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BS: Neil Young Center
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Subject: Neil Young Center From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 16 Feb 00 - 11:10 AM The Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed,(incorporating the 'Spaw/Skiff Old Jokes Home) founded and funded by the Catspaw Foundation has recently announced the opening of a new Brian Wilson Wing. The friendly staff, Fast Eddie and Hiroshi, are pleased to offer treatment for the following disorders: CRS/CRAFT disease (Can't remember SHIT/Can't rememeber a f***ing thing); CPS (Compulsive Posting Disorder);Fielding's disease ( the inability to pass a music instrument shop without buying something);Skiffler's disease (ditto for record shops);Offer's Syndrome (ditto for music bookshops). Serious Tiple addiction aversion therapy and advanced work to remove kazoos,bodhrans and all forms of squeezebox can be treated as outpatients. All major credit cards and medical insurance accepted. Suffering from any other Mudcat-related disorders? Ask us for a quote. RtS [so many new 'Catters confused by the references to the NYCFTTS are, now, probably even more confused!] |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: GUEST,Patrish Date: 16 Feb 00 - 11:22 AM I think its going to be expensive for me as I think I am suffering from multiple disorders CRS for definite, but can you treat what ever it was I was going to ask you but have forgotten.......... Can I pay with my supermarket loyalty card - its got loads of points on it Patrish |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Feb 00 - 11:31 AM Thanks for making the announcement Skiff. We at the NYCFTTS are very excited about this addition to our services. We hope it will relieve some of the load from the Center itself and also the other wing, The James Taylor Rehab Center for the Catatonically Bland. Some overlap of services made possible now will, we hope, improve the treatment for all. Also, we are expecting a donation of new Tiples to be delivered soon from "Richard Farina Dead Guys Foundation" in memoriam of all the famous dead guys that we are now older than. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Marymac90 Date: 16 Feb 00 - 11:53 AM How about "Addiction to Mudcat", the whiling away of all too many hours (WAY too many, on this computer that's slower than sludge!) reading the forum, and occaisionally posting. Also related to "Not having a Life Syndrome!) Note, this is different from compulsive poster's disorder, which is characterized by being the second or third to post in most threads, or posting almost half the entries in many threads you didn't start. Mary McCaffrey |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 16 Feb 00 - 11:56 AM Big sign on the door "No Sailors Allowed" shit I'm doomed! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Troll Date: 16 Feb 00 - 11:58 AM I DO not HAVE CPS! I WILL NOT POST ON THIS THREAD1 I WILL... oh damn troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Marymac90 Date: 16 Feb 00 - 12:04 PM Or how about "Compulsive self-correction" in which the sufferer can't let a small error in spelling or punctuation that they've posted go by without posting a retraction and/or apology? Or "Holier than Thou Syndrome" whose victims see themselves as the messiah who will save Mudcat from a terrible fate, if only all members will follow all their directives at once? Or "Compulsive Uncharitable Correcting" where the sufferer can't accept another's post without rudely correcting their spelling, and insinuating that one shouldn't post with spell-checking first. Mary McCaffrey |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Clinton Hammond2 Date: 16 Feb 00 - 12:14 PM LOL!! You folks crack me up! Here I was thinking this thread was gonna be a help group for the termainally ugly who can't sing worth a f^ck and who write truely lousy songs... hehehehehehe |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: MMario Date: 16 Feb 00 - 12:31 PM That's treated over in the main wing, I think. At least that's where I bunk whenever they catch ....
