Fake Liner Notes!

Subject: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 Apr 00 - 06:30 PM

In seeking out Al Caiola (see Bonanza thread) I ran across this site, with a page devoted to "great liner notes" -- THESE ARE REAL LINER NOTES --- here! A sample (there are lots more of this 50's dreck):
"Shut off that old transistor, mister, Anita's in another world. Purge thy soul of ching-ching-a-ching-ching. Concentrate on taking one lovely musical line and turning it into one classic-all-time-championship-top-ten-doodle. DoodDoodle went her arrangements ... arrangements that would be almost heretical in the revved up Hollywood-hip studios where she was to record. (Violinists, gazing over the charts, would weep--"Glissandos, Herbie, glissandos!") (And there was to be one frightened looking sideman, shoved to one corner, sitting at--can it be??--a harpsichord!)"
--from Slightly Baroque, The Anita Kerr Singers, Warner Brothers W-1665

"The mood is mod ... Morton Gould a la mod. Here the maestro is in a mod, mod, mod, mod whirl inspired by the rockingrhythms and swinging songs--the hit songs--of the "now" generation ... the Junioration." -- from some Morton Gould record.

Hard to beat that. But why not try? Anyone? ----

"Its a Mud Mud Mud World when Max and his Cats go into the studio and toss a few folk tunes into the whirring Wordprocessor and out pops....the Dulcinea of the Dulcimer, Catspaw49 -- asparagus? I don't think so. Turn up your toes at this one.
Neo-Classical, meet Neophyte!! Best thing to happen to music since the McCarthy hearings -- sly syncopations with a cherry on top and some of those sprinkles you read about in the funny papers. And if your needle hasn't died and gone to heaven, wait till it gets to Bert's groove. Circling and circling in the narrowing gyre, the falcon cannot hear the falconer -- I mean did Yeats know, or did Yeats know?? And what about el-Side 2, when the gang that tug-o-warred the Mitch Miller Chorus into the mudpit tugs the heartstrings with "Rifles of the IRA" and Mother Machree! Did your mother come in steerage? What happened to those Endearing Young Charms, You Old Bag?
Can't wait to get the cellophane off this one? Be still your beating heart. Get out the cocktail napkins, stuff them in your ears, and put olives up your nostrils, it's time for a Mudcat PARTY!! -- love this record, Peter T. (record critic for the Modern Language Association).

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Apr 00 - 06:43 PM

oh gawd.......LMAO.....ANOTHER GREAT SITE!!! I missed you on the e-mail Peter, but you need to check out THIS SITE for some more of that wonderful retro stuff.

And now to some liner notes........

Spaw

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Caitrin
Date: 24 Apr 00 - 06:45 PM

Well, that hot and happenin' folk 'n blues group Mudcat Forum has dished out another sweeeeeeet album. It is tasty!If you thought the Parliament was funky, wait 'til you hear this! They got the groove thang goin' on, baby, lemme tell ya! When Rick Fielding busts out that banjo, baby, I am rockin'. That's right, folks...it don't have to be "rock" to rock! And they do. Rock, that is. It's like a red hot musical apple pie of warm wholesome goodness. Well, not too wholesome...otherwise Catspaw's songs wouldn't be any fun. Better than a homemade chocolate chip cookie. Baby, this record is smokin'! Get on that Mudcat train and ride, ride, ride!

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Apr 00 - 07:45 PM

Hey, there were some funny REAL liner notes that came with the Trogg's single "Wild Thing". Since "Trogg" is short for "troglodyte"--a cavedweller, or "caveman"...the band's publicity agents wanted to reassure the public about this fact. Said something like "We would like to inform the listeners that the band neither live in caves, nor seeks recreation in the aforementioned locations. Thank you."

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Caitrin
Date: 24 Apr 00 - 07:51 PM

From Mike Cross' "Child Prodigy"-
On this record, we proudly present a flaming new asteroid in the darkening sky of contemporary music, Mike Cross. This young man is clearly "born to play,' for though he is only eight and a half months old, his musical and vocal interpretations display a musical finesse and an understanding of the human condition which one would only expect to find in a person at least half a decade in age. ... To see his chubby body hunched over the guitar and to watch his tiny fingers flying up and down the finger board like frightened roaches running across a lunch counter is to witness the eternal struggle of the existential man trying desperately to leap across the void between what is and what should be.

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 24 Apr 00 - 11:32 PM

Hey there Kats and Katesses! What happens when you throw Playboy Jazz Poll winner for '59, HOT LIPS PETER TEE into a mess o' the swingin'est, hippest, hum-alongin'est tunes, straight from the pen of that coolest of cool Daddios, Rod McEuen? Hold onto your pinstripes Fun-seekers, 'cause I'm givin' it to ya straight! Nuthin' short of "Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious Fun"! And we here at HepCat records spell That with a capital "T"!

Peter's been makin' hearts flutter, and erogenous zones twitch for many a year now..WE KID YOU NOT! Who could forget such great hits as " I'm In The Nude For Love"? or how 'bout his big platter from '53: "I Hurt So Much Without You..It's Almost Like Havin' You Here". "Mr Versatile" (yep, that's what they call him in San Francisco) first hit the charts in a big way with: "Liver, When Your Near Me"...Hey Kats, I'll drink to that!

So settle back, pour out a Harvey Wallbanger, light up a Cuban panatella, and just listen to what happens when the "Hearthrob from Hogtown" meets the best poet since McGonnigle. Groove on it Kats!

