shall carry my shame forever.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 12 Mar 16 - 07:29 PM

Sorry, Roger. My bad. Right! Reload!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Mar 16 - 07:35 PM

JennieG, do you have enough singers for your operations down there? One time I sang to a friend's pet cat, and the cat leaped up onto my person and shoved its paw in my mouth.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 12 Mar 16 - 09:22 PM

Yee har, gnu!

keberoxu, you would be welcome. Anyone who can scare the bejabbers out of a kitty is a good candidate for the Dungeon Chorus. Do you sing tenor? bass? or do you just find your own melody line somewhere?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble and Dungeon Choir Wrangler


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 16 - 12:39 AM

We find it good when Our subjects work together. "Gung ho!" as Mao's boys used to say.

gnu, We award you all the lupines you can carry.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex   (r) His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Fenian Rascal
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 02:52 AM

HIM--Your above everything
And nothing is beneath You


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 08:53 AM

47 F and drizzling   (reprise)

Taken by surprise I came to
a grandiose Magnolia tree
Its magnificent one hit wonder
Blossoms with an arrogance to winter

There, the first Robin standing resolutely
despite how near I approach her
She is so staunch her name should be
Stands with fist

Bowing in the rain the simple daffodils
are being called to muster
to wage a mass demonstration soon.
But for now quietly assemble

Tiny Crocus draw all attention
from the winter debris to its oasis
of color and a promise of
great things to come


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 09:07 AM

WTF?    I did not mean to put that there

damn touch screen


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 11:59 AM

Donuel has cursed in Our presence. IT, you know to do.




Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex   (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 04:50 PM

Certainly!

Donuel, just follow me please. Shoes must be left at the door.

You aren't allergic to metal, are you?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble and Dungeon Choir Wrangler


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 05:05 PM

WhT ever hapoened to Rapaire?
Was he deposed by his younger brother Rapparee, by another mother.
Do I detect an Emperor takeover?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 05:07 PM

Last Guest was keyboard/challenged Ed T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 09:55 PM

We change the spelling of Our name as far too many of Our subjects did not understand Irish. This We will rectify, as We wish all of Our subjects to speak, read, and write Irish, Scots Gaelic, Welsh, Polynesian, and Basque fluently so that they will be better able to cooperate in Our endeavors.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)    His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 14 Mar 16 - 11:38 PM

We are watching you Donuel


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,gnu in cogs... neato eh?
Date: 15 Mar 16 - 07:51 PM

Whassup wit' all 'at eh wha'? I speaks English, Yank English, Chiac, Newfie, Labradorian, Bluenoser, Albert County Good Ol' Boy, and Kent County Good Ol' Boy. *Now* you want me to learn all them there other ones? Oh... and I do pretty good at Maineiac too as they eat lobstahs same whay we do in these pahts heeyah. Not like in them fancy restahrawhts down in New Yahk where they cuts em up the middle... nevah could understand that crowd. We cracks em fine wit nuttin but our 'ands, zir. A lobster boilup be some shockin good, buddy but ya gots ta do 'er proper, roight? None a that there fancy shit.

IT... just brainstorming here. What about a lobster chamber in the lowest dungeon? Win-win or what?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 16 - 01:48 AM

We would not approve of any lobsters being injured thereby. And gnu -- We have approved your mark, so please use it to ensure Us that it is truly you who are posting.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 16 - 07:49 PM

Nah. We wouldn't injure any lobsters. Gots ta keep em healthy fer the boil-up.

I nominate Kendall for Chief Cookie of Our Empire. He steams lobstahs without any salt. The Old Salt is all about heart health. Proper attention to dietary health is wanted in a Chief Cookie. Kendall for Cookie! says I.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 16 - 12:19 AM

gnu (if that is you, as your mark is missing), We take your suggestion and thank you for it.

We herewith name Kendall Morse as Chief Chef and Jacqui Morse as Chief Chef Chief and Keeper of the Kendall. They are entitled to all of the rights and privileges thereof.

Let this be proclaimed throughout Our Empire!




Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r) His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 16 - 08:48 AM

Oh dear! I missed the mark!

g


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 16 - 12:57 PM

We require you to toe the mark or We shall withdraw Our permission for you to use the *, or splat, as you requested.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 16 - 02:12 PM

My hair-lipped dog just commented "MARK! MARK! MARK!".

g and his faiphul companion Dawg.

Say! Ya need a mascot? I wouldn't suggest Dawg. He licks... never mind. I suppose it should be Clay. Only befitting, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 12:37 PM

For failure to use the mark We so graciously allowed, We withdraw from gnu the right to use the splat (or *) as his mark and allow Jennie G., Our IT, to use is as it is reminiscent of the mark made by drops of viscous red liquid found as she pursues her noble task.

To gnu We award the humble mark "g" (without the quotation marks) and require him to use it as authentication of his author or other -ship. Should he fail in this, Our desire, he will learn of the splat from Our IT.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)    His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 12:59 PM

It has been rumoured that there is a Trompe (produces a lot of gas) which has offered for high office in one of Our Emperor's subservient Dominions know as the USA (United States of America). Woefully, reports indicate this gasbag spews drivel and nonsense so as to bloviate his superiority over all others. I take this as an affront to Our Emperor. Given such blasphemy, I hereby request, Rex, (can I call you Rex, (r)? It seems more personal and we're buds, right?), that permission be given to me to extinguish his obviously delusional ravings.

Your most humble,

g


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 01:11 PM

You have Our permission to do what needs to be done. Jennie G., Our IT, will fully cooperate.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex   (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 06:10 PM

Our loyal and devoted subjects,

It is with a heavy heart that We address this topic, but We must insure the continuity of Our reign.

Being without issue, We now open the search for Our successor. We will entertain nominations and assume that only the finest will be brought to Our attention.

After a rigorous examination by Us, a physical examination by Our Imperial Physic, and psychological testing by Our Royal Psycho, We will name the person who will succeed (but can never replace!) Us.

Let the naming begin!



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 08:01 PM

I tend to not do anything useful.

What can I do?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 06:35 AM

Wait. I still get my pension, right? And severance pay?

g


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 01:26 PM

I'd think I'm entitled to all that Severn's pay you mentioned......

Rap, if your reign continues incessantly (with no offspring offsprung), should Noah and Joan be commissioned to build a Triumphal Ark?....

What successors are swimming in the somewhat trecherous SuckCesspool so far? Don't tell me that Rap ain't gonna reign no more, no more. Who will be snowing us by sleet of hand, and who will we hail should the reign stop? Who shall pay for this drought (as I paid for the last round)? What sort of upper or lower-class precipitation might befall us?....

Considering that most, if not all of us posting are fairly old farts, is there an answer blowing in the wind? Where's the young blood coming from, and is there even much young blood in our official Carry-A-Torture JennieG's blood bank for possible transfusions for the old?

I know that Rap can't reign (nor JennieG arraign)forever, but as Royal Costumer (and REMEMBER, costumer's always right!), I'm still working on giving the present administration proper fits, without having to worry about designing new prints for an outfit for some new Prince or princess for them to make their proper imprints on us......

And wouldn't the faithful mate of our current Emperor be first in line to succeed before we'd plant the seeds to appoint (Bless their appointed little head) some future suck-up to succeed at some Succession Session. Her Imperial Highness has yet to speak to us, and she might prove to be the power behind the throne or even the overthrown.......

'Splain it to me, Kingfish......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 04:26 PM

Your Imperial Greatness, I thank you for all your great gifts!

Right now I am attending the Revels, i.e. The Oz National Folk Festival, which will under way in just a few days. However, rest assured that I have not slackened on my duties in the dungeon, the oubliette has not been forgotten, etc. I am keeping an eye (not my eye.....that of a miscreant) on what is happening via the wonders and marvels of modern technology.

As to a successor, how could anyone possibly hope to succeed Your Dazzling Magnificence and that of Her Most High and Mighty Imperial Highness Princes Patricia! May I suggest a trial along the lines of Cinderella's glass slipper? I myself personally would be happy to assist in the lopping off of any superfluous appendages.

With kindest regards,
JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) her mark (for which I thank the Emperor once more )


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 08:44 PM

We do not foresee any immediate need, but We do like to "Be Prepared" and forestall any acrimony or unpleasantness which may result should We be forced to assume a new position in a Higher Realm.

Should that happen, and it is not within our purview as We intend to reign forever and ever, We would be forced to fling thunderbolts at those engaging in any form of naughtiness.

The examination will be thorough. For instance, one of the requirements is to memorize and then forget Machiavelli's "The Prince" in the original Italian.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)    His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Mar 16 - 08:33 AM

""That flight was a fucking nightmare man. My stupid tray table broke and I ended up with a gallon of coffee in my crotch; it was like dunking my wang in hot lava. Something you have some experience with I guess, huh? Right? "" Emperor Palpattine


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 16 - 12:09 PM

We recognize no other emperors, actual or fictional. They would steal Our glory and enervate Our subjects.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)    His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 21 Mar 16 - 11:03 PM

No mind. Palpattine has been neutralized. In such urgent matters, I take executive privilege. Any further posts from same are obviously false. I have proof but caution that asking to see such may cause... well... you just don't wanna see.... it. Ecch!

At Your Service,

g


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Subject: RE: BS: Tap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 06:15 AM

"Rule number one: Don't fuck with librarians."
Neil Gaiman


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 12:09 PM

"Rule number one:.."

Not even if you're in love with one ??


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 12:08 AM

We find the word "with" in the phrase mentioned changes the meaning.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    ®    His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 05:51 AM

"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."
Joseph Heller


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 07:11 AM

I myself personally am also a retired librarian, so I like to make sure the dungeon is suitably furnished with improving and moral tomes for the edification of the less recalcitrant inmates. So far, so good.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 11:01 AM

Finding that he actually attempts to supply the source for any quotation he borrows, We appoint Ed T., who posts here as "GUEST Ed T.", as Our Imperial Quoter. He will post, at a minimum, 1.7376 edifying and morally uplifting quotations every day, which will be the Imperial Quoter's quota. Any day upon which he will post exactly 3.14159265 quotations he will be rewarded with his weight in uranium hexafluoride, or UF6.

His mark shall be:
Let Our will in this be broadcast throughout Our realm, and he shall enjoy all of the right and privileges of this appointment.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    ®   His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 01:06 PM

By the way, as Minister of De Fence, I've got a bunch of nice Roullex watches for sale, only $500.00, with some nice glittery diamonds. Don't let the u bother you, they're production for the British and Canadian markets.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 03:19 PM

We know not why the mark for the Imperial Quoter did not display, but it shall be




Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®    His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 03:23 PM

Due to the apparent limitations of what is known as Hypertext Markup Language, or HTML, We change the given mark of the Imperial Quoter to

            «IQ


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      ®    His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 05:56 PM

"We first crush people to the earth, and then claim the right of trampling on them forever, because they are prostrate."

Lydia Maria Francis Child (no relation to
diet crusher, Julia Child).


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 06:02 PM

"Every empire, however, tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires, that its mission is not to plunder and control but to educate and liberate."


Edward W. Said (not sure when it was said, by Said).


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Subject: RE: BS: Ripe for (caveat) emptyer
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 07:56 PM

Being The Librarian Incongruous of the Library Of Digress, I welcome the right lady making love WITH me by mutual consent, but DON'T ever try to fuck me up or fuck me over (not to be confused with being on top).....

Q. How many quotes must a quoter quote before he quotes over his quoter quota?

A. Blowing In The Wind......Next question, please!

...and as a corollary to what educator Edward Said said, "The only good and rightful revolution for an empire is the original one. Accept no imitations or substitutes."---Oliver Sutton

I don't ever mess with JennieG, as we tend to use the dining hall at different hours......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 09:07 PM

"Until the lions have their own historians, the history of the hunt will always glorify the hunter."
Chinua Achebe


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 09:16 PM

Does (r*) have a official historian, as he one or more librarian(s) seem to be at his call?

*I hesitate to use the full mark, which I suspect is reserved for exclusuve use of "the office"?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 09:56 PM

We previously worked for more than forty years in the god-like profession of librarian, and We took a lesser profession when We became Emperor. We hold a Master of Science degree in Information and Library Science in addition to Our experience in the management of information.

We present you with another quote, from the author Spider Robinson: "Librarians are the secret masters of the world. They control information. Don't ever piss one off."


Emperor Rapparee, BA, MS Imperious Rex    ®      His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 10:52 PM

"If course it's alright for librarians to smell of drink."
Barbara Pym


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 24 Mar 16 - 07:07 AM

"This isn't a reasoned response to a configuration of stars, but the heart cannot flourish on logic alone. Unreason is an essential medicine as long as you don't overdose."
Dean Koontz


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 24 Mar 16 - 07:29 PM

I have concluded recent covert operations required on a timely basis. None will be apprised except to say success was achieved. This bulletin is issued only to say The Emperor's safety is safe and all may rest assured that the threats have been... removed.

