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Humorous Sex Songs

GUEST,Tunesmith 25 Sep 17 - 01:16 PM
Jason Xion Wang 25 Sep 17 - 11:30 AM
GUEST,Bob Coltman 22 May 17 - 04:22 PM
leeneia 22 May 17 - 12:26 PM
Georgiansilver 22 May 17 - 06:36 AM
Jason Xion Wang 22 May 17 - 04:04 AM
kendall 21 May 17 - 08:07 PM
Jim Dixon 20 May 17 - 10:25 PM
FreddyHeadey 19 May 17 - 04:22 AM
Jim Dixon 18 May 17 - 08:19 PM
Rusty Dobro 15 Jan 17 - 04:00 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 15 Jan 17 - 01:13 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 15 Jan 17 - 01:04 AM
Jim Dixon 14 Jan 17 - 05:56 PM
Mrrzy 14 Jan 17 - 04:54 PM
oldhippie 14 Jan 17 - 02:52 PM
Jim Dixon 14 Jan 17 - 11:47 AM
Joe_F 12 Mar 11 - 08:51 PM
BusyBee Paul 12 Mar 11 - 10:52 AM
Beer 12 Mar 11 - 08:04 AM
alanabit 12 Mar 11 - 07:52 AM
autoharpbob 12 Mar 11 - 07:47 AM
alanabit 12 Mar 11 - 04:06 AM
tritoneman 03 Dec 10 - 06:58 PM
GUEST,Ebor.Fiddler 03 Dec 10 - 06:48 PM
GUEST,John Hill 11 Oct 00 - 08:56 AM
Susanne (skw) 10 Oct 00 - 07:17 PM
GUEST,Dave O'Toole - Gateshead 04 Oct 00 - 11:38 AM
JennieG 04 Oct 00 - 02:21 AM
MMario 03 Oct 00 - 04:37 PM
Susanne (skw) 03 Oct 00 - 04:26 PM
celticblues5 02 Oct 00 - 01:18 AM
GUEST,Joerg 01 Oct 00 - 09:05 PM
Little Hawk 30 Sep 00 - 08:44 PM
Khbreit 30 Sep 00 - 10:32 AM
GUEST,Terry Allan Hall 27 Sep 00 - 06:25 PM
Bert 27 Sep 00 - 04:19 PM
rabbitrunning 27 Sep 00 - 03:10 PM
GUEST,jaze 27 Sep 00 - 01:41 AM
Mbo 26 Sep 00 - 08:50 PM
GUEST,Petr 26 Sep 00 - 08:45 PM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 26 Sep 00 - 03:13 PM
Jim Krause 26 Sep 00 - 02:29 PM
Grab 26 Sep 00 - 12:45 PM
MMario 26 Sep 00 - 12:42 PM
Cavia_P 26 Sep 00 - 12:32 PM
Amos 25 Sep 00 - 11:57 PM
Ely 25 Sep 00 - 11:47 PM
GUEST,Howard Eberly 25 Sep 00 - 11:38 PM
GUEST,Joerg 25 Sep 00 - 09:06 PM
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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Tunesmith
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 01:16 PM

I'm sure it's been mentioned already, but Tom Paxton wrote a humorous song involving sex.
He used to introduce the song by saying that there are lots of songs about falling in love, and, also, lots of songs about falling out of love, but, hardly any about the central ground where relatinships are just ticking over.

I can't remember the title..but somebody out there will...


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Jason Xion Wang
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 11:30 AM

Shel Silverstein's "The Man Who Turns the Damn Thing Off and On" and "Nothing's Real Anymore" as done by Bob Gibson.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 22 May 17 - 04:22 PM

I skimmed the thread and may have missed, but didn't find:

Will the Weaver = Everyday Dirt = Jumpin' and Jerkin' Blues
&
Five (Seven) Nights Drunk = Our Goodman, from which comes:

What's that head a-doin' there [in our bed] where my head ought to be? ...
It's nothing but a cabbage head your mama sent to me ...

