Anonymous vs. Secretive

Subject: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: bbelle
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 08:18 PM

I had a lengthy conversation with a friend today, someone for whom I have great affection and the utmost respect; someone who has earned the right to "get my attention with a two-by-four," (in the words of my father). He pointed out to me that, by my own admission, I am direct and straightforward in my convictions and relationships with people. He also pointed out to me that I had fallen short of both.

He was referring to my recent outbursts on the forum. Not to my particular ideologies, but to the way I handled myself and the extreme effort I had made to alienate myself from everyone on the forum. It was never my intention to be hurtful. I am always a champion of the underdog and would never intentionally denigrate anyone, just for the pleasure the act.

He was also referring to a recent particularly long post, to which I did not sign my name.

The post, to which he referred, is the one entitled "At Least We Had Paris." I didn't post it anonymously to be secretive. I did it because I didn't want people to pity "moonchild" for being such a fool. Pitying an anonymous poster didn't seem so bad. The poetry is original … written in an effort to pull my emotions out of the dungeon. My friend said it was dishonest of me because the mudcat and the friends I've made mean something in my life. My emotions seesaw between stumbling hurt and raging anger. I deal with it in real life in a muted voice, because I'm frightened that, if I let it go, all my seams will tear and I will self-destruct.

It's going to be a long, long time before I feel okay about life. It's a process I know I have to walk through by myself. There's nothing anyone can do or say that will make the path easier.

I believe, with all my heart, that each moment in life happens for a reason, and with that in mind, I suppose there's another way of looking at all this …

… I sat very quietly on a shelf for many years, happy as a clam, gathering dust and cobwebs.

… Now, I've been picked up and dusted off and the cobwebs removed.

… Perhaps all that is me is not lost …

Jenny

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 08:54 PM

Jenny, I can't feel your pain, you're right, but I have felt pain of my own. I hope that someone here, where I know you are beloved, can find something to do or say that will make your path easier; I did, here among other places, and it does help. We will help all we can. Troubles shared can be troubles reduced.

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Áine
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 09:14 PM

Dear moonchild,

You and I have hit our heads together a few times over the last couple of years; but, I have to say, that is one of the most beautiful and brave postings that I have ever seen on this forum. I admire and respect you. Enough said.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: KT
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 09:55 PM

Dear moonchild, I have not yet read the thread to which you refer...I will, just haven't gotten there yet. I just want to say first, that you have not succeeded in alienating everyone on the forum. I, for one, appreciate your ability to be direct, straightforward and articulate.

Sometimes life throws us curveballs and our pain in struggling to deal with them is reflected in our words and deeds...

I'm thinking of you and sending lots of good energy your way. ANd remember..."When your journey's cloaked in winter and days are marked by stormy skies....."

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 12:58 AM

Shit happens...we make mistakes...we beat up on others...but mostly ourselves....we get down in the dumps...and...eventually....we recover.......and through it all WE (at Mudcat) sing, play or dance. As Mickey Blue-eyes was taught to say "Faggedaboudit"!

Rick

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: sledge
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 02:51 AM

I'd say you have courage enough to get over just about anything.

All the best

Stu

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Morticia
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:35 AM

I hope that something, anything someone, anyone said on that thread helped, even if just a little.......you have people who genuinely care about you here, that's more than a lot of people can say.Slime balls are a dime a dozen,good friends are rare :)

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: GUEST,I guess
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 04:15 PM

Gordon Bok's 'Turning Towards The Morning' has gotten me through some tough ones.

g

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Hollowfox
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 07:02 PM

Letting us know about the posting seems pretty honest to me. Think about this - we're friends here, and who else can you tell your feelings to? I've been throwing off some cobwebs myself, and telling some friends about it has helped me through. Mostly, they nod, smile, and say I'm doing fine, which is what's wanted at the moment. But there've been times when they've kept me on a more or less even keel when I needed that, too. It's like looking at stuff that you've rediscovered in the back of a closet. You can consider a thing, and decide to take it into your life again, or to discard it. Either one can be very good. If you need a place to rage (or otherwise), feel free to send me a personal post. Love, Mary

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Sorcha
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 07:10 PM

Jenny, somehow, I just "assumed" that this was from a regular member who was too embarrassed/hurting to leave a name. It was a cry for help, and not a "nonny mouse" trolling flame. It was very real when I read it the first time, and so obviously not a hoax. It's OK, woman, it really is. I hope that things get better for you (even if it is not soon), and that your "owning up" does not cause you more pain. Try and keep on the sunny side, and
Shine On!
Sorcha

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Pseudolus
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 07:11 PM

I think the post that over time will help you the most is your own. Time is a great healer. You seem to already know that. I'm new to Mudcat although I've posted as a guest on several occasions so my words will mean little. Something else you already seem to know. Allowing time to heal is a perfect path, filling it with friends and family could help it go a little faster...

Frank

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Bert
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 07:13 PM

Love you Moonbaby!!!

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: DougR
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 08:11 PM

Hang in there, Moonchild! You have a lot of friends here, and, although I can't speak for others, I for one would do anything I could to help. Mudcatters sure helped me through a rough time over the past year and for that I am very grateful.

DougR

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 08:34 PM

Moonchild, if you knew how much we have in common, you would laugh your ass off at how poorly we seem to communicate. You have an ally here any time you want one, and I am a good one. I am sorry that this is not obvious, and I apologize for communication from me that has delayed that potential realization.

~S~

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Joe Offer
Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:17 AM

Bless me, Moonchild, for I have sinned...
I almost always post with my own name. Seems right to me, but that's just the way I am. However, there was one time that I posted a message that told the story of a past, lost love. It was a good story and I'm glad I told it - but I'm also glad I told it anonymously. Sometimes, anonymity makes sense, even among friends.
I think you did good.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: kendall
Date: 13 Jul 00 - 06:44 AM

being upfront and in the open is not always welcome. I appreciate that type of person, 'cause you dont have to sift through a pile of shit to find the truth. I didnt read the paris thread, but, I will.

Subject: RE: Anonymous vs. Secretive
From: Big Mick
Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:40 PM

I've met you. I like you. You are my friend. If you felt it necessary to admit to this, then it is fine with me. If you had chosen not to, that would have been fine with me. When you come to FSGW in October, would you make me some of those prawns you made the lads? LOL.

Mick