Oh! And I got the laundry done, the floors vacuumed, swept, mopped... dishes are clean... the regular stuff. Gotta keep the Empire neat and tidy, eh? Well, there still is a nasty red stain in the library but I am sure some elbow grease will take care of that before the investigation.

I remain, loyally and faithfully,

g


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 16 - 09:19 PM

Our good subject gnu -- We have found that hydrogen peroxide solution, available at most apothecary shops, will remove those nasty red stains.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    ®    His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 24 Mar 16 - 09:34 PM

Emperor, your bath is now drawn for your pleasure.The heated water is scented and filled with sweet pine nuts, blanched sweet almonds, marsh mallow root, lilly bulbs and a candy paste of rare plants.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 24 Mar 16 - 11:08 PM

Geech, you didn' have to disrobe and jump into the tub before we left the room. The unflattering sight scared my cat.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 11:59 AM

"Anticipation is the carrot suspended before the jackass to keep him moving forward. Horror is what he would see if he took his eyes off the carrot.
Louis L'Amour


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 12:04 PM

Hmmmm...We find the position of Imperial Bath Attendant And Personal Servicer To The Emperor is open....


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      ®      His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 07:00 PM

Sire, I got hydrogen peroxide up the ass. Well, I mean a got a lot of it. Bought it at the Co-op on sale in small bottles a lot cheaper than even the Co-op Country Store sells it in 4 lire jugs. I spray it on my tomatoe plants fer ta keep out the blight eh? And, fer cleaning wounds, among other things.

g


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 10:34 PM

Please, good gnu, be very careful with it. Do not, We repeat, NOT, also purchase acetone. We would not like for you to explosively vanish away.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®    His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 09:40 AM

"First rule of bodyguard detail: know where your 'body' is at all times."
Ilona Andrews


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 09:05 PM

We find that We approve of Max's actions, which We find were taken in both sorrow and anger. We also have wondered how long the good Max would take to accomplish the actions he has. We find that he has far more patience than Us, for We would have had the miscreants consigned to the fair Jennie G., Our IT, as fodder for the oubliette.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 09:29 PM

Sire, I believe Max would never act in anger. I have never known such. I have only known Max to be one who asks all to be fair and "polite". To the point that he allowed vehement mind fights to unfold without interference whilst holding only one rule above all others. All who know of this rule know of what I speak. Those who broke the rule were given, generously, rope. Those that hanged themselves did so by that rope without aid. One can count the deceased upon the fingers of one hand. I could name them but to even speak their names is vile.

Sire, you may be Emperor but Max is Dog and he don't show no anger. He's a good boy... yes he is. Who's a good boy? He is.

g


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 09:27 PM

Good gnu, We are aware of those who will not be named. We remember another event
or two some years back, and that Max has been dealing with the problem for some time. You can see that by the date in the links We have provided.

And We do think that it's about time all of us again started sending Max some money to help him with the expenses of the Mudcat Cafe.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      ®         His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Mar 16 - 05:24 PM

Acetone, schmacetone. You guys dropped the ball again....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 16 - 09:39 PM

Are you criticizing Us?

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    ®   His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Mar 16 - 04:54 AM

"And, besides, acetone may screw up your nail polish."


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 12:46 PM

I have failed. I only was able to get a few shots off from long range with my Red Rider BB Gun but it was windy and Trompe's hair was like a ninja. However, there is a petition to allow guns at his rallies (it's true; look it up). If this petition flies in the face of all common sense, I shall be able to get closer and the only windage that will be a factor is his own.

At Our service, I remain,

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, g (my mark).


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 08:59 PM

Unlike that person who styles himself a candidate for high office, We appreciate losers who make an effort. We also appreciate those who do not, for they keep Our IT in practice. So having made an attempt, We do not find fault with gnu and only suggest that he practice. Of course, We realize that his target might be only a Trompe l'oeil and bring this to gnu's attention.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 11:56 PM

"Maybe you are already lost and just do not know it." 
Christine Feehan


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 11:57 PM

"To know much and taste nothing-of what use is that?" 
 Bonaventure


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 12:07 AM

"Without contraries is no progression." 
― William Blake


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 May 16 - 04:24 PM

Hope their Imperial Majesties are enjoying the Grand Tetons.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 16 - 07:04 PM

You know he went there for the Maryjane, right? Rocky Mountain High, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Jun 16 - 06:49 PM

Now that Imperious Rex has had successful Catter-wreck surgery and is shooting at things again (accurately), is there any life left in this thread?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jun 16 - 06:53 PM

You asking if it's shot?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 16 - 11:16 PM

We are leaving for Glacier National Park and Waterton Park on Tuesday, June 21. Unlike when We were in Our realm of the Grand Tetons, We should have the ability to communicate with Our humble subjects during most of this Imperial Jaunt. We find it to be most boring to be incommunicado in a pristine wilderness!


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®             His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 08:00 PM

Should anyone have forgotten what "rapaire/rapparee" is to traditional Irish music, check out "Éamonn a Chnoic" , recording re-released on this channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiyN8UqVOC4&list=PLS6nD3HEzLcE7iNPVLsK8Q-hhG2jVsmu4


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 24 Jun 16 - 02:32 PM

If there's a proposed measure to allow guns at political rallies, they should also allow them in police stations, churches, the White House, both houses of Congress etc. Alas, there would be nobody with the morals, good sense and skill of US Marshal Matt Dillon to clean up this modern Wild West.

So I suggest that our dear Emperor declare that anybody who kills another human being in anything other than self defense be required to clean, dress and render the carcass, so that we know who the REAL "responsible hunters" among the gun users are eating them might be a stretch, but finding out who's "responsible" while hunting for their table or freezer and who's merely "responsible" for murder and stocking the mortuary freezers. The rule I learned from my dear departed mother, God rest her soul, for hunting and fishing was "YOU killed/caught it, so YOU /render/clean it."

Maybe some of the excess bodies could be ground up and canned as "Manwich" and see if anybody notices the difference......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Jun 16 - 05:12 PM

Severn, the Emmissary, Uniform Maker, Duke, Quartermaster, etc etc, is present again. I wondered what had become of you, sir. The thread is not the same without your puns. Are you aware that His Imperial Rapness had successful Catter-wreck surgery and has reported his accuracy at target practice?

As for the re-education mandate, my part of it is at the mercy of the cuckoo. This is not just any cuckoo, mind you. This is the Cuaichín Ghleann Neifín cuckoo, who sings more than one traditional Irish tune, but is most often associated with the theme from a TV soap called "Glendore." The late Máire Ní Scolaí has been putting me through my paces. Her singing isn't on CD, for a start, except for three songs on an anthology; her recording of the cuckoo song is on a vinyl LP as well as in vinyl 78 single form. And one of her cuckoo verses is hiding where it is not to be found. Just listened to her recording of the song for the umpteenth time with the umpteenth printed collection of sean-nós lyrics, and that verse still won't match up with anything I have seen in print....and me still barely able to spell the Gaelic, never mind understand it.
Maybe I ought to stick to "Eibhlín A Rún" and forget about the darned cuckoo.

Regardless, welcome back, o irreplaceable Severn.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 16 - 11:15 PM

We can only say, in Our atrocious Irish spelling and grammar that which We have often heard in pubs and worse places in Ireland, "Cad es aimn du?" We do write this Ourself, not wishing to bother Our official Irish translator, who is attending a "Taste of Irish" event in Ballyfungus. After tasting enough Irish Our translator oft talks to the little people.

We talk to the little people as well, as is evidenced in this, one of Our communications.

As for the suggestion by the Notable Severn, We find that it has much merit. THEREFORE, henceforth anyone who kills save in defense (or defence) of self or someone for whom they feel responsible, and after all other avenues, lanes, streets, roads, footpaths, byways, trails, autobahns, interstates, motorways, highways, and any and all other known and unknown means of similar ways have been exhausted, will be held to the same Law as hunters are, that is, "You killed it, you eat it."

We find that this will greatly lessen the incidents of unwarranted killing while at the same time reducing the demands upon the body public. We do not condone wastage.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          (r)      His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jun 16 - 10:49 AM

Regarding killing another human being in anything other than self defense, surely this applies only to loyal subjects? A clarification is sought from Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r)His mark at his earliest convenience as I need to make changes to the 2016 Hunting Guide.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer,
g (my mark)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Jun 16 - 02:47 PM

My (lousy) translator says Cad is ainm duit?, for what it's worth. But then, my translator looked at the obituary for Leo Brennan, and decided that his age was not four and a half score years, but four and a half feet. Until I stopped and made my translator look at the obituary one blessed word at a time.

Feel free to shoot at the darned cuckoo from Ghleann Neifín.

Your Imperial Rapness, what is your opinion of Brexit?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap twice for emptier
From: Severn
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 04:10 PM

As for MY opinion, in the newly established tradition of "You Kill it, you EAT it!",------You Brexit, you BOUGHT it!........

The trouble was that "EU" sounds like something one would say while wincing when being served Snails and Okra with Liver in Sheep Dip Gravy.......

My culinary apologies to any of you in an Escargot Cult ("Order the plane, nothing fancy...."). I guess it's all a matter of taste and the contributions to this thread tend to be a bit "unflavored"....

And, Your Imperialitudity, when you've exhausted all autobahns, there will be no more birds to shoot.....


Snorro    Zzzzzz...    (My Mark)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 05:15 PM

Oh, my word. Wrestling some more with the online translator. It seems that the chorus at UC Galway won many prizes under Máire Ní Scolaí's direction, according to the Irish Gaelic sleeve notes: "Ghnóthaigh sí féin iomad corn." Which the translator told me was: "She passed herself too much corn."

Well, that does sound downright scatological. But I thought people east of the Atlantic were disgusted with the very idea of eating sweet corn, denouncing it as "pig food."


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 04:21 PM

What is the imperial opinion of the Idaho potato? Or do I have to submit that question to a Cabinet/Chamber member?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 09:21 PM

We find that, overall, the Idaho potato differs but little from other foods produced en masse for masse consumption. There are, however, exceptions, as many of Our small farmers and even some of Our larger ones are now growing excellent potatoes of other than the russet variety. They produce for Us purples, goldens, creamers, reds, and other varieties which but a few years ago We found difficult to obtain. We do no condone water wastage or the indiscriminate use of -cides and We have Our doubts about the wisdom of spraying dilute hydrochloric acid on the plants a week before harvest to kill the plants and "firm up" the tubers. We do find it good that this practice is giving way to cutting off the plant and leaving the greenery to be used as green fertilizer after harvest.

We believe, and therefore it is true, that the UC Galway notes meant that Máire Ní Scolaí partook a bit much of the juice of the corn.

We hereby amend Our earlier declaration so to exclude members of Our Realm from Our "You kill it, you eat it" policy.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®      His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 08:28 AM

Oh, thank goodness! No need to reset the type.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer,
g (my mark)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 10:25 AM

We are distressed with what Our Imperial Typesetter does to Irish names, as was done in Our last post.

Please be assured that Our oubliette is not yet full. Our Imperial Typesetter has been given a Vision Of The Future and is also so assured. We have been reassured that Our Imperial Typesetter shan't make a similar mistake in the future; We assume that there will be totally different mistakes made.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      ®      His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 03:31 PM

Maybe hypertext markup language would keep the Typesetter out of the oubliette.

What says His Imperial Rapness to Severn's "You Brexit You BOUGHT It" opinion?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 07:39 AM

Rest assured, Oh Most Gracious Sire......there is always room for one more in the oubliette. The more, the merrier!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 05:36 PM

Great to hear from Jennie G.. Now if Severn would just check in...


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 06:19 PM

"Our Imperial Typesetter"? Not me, right? I mean, unless I get a pay raise, take that job and shelve it, eh? Unless you decree same, your Heinous.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer.

g (my mark)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 05:33 PM

Time is neigh to announce your economic team my lord.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 05:46 PM

neigh??


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 08:29 PM

We have been unusually busy with the business of Our Empire and We have not had time to dictate Our decrees. In the interests of Our Realm We shall not do that now, as We enjoy and know Our subjects enjoy surprises.

We have no need of an "economic team" as everything in Our Realm belongs to Us. In Our magnanimity We allow Our subjects to enjoy enjoy these things with Us.

We have no intention of raising Our Imperial Bouncer and Game Warden to the rank of Imperial typesetter. Thus We recommend that he calm himself with a few flagons of his choice tipple and get a good night's sleep. We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life.

On Tuesday next and until the Friday following We shall be very busy working on various joints in Our Suzerainty and may not be immediately available to Our subjects. We can only assure you, Our subjects, that these joints shall make life more enjoyable and pleasant in the future.

In the mean time, the floggings shall continue, but hangings are suspended.


Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®         His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 09:51 PM

"We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life."

Well fuck you too, you big Emp.

g, M.Sc.Eng., B.Sc.Eng, P.Eng., (my mark up your ass... plus, I can outgun you and all your fancy fuckin ordnance in the bush with a $300 o/u 12 ga Baikal any fuckin day of the week because I am the most badass Imperial Game Warden there ever was. Put a hole in the hole, me.)