& much more

=========

And hi, leeneia ... I don't know whether you would disagree ... but for some people laughter is the only way they can kill off their embarrassment at confronting something so majestic, so threatening as sex (and the danger of love).

To me personally that's sad! But I've seen it happen a lot. Frat humor, for example. Beyond that, most of the jokes about sex are vulgar and propelled by fear, but people laugh. With a twinge.

Thus the bleak, repellent turn taken in the last verse of the otherwise gentle and in its way humorous song "Little Ball of Yarn"—which is also about STDs.

The only way, evidently, for them to keep from feeling deeply what they can't afford to feel deeply. They see no way to approach sex but to try to shrink its stature and insulate the emotions from it. Thus to somehow (at least appear to) get it under control.

Best wishes, Bob


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: leeneia
Date: 22 May 17 - 12:26 PM

Re: YOU LEFT ME SORE. What's humorous about contracting an STD?

I don't think I have ever encountered a truly humorous song about sex. Snide, yes. Mean, yes. Smarmy, yes.

Sex can be magical; it can be horrible. It can be affectionate; it can be tiresome. But it's never humorous. It is fraught with emotion and conveys hazard. It means too much.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 May 17 - 06:36 AM

Here's another for you from the UK.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Jason Xion Wang
Date: 22 May 17 - 04:04 AM

Tom Paxton's Ballad of John Wayne Bobbitt

Bob Gibson's "Pussy in Heaven"


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: kendall
Date: 21 May 17 - 08:07 PM

An ex once asked me to sing the dirtiest song I know. She never asked for the sequel.   old downeast saying, "If you know the dog bites..."


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Subject: Lyr Add: YOU LEFT ME SORE (Todd Rundgren)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 May 17 - 10:25 PM

The Beanster suggested this back on 22-Sep-2000:


YOU LEFT ME SORE
Written by Todd Rundgren
As recorded by Todd Rundgren on "Something/Anything?" (1972)

Love is infectious and I was a victim,
The worst case you'd ever see,
But still I know no doctor or nurse
Could cure what you gave to me.

CHORUS: 'Cause you
Really, you left me sore,
Really left me sore, now, baby.
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe,
'Cause you really left me sore.

You didn't tell me and I didn't ask,
So there's nobody left to blame
But still I know no place I can go
That helps to relieve the pain. CHORUS

Now I know no good ever comes
From love on a one-night stand. CHORUS TWICE


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 19 May 17 - 04:22 AM

Mango
Earl Okin
https://youtu.be/k4LjTqMjNho


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Subject: Lyr Add: TOO CLOSE TOGETHER (Sonny Boy Williamson
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 May 17 - 08:19 PM

Oversoul mentioned this. Sonny Boy Williamson recorded two versions of this song. From the sound, I think the first of these is the earlier one:


TOO CLOSE TOGETHER
As recorded by Sonny Boy Williamson [II]

I. 2.36 – from the album "King Biscuit Time" (2000):

Well, you take back in the year nineteen an' forty-four:
I had two fine chicks lived right door-to-door.
They were too close together.
Yeah, too close together.
It was too close together, man, but that was the best that I could do.

Well, I woke up early one mornin' to make a 'fore-day creep.
[By the] Time I knocked on the door the other girl was lookin' at me.
It was too close together.
Yeah, they was too close together.
It was too close together, but that was the best that I could do.

Well, I slipped in the back door to get me a little toddy(?).
Before I could walk out the door, she knowed all about it.
It was too close together.
Yeah, it was too close together.
I know it was too close together, but that was the best that I could do.

II. 2:10 or 2:12 - from the albums "Ninety Nine" (2017) and "The Essential Sonny Boy Williamson" (1993)

I had two fine chicks, lived both on the same street.
Too much love, and the time couldn't be beat.
It was too close together.
Yes, man, they lived too close together.
Yeah, they was so close together, that I couldn't see one for the other.

Early one Sunday mornin' they both would go to church.
I tried to slip one out, but I see it just won't work.
It was too close together.
Yeah, they was too close together.
I know it was too close together, an' I couldn't see one for the other.