Milton Schmutz

Downbeat Magazine.

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 00 - 01:44 AM

ROFLMAO, you guys!! Fockin Priceless!!!

A

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Peter T.
Date: 25 Apr 00 - 08:41 AM

Liner notes to ""Dead" Lemon Washington: The Real Dead Blues", Folkways Re-release:

"Whenever anyone asks me: Clarence, what is the best album for getting into dead blues singers, I always hang my hat on this one. Now that it has been re-released, it brings back a flood of memories of the day we recorded it in that hot Cleveland bedroom. There wasn't much space, and I had to hold the microphone, but it still speaks of 1959. "Dead" Lemon Washington had only been dead for five hours, but you can hear the flies buzzing and humming, and the sound of the traffic on the mean streets below. Man, that was the deadest sound ever, hour after hour of nothing. Sure my hand got tired holding that mike, but, hey. This record unfortunately only captured about 30 minutes of that silence, filled with the ambience of that room littered with dusty bottlenecks and bottles -- but how eloquently it speaks across the years to us now. I was privileged to be a part of it, and know that a new generation is waiting to be influenced by it all over again".
-- Clarence Lomax, blues producer of legend.

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 25 Apr 00 - 12:33 PM

True description of a Lonnie Johnson release:

"Mr Johnson's wummin done left him....again! Why she's the cheatinest, low-downest, razor carryinest wummin he's ever known. Listen to him pour out his heart in this blues, 'cause he STILL wants her back! If you want to know just what kinda lovin' she's usin' on him, to make him feel this way, you'd better run to the store and get his new Bluebird release!.....Before she leves him again!

RCA Bluebird

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Mbo
Date: 25 Apr 00 - 12:59 PM

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on your CD player again---WHAM! Yes, that's right! Back by popular demand...it's The Mudcat Massed Band! With their first new album in 2 years, the 'Catters return with their eclectic blend, read to blow the hair out yo' follicles! Check out bandleader Max and his goodbuddy Dick as they do a tandem blues guitar hammering of the Overture from "Tommy"...."SEE ME...ooo babe yeah, HEAR ME, uh-uh I like that...TOUCH ME...ooh come a little closer momma...". Hear official uilleann piper Larry blow the heck out of "The Kylebrack Ramblers", while supported by MMB's autoharp contingent of Harpgirl, Night Owl, JAB, and Praise! Check out the Mudcat fiddlers Sorcha, Marion, Hardiman, and Jeri with Crowhugger's cello as they and singer Mbo do a spaz-folk version of ELO's "Down Home Town"--"Other folks don't like us much, 'cause they ain't got our classy touch--they ain't good enough to breath this town's good air, we make 'em leave!" Hear Kelida & Caitrin's duet "The Scotsman" backed by K doing "The Atholl Highlanders" on clarinet. And don't miss what is sure to be an instant classic...Rick Fielding on guitar & Catspaw on Hammered Dulcimer play "Cumbersome Syncopations" with Roger the Skiffler's multi-tracked Kazoo Orchestra! Surely you must buy this album! Steal it from your best friend if you must! Swipe it from Blockbuster! Do ANYTHING to get your hands on "F(Chord)ing Around!" by The Mudcat Massed Band! Yeeeehaaa!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 25 Apr 00 - 11:13 PM

It still happens today folks. Look at the liner notes of ANYTHING put out my Michael Jonathin in the last five years. He describes himself as "Not your father's folksinger" (other than the mistakes and awful pitch..he certainly is - if your father liked Dylan)

Rick

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Peter T.
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 09:24 AM

"Not your familiar Annette! Although we had hints when we lowered our sights from the pair of mouse ears to new and alternative pairings, who could have predicted that she would go this far? How about this for alternative pairings? It all began one afternoon at the Salzburg Festival when Walter Legge and Herbert von Karajan discovered that they were both secret fans of the uber-Beachbabe. It took some arm-twisting -- one Decca producer set himself on fire in protest -- but here it is at last. Serious, but unconventional: who would have thought that Beethoven's fabled Ninth Symphony and Annette would fit together like Davy Crockett and his coonskin cap? And the Berlin Philharmonic? Let first chair Heinrich Schimmel speak for the boys: "Sceptish, ya, ve were at ze outset. Who is this American tootsie to sing the great Ludwig's Ode to Joy? But, what can I say, ve vere charmed, conquered. Beethoven Blanket Bingo, yah!" Not since the Berlin airlift have Yankees and Krauts made such beautiful music together. Can world peace be far behind? M-U-S-S-I-C-M-O-U-S-E, schoner Gotterfunken!!
-- Darrell Clam, Disney Symphony Records.

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Stewie
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 11:08 AM

'Salty tears - wet tears - big, round tears - all kinds of tears and heart throbs, and you should put yourself in his place to feel just as blue. 'Lectric chair is the next place he's gonna sit down in, and he ain't tired either, so he don't wanna sit down. Don't fail to hear Blind Lemon Jefferson, helped out by his snappy guitar, sing and play "'Lectric Chair Blues" on Paramount Record No 12608. At your dealer's, or send a coupon today'.

Paramount ad in the 'Chicago Defender' 7 April 1928.

Subject: RE: Fake Liner Notes!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:58 PM

"Check out the "WHAM" of that "MEMPHIS MAN"!"

Blurb for Lonnie Mack.

"Check out the "Wham" on that one"

Heard at Church and Wellesley Streets in Toronto.