The Emperor has no ammo.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 10:12 PM

The board of intelligentsia has submitted their final version of Emperor election reform:

The election winner must win 3 or 4 out of a total of four requirements

It is a combination of 3 tests and the popular vote. The electoral college is canceled.

exam 1- foreign policy             made by pentagon& State Dept
exam 2-domestic policy             made by HUD NIH HLS Treas.DOL
exam 3-a game of chess
test 4-general election

In the event of a 2-2 tie the popular vote will be a tie breaker.

All gerrymandering is now illegal.

If the popular vote tie breaker is too close to call within .1% the candidates will have a pissing contest winner take all.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 01:17 AM

Good gnu, We do not find you deficient, but simply lacking. We Ourselves have a MS, BA, CDSA, Adv. Lib. Mng. Cert., and other silly things. As for outgunning or outshooting Us, We invite you to come visit and together we shall see. We shall use Our smaller 20 gauge side-by-side double, but if you insist We can use Our 12 gauge side-by-side; neither of them cost Us more than two hundred US dollars, but they meet Our wants. We can also provide classic 1892 model rifles should you wish to shoot something else. We shall be delighted to have you as a guest in Our humble, but adequate, mountain chalet in the mountains of Idaho.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      (R)    His Alternate Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 08:06 AM

tabled again
and still the floggings continue until morale improves.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 03:03 PM

"We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life." >>> "Good gnu, We do not find you deficient, but simply lacking."

Who are you? Donald Hump?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 03:13 PM

Oops... I forgot my mark, g.

Sorry about that, Humperious Wreck.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 03:38 PM

We suggest, good gnu, that you control yourself or We shall have to have the Imperial Bouncer deal with you.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rx          ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 07:05 AM

And just WHO would that be, Rex? Shall I give you a hint?... ME.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter   g   My mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 09:03 AM

Ah, but you are not Keeper of the Imperial Oubliette.. (We had it constructed for double duty, nay, triple or even more numerous duties.)



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®            His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 04:21 PM

where is Severn when you need him?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 01:23 AM

Gnu......come on down! We have single, double and triple suites, and even a family suite should a client find it difficult to leave a partner and kiddies behind.

Remember now - the family that is slayed together stays together!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 12:31 PM

Ah, yes. Our Imperial Torturer hasn't had a lot of business of late. We find she is soliciting some to keep her hands busy, which We find quite admirable. Go on, Imperial Torturer, and rack 'em up! Whip up some business! Put the screws to them! Burn the midnight oil!
You have Our permission to do so, as long as there is a fair trial before the malefactors are found guilty, or We adjudge so.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       (r)    His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 02:23 AM

Oh Great One, I am thinking of a campaign to put the Imperial Oubliette out there in the public eye, and to this end have started to think on a slogan/s to be used for that purpose.

Something along the lines of "Come and stay with us - we will flay you to your heart's content", perhaps? The linking of stay/slay/flay is there in the back of my mind......

A suitable soundtrack could be Tom Lehrer's "Masochism Tango", methinks.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 04:05 AM

Most High Imperial Torturer,

May I, as a humble oubliette-cleaner, respectfully offer my services as the Imperial Whip-Wiper and Shackle-Shiner?

References may be obtained from Mr V.T. Impaler as to my punctuality and efficiency.

Mme Senoufou, (Nettoyeuse Extraordinaire)

Her mark S


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 10:22 AM

Despite the EMPORER's decimation of its critics the scandal regarding missing scroll mails continue to swell. Wrongful racking suits are being filed with the royal nasty commission RNC.
Some have dared to say our lord should not be allowed to have his finger on the button of the trebuchet arsenal.

Under ground stirrings are rumored that peasants are referring to our vengeful lord as El Douche instead of el Duce'. This bears the signature of a real dictatorial crisis. Where will it all end ???


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 04:15 PM

Yeah? Well somebody has to get the blighters TO the Imperial Oubliette and that's my job so, when you say I am gonna have to bounce myself, I gotta wonder if yer scepter is still sighted in proper like, eh IRex?

As far as fancy shotguns what you cost dirt, I can only assume that's because you bought 'em ages ago. As far as yer fancy riffles, nah, my cheapass Commie shotgun is all I need on the range because it works REAL good in the fly infested bog country of Kent County, New Brunswick where the trees are thicker than the flies so it'll be just fine on the range up to 150m on accounta I still have CIL ammo. Nowadays, we gotta load our own if we want decent ammo on accounta you Yanks brought in all yer cheapass store-bought ammo and put CIL outta business. Years ago, I had high brass up the ass... now, all I can buy is low steel crap. Good for shootin sparrows on the clotheline but useless in the one-by-ones (one inch diameter pines one inch apart).

No disrespect intended. Well, some but not a lot.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter   g   My mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 10:26 PM

Dear gnu, We assume you are referring to ammunition such as this. We assure you that We have in Our armories the very reality of that picture, a full box of fifty rounds. We suggest that you either eat your heart out or come visit Our mountain chalet, for if you do We will graciously and magnanimously allow you to shoot these bullets. We will allow you to use a rifle from your youth, misspent though it was. Your tears of gratitude and nostalgia would be Our only reward.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 06:46 AM

My dear subjects, We must go on a journey of but a few days. We have learned that the Imperial Whisky Works is in need of an inspection and so, once again, We must labour for the Good Of All. We shall not be shirking Our duties, no matter how much we would like to enjoy the sun and the beach. Nay, We must work for the good of this, Our realm. We only ask that you keep Us and Our oubliette in your loving thoughts.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 06:05 PM

Good Sire, all of here in the deep dark underground regions of your kingdom send their best wishes for a good outcome and a speedy recovery!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Aug 16 - 09:54 AM

I freely admit to pretty much ignoring this thread. I posted once in its early days and have rarely even opened it since. I also admit to openly ignoring Emperor Rapparee's derivative attempts at fiction writing on another thread. In both instances, I have greatly enjoyed said ignorings. In fact, I have become so expert at ignoring all things associated with Emperor Rapparee that I believe myself to be supremely qualified for appointment to The Emperor's Royal Court as "The Emperor's Royal Ignorer".*

If, in His Royal Estimation, I am found to be qualified for such an esteemed post, please have a lackey notify me by Private Message. Please do not post a response in this thread as there is an extremely high likelihood it will be ignored.

Should my petition be denied, let it hereby be known that I am also available for the position of "Royal Pain in the Ass" if said position has not been filled by some other yahoo.

* Not to be confused with "The Emperor's Royal Ignoramus", that being another thing altogether and one which should properly be reserved for former Mudcatter Tweed, should he ever deign to honor us again with his presence.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 05:15 PM

Glad to see his Imperious Rex-ness talking vegetables at MOAB. Hope the procedure was successful.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 03:14 PM

We have never had any intention of naming Bee-Dubya-Ell to the post of "Royal Ignoramus." Such an action would demean Ourself! Therefore, We name Bee-Dubya-Ell, at his request, to the position of Royal Ignorer, and We further endow him with the title of Imperial Ignoramus. The latter is far more in keeping with Our dignity than a simple "Royal." When acting as Royal Ignorer We permit him to use the mark of {ri} and when acting as Imperial Ignoramus to use the mark [II]. The first is pronounced "rye" and the second "eye-eye." The appropriate brackets must also be used, as no documents he might utter are will be official without them.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         (r)      His Alternate Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 11:49 PM

"If you want to go foraging into the wilds of Canada without proper gear, you deserve what you get, even if that happens to include being attacked by an undead moose." 
― Mira Grant


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM

"Let's broaden the definition of 'necessary." 
― Howard Tayler


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 02:02 PM

His Imperial Rexness is back on his feet and in motion!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 02:39 PM

Undead moozzzze do not attack. They defend. All who harass undead moozzzze are subject to severe penalties including fine(s), forfeiture of all used in such harassment including all manner of transport, equipment and clothing, and any and all other that Our Emperor deems befitting.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter   g   My mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 04:57 PM

This thread has been ignored by the entire membership of the Mudcat Cafe since August 16! That's two full weeks of being ignored by thousands hundreds tens of people other than myself!

Listen up, people! By appointment of Emperor Rapparee, I am the Royal Ignorer {ri}, not you! Ignoring this thread is my job, not yours! Why, I bet none of you people are even members of The Ignorers' Union!

Future instances of ignoring this thread by anyone other than myself will result in dire consequences! You have been warned! Capice?


Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Sep 16 - 07:49 PM

Severn! Your puns are needed! Quit doing Bee Dubya Ell's job of ignoring this thread, wake up, and come on back here!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 10:00 AM

Most excellent job, Royal Ignorer. We heartily commend and condemn you for it!

'Tis true, We are back on Our feet after suffering a coup de Jarnac whilst defending this, Our realm. Nay, We cannot yet skip and gambol like a baby goat in Springtime, but We are able to mount stairs and, if need arise, Our Imperial Warhorse while wearing Our Imperial armor or armour, as the case may be.

Soon you will again be able to contribute to Our welfare another ten percentum of all you possess, and We know that this will be done with a willing and generous hearts. Those heartless who do not wish to contribute will, indeed, remain truly heartless throughout Our Imperial Eternity.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 11:44 AM

Free whiskey from the emperor?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 08:30 PM

Free whickey, or whisky?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Oct 16 - 11:55 PM

It seems that Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex has an alter ego called the Evil Overlord, to judge posts onto a much longer and older Mudcat BS thread. Or, as one subject titled him, A Neevil Overlord.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 02:06 PM

JennieG, respected and estimable Imperial Torturer, did you care to respond to Eliza a/k/a/ Senoufou's offer to be Nettoyeuse Extraordinaire?
Also, your reputation has preceded you to the Mother of All BS threads where somebody we both know have mentioned you by office.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 05:36 PM

Wow, fancy that......fame at last!

Right now the Imperial Torturer (for which title I daily thank the Great Emperor Rapparee) is on holidays with Himself, staying in a campground on the north coast of New South Wales, getting refreshed and ready for the next sessions in the Imperial Oubliette.

However, Oh Great Sire, the main topic of local news here has given me a few ideas for future reference - shark attacks happen in this area with almost monotonous regularity, including yet another (not fatal) yesterday. I am thinking that a shark or two in a large tank could be useful additions to said Oubliette? What do you reckon?

A few hours swimming with a Great White would go a long way towards breaking the most recalcitrant wrongdoer.

Jennie G
Imperial Torturer etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 06:21 PM

Sharks are for culling the herd and we seem to be falling behind. I suspect we shall have to gather some undesirables from the US presidential race and cover them with chum and chuck 'em in the salt. Usually, we in the department use tranquilizer darts for dangerous animals but, for this crowd, nah... we'll just rope 'em and chuck 'em.


Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark*).


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 08:53 PM

We find that the ideas have great merit and should be implemented as soon as possible. We suggest a ramp made of soapstone or other materials up which the subjects could run before sliding back into communion with the sharks. Perhaps what We understand are called "bungee cords" might also be amusing, but We would not want to torture the poor sharks too much by pulling their repast away.

We also understand that there are fish which are called "garra rufa" or "doctor fish" which are used for pedicures. Perhaps these might be hybridized by a cross with Pygocentrus nattereri, et al. to create a new fish We have named the "Nibbler." We would like Our Imperial Game Warden to begin this work immediately.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®          His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 02:31 PM

Ach, Severn, where were you when Ed T. quoted the quote about undead moose in Canada? Come back already!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 06:59 PM

"In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king" 
 Michael Lewis


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 07:05 PM

"Men in general judge more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because everyone can see but only a few can test by feeling. Everyone sees what you seem to be, few know what you really are; and those few do not dare take a stand against the general opinion."
Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 07:45 PM

Just thought I'd take a quick break from ignoring this thread to post a reminder for the Keeper of the Imperial Wardrobe. (There is a Keeper of the Imperial Wardrobe, isn't there? If not, someone needs to apply for the job, pronto.) Cold weather is just around the corner, and His Imperial Majesty is fond of wintertime outdoor activities. Please be absolutely certain that The Emperor has snow clothes.


I shall now resume ignoring this thread.


Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 07:32 AM

Rules for the ruler 


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 06:33 PM

Now I can stop bugging Severn to get over to this thread. Severn is in grand form being an Ick Theologist on the Old Dude thread, and Rapparee the Evil Overlord isn't doing so badly either over there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 16 - 01:28 PM

Yo EMP! I am a game warden. Ya want someone to hoe a new roe, you'll have to appoint an Imperial Biologist.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Oct 16 - 04:11 PM

Is the Black fly/mosquito herding waren job taken yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 16 - 08:28 AM

Yes. One of my qualifications is a B.Sc. in flyology I earned at the University of The Fly Infested Bog Country of Kent County New Brunswick.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Nov 16 - 03:31 PM

And his Imperiousness is off for Illinois.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 01:55 PM

Just had a really short haircut as part of the grieving process for, you know, what happened since the previous post.