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 16 Feb 00 - 12:50 PM Ther goes Mario, on the arm of three trusty stalwart attendants, off to the main wing...it remains to be seen which delivers whom, and to what. MM is not one to Terminally Screw with lightly... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: paddymac Date: 16 Feb 00 - 01:28 PM Wasn't aware that there was now a "Richard Farina Dead Guys Foundation." How well endowed is it? I mean, like, wow, I used to eat his cereal when I was a kid. Can't say I ever really liked it, but it was something of a seasonl staple when we had more month than money. Still see it in the grocers from time to time, but the package never mentions the foundation. Who gets the percentage, and how big is it? NYCFTTS inmates should recognize that the sizist references are monetary. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Willie-O Date: 16 Feb 00 - 01:32 PM They should, but give them an inch and they'll take... a metre? W-O |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Fortunato Date: 16 Feb 00 - 02:12 PM Greetings NYCFTTSers from your collegues at the Doris Day Home for the Freckled and Incurably Inane. It appears we have much in common. Tell me inmates, is it macaroni and cheese every $#@!ing day there, as well? Tell Richard, if you can get through to him, Mimi's over here with us. Oh and Tiple and accordian spoken here! Oboes and cellos encouraged. (But only in the Missionary Position). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Lonesome EJ Date: 16 Feb 00 - 02:16 PM I was fortunate enough to attend the Neil Young Center when it was still the Neil Young Institute, and Neil himself played an active role in the ongoing Falsetto Singing and Bizarre Analogy Workshops. Nowadays, it all just seems like so much big business since they opened their 400 acre Campus near Deer Lodge, Montana. I do still retain a connection to the NYCFTTS, having retained a Fellowship in the Neal Diamond Lame Rhyme Studies Department. And I still remember with tears the motto engraved above the entrance to the Student Union Building: "I woke up this morning with an arrow through my nose There was an Indian in the corner, tryin' on my clothes." LEJ In Neilius Omnius Comprehensus |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Steve Latimer Date: 16 Feb 00 - 02:20 PM Is it true there is a Celine Dionne wing opening for the completely lacking in soul? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: wysiwyg Date: 16 Feb 00 - 02:29 PM Has the Newbie Educability Study been completed, and will the implants be available soon? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Feb 00 - 02:29 PM No Steve, I'm sorry but those plans are now on hold awaiting public sympathy. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 16 Feb 00 - 02:31 PM I believe Madonna was sponsoring it ... had an intern named Britts or some such doing the admin work last I heard. On the small end of the building next to the Lewinsky Wing for the Orally Impugned... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Crowhugger Date: 16 Feb 00 - 03:39 PM How many songs does it cost to obtain Some treatment for Blues Cellobsession? How many visits does the Center allow For instrument-babes to see Mom Yes and will I be fed curried goat, rice 'n' peas, To heal what my obsessions have done?
The answer my friends is on the fair Mud'land,
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 16 Feb 00 - 04:17 PM I want to see the management. Where can I find Neil Young! I'm outraged! They've charged me additional for an extra alphabet!!! I know I needed it...but that's not the point! Now my MPAFRAAS is acting up..oh, god, I feel an attack coming on...whaddya mean I can't use up any more acronyms until my bill is settled?!!! You're the guys who came up with Mudcat Poster's Anxiety for Recognition and Acknowledgement Syndrome, not me! Not me! And I don't have that CPS thing either!!!... (hits "submit" three times, shaking in his bones, and runs screaming across the gently rolling lawn tearing his teeshirt off and invoking prayers to Max someone...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Banjer Date: 16 Feb 00 - 04:35 PM Dearest Marymac90, Not meaning to be rude or compulsively correcting your post, but in your statement "and insinuating that one shouldn't post with spell-checking first.", could have possibly meant 'without spell-checking first? This corection meant, of course, only in the kindest of ways!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Banjer Date: 16 Feb 00 - 04:41 PM Oh damn, I meant 'This correction meant, of course, only....etc. NO! I am not a compulsive corrector...Nor a compulsive poster...!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Wesley S Date: 16 Feb 00 - 04:58 PM I feel I should question the policy of treating Bodhran players on an outpatient basis. Is it possible to release only one of them at a time?? For the greater good of the community? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Feb 00 - 04:58 PM Once again you earn your 4-star rating General!!! LMAO For those of you wondering what the hell this thread is about, the Young Center has been around for awhile. Its first mention at Mudcat was HERE on the infamous "Tip(p)le Thread. Its still a CIA operation, but Mudcat members are admitted free and tiples are assigned to all. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Mbo Date: 16 Feb 00 - 05:46 PM So what department are you going to file me away in? Terminally Screwed? That appears to be my middle name of late. --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 16 Feb 00 - 05:51 PM I thought it was a problem of initial, rather than terminal, screwing...maybe I had it backwards... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: sophocleese Date: 16 Feb 00 - 05:53 PM Which Terminal? And where are the lightbulbs Mbo? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 16 Feb 00 - 06:03 PM Diagnosis: Empaphrass...non-terminal(MPAFRAAS). Prognosis: should fade under ordinary processes of maturation. Prescription: Imminent palpitation and a course of frequent high-dose seduction taken epidermally, after each meal and 2x per nocte. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Mbo Date: 16 Feb 00 - 06:15 PM Maybe not terminal, but certainly chronic, like the "other" disease I have that takes lots of steriods to control. --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Dave Swan Date: 16 Feb 00 - 06:49 PM Those who feel the compulsion to argue the words of the right, true, and only version to the fortieth verse of the Carlisle variant of Bold Robinhood can seek treatment at the N. Young Center for the Study of Sphincterous Hypertonicity and Anal Retention. Its Motto: No B.S. Passes These Gates. E.S. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Lonesome EJ Date: 16 Feb 00 - 06:52 PM El Swanno! That gave me a grin, buddy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Troll Date: 16 Feb 00 - 07:12 PM Swanno, there IS no fortieth verse to that variant. You are thinking of the Carlyle (note spelling) variant which is ,of course a variant of the Teasdale version collected by Pettifog from a one-legged Northumbrian spokeshaver in 1874. There is some conjecture about the fourth word in the third line, but since all involved were very drunk at the time , it will probably never be resolved, at least not to the satisfaction of true scholars. There nevertheless continues to be debate over the use of the word "marshmallow" in the song.