Got up early one mornin', thought I was makin' a 'fore-day creep.
Time I knocked on her door, the other girl says: "Is you lookin' for me?"
They was too close together.
Oh, yeah, they was too close together.
I know it was too close together, an' I couldn't see one for seein' the other.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 04:00 AM

Or there's this, from the late, lamented Monty Parkin:

SEX AIDS FROM AMSTERDAM
             
When it's spring again I'll bring again
Sex aids from Amsterdam
Tulips just won't do, I'll bring to you
Sex aids from Amsterdam.
I can't wait until the day I fill these empty arms of mine,                    
Like the windmill keeps gyrating, so the coach will be vibrating
From the suitcase where I cram
All these sex aids from Amsterdam

When it's spring again I'll bring again
Sex aids from Amsterdam,
Once I've done the view I'll buy some new
Sex aids from Amsterdam.
I can't wait until I pay the bill and fill up these bags of mine,
Like the windmill keeps on whirling, that's how your toes will be curling,
When I stand there spreading jam  on a sex aid from Amsterdam.

When it's spring again I'll bring again
Sex aids from Amsterdam,
From my bargain break, back home I'll take
Sex aids from Amsterdam.
I can't wait until I try the drill with these new toys of mine,
Like the windmill keeps revolving all our problems I'll be solving,
It looks fun in the diagram, with these sex aids from Amsterdam.
            
This one weighs a kilogram,
It's a sex aid from Amsterdam.
I'll bring sex aids from Amsterdam.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 01:13 AM

In the Mudcat "Rugby" song thread:

GET IT UP, GET IT IN
Melody - Bonanza Theme

rr
Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around
Hit the spot, make me hot
I will scream out loud

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue
around Suck my toes, insert your hose
Make my juices flow

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around
When I am done and I have cum
We'll start another round

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 01:04 AM

Big Thing
by: Duran-Duran -1988

Get it up get it out get it in time
Hang it up hanging out hanging on a big thing
Move it in move it out move up the line
Bang it up bang it out banging on a big thing

Brothers and sisters let me hear it
Get it up get it on get it in time
Give me the green light and watch me move it
Move it up move it out move up the line
This is temptation power rotation
Give me the friction and watch me make it
Make it up making out making it slide

So glad you came along
This time you won't be wrong
You love to turn it on
And you'renot the only one

Brothers and sisters we can take it
Shake it up shake it out shake it all the time
Give me the suction we can stick it
Lick it up suck it up stick it outside
This is temptation (station)
Power rotation (to station)
Give me the playlist and watch me eat it
Eat it up beat it up beat it in time

So glad you came along
This time you won't be wrong
You love to turn it on
And you'renot the only one

Get it up get it out get it in time
Hang it up hanging out hanging on a big thing
Move it in move it out move up the line
Bang it up bang it out banging on a big thing

Get it up get it out get it in time
Hang it up hanging out hanging on a big thing
Move it in move it out move up the line
Bang it up bang it out banging on a big thing

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: Lyr Add: I NEVER DO ANYTHING TWICE (S Sondheim)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 05:56 PM

WyoWoman mentioned this and posted partial lyrics on 23-Sep-2000:


I NEVER DO ANYTHING TWICE
Words and music by Stephen Sondheim, 1976.
As sung by Millicent Martin on "Side by Side by Sondheim" (Original London Cast Recording)

1. When I was young and simple—I don't recall the date—
I met a handsome captain of the guard.
He visited my chambers one evening very late,
In tandem with a husky St. Bernard.
At first, I was astonished, and tears came to my eyes,
But later, when I asked him to resume,
He said, to my surprise: "My dear, it isn't wise.
Where love is concerned, one must freshen the bloom.

CHORUS: "Once, yes, once for a lark.
Twice, though, loses the spark.
One must never deny it,
But after you try it,
You vary the diet."
Said my handsome young guard:
"Yes, I know that it's hard.
Still, no matter how nice,
I never do anything twice.
Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh."

2. I think about the baron who came at my command
And proffered me a riding crop and chains.
The evening that we shared was meticulously planned.
He took the most extraordinary pains!
He trembled with excitement; his cheeks were quite aglow,
And afterwards he cried to me: "Encore!"
He pleaded with me so to have another go.
I murmured caressingly: "Whatever for?