On my continuing educational rambles, the occasional surprise claims my attention. An episode of "Once Upon A Time" on network television introduced me, through Robert Carlyle's melodious Scots reading, to the poet and "Great War" veteran, Murdoch Maclean from Kintail in the West Highlands. Researching him further, I ordered from the British Library Imaging Department, a photocopy of the poem, as well as the song, written in honor of Edith Cavell. The delivery was yesterday.

The photocopy of the 1917-ish print, published in Stirling, brought me more than I bargained for. Maclean's English poem was just inside. Following this was a song melody, with keyboard accompaniment; squeezed into the sheet music were two lyrics: the selfsame English poem by Maclean, and a Scottish Gaelic lyric by Malcolm MacFarlane; the tune was to be sung with the lyric of one's choice. So far, no surprises, as this was all in the British Library catalog description, along with all the info on the outside front page:
all profits from sale going to the Scottish Edith Cavell Fund, dedication to Nurse Cavell's grieving mother, and more of the same.

Then the final page of the printed song, and on the page following it, is what appears to be a pibroch! Author credit is given to "Jas. Wilson, Pipe Major. Q.V.S. [Queen Victoria School?] Dunblane." The little tune is labeled "Lament for Nurse Cavell." The British Library never so much as hinted at this. A genuine surprise. I am looking at it as I enter this post.

What, O Imperious Retired Librarian, do you make of this discovery?
Is it good news, or bad? Is it harmless, or infectious? Should I advise the British Library of the hidden pibroch in their archives?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 06:29 PM

We are aware of pibrochs being found in numerous, unexpected, place. We know of a plumber, Paul, who placed a pibroch in his pants; he was, naturally, arrested when his drones dangled. This was in violation of Our legal Code which for obvious reasons damns dangling drones.

The question of whether you should inform the BM* of your discovery should be resolved in favo(u)r of doing so. We suggest doing so only after transcribing said discovery and submitting it to an appropriate Learned Journal, such as The International Journal of Pibroch Studies or Occasional Pipes and Pibroch Papers. On the other hand, you might find that this place, of which We quite approve, may be interested.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      (r)      His alternate mark


*British Museum. While We know that Edith Clavell was a nurse We do not approve of BMs in Our messages.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 10:08 PM

You found a rusty old boat in a book? Looks like it used to be The Imperial Garbage Scow.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 12:40 PM

O Gracious Imperious Rex the Ex Librarian,
you bring a smile to my face when you refer to Nurse Cavell as "Clavell," for it reminds me of Ludwig Bemelmans' books from my childhood, about Madeleine/Madeline under the car of Miss Clavel at the orphanage.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 08:03 PM

We forgive Our misspellings.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       (r)    His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 08:44 PM

I read those Madeline books to my daughter when she was young. I don't remember a story in which Madeline was "under the car of Miss Clavel". Or anyone else's car, for that matter. What was she doing under the car? Changing its oil? Adjusting its brakes? Are you sure it wasn't Curious George who was under the car? Sounds more like his style.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Nov 16 - 12:47 PM

If the Imperious One can forgive His misspellings, I guess I can forgive mine -- one of those insidious misspellings, I see, that the spell-checker does not detect, since it passes muster as a different word with a different meaning. Under the car, indeed.

I had no idea how badly I needed a good belly laugh.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 16 - 10:23 PM

We hereby appoint Bee-Dubya-Ell Our Imperial Speller. Among other things his duties include casting spells, after Our approval, of course. We do hope that when he is casting spells here and there he doesn't harm anyone.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)   His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 08:32 PM

In Our district of the United States of America tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. We are spending it in Our subdistrict of Indiana, enjoying a tasteful repast with Our friends.

We encourage all of Our subjects to be thankful tomorrow for all that We have given them.

As a special gift We hereby direct Our Imperial Torturer to allow the toes of all of the prisoners to touch the ground tomorrow between the hours of 0100 and 1700 GMT. The prisoners are also to be allowed 0.05 kilograms of fresh bread and 0.5 liters of clean water for their meal of thanksgiving as a sign of Our Imperial Mercy.

The rest of Our subjects may, within the bounds of decorum, raise a ruckus.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          (r)       His alternate mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 11:28 PM

Message received loud and clear, Oh Great One! The chains will be relaxed for those few hours, and I shall lead a chorus of miscreants in praise for your magnanimity. Woe betide anyone whose voice is not raised loud and clear, as no mumbling or squeaking will be tolerated. Mumblers and squeakers will find a few extra years added to their sentences.

Also, may I be the first to extend to you and your gathering of friends my best wishes for much sharing and joy at Thanksgiving?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 10:55 AM

We wish all of Our subject would inform Us of what they, in their humble way, did to celebrate this day. In that way the gaiety might be shared among all.

Thank you, Imperial Torturer, for your diligence. You may add "Semi-merciful" to your title.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (a)    His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 08:19 PM

Just saying a wistful farewell to this thread, which has been mightily efficaceous in the lifting of spirits during this tumultuous year.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:11 PM

We do no approve of your leaving. We command you to return to your scullery!


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:34 PM

Take care rap can't find a version on youtube but instead a fragment of my own singing from a few years back, Rap. here


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:55 PM

This thread has lifted my spirits as well. Many's the morning I have awakened wondering what I could do to relieve the toxic blue funk of my daily existence, when it has occurred to me, "I can ignore the Rap for Emperor thread!"

I have ignored this thread while washing dishes, taking out the garbage, and performing many other tasks that I wouldn't have had the courage to undertake were this thread not around for me to ignore.

Thanks, thread.

Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 10:29 PM

We see that We have a new subject, a Jon Freeman. Welcome, and be certain to contribute 92% of everything you have, will have, or ever have had, to the continuing good of Our realm.

Welcome back, Royal Ignorer. We hope that your Yuletide has been relatively pain-free.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 04:44 AM

Imperial Sire, the inmates of the oubliette, and of course my good self, would like to wish you and Her Most Imperial Highness Princess Patricia the compliments of the season!

Kindest regards
JennieG
Imperial Torturer and Official Wrangler of the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 06:32 AM

Your excellency. As an ex emperor, I'm afraid it would be impossible to give 92% of everything I ever had. I am unable to re conquer lands for you.

I trust and plead that in these highly unusual circumstances, you will understand.

J Bony Parts F


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 10:07 AM

Churl Freeman, We forgive you the contribution on whatever you had prior to arriving in this, Our realm. We cannot forgive, and the reasons why should be obvious, the contributions of the present and future. We do now award you the title of Churl One and permit you to use this mark: ℅ . We are pleased that you have seen the error of being outside of this Our realm and only remind you that Jennie G., Our Imperial Torturer, is always looking for new banjo stings.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 01:01 PM

Banjo stings? I guess it would, in the hands of the Imperial Torturer....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 03:02 PM

Ah yes, indeed......you have never heard me play banjo, have you?

Because I can't.....

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 04:09 PM

Silly subjects! A banjo sting is an undercover law enforcement operation with an unorthodox twist. In most "sting" operations, the cops attempt to lure miscreants into fake pawn shops where they arrest them for attempting to sell stolen goods. In a banjo sting, cops attempt to lure miscreants into fake music stores where they arrest them for attempting to play banjo.

Cities where banjo stings have been set up have seen marked improvement in public perception of law enforcement. It seems most people are willing to put up with unbridled graft, corruption and police brutality, as long as banjo players are kept off the streets.

Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

(Who couldn't help but not ignore such a marvelous setup.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 06:37 PM

It is undoubtedly churlish of me to ask, O great one, but do you have bee stings collected in this magnificent land? I am, perhaps unreliably, informed their milk is quite wonderful.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 10:36 PM

Churl One, We have collected all that might be of any importance. We have seen that there is a collection of bee stings, wasp stings, and other stings. We have also collected variations on these, such as bee stinks and wasp steins.

You may apply to Our Omniscient and Omnipotent Imperial Librarian for further information.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 06:48 AM

Thank you Your Excellency. I have called upon your most noble librarian who provided me with the most detailed catalogue for the above collections.

It has been noted that there is a major omission in the Imperial collection of stinks where you have everything but the kitchen variety.

Might I be bold enough to suggest a quest to capture one on these rare specimens.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 06:13 PM

Now, here's a thing.
Bee-Dubya-Ell has been appointed Imperial Speller. So what does he do when I quote "banjo stings"?....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 07:31 PM

Oops! I forgot about that Imperial Speller appointment. But, hey, I didn't ask for it. It just got tossed in my lap like an overturned bowl of fish guts.

And anyway, "banjo sting" is funnier than "banjo string", and funny trumps correctly spelled in 98.4% of all cases.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 09:52 PM

We herewith and herein remove the title "Imperial Speller" to Mr. Bee-Dubya-Ell. He will, however, continue with the title of Imperial Ignorer until such time as We feel it necessary to revoke that title as well. In truth, We herein and herewith revoke that title as well. He is herewith granted the title of Imperial Ignoramus.

We are not harsh. "Ignoramus" is simply Latin for "We Ignore." We find that a title in Latin befits him better, being to most as incomprehensible as he is.

We extend Our Imperial Congratulations to Our new Imperial Ignoramus! Everyone who cares to may applaud.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 12:01 PM

Ave Imperial Ignoramus!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 05:16 PM

I'd say he deserves the clap.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 06:49 PM

I'm sorry to hear that. Has he talked to a doctor? A butt shot of "peni" may be in order.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 12:55 AM

I hear it's a slap from the nurse


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Will Fly
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 04:45 AM

Cave, Imperator, ad exercitum barbarorum banjo histriones sunt super te...


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 01:29 PM

On behalf of inquiring minds throughout this Your realm, I should respectfully submit, Imperial Sire, expressions of concern and goodwill towards Your Princess Patricia. Word has reached us that she returns home in a different condition than she left in Your company. She has at least returned to This Your Empire in one piece, we hope?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 05:00 PM

Our esteemed and beloved Imperial spouse, now resting, fell in a restaurant parking lot during Our recent visitation to Our province of Illinois. She dislocated her left index finger and badly bruised her left knee. This all resulted in a ride to the Emergency Room in a vehicle known locally and quaintly as an "ambulance."

After x-rays her finger was reset by a barber-chirurgeon and relief was if not immediate (as We had commanded) but very close to it. However, she is still very much bothered by swelling and haemotoma in her left knee and foot. X-rays did not show any injury, but she will be seeing Our Imperial Barber-Chirurgeon here in the near future.

We Ourself and Our beloved spouse both returned with quite uncommon colds, which were shared with Us by Our Imperial Great-Neice Averi, or possibly her sister Emeri, or perhaps both. We have not yet thanked them for this gift.

Oh, yes! The owner, previous owners, workers, and previous workers from the time the restaurant opened up have been executed for failure to preclude accidents such as happened to Our Imperial spouse. Those who were in the restaurant when the injury occurred were deemed innocent in the matter and let off with only a Strong Rebuke. All of the city officials have been replaced and those who were incumbents at the time of the injury have been placed in the cinnabar mines for a period of no less than two (2) years and no more than the rest of their natural life.

Emperor Rapparee, Imerious Rex       ®         His mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 11:38 PM

Most Gracious Sire, please pass on my well wishes to Her Most Regal Highness Princess Patricia for a speedy and painless (as much as possible) recovery, from one sempster to another.

Should any workers from said restaurant need to be shown the error of their ways the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble is tuning up as we speak, and seats in the front row of the Imperial Dungeon Recital Hall are being held for that purpose. Such seats, it should be said, come with built-in restraining straps as we wouldn't want our guests leaving before the recital is done, thereby missing out on an amazing experience.

Most of our recitals last a full eight hours. Longer hours available on request.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 05:49 AM

The Imperial Ignoramus doth hereby petition Emperor Rapparee to change the mark (*) assigned to the Imperial Torturer Etc. to something more reflective of her position.

How are miscreants expected to take seriously the ministrations of a torturer whose mark is a picture of the south end of a northbound cat?

Perhaps something like (§) to indicate the twisting and dislocation of body parts one will endure while under the Imperial Torturer's care? Or maybe a simple ()?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 10:32 AM

It may bevtimevto pick a proper Imperial vehicle.

Pick your official Imperial 


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 08:06 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, I like the way you think - you are welcome in the dungeon anytime!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 09:07 PM

Our Imperial Ignoramus has had an excellent thought, and We herewith withdraw from the Imperial Torturer her awarded Mark of (*). It is herewith replaced with the Mark

                         [§]

which is indicative not only of the twisting involved in her position, but also of the imprisonment of those to be twisted, those who have been twisted, and those being twisted.

For his perspicuity Our Imperial Ignoramus is granted the Mark

                      <¡!>

which We find mathematically and linguistically appropriate. Naturally We herewith withdraw all previous Marks which he may have been granted.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 01:31 AM

Gee, thank you Sire!

Perhaps (*) could be used for another designation now, it has done good and faithful service and it seems a shame just to toss it on the scrap heap.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 06:16 AM

I agree with the Imperial Torturer and All That Other Stuff. The mark (*) should be repurposed, not thrown on the dung heap. For one thing, it's so easy to type. Just three adjoining keys, no need to copy & paste, no HTML expertise required. But to what use could it be put?