i need help. i've posted again for no apparent reason. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 16 Feb 00 - 07:59 PM You have come to the right place, troll. THe first step is recognizing the problem...in your case, it was not a one-legged spokeshaver, but a left-handed cooper. An understandable mistake, but we should get right onto it.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: sophocleese Date: 16 Feb 00 - 08:57 PM Men! I don't understand their persistent focus on unimportant details. It doesn't matter WHAT the word in the third line is, either would work equally as well as the other. The vitally important and NECESSARY question to be answered is the correct phrase in the beginning of the sixth line of the 36th verse. Did Robin "Step forth boldly to pursue" or did he "Step forth to pursue boldly"? Generations of Star Trek fans are waiting in the wings for folk scholars to settle this debate once and for all and we must resolve it. So, for the record, I stand in favour of the first variant as the title refers to "Bold" Robin using an adverb form to describe Robin HIMSELF! To suggest, as some of my esteemed, but severely misguided, and generally male, colleagues have that it should be sung "to pursue boldly" is to alter the emphasis AWAY from Robin and onto the pursuit itself. I can see no evidence that this is indeed the intention of the originators of this ballad. As far as my research indicates the evening that verses 25 through to 38, except verses 30, 33, and 37 were created (as it is a folk song and therefore composed and passed on orally one cannot in truth suggest that they were 'written' therefore I will use the word 'created') the subject under intense scrutiny was Robin himself. Whether he was pursuing a fair maid, fair hind, or fair weather was immaterial to the inebriated rustics who were intent on describing as accurately as their earthy, unrefined, yet somehow picturesque, language would allow the character of Robin and Robin alone. Thank you, I hope this clears up this major point. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: MMario Date: 16 Feb 00 - 09:03 PM As you can tell, sophocleese has a permanent reservation in room 121B. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Banjer Date: 16 Feb 00 - 09:17 PM Is that 121B or not 2B? That is the question!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: sophocleese Date: 16 Feb 00 - 09:37 PM When the Neil Young Center was first established it occupied only one floor and therefore I was originally, though sporadically, booked into room 121B. MMario, although a worthy man in many respects, has not kept himself sufficiently up to date on recent changes in the building and I am now to be found, sometimes, in room 2B, just down the hall from the library, unless they've changed that. Oh dear, I think I did hear some talk about that. It seems every time they renovate I'm further away from the library. Its really quite inconvenient I do wish they'd think a little bit more about my access to necessary resources. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: GUEST,Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 17 Feb 00 - 01:04 AM Sophocles, Would the Royal crest be a Lion Rampant, or is it just a Rampant Lion? Yours, Aye. Dave |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 17 Feb 00 - 04:00 AM inane cackling from the bed with the Lonnie Donegan duvet cover permanently screened off from the rest: "That's what, I love about the Mudcat, you just start a pebble rolling and a whole avalanche of insane creativity bursts forth. Just time for a quick burst on the kazoo before my medication comes round. See you all on the shuffleboard court tomorrow" Roger the terminally silly. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Escamillo Date: 17 Feb 00 - 04:15 AM "Start spreading the news.. I'm leaving today.. I wanna be a part of it, NEIL YOUNG, NEIL YOUNG !!" Andrés |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Troll Date: 17 Feb 00 - 09:38 AM Sophocleese, why don't you speak to the director. As an old patient (client, resident, wacko?) you might be able to persuade him to give you a bed IN the library. This would allow you to do your research virtually non-stop. The boon to mankind would be tremendous and the other patients/ clients/residents/ wacko's would not be bothered by you wandering the hallways, pleading for "just one more look at the card catalogue.Thats all. Just one look. I can control it.Honest!"[br](Theres nothing sadder than a research junkie.)[br]Anyway, it's worth a try.The worst they can say is "no". troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: sophocleese Date: 17 Feb 00 - 09:51 AM troll, to be honest when I first entered the Neil Young Center they were short of space so I did have a sleeping bag in the library. I confess I may have become a little territorial at times, and really you know my arangement the books was so useful, particularily for me, I can't understand why so many people became as upset as they did. And that one night it was so very cold what else was I to do? All I burned were a few of the newer trashier books that were easily replaced, except perhaps that one diary of W. Guthrie's, I am sorry about that, doesn't he have another one he can use? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Troll Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:02 AM You're right, Soph (may I call you Soph?) people DON'T understand. Great minds are always under attack when they try to restructure things in a more sensible manner.I mean, why should the Dewey Decimal System be sacrosanct? If you've come up with a better way, why not institute it? Why should you have to wait for some beaurocratic apparatus to approve your ideas. What do THEY know? They would'nt recognize a new idea if it walked up and stepped on their toe. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Fortunato Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:10 AM As the first patient to survive an ocularectomy (removal of the cranium from the anal cavity) at the Center I'd like to recommend it to you all as a once in a life time opportunity to change your view point. However, the news from the Wayne Newton Institute for the Sexually Confused has announced that excaped patient Dennis Rodman has doffed his dress in favor of a thong to return to basketball.