CHORUS: "Once, yes, once is a lark.
Twice, though, loses the spark.
Once, yes, once is delicious,
But twice would be vicious,
Or just repetitious.
Someone's bound to be scarred.
Yes, I know that it's hard.
Still, no matter the price,
I never do anything twice.
Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh."

3. And then there was the abbot who worshiped at my feet
And dressed me in a wimple and in veils.
He made a proposition which I found rather sweet,
And handed me a hammer and some nails.
In time, we lay contented and he began again
By fingering the beads around our waists.
I whispered to him then: "We'll have to say 'Amen,'
For I have developed more catholic tastes.

CHORUS: "Once, yes, once for a lark.
Twice, though, loses the spark."
As I said to the abbot,
"I'll get in the habit,
But not in the habit.
You've my highest regard,
And I know that it's hard.
Still, no matter the vice,
I never do anything twice.

CHORUS: "Once, yes, once can be nice.
Love requires some spice.
If you've something in view,
Something to do,
Totally new,
I'll be there in a trice,
But I never do anything twice,
Except—
No, I never do anything twice."

[Written by Sondheim for the film The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (1976), where it was called "The Madame's Song", it was later retitled "I Never Do Anything Twice" and used in the musical revue "Side by Side by Sondheim" (1976).

[Bebe Neuwirth sings this excellently on her album "Porcelain" (2011) under the title "The Madame Song."]


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 04:54 PM

The Yeoman of Kent, or pretty much anything bawdy by either Ed McCurdy or Oscar Brand...

I never liked the tinker song. Don't know why.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: oldhippie
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 02:52 PM

RUFUS AND BEVERLY by Mark Graham; it's in the DT.


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Subject: Lyr Add: YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON (Randy Newman)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 11:47 AM

YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON
Words and music by Randy Newman, 1972.
As recorded by Randy Newman on "Sail Away," 1972.

Baby, take off your coat,
Real slow.
Baby, take off your shoes.
Yeah, I'll take your shoes.
Baby, take off your dress.[*]
Yes, yes, yes.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.

Go on over there and turn on the light—
No, all the lights.
Come back here; stand on this chair.
That's right.
Raise your arms up to the air.
Shake 'em.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.

Suspicious minds are talkin',
Tryin' to tear us apart.
They say that my love is wrong,
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
I know what love is.

[Covered by Etta James, 1974; Joe Cocker, 1986; and several others.]
[* When Etta James sang this, she sang "take off that mess."]


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 08:51 PM

I have mentioned this tape (The Bawdy Ladies' Book) on several other threads, but it surely belongs here.


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Subject: Lyr Add: NOT PC (D. McFarlane)
From: BusyBee Paul
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 10:52 AM

One from Mudcat's own Hipflask Andy:

Not PC
words and music - D.McFarlane

Frustrated at work by the yet another network crash – and having just read through the 'bawdy' chapter in Kennedy's Folk Song Book, what else was I to do with the afternoon? I don't 'do' comedy, but since I included this in my set (as a spoof) it's gone down so well, I get told off when I don't include it. It's become my most requested song - now I find that VERY disturbing!

Not PC:
As I was once a-walking in me place of work one day
I spied a pretty maiden she unto me did say
'If you've the time and trouble then I will have you stand
And help me with me windows, sir for I could use a hand'

She'd quite a case before her, a lovely monitor screen
The contours of her keyboard were the finest I had seen
I leaned to take a closer look, twas then our eyes did meet
Says she 'Why don't you press control and follow with alt/delete'

Well I'm no expert at this lark in fact I'm quite a dunce
But I can spot an opening, need asking only once
No sooner was I next to her she this to me did say
"I hope you've got your caps lock on, press insert right away!"

She bid me tap on enter oh, now guess then what I found
She had me press on home and then page up and then page down
I scanned her user area, I could hardly believe me eyes
She searched right through me files and made me RAM increase in size!