Well, as previously noted, (*) looks a bit like the rear-end of a domestic house cat. It also resembles a person bending over to break wind. And, therein, I do believe, lies its utility.

It is, of course, unseemly for The Emperor to break wind. Therefore, just as He had an Imperial Whipping Boy to take His thrashings for Him as an Imperious Lad, He should have an Imperial Breaker of Wind to do His farting for Him.

Were our dear friend Catspaw still among us, the awarding of the mark (*) designating The Imperial Breaker of Wind would be what's sometimes referred to as a "no brainer". However, since Catspaw is gone and no other obvious candidate comes to mind, we humbly suggest the His Imperiousness reserve the Mark (*) until an Imperial Breaker of Wind can be designated.   

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 10:42 AM

Imperial Ignoramus, for the present We shall take your suggestion.

We do agree about the lamented Spaw, and today name him and his memory Imperial and Eternal Broke-Dick Mammalucce Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary Both With And Without Portfolio. His Mark, to be used by no one else besides Ourself and our EB-DMEaPBWaWP shall be and is

                  

and should any unauthorized person use this Mark s/he will be bloated by Our Imperial Torturer.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®      His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 03:31 PM

Your Imperial Majesty! I have it! The perfect candidate for the post of Imperial Breaker of Wind is (pregnant pause) Donald J. Trump!

Think about it.... His last name already means "fart" in some circles. His mark (*) has a picture of an asshole in it, and he certainly is one. He will be seeking new employment in a few months, after President Pence is inaugurated and his sons refuse to give his company back.

The only downside would be that he would need to be in close proximity to Your Imperial Majesty to perform his duties and the sight and sound of him may well be unbearable. But I'm sure the Imperial Torturer could come up with something to take care of that problem. As they say, "Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 09:26 PM

We shall seriously consider your suggestion, Imperial Ignoramus. There are certain aspects to it that appeal to Us.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®            His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 03:51 PM

And just in time for an inauguration, at that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 08:34 PM

I had considered this, Imperial Ignoramus but I did not feel it the place of a mere Churl who has forgotten his mark to offer this proposition.

As one who did live in other lands before (as has been noted) seeing the errors of past ways can confirm that "Trump" indeed is a term for this occurrence in the somewhat quaint inhabitance known as England.

On learning this subject has been raised and regarding the difficultly you express in that the said person may not be present when the gaseous materials are expelled, I beg to enquire whether the Imperial Emperor would have the preference to attribute this simply to a sign of strange winds (and possibly rumblings) from a foreign land?

This, I respectfully submit may also demonstrate to the populace, the good care the Imperial Emperor observes towards our protection from the possibly hostile thoughts of less enlightened nations.

Respectfully

Churl One


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 09:22 PM

Churl One, your Mark, granted to your by Our Exalted Self, is

                         (c/o)

for Churl/One. We will assign Marks to later churls as the need arises but most probably in numerical order.

We continue Our deliberations upon reassignment of the Mark (*).


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Jan 17 - 04:18 PM

Jon Freeman, your earlier post about kitchen stinks has me scratching my head somewhat.
What is a kingdom without a scullery? And where else would you find the kitchen stink, if not in or near the scullery?
Surprised you haven't spotted it there...


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Jan 17 - 05:22 PM

Oh Great One, the events of the past days have set me thinking:

Are you going to have a coronation? If so, who would you consider to be a suitable person to place the crown on your Most Revered Head?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 17 - 10:27 PM

We quote Romans 13:

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.

Thus We find neither need nor occasion for a coronation, being already crowned by the Almighty.

And further, as King T'aejo wrote:


It is heaven which created all the people of the earth, who ordained their rulers, heaven which nurtured them to share life with each other, and heaven which governed them so as to enjoy peace with one another. There have been both good and bad rulers, and there have been times when people followed their rulers willingly and other times when they turned against them. Some have been blessed with the Mandate of Heaven and others have lost it. This is the principle that has remained constant.


We have not lost The Mandate of Heaven, and We willingly wear the burden which has been yoked to Our shoulders. No mortal crown could replace the one which has already been given Us, and so no coronation, no ceremony, could make Our rule more complete or more authoritative.

But We thank you for asking.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Jan 17 - 10:59 PM

"The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown:
The Lion beat the Unicorn all around the town.
Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown:
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town." 
― Lewis Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: Caveat for Empteror
From: Severn
Date: 22 Jan 17 - 12:10 AM

Beas wishes for a speedy and complete recovery to the Royal Spouse, Her Imperialositynessship and sorry about the ambiance of the ambulance from one who has ridden a few while marveling at the ceiling.....

Dies the Royal Speller cast spells or merely cast spellchecks? Sorry, but I've been gone for a spell, in fact, I hosted the annual Ms. Spelling Pageant, which that spoiled brat Tori won again by bribing the judges, even though she wrongly wrote Errant Spelling where it asked for her father's name.......

Your Empness, you ignore the fact that Jon is a Freeman by birth, and to keep such people out of the realm, you would have to erect a wall so strong that even Free Masons could not dis-Lodge, and they would be the only type that the treasury can afford these days. One possible solution would be to contact a splinter group that broke off from them (after trying and trying again), The Tall Seceders of Lebanon......

Yes, the coronation seems to have nearly evaporated, like so much milk. You'd have to add a lot of water and give a stirring speech.....

Since when did our leader become such a Marksist, grading us on our marks. If I have a choice, I'd request Mark Twain, that is if that twain hasn't left without me......

Let us all sing our leader's praises:

"Raparee, Rapper Rah
Rapper Rah,
Rapper Rah-ha-ha Hah-hah- hah,
Rappery, Rap her raw,
Who when he naps, sacks on his back....."


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Jan 17 - 01:10 AM

Fair enough, Sire.

But what about the Imperial Spouse, Her Most Gracious Highness the Princess Empress Patricia? Would she not like a tiara? I have one she can borrow, a gen-u-ine 1960s rhinestone number, quite a pretty thing.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Jan 17 - 07:57 AM

Wearing a Tiara, an Emperor could feel like a queen for a day.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Jan 17 - 03:34 PM

Severn, good to have you back. Not the same without you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 09:25 AM

No, no thank you, Imperial Torturer. She has her own, along with the shoulder-length kid gloves she wore as a young Lady growing up in Our district of the District of Columbia. You thought is kind, but it is not yet needed.

Which brings Us to the matter of Severn.

We do hereby and herein appoint Severn Our Imperial Twain and allowed to use the Mark

                      (±)

This Mark more or less denotes his qualities.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®      His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap 3 times 'n' say "Joe Sent Me"
From: Severn
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 09:49 PM

I give to Her Highness, the rare and coveted Tiara del Fuego. She's already living with the curse.....


OK, back to planning my radio show......



(_+_).....Hell, I'll figure it out. There must be some underline solution...."7%, right, Sherlock?"....

I like Mark Twain much better than Mark Trail. Thanks, Your Excellingcy andMarquis, as well


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 09:52 PM

We are certain you will, Imperial Twain. We suggest that you search for the character map in your computer.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 08:46 AM

Sire! I request, and, by your leave, shall be off to Your town of Springdale, NF to meet with DFO officers for a wee chat regarding their treatment of one of your subjects, a lad of a mere twelve years old, who was earning money to build an ice fishing shack by fishing and selling smelts in Your Gander Bay South, NF. Yes... Gander Bay South. THAT far away. Apparently, the loooonnng arm of the law matches the stupidity of these fisheries wardens. My evidence is hereby given.

Respectfully and sincerely,

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark*).


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 08:59 AM

Go, and remind them that Our Imperial Torturer has some slack time now.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 10:19 AM

I was saddened at The Imperial Game Warden's tale of the young man arrested for selling smelts. It's totally unfair. It would be a different matter if he were touting trout, pawning prawns, swapping swai, hawking herrings, or some other form of obviously self-serving alliterative fishmongery. But selling smelts?

What? He was arrested by the Department of Fisheries and Oceans? Oh.... I thought he was busted by the Poetry Police.... Never mind.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 08:43 PM

Turns out I didn't have to go to The Granite Planet, The Rock, THE Island... twixt the internUt and some local good ol' b'ys, the situation has rectified itself. And I mean rectally... them there wardens been getting their asses kicked hell west and crooked!

Imagine... how did they not know they were doing something soooo stupid? Slow day or what? (In more than one sense.)

Maybe Sire needs to initiate an award system? The Stunnedasmearse Award?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 09:08 PM

We are pleased that those interfering malcontents, those who would persecute a youngster for doing good, have been corrected. We would would have been more pleased if the Imperial Torturer had been the one to correct them, but We assume that their bodies shan't be soon found.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 25 Jan 17 - 05:42 AM

Indeed they won't.

The waters of that part of our planet are deep and cold, and that which goes down seldom comes up again.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 02:52 PM

In my humble abode far from Pocatello, I heard reports of record snowfall in Rap's Imperial Territory, are these reports true?
Watching it snow on the East Coast today.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 04:26 PM

Sire, I must report new intel. Seems da fadder weren't so much an angel in all a this here stuff what went on eh? Dem fellahs from yer DFO was actually doin er jobs, wha? Here's the intel.

So. DFO whaddn't wrong and the kid whaddn't but the fadder got n arse kicked a wee tad on accounta DFO was doin n job as they should.

Oooooo.... me nerves!

No time for marks. I gotta serve supper.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 05:43 PM

Dear Emperor Most High,

It has come to my attention that a certain individual is entertaining imperial ambitions without having first studied the standard text of the trade, "Emperorship for Dummies". He has been ruling rashly and impulsively, not wisely and reasonably as plainly outlined in Chapter Two of the text. We beseech You to enter into counsel with this particular emperor wannabe and, perhaps, impart unto him a few pointers regarding how the job should be properly approached. Perhaps loan him Your copy of "Emperorship for Dummies" if necessary. And loan him a scribe to read it to him. We hear he hates reading anything over 140 characters in length.

He's easy to find. Just look for the guy with the elaborate orange comb-over, scowling countenance, and dismal job approval numbers.

Your Imperial assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated by myself and approximately six billion other persons.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 09:32 PM

Yes, Our territory has experienced a record fall of snow, 4.5 inches (11.43 cm) on January 25. For the month of January We have had 32.2 inches (81.79 cm), and so far this winter We have had 63.3 inches (160.78 cm) of snow. The current snow depth is 13.3 inches (33.78 cm). More snow is expected, as is rain, of which We have also had a record amount for this time of year. We believe that this will cause flooding, so We have alerted our Imperial responders. Of course, Our palace sits near the top of a hill, 4,800 feet (1,463.04 m) above sea level, so We do not expect flooding problems. However, such may be a problem for those in the lower depths.

Good gnu, please deal with matter as you see fit. We suggest that you refer those involved to Our Imperial Torturer if necessary.

Good Imperial Ignoramus, We sent him a copy of the tome you mentioned, as well as a copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Emperoring. We also included some books on grooming and Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People as well as various popularity-enhancing guides to accordion and banjo playing.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 10:25 PM

While I would love to hear the Imperial Cheetoh play banjo, I have to demur as regards the appointment of Rapparree as Emperor. He has a long record of vocabulary snatching, shallow referential contortionism and (shudder) plagiarism. Anyone who doubts this need only read the full scope of the Mother of All BS thread, to which he has been a steadgast underhanded and shadow-poxed contributor.

Free yourselves from this heinous and slavish bondage, Mudcatters!! Rise up! Rise up!! DOwn with the Emperor!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 11:24 PM

Dear Mr. Amos,

Please be advised that Rapparee was not made Emperor by "appointment". An appointment is what one makes to see a doctor about a painful, burning sensation while urinating. Rapparee's elevation to Emperor was an act of divine Providence. And if you've ever met Providence, I'm sure you'll agree she is quite divine. She's probably the reason why Rapparee had to make the appointment to have that painful, burning sensation checked out.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 17 - 07:46 PM

We herein and herewith appoint and name Amos to be Our Imperial Naysayer. His mark shall be

                         ≠

and all correspondence from anyone or anything alleging to be him must bear this mark. His title shall henceforth be "Imperial Naysayer."