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Alice Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:29 AM OK, folks, the weather here at the Neil Young Center in Montana is clear and cold, but as soon as it warms up, we are going to allow you out into the yard for a little fresh air and exercise. We have a guest therapist coming in to do a workshop on dental floss ranching. Pygmy ponies will be supplied by the Ted Turner ranch. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:29 AM Wasn't he the one taking Max' place on the radio show last night? I didn't see a thong -- maybe he wasn't thinging at the time. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Troll Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:36 AM Amoth. Ith's a cathe of think or thwim. And you don't thee a thong, you lithten to it. Do you thee the differenth? Thee and lithten. Pothibly if you watch Thesame Sthreet they can help. Loths of luck. troll (cleaning thaliva off the keyboard) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: GUEST,Mbo Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:38 AM Do you serve rice pudding with lunch here? I like rice pudding. --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:40 AM There'th a thong in it thomewhere... Thaliva! Thaliva! Why did you theek the thpray... no, it's going on the back burner. I'm feeling too qwerty to keep up with the dipthongs...groan. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Fortunato Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:42 AM Mbo are you interested in the Neil Young, the Doris Day or the Wayne Newton centers? The menus vary from disorder to disorder. Of course, if de waiter would come and take dis order... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Troll Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:47 AM Amos, it's probably just as well. Can you imagine the numeber of towels you would have to hand out to the first three rows? Some song were just not meant to be written. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 17 Feb 00 - 11:07 AM Especially among the Temrinally Screwed, who have all the thaliva they can handle... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: GUEST Date: 17 Feb 00 - 12:03 PM I hope the Centre is going to look at the latest findings about brain cells - if it does save a bed for me
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and whenthe herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back thatare killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells,constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married,most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years. So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we must not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars.
Quaff that pint.
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Fortunato Date: 17 Feb 00 - 12:14 PM Parish talk good. Fortunato want pint now. Drink more, think fast like buffalo, yes?. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: sophocleese Date: 17 Feb 00 - 12:21 PM Dave, who stoppeth one of three, the Royal Crest does have the Lion Rampant.This is an older French usage also seen in Sir Roger de Coverlet's Crest, the Lion Somnolent. There is a move afoot to change this to reflect more English usage, a Yorkshire Duke, locally known as Old Peculiar, has his crest showing the Pissant Lion. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: wysiwyg Date: 17 Feb 00 - 12:22 PM If we can't help ourselves, who wants to be helped anyway. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Ebbie Date: 17 Feb 00 - 02:30 PM Thanks, all, for the great start to my day! Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Peter T. Date: 17 Feb 00 - 03:54 PM There were rumours that the next big addition was going to be the Whitney Houston "We Have Lift Off" Observation Tower for the Endlessly Climaxing High? (Celine Dion, Maria Carey, etc., etc.?)Did anything ever come of that? yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 17 Feb 00 - 04:02 PM The Yankees play desperate, vilent football. The Brits, having been longer at Western Civ, have more learned principles, policies earned from long experience; viz: When in doubt, A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Sorcha Date: 17 Feb 00 - 04:15 PM I need to reserve a room in Terminally Addicted To Obscure Research wing. I understand they serve TATORS there instead of macaroni and cheese. And I want to be close to the library, TOO! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 17 Feb 00 - 04:24 PM That was supposed to read "violent" footbal, and, When in doubt, PINT!!! |