When I plugged in the modem I could tell she was a sport
For she displayed both parallel and also serial port
Says I, I love your bluescreen, yes now that will do the trick
But just to be quite certain gave her mouse a double click

As her new service provider I gave as much as she could take
But I must shift on out of here, log off now, press escape
'For it is getting late' says I and 'I'm half afraid to ask
But can I save this document? It's time to end the task'

Well, the answer that she gave me – oh, it filled me with surprise
'I see you've now a floppy where you once had a hard drive!
But don't erase your memory for me favour you did earn
And I'll be waiting here for you, should ever you return'

I'd opened up her folder, I'd surfed a little while
She'd been desperate for a defrag, her connection I had dialled
We'd scrolled around for hours but now a thought's filled me with fear
I'll have to have a virus check when I get out of here!


This is available on his "Acoustic Recs" CD but he has now installed an upgrade (Version 1.01) in his live sets!

www.duncanmcfarlane.co.uk


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Beer
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 08:04 AM

a few more by John Prine.

Let's Talk Dirty In Hawaiian
          and
Dear Abby

ad


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 07:52 AM

Yes, that was brilliant. Jake Thackray.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: autoharpbob
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 07:47 AM

Isabel makes love upon National Monuments - the late great Jake.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 04:06 AM

The Ballad of Barry and Freda - Victoria Wood's parody of "Let's Do It" .


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: tritoneman
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 06:58 PM

How about Firelock Stile? Whenever I listen to my old recording of Peter Bellamy singing it I find myself laughing.....


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Ebor.Fiddler
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 06:48 PM

And then there's all the trad tune titles .. ..... .. .   .. .


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,John Hill
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 08:56 AM

Surely JennieG you already know the tune to "Lets do it" as its a parody to the old standard of the same name. Didn't Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers sing it?
My vote goes to "The Widow's Promise" too as mentioned by Cavia P. Mick Ryan always introduces this song by saying he was reading an article in Cosmopolitan in bed one night on womens sexuality. The fact that they have more sexual stamina than men gave him the idea of this marathon between the devil and a widow who lived on the moor. She wins of course. The song is in the DT


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:17 PM

Jennie, yes it does. Do you live in the UK? If so, I'm sure you could get a recording by Victoria Wood. I only have a taped performance by Iain MacKintosh which is hilarious but not faultless. It would give you the tune, though. Contact me at skw@worldmusic.de if you're still interested. (Or send a PM, of course. I don't use them much, though, because I can't write them offline.)


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Dave O'Toole - Gateshead
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 11:38 AM

One of my personal favourites is "The Big O" by Kristina Olsen.

otooled@enterprise.net


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 02:21 AM

Susanne, I love "Let's Do It" - does it have a tune?

Cheers

JennieG


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: MMario
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 04:37 PM

The Knight and the Unicorn


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Subject: Lyr Add: LET'S DO IT (Victoria Wood)^^
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 04:26 PM

This gem doesn't seem to be in the DT. As far as I'm concerned it is the ultimate humorous sex song!

LET'S DO IT
(Victoria Wood)

Freda and Barry sat one night
The sky was clear, the stars were bright
The wind was soft, the moon was up
Freda drained her cocoa cup

She licked her lips, she felt sublime
She switched off Gardener's Question Time
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie and said

Let's do it, let's do it, do it while the mood is right
I'm feeling appealing, I've really got an appetite
I'm on fire with desire
I could handle half the tenors in the male voice choir
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, I don't believe in too much sex
This fashion for passion turns us into nervous wrecks
No derision, my decision -
I'd rather watch McCalmans on the television
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

But she said
Let's do it, let's do it, do it till our hearts go boom
Go native, creative, living in the living room
This folly, it's jolly
Bend me over backwards on the hostess trolley
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, my heavy-breathing days are gone
I'm older, feel colder, it's other things that turn me on
I'm imploring, I'm boring
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

Then she said
Come on, let's do it, let's do it, have a crazy night of love
I'll strip bare, I'll just wear stilettos and an oven glove
Don't starve a girl of her palaver
Dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, I know I'd only get it wrong
Don't angle for me to dangle, my arms have never been that strong
Stop pouting, stop shouting
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting
I can't do it, can't do it tonight