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 09:02 AM

"I have taken the liberty of quoting at length throughout from the gospels of the Emperor penguins. To them I owe a special debt of gratitude for their remarkable patience." 
― Donald Finke


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 09:04 AM

"Anyway, a bunch of penguins were living in a ceramic bowl of cold spaghetti noodles. There was no tomato sauce because it didn't exist yet, but that was okay. As the spaghetti was cold, moisture condensed upon it. This kept the spaghetti from sticking, or from sticking to the penguins, or the bowl. It also kept the penguins from sticking to the bowl, and from sticking to each other.
As I mentioned, tomato sauce did not exist yet. You should realize since this was a beginning, the moisture didn't either. Neither did the bowl. I think you can guess about the penguins. How could there be penguins if nothing existed yet?" 
― David S. Atkinson


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 09:13 AM

"But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink Floyd (the early Piper at the Gates of Dawn line up), scientific breakthroughs, spiritual revolution, utopian visions, zany nationalism that kills millions- wait, that's the bad kind." 
― Tim Dorsey


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 11:47 AM

Dear Emperor Rapparee,

If Ed T does not already have an Imperial title, please consider granting him one. Quoting Tim Dorsey is de facto proof of his weirdness worthiness.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 12:34 PM

"Almight father.
Please stop making jerks.
Amen"

Tim Dorsey


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 04:42 PM

I must gratefully decline Mister Rapparee's offer of a position in his soi-disant court; having given no credence to his existence in the self-styled imperious role, it would be entirely inconsistent and lacking in integrity to engage in dialogue predicated on such an imaginary identity.

I urge all Mudcatters to rise up and cast off the mantel imposed by this spurious will-of-the-wisp, and assert your free and independence minds! En bas L'Empereur!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 10:10 PM

Imperial Torturer, please attend to the Imperial Naysayer. We give you Our thanks.

Imperial Ignoramus, We are considering your suggestion.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 11:12 PM

I'm sure the Imperial Naysayer will change his mind when he learns of the generous compensation package that comes along with being a titled member of Emperor Rapparee's court.

That's right, everyone gets cute little bags of sand with currency symbols printed on them! Pretty impressive, huh? I use mine for doorstops.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Feb 17 - 06:44 AM

Imperial Sire, please forgive my recent absences. Last week the Imperial Oubliette suffered an almighty flood in the kitchen and living rooms, causing carpet to have to be taken up and removed, bookshelves emptied and discarded because of water damage and mould, the possible removal of all (quite a large area, believe me) the kitchen/family room tiles and now your humble Torturer and Spouse are facing the possibility of having to have an entire kitchen gutted and removed.

As a result the Imperial Torturer and Spouse are facing the possibility that the cinematic epic of Ben Hur may be surpassed by this catastrophe.

Rest assured, Sire, that the Imperial Oubliette will be up and running again as soon as possible. We just don't know when that will be.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 17 - 08:53 AM

Imperial Torturer, may We suggest that the Imperial Naysayer be put to work on your problems? You then could, as they say, kill two birds with one stone, or at least whip him into shape.

You do have Our Imperial Sympathy, as even We have experienced such catastrophes in the past. Have you contacted your insurance agent? Let Us know if you have and nothing is done, as We could bring certain pressures to bear.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 17 - 10:31 AM

I also am distressed to hear of the damage to the Imperial Oubliette. In an attempt to brighten the spirits of the Imperial Torturer and Assorted and Sundry Other Things, I have composed this little song, to be sung to the tune of "Ain't She Sweet".

Note: "Oubliette" is a word of French origin.   Considering that French is the laziest language in the world, and that it's often impossible to find any correspondence between how a word is written and how it is pronounced, "oubliette" is probably pronounced by native speakers of French as something like "uh-bluh".   But for the purposes of this song, we shall pronounce it "oo-blee-ett". Okay?

♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬

Oubliette
It's so dingy dank and wet
Have you ever seen a place as creepy as
Oubliette

Oubliette
If you haven't been there yet
There's a few surprises waiting for you at
Oubliette

Just take a look at what's around you
The rats and fleas, they will astound you

Oubliette
It's as bad as it can get
And we hope that you enjoy your stay in our
Oubliette

♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Feb 17 - 04:35 PM

Thank you for your good thoughts, Imperial Sire - yes, the insurance company are onto it. We are keeping them up to the mark with the occasional glimpse into the Refined Torture Chamber.

Imperial Ignoramunuss, thank you for lightening the load of our current stress! Last year I myself personally arranged a setting of this song (together with "Five foot two, eyes of blue" about a miscreant who used to be six foot three and have eyes of brown) for ukulele, so shall teach it to the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble forthwith.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 17 - 08:50 PM

We are pleased, Imperial Ignoramus.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 06:33 PM

It has come to my attention that all the really big guns in emperordom and such have appellations appended to their names. Peter the Great, Ivan the Terrible, Jabba the Hut, Wanko the Sane, etc. Why does our Emperor Rapparee not have a similar appellation? Should we have a contest to see who comes up with the best name?

Personally, I think "Rapparee the Learned" would be nice. But what do I know? I'm just a lowly ignoramus. And anyway, I only suggested that one because something like "Rapparee the Insipid" or "Rapparee the Flatulent" might provoke the Imperial Ire.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 07:50 PM

We agree, lowly Imperial Ignoramus. We have long preferred "Dominus et Deus Meus" but some have objected to Latin.

Therefore, be it known that We have this day affirmed a contest as suggested by the Imperial Ignoramus. The contest will end at midnight Mudcat Time, Saturday, February 11, A.D. 2017.

There will be various rewards, all fitting.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Feb 17 - 06:09 PM

Hoping that Your imperial Spouse Patricia is feeling better under the ministrations of the Imperial Barber/Chirurgeon since returning home.
I thought of her when I fell in the library parking lot, squarely on the knee with a pre-existing bone bruise. Since when the knee has been uncommonly colorful. I hope Patricia's hematoma is history already.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Feb 17 - 02:34 PM

Your Rapness? Are you two doing better now?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 11:40 AM

We thank you for your concern. Our Imperial Spouse, who returned home last evening from Our province of Indiana, is on her way to have her hand injuries further evaluated after she has a follow-up mammogram (requested by Our Imperial Chirurgeon). Her knee injuries are being treated with warm, moist heat and she will have another examination shortly.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 12:39 PM

400


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 12:46 PM

I'm just getting warmed up here but how about "The Imperious Wreck"?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM

"Tyrannosaurus Rap"?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 03:17 PM

Rapparree the Imaginary is my vote. It's bad enough that the world is willing to tear itself in half over the nature of imaginary entities, but for Mudcatters to throw in with that invidious and toxic game is just about as bad as Trumpery. I swan.

Well, actually, I don't. But I know someone who does.

En bas l'Empereur Imaginaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 03:53 PM

Are you sure the kid wasn't salting smelts to revive the unconscious? Would that be considered "a salting within tent", or was he not camping out at the time?....

Being an insomniac, I feel that that unconsciousness should undergo a revival, at least until it's safe to be revived, say, in four years or so. Going "R.I.P. Van Winkle" for awhile seems appealing at the moment.......

Those aforementioned Poetry Police once revoked my Poetic License because of too many Meter Violations. Fortunately, I was not left without reason, only without rhyme, but under adverse conditions, I still tend to add verses anyway. Sometimes, I feel like it's Me verses the World, but often, or at least often on, I actually get some help help......


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 08:13 PM

"Entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity." 

 William of Ockham


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 08:22 PM

We find it unusual that the Imperial Naysayer would doubt Our existence, especially since he has met Us in corpus. We must, therefore, declare that the Imperial Naysayer is an imaginary being, a creature of Our mind, and a strange creature at that. Elsewhere he stated that he had shipped 6.5 tons (6,604.30 kg). We have found out that this load was accurate and consisted of one very beat up aluminum cooking pan, two rickety chairs, and banjos. Over 6,500 kg. of banjos! According to Our Imperial Researchers, the average banjo (should there be such a thing) weighs 10.75 pounds (4.88 kg). Thus 6,500 kg of banjos yields a total of at least 1,332 banjos. We do not know what the Imperial Naysayer intends to do with those banjos, but it would allow 666 people (note the number!) to play "Dueling Banjos" against each other simultaneously.

We believe that the Imperial Naysayer is up to No Good.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 09:15 PM

It is not Rapaire's existence I doubt, sirrah, but any smidgen of an iota of a crumb of any part of any rationale for referring to him as an Emperor. He can barely rule his own flatus half the time.

Arise, people of Mudcat, and throw off your imaginary yokes! En bas l'Empereur!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 11:41 AM

A proper complete title for a leader of such stature should be at least a few words long; perhaps, "Michael the Catastrophic, Emperor Raparee", with a few subtitles for use on ceremonial occasions.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 01:19 PM

His complete title should definitely include "priore libro tergiversatorem".


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 02:40 PM

I keep hearing a subliminal voice saying, "Rapparee the In....", but it fades away before finishing the last word. All I get is "In...." It could be "Inconsequential" or "Incontinent" or "Insufferable" or any one of hundreds of possibilities. I'm pretty sure it's not trying to say, "Intelligent" or "Incredibly Handsome" or"Indescribably Delicious". But, then again, I was pretty sure Donald Trump wouldn't be elected president.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 04:59 PM

Oh Great Sire, an article in our local news media this morning may give some ideas about setting up your Imperial Realm:

Micro-nations of Australia

I quite like the idea of the pyramid near Boorowa, and can myself personally recommend two excellent cafés and a pub in Boorowa as it is a regular stop on the Imperial Torturer's visits to family in more southern climes.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

P.S. The private quarters of the Imperial Torturer and Spouse will be out of action for longer than anticipated, as the flood damage is worse than we first thought. It will not, however, impede the smooth running of the Imperial Oubliette.

JG


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 07:03 PM

"First Book Renegade." We rather like that.

Imperial Ignoramus, many words begin with "in." Including "innocent," "inclusive," "indulgent," "ingenious, and, of course, "ineffable."

Imperial Torturer, We thank you for the idea. Perhaps Our country of Australia would be a good place to build a pyramid. Do We need to file paperwork or can We just tell them what We are going to do? We would not want to violate any local mores.

We herein declare the Imperial Naysayer a non-person, non-thing, and non-place, but We permit him to keep his title.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 12:13 AM

As far as I know, Sire, you can build whatever you like on your own land provided it passes government regulations - haven't put it to the test myself.

Perhaps a chain of pyramids encircling the world would be a nice idea? It could be used for simultaneous banjo recitals.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 01:38 PM

'At-sa funny; for me it came out translated "former book arranger".


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 02:25 PM

Birthday alert!
Seems he has one tomorrow!
The Ignoramus better get busy ignoring it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 03:33 PM

The Imperial Birthday shall be dutifully ignored. I shall commence the ignoring process immediately. In fact, I shall ignore it retroactively, beginning with last Tuesday. That will constitute a full twelve days of ignoring, which is the requisite length stipulated for "Spurious Emperors" in the "Birthdays and Other Occasions One Should Have Outgrown By Now" chapter of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Ignoring".

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 10:32 PM

We find that Wonderful Things happened on February 11:

*Thomas Edison, Leo Szilard, Max Baer, Josh White, Eva Gabor, Sidney Sheldon, Lloyd Bentsen, King Farouk I, Mary Quant, Lesley Nielsen, Jeb Bush, Burt Reynolds, Cheryl Crow, and (God help Us!) Sarah Palin all share Our birth date. So too did George Washington prior to 1752.

*On this date the Empire of Japan (not nearly as nice as Ours) was founded, Emperor Claudius of Rome died or was murdered, Robert Fulton patented the steamboat, Norway declared independence, Glenn Miller was presented with the first gold record, the comic book "Archie" was first published, and China lifted a ban on the works of Aristotle, Dickens, and Shakepeare.

*Rene Descartes, Honore Daumier, Oswaldo Cruz, Sylvia Plath, Patrice Lumumba, Whitney Houston, Peter Benchley, Frank Herbert, and Leon Foucault died.

There are many more things which share Our birth date, such as the first apparition at Lourdes and Abraham Lincoln's mother being in labor. But We are renowned for Our humility and make no show of these things.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 11:36 PM

Imperial Sire, the great day has already dawned here (all right, so it's half way over) so the staff and inmates of the Imperial Oubliette wish to send felicitations on your Natal Day!

As we speak, the Empiratical Banjo is tuning up in the corner for their rendition of a birthday ode.

The current temperature in the Oubliette is, due to a heatwave in Oz, at somewhat hellish levels (currently 42.6 deg C, or 108.68 of your degrees) so if the banjos sound a little out of tune we humbly apologise. It's difficult to keep strings in tune in this heat.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 07:57 AM

I got "previous book shuffler".


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 08:13 AM

In honor of the event we ordered our nuclear sub fleet to continually broadcast ELF signals that sent 659 whales to escape the painful bursting of their inner ears to ground themselves with another 400 expected today in New Zealand. Torture by noise is one of your best inventions yet.

Happy post partum day Your Imperial Caesar Imperator Lucius Aelius Aurelius Antoninus Commodus Augustus Pius Beatus Sarmaticus Maximus Germanicus Maximus Britannicus Maximus, Pax Orbis, Invictus, Utanus Herculaeus, Pontifex Maximus, Patria Patriae, Amazonius Fortunatus, Consul for the Seventh Time, Kahuna for the Eighth Time, Tribune for the Eighteenth Time and Rapitus holder pf the keys of Cayman.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 08:14 AM

HAPPIES ATCHYA BUD!


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Subject: Rappy Birthdate!
From: Severn
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 10:50 AM

"Rappy Birthday To You" (a traditional Rap Air) will be sung joyfully throughout the land. However any parodies will be classified as an "Extraditional Air" and the singers and composers will be dealt with in the extraditional way and said works destroyed.It will be Parodies Lost, as they shall be banished from parodies and be thrown outside of the garden gate by whatever Gardening Angel guardin' the gate at the time. The gatekeeper will see to it that the offender maintains a steady gait in the direction of Far Away From Here in full realization that "NOBODY can beat the Rap".......

The Future has arrived and all presents shall now be passed, both Rapped and unwrapped and be given our rapt attention. To those who wrote "Many Happy Returns" on the card, His Emptitude has issued a warning that everything should work, fit or be the right color the first time.

A pie is brought out with four and twenty blackbirds singing the aforementioned Imperial Birthday Anthem to banjo accompaniment. and "The Emp", older and hopefully wiser, roars to the waiter and the chef, "TAKE IT BACK! It's not DONE yet!.... Uh....I mean the song itself was quite well done, but OFF WITH THEIR HEADS anyway, (as well as their feathers for that matter), and bring it back when it's ready. It does SMELL quite delicious, with a delicate essence, like those made in delicatessens."......

"While we are waiting, BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS!.........


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 11:55 AM

For dancing girls, I am willing to put the ignoring of The Imperial Natal Day on hold. Especially if this young lady is going to be there.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 01:05 PM

I clicked that link, Rap. It froze my computer. I clicked cancel 4 times and it played anyway on the 4th cancel. Now I gotta do a virus scan and check for downloaded unwanted apps.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 06:44 PM

With the heat in Oz, I figure not only the banjo strings, but the very banjo-head, must be in trouble...


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Feb 17 - 12:50 PM

Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee, by whatever title Frogprince chooses for you, and in the aftermath of your anniversary,
I bow to you.
On this your Birthday, you and you alone found Ken Lonnquist's video from Harborfest 1990 of himself singing his own song, "He Didn't Eat His Broccoli." And you provided a link from my Remember the Broccoli thread, validating the original post and indeed the whole of the modest thread.
Imperious Rex, you made someone else's bad day a lot happier. All honor and praise be yours.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 17 - 10:03 PM

We had an extraordinary natal anniversary, staying home coughing and eventually We went out to dine. Then We came back and as they say around here, "Laid low."

Imperial Torturer, it was not difficult. We did spend many years "looking things up."

We thank everyone for their good wishes. Those in the oubliette can now be flushed.

The results of the contest will be announced shortly.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Feb 17 - 12:09 PM

I am sorry that you all think of me as the torturer. I will try to amend my ways.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 17 - 03:49 PM

keberoxu. Don't mind him. He get's mixed up. Just had ANOTHER Bday so....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Feb 17 - 05:51 PM

I would like to express my sincere and heartfelt thanks to all the folks who have not posted to this thread for the last week. Being the Imperial Ignoramus (He Who Ignores) is a hard job to do alone. It's much easier when everybody else chips in. Together, we have successfully ignored this thread for seven days! Give yourselves pats on the back* and well-earned rounds of applause.

*The Imperial Torturer may wish to put the cat-o-nine-tails down before attempting to pat herself on the back.


Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 12:28 AM

Bee-dubya-ell, we now have a new cat-o'-nineteen tails. Instead of knots at the business end of the ropes we have sharp little spiky blades. They get the job done quicker and more efficiently, and besides which - you wouldn't believe how much fun they are to use!

As damage to the Imperial Torturer and Spouse's living quarters are still being assessed from last month's flood, we are taking our fun where we can get it. There is, however, an upside to having no carpet......there is no need to worry about removing stains. Some miscreants leave a bit of a mess in the Oubliette and, try as we may, it isn't always possible to wipe one's shoes completely. The former carpet always showed unfortunate marks.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 09:19 AM

We shall announce the results of the Imperial Flattering Name contest as soon as those of a degrading or scurrilous nature have been weeded out, along with those who made those submissions.

No, keberoxu, We do not think of you as the Imperial Torturer. That position has already been taken by Jennie G., but if you wish you might apply to her for an apprenticeship.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 05:54 PM

Or, failing that, Chief Disabuser, iconoclast and Imperial Parade Rainer.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 07:11 PM

Our Subjects!

Your Emperor must again put Himself into the hands of barber-surgeons. Thursday next We will present Our self so that Our Imperial Left Bicep can be rejoined with Our Imperial Radius And Ulna.

We do this as an example of forbearance and strength in the face of pain for you, Our subjects. Please let Our good example show you what you, too, could do if needful.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 09:49 PM

Yikes, Sire! Those barber surgeons are getting their pound of flesh from you lately!

Best wishes for a speedy recovery from the indignities which will be inflicted upon you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 12:05 AM

We regret that we will not be able to ignore this thread for a couple of days due to the fortuitous arrival of the latest Tim Dorsey book on our coffee table.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus (currently on leave)
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 05:15 PM

We shall awaken around 5:30 a.m. Mudcat Time, which is 3:30 a.m. Imperial Time. Then We shall awaken The Creator, as she or he does not usually awaken that early. We shall present Ourself to barber-chirurgeons two hours later, and shall undergo their knives at 9:00 a.m. Mudcat Time, which is 7:00 a.m. IT. We should be in Our Own Imperial Bed before the noon meridian IT.

Take heart from Our sufferings! We do this for you, Our subjects, and especially for the Imperial Nay-Sayer who will all too soon experience the same or worse.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 10:27 PM

5.30 A.M. Mudcat time is 9.30 P.M. on the same day in the Imperial Oubliette. We're always a bit ahead of ourselves here.

Sop while you are going Under The Knife suffering unspeakable nasties we will be tucked up in our beds, sleeping the sleep of the innocent.

Some of us will be innocent, anyway.....

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 12:44 PM

Thinking of His Imperial Rapness,
and hoping his Imperial barber-chirurgiens render him fit for the Norway Cruise, which would be a lovely way to take his mind off having his arm in a sling or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM

His Imperial Majesty should be aware that, unlike His recent hernia surgery, the reattachment of a bicep does not require shaving of the Imperial Pubic Region. If, perchance, our Emperor should awaken to find the Imperial Scrotum to be less forested than before the procedure, He should consider it a strong indication of either incompetence or undo familiarization. Sending the attending barber-surgeons and all their assistants on a visit to the Imperial Oubliette would be appropriate.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus (currently on leave)
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 03:44 PM

How to (squeekingly)address an Emperor  


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Mar 17 - 03:27 PM

I shudder, fellow imperial citizens, to think what might become of the barber-chirurgien if the splint comes off and then he says Nix to Norway Cruise. Let's hope the barber-chirurgien gets to remove that splint AND keep his head on his shoulders....


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 17 - 08:42 PM

We wouldn't do that. It is far, far too quick.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Mar 17 - 02:09 PM

Emperor Emperious wrecks;

An Omen from the East.

Regarding Sir Amos, famous for his uncanny, incredibly lucky, impeccable sense of timing, It has been seen by many that he has moved from the west coast to the east. Our Royal soothsayers are in agreement that this means only one thing.

When will it be time to WARN West Coast Imperial dwellers that the obvious coming of Lord Tsunami is nigh?

We are now 124 years overdue for a west coast coastal disaster.
The royal soothsayers have agreed upon May 1st as the day the wave arrives.

When will we blow the horn of Gretchen and warn the western provinces?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 17 - 08:55 PM

They can read and listen. We do not feel it necessary to do more at this time. If anyone wants to blow We suggest May 2nd.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Mar 17 - 06:00 PM

Waiting, quietly and patiently, to hear how the MD treated his imperial patient.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 17 - 09:05 PM

Quite well, and We thank you for your concern. The results of Our Naming contest are in and will be posted very soon.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Mar 17 - 08:33 PM

Happy Sails to You, Imperious Rex, and Your Imperial Spouse.
By the time you get back, I might even have all of Bacchylides' original Greek data-entered on the Paean to Peace thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 17 - 02:58 PM

My people, We must away to capture Norway for Our Imperial Realm. Do not despair, as We will not forget you. A word to the Imperial Ignoramus and the Imperial Naysayer: We do not suggest that you attempt a coupe or revolution, as We have facilities to prevent such of which you have not even dreamed and We shall be checking in periodically.

The most winning title was "Emperor Rapparee, the Rapturous." Other titles will be announced after We have returned from Our campaign in Norway.



Emperor Rapparee the Rapturous             ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 12 Mar 17 - 04:13 PM

Best wishes on your foray to Norway, oh Great One!

Should you find a spare Viking or two hanging around doing nothing they are always welcome in the Imperial Oubliette. I'm sure they would have wonderfully refined ideas for the torture chamber.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Mar 17 - 07:33 PM

His Imperial Rapness, if all the preceding were not enough, may have to contend with Winter Storm Stella as he heads for Norway...


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Mar 17 - 01:12 PM

The faithful Gnu has posted elsewhere, that Mister and Missus Rapturous got beyond Winter Storm Stella, and made it to Oslo, Norway, praise be.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Mar 17 - 03:18 PM

And are now, together, on the cruise as planned.

Imperial Torture-atrix, how goes it with your domicile? Are you recovering from the flooding?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 29 Mar 17 - 11:28 PM

Thank you, keberoxu, for your kind thoughts!

Right now we are waiting to hear from the insurance company which of two companies will be fixing the kitchen and laying what seems like several acres of new floor tiles. After that is done the new carpet can be laid and new furniture can be bought to replace that which had to be thrown out.

However, next Wednesday Himself and I will be setting out on an adventure. We are driving 720 kms south to Canberra, the capital of our realm, to attend the National Folk Festival and to visit family (our older son, his wife and our grandkid live in Canberra) before heading even further south for a coastal visit, then back home. We will be away for five weeks.

Himself was being slightly foolishly optimistic when he anticipated all the house repairs would be finished in a week or so. I kept telling him, no it won't be......and now he believes me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Apr 17 - 01:57 PM

Rap the Rapturous and his Imperial Spouse are returned.
Trouble is brewing with the Barber-Chirurgiens.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 06 Apr 17 - 02:17 PM

A rogue wave. Then a shipwreck. And NO Northern Lights??? I dare say eyes will ROLL!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 09:42 AM

We are considering sending one or more of Our triremes to the seas around Norway, simply as a frightening deterrent. Their "drakken" long ships do not Us or Our Realm! We will have Our sailors throw tomahawks at them as a warning that if they do not do a better job of controlling their seas We will step in and do it for them and We will insure that they pay for it!

Yes, We are annoyed. We thought better of Norway!


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

The Magnanimous, the Invincible, the Just, the Merciful, Pontifex Maximus, the Forgiving, the kindhearted, the Dependable, the Classy, the Unblemished, the Apt, the Tolerable, the Irreprehensible, the Adroit, the Admirable (this list is incomplete, but choose two for use at any given time).


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 11:30 AM

I bet you think this post is about you


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 03:51 PM

Our Imperial Alchemists have recently devised a truly frightening detergent. Applications for naval warfare are being studied. Please advise.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 09:40 PM

Perhaps it will permit Our ships to slip past Our enemies.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®          His Mark

the Sociable, the Credible, the Righteous, Shepherd Of His People, Vicar of Vicars, the Discrete, Successor to Njord, Tamer of Fenrir, Chainer of Jörmungandr, the Forebearing, Rider of Y Ddraig Goch, Dagda, the Good.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 17 - 03:49 PM

Donuel... good one!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icIVqCUVF_A


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Apr 17 - 07:04 PM

Bon voyage, Imperial Torturer and entourage.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 17 - 10:13 PM

Yes, We wish you a voyage better than Our last one.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          @            His Mark

the Understanding, the Empathetic, the Commiserative, the Kindhearted, the Harmonious, the Accepted, Bane of the Base Born, Who saith,

An hugrekki, An dyrð


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Apr 17 - 09:27 PM

I listened to the whole thing.

Rap
You have stumped me. There are clues to a translation but they elude me. It stinks to be stumped, I think language remains my weakest link, you fink. Maybe the saying would look good in ink on the pink brink of my brow.

The Overture of Torture: Act -III, scene I.7


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Apr 17 - 08:56 AM

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    
the Understanding, the Empathetic, the Commiserative, the Kindhearted, the Harmonious, the Accepted, Bane of the Base Born, Who saith, An hugrekki, An dyrð

___________
This is the biggest policy turn around since Trump fired missiles at Syria.
What happened on that comedy of errors cruise?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Apr 17 - 03:12 PM

What happened on the ill-fated cruise is that Emperpor Rapparee fell under the delusion that He is either the reincarnation of a really bad-ass Viking warrior or the living avatar of a minor Norse deity. One must suppose the novelty of being an omnipotent faux emperor has worn a bit thin, thus requiring His Emperiousness to delve into new realms of specious fantasy.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 17 - 10:44 PM

We have posted the qualities suggested to Us and which We feel are the most significant descriptors of Us. We had promised to do this some time back. But We have not added those which describe Us in violent terms, such a Father of Blood Eagles even if they are sometimes pertinent to Our justice.

Donuel, We suggest you try Icelandic. Google Translate can help you.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 17 - 12:06 AM

I have decided to seell Rapaaire. You all know his history. I will sell him for fifty cents $US, which is damn cheap. Four bits and you can have him lock, stock and barrel of horsepucky.

You have heard how he has been called Imperial Grace, the Good, the Strong the Brave, Molder of the Sea and Master of the Lands, the Gracious and Benevolent. And in light of all these virtues, you well may ask why I would sell him for so little. And I will tell you why.

The reason is, he's a damn liar, you see. Truth is, he don't have NONE of them qualities.

Sent your four bits and a large SASE to me c/o the Mudcat and I will see you are treated fairly, for once.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 17 - 09:11 AM

"...he don't have...."

We are pleased that We did not name you Imperial Grammarian instead of Imperial Nay-Sayer.

Also, We are pleased that you are fulfilling your charge as Imperial Nay-Sayer admirably. We shall, for the moment, overlook that you are nay-saying about Us.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Apr 17 - 09:32 AM

"a large SASE" I checked at Office Depot and they didn't have any that were even close to big enough; they suggested I look online for an odor-and-leak-proof body bag.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 17 - 03:32 PM

We suggest the lined, military grade, body bags here. We also suggest that you look at their protective apparel, as We know from experience what moving a leaking body bag can entail.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Apr 17 - 01:45 PM

Thinking of Rap the Rapturous as his Imperial Spouse prepares for surgery tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Apr 17 - 03:10 PM

And sending well-wishes to the convalescent Imperial Spouse.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Apr 17 - 04:55 PM

Will Iceland be the key to your Imperial Corporate Inversion scheme?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 17 - 11:07 PM

We are not a scheming rogue, such as those who reside around the "District of Columbia." Indeed, Our Imperial Spouse deliberately left that area (in which She was born and raised) when She was 17. She found it too stifling and much too small of a town for Her taste.

For much the same reason We left Our hometown.

Patricia is doing well after Her surgery eight days ago. She has little stamina, but that will return.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Apr 17 - 05:22 PM

Imperious Rex's imperial Spouse has had a hectic time of it. Hope she is having a well-deserved rest and continues to progress in her recovery.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Apr 17 - 07:49 PM

Rapaire may not be a real emperor or possess many of the traits his title proposes Amos, however there are a few things he does experience or have, instead of just thinking of doing or having;

If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume.

He once ran a marathon, because it was on his way.

Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect.

If he were to mispronounce your name, you would feel compelled to change it.

If opportunity knocks, and he's not home, opportunity waits.

His mother has a tattoo that reads: 'Son'

His two cents is worth $37 in change.

Once, a rattlesnake bit him. After five days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died.

When he has a 50/50 shot, the odds are 80/20 in his favor.

He has won the lifetime achievement award, twice.

His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man's jaw

He taught Trump how to exaggerate.

He gave his father "the talk"
His passport requires no photograph
When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value
Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died
His 5 de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March
His feet don't get blisters, but his shoes do
He once went to the psychic, to warn her
If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him
Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he'll still be on the right side
He can speak Russian… in French
He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken
Superman has pajamas with his logo
His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries
The circus ran away to join him
Bear hugs are what he gives bears
He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds
When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring
His friends call him by his name, his enemies don't call him anything because they are all dead
He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool
If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark
He once won a staring contest with his own reflection
He can kill two stones with one bird
His signature won a Pulitzer
When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it
He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket
The dark is afraid of him
Sharks have a week dedicated to him
His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons
No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard
He once made a weeping willow laugh
He lives vicariously through himself
His business card simply says 'I'll Call You"
He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish
He bowls overhand
In museums, he is allowed to touch the art
He is allowed to talk about the fight club
He once won a fist fight, only using his beard
He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle
A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush
His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph
The Holy Grail is looking for him
Roses stop to smell him
He once started a fire using only dental floss and water
His sweat is the cure for the common cold
Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him
Werewolves are jealous of his beard
He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian
He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards
He never wears a watch because time is always on his side
He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks
He has won the lifetime achievement award… twice
If opportunity knocks, and he's not at home, opportunity waits
Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him
When he was young he once sent his parents to his room
He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire body
His blood smells like cologne
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him. His hands feel like rich brown suede
Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect
He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks
Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut
Panhandlers give him money
When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls
His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice
When he holds a lady's purse, he looks manly
Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality
When in Rome, they do as HE does
His pillow is cool on BOTH sides
The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM
While swimming off the coast of Australia, he once scratched the underbelly of the Great White with his right han
He taught Chuck Norris martial arts
Time waits on no one, but him
Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way"
His mother has a tattoo that says "Son"
The star on his Christmas tree is tracked by NASA
Presidents take his birthday off
His shirts never wrinkle
He has never walked into a spider web or got a paper cut
He is left-handed. And right-handed
His shirts never wrinkle
The police often question him, just because they find him interesting
His organ donation card also lists his beard
He doesn't believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders
His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him
Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores
Even his tree houses have fully finished basements
His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda triangle
If he were to say something costs an arm and a leg, it would
He's never lost a game of chance
He is the life of parties that he has never attended
He was on a recent archaeological dig and came across prehistoric foot prints that lead out of Africa into all parts of the world. On close inspection, it turned out that the prints were his
He once caught the Loch Ness Monster….with a cane pole, but threw it back
His wallet is woven out of chupacabra leather
He played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded magnum, and won
Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake
If he was to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume
He is considered a national treasure in countries he's never visited
Cars look both ways for him, before driving down a street
He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn't take
He has inside jokes with people he's never met on BS
Bikers walk their motorcycles past his home
He is indeed, the most exaggerated man in the world greater than the Donald.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Apr 17 - 04:42 PM

Faint praise, indeed, for a man of such stature...


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Apr 17 - 04:57 PM

It's Imperious Rex's Minister of De Fence!

What's new and different at the front gate?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 17 - 08:45 PM

We thank you for the praise. We humbly admit that all of it is true.

We would like a report on De Fences of Our Empire. Anytime before noon tomorrow (GMT) will be sufficient.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Apr 17 - 09:09 PM

I've got a trunk full of bottles of Channel #5 perfume at a great price! The Roulex wristwatches sold out.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 May 17 - 05:47 PM

How goes it with Imperial Spouse The One and Only? Is she recovering well?


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 17 - 10:08 PM

Our Goodwyfe does well, continues to do well. She lacks stamina, but that is gradually increasing. Her pain was not a great as before, and hence She does have more energy than before. She awaits the completion of Our Imperial Deck Or Porch so that She can partake in what is called "porch therapy."

On the 20th of May of this year, two of Our nieces will come to visit: the Lady Elizabeth and the Lady Lauretta. We shall entertain them with that which is found here: Our national parks of Yellowstone and Grand Tetons. We shall also take them to eat at the gas station.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 May 17 - 03:15 PM

The Imperial Spouse had a rough time of it one year ago, I still recall. Sounds like this is a SLIGHTLY better healing process. That is good to hear.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 09 May 17 - 08:00 PM

The personal body guard of the Emperor and firing squad officer, Luca Bratzi, hand delivered a letter to the Imperial Jailer James Comey detailing the conditions of his being fired.

It is hard to say who the next chief jailer will be. Perhaps Jeff Sessions will take the job and Jared Kushner will take Jeff's old job.

The details were as follows - YOU'RE FIRED -


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 17 - 10:20 PM

We did no such thing, nor would We do such a thing in such a declassé manner.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®          His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 May 17 - 08:11 PM

The news about Her Imperial Highness Princess Patricia is heartening to hear! The visit of the young Princesses should also bring joy to the Imperial Household, and the gas station seems like a wondrous place to eat. So long as it doesn't bring on an attack of the aforementioned gas.

The Imperial Oubliette has been functioning in my absence, and I have an idea for a new and wondrous form of torture; it has been tried out by my good self first so I can vouch for its efficacy. A good dose of a viral bug encompassing purging at both ends of the body (more details will, mercifully, be spared the Imperial Ear) and the subsequent ennui lasting several days will, I am sure, give even the most hardened something to contemplate.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 17 - 08:16 PM

Imperial Torturer, if it is possible the nose should also exude secretions. There must be nothing available to...no hankies!

Let it be done!

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 May 17 - 12:16 PM

Now, that's what I call a dedicated torture-atrix. Trying it out on herself first.

Jennie G, I hope you are feeling better, and that the repair and renovation of the kitchen is on schedule.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 17 May 17 - 08:15 AM

Much better, thank you for your concern, keberoxu! Now that we have returned the repairs will be starting soon, for which your Imperial Torturer and Spouse (and resident Oubliette cat Bianca The Beautiful but Slightly Brainless) will be thankful. Winter is fast approaching and the living quarters are a wee bit chilly with bare concrete floors and no carpet.

Happy to be of service, Sire. I always find it's a good idea, if possible, to have any new method of torture tested on some poor unsuspecting sap before letting it loose on a miscreant. I have another to add now, a slightly less-than-good reaction to a vaccination - the resulting swollen sore red arm is quite irritating and guaranteed to annoy, so there may soon be an order to requisition some extra large syringes. Might as well do the job properly.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 17 - 08:23 PM

Imperial Torturer, We quite sympathize with your plight and wish you a quick and painless recovery -- unlike what We wish for your clients.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®         His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 18 May 17 - 05:37 PM

So far so good, Sire......the arm is still attached, it hasn't fallen off yet!

I am thinking about those large syringes, though - perhaps a veterinary supply store would have some of the size used on horses. How would that go as a weapon of torture, do you think? The more I think about it, the more I like the idea.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 May 17 - 04:01 PM

Hoping the National Parks were suitably magnificent for His Imperial Rapturous Rex and the ladies in His company.


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 May 17 - 04:46 PM

MOAB is closed for repairs, according to the Mudcat Cafe.

That's a first for me.

Your Imperious Rapturous Grace,
I did see your contribution of an image of habits
before MOAB shut down.

Reading the small print below the engraving, I wanted to see if any of those religious orders are orders I recognize as still being around today. I counted six out of the sixteen.

Including the Carthusians, as in "Great Silence" or "Tiefe Stille."


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 May 17 - 10:54 PM

We are pleased that you made the effort to recognize those habits, as We were once taught by nuns (the School Sisters of Notre Dame), brothers (Fratres Scholarum Christiantiorum), and friars (Order of Friars Minor). From these We learned many things: the Trivium, the Quadrivium, Theology, Philosophy, and various of the useful arts such as Medicine and Architecture. Of course, We later followed the Highest Path of Learning, that recounted in such as the Versuch eines vollständigen Lehrbuchs der Bibliothek-Wissenschaft oder Anleitung zur vollkommenen Geschäftsführung eines Bibliothekars of Schrettinger, S. R. Ranganathan's Five Laws, and Our mentor and friend Jesse Hauk Shera's An epistemological foundation.

Our royal nieces had a wonderful time, or so We are led to believe.

Imperial Torturer, We give you permission to use any needle size you deem fit.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 17 - 10:11 PM

My People! Patricia, Our imperial consort, has been told by the chirurgeons that she need only take medicine. She need not undergo the trials of chemotherapy or radiation. And the chirurgeons in Our city of Seattle in the Province of Washington will be monitoring her progress, e'en though she will be residing here.

Therefore, We declare sixty days of festival, song, music! As one of Our people has said, "Let the wild ruckus begin!"


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark
Font of Happiness


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 27 Jun 17 - 04:47 PM

Yay, Sire! That is most wonderful news! Please pass on good wishes to your Imperial Consort from all those of us here down below.

As a token of rejoicing, and as a one-off celebration, I shall make sure that each occupant of the oubliette has two extra grains of rice this evening.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 17 - 07:03 PM

In celebration of the Imperial Consort's being allowed to keep her hair on her head, her food in her tummy, and her spirits in high places, I shall resume ignoring this thread immediately.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 17 - 09:19 AM

Imperial Torturer, We direct you to also allow the tips of the toes of those chained to the walls of Our oubliette to touch the floor. Also, as a mark of Our magnanimity they each may have a small sip of clean water every other day during the period of rejoicing. You may, at your discretion, turn a hose on them and therewith cleanse them of their ordure once during the festivities.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark
The Merciful and Just


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Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 28 Jun 17 - 09:05 PM

Oh Great One, your magnanimity knows no bounds......is there no limit to your generosity? I am speechless, gobsmacked, flabbergasted etc. as will be the wretched inmates of the oubliette.


Not only shall the hoses be turned on said inmates as per your expressed desire, the force shall be turned down slightly as we don't want to blast them out the other side of the walls. Very slightly.

The Empiratical Banjo Ensemble is tuning up as we speak (although it has to be said you would never know it) to play a song of much joy and rejoicing for Her Royal Empress The Most High and Mighty Princess Patricia.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)


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Mudcat time: 18 August 10:11 AM EDT

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