But she said
Let's do it, let's do it, have a night of old romance
Frenetic, poetic, this could be your last big chance
Read Milton, eat Stilton
Roll with gay abandon on a tufted Wilton
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

Then he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, I've got other little jobs on hand
Don't grouse around the house, I've got a busy evening planned
Stop nagging, I'm flagging
You know as well as I do that the pipes need lagging
Can't do it, can't do it tonight

Then she said
Let's do it, let's do it while I'm really in the mood
Three cheers! It's years since I got you even semi-nude
Get drastic, gymnastic
Wear the baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, I must refuse to get undressed
I feel silly it's too chilly, to go without my thermal vest
Don't choose me, don't use me
My mother sent a note that says you must excuse me
Can't do it, can't do it tonight

Then she said
Let's do it, let's do it, I really absolutely must
I won't exempt you, I want to tempt you, I want to drive you mad with lust
No caution, just contortions
Smear an avocado on my lower portions
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

Be mighty, be flighty
Come and melt the buttons on my flame-proof nightie
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

Not meekly, not bleakly,
Beat me on the bottom with the Woman's Weekly
Let's do it, let's do it tonight


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: celticblues5
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 01:18 AM

I am wondering, along with MM, what am I missing in Bonnie Ship the Diamond?

The Dalliance records have already been mentioned - LOTS of good songs there. [I didn't know there was a third one! I'll have to look for it.] Plus, when you get these, you have a ready-made trivia question for your theatre-fanatic friends - What well-respected older actor once played on a record of bawdy songs? (Alan Arkin)

Saffire introduces Silver Beaver by saying that, since bluesmen have a long tradition of singing about their snakes, roosters, etc., they thought it was time to introduce a FEMALE blues animal into the mix.....;-)

You might see if you can find some of Julia Lee's old recordings too - she was a master (mistress?) of the risque - (eg - "My doorbell ain't been working/my hallway's full of dust/my vestibule is musty/my keyhole's full of rust/but tonight's the night...")

And, of course, you must either start or end the evening with Tom Leher's "Smut" ("I've never quibbled/if it was ribald,")


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 09:05 PM

Khbreit - I think I can recommend you to take a look at the abc notation and use some freeware utility like abc2midi to turn it into some thing you can listen to. The only knowledge it requires is to identify the tone (i.e. its "name") from the key you hit (e.g. on a piano) or from the note you see on a piece of sheet music. This may be a little euphemistic as there are still other aspects of music, but still - IMHO that's the most advanced opportunity to communicate music to and from listening. Works in both directions, really.

I am especially interested in the tune you are using because when I read those lyrics some special KIND of tune comes to my mind (with many variations possible but it would remain the same kind) and I wonder from what song (songs?) I know it, and I also wonder whether you are thinking of the same.

Joerg


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 08:44 PM

What about unintentionally humorous songs about sex?

I nominate Paul Anka's "Havin' My Baby" and "One Man Woman" ...both done duet-style with Odia Coates. Gaaack!!! Go, Paul, go!!!


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Khbreit
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 10:32 AM

GUEST,Joerg

Dunno the "origional tune", my husband just made one up that fit it! I'll try to get some kind of sound file made up of the tune we use (I don't read or write music...that's why I learn new songs from memorizing what I've heard!)


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Terry Allan Hall
Date: 27 Sep 00 - 06:25 PM

Michael Martin's "How Can I Get You Off of My Mind (When You're Sitting On My Face" is pretty funny...


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Bert
Date: 27 Sep 00 - 04:19 PM

Size doesn't matter


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 27 Sep 00 - 03:10 PM

There's also Johnny Be Fair which is fun. And a girl scout who was a little older than me taught me this one about 1970 in Colorado (although I don't remember all the words!):

One by one, we're having some fun
Up in the bedroom all day and part of the night.

Two by two, he's looking at you
Up in the bedroom etc..

Three by three, he's looking at me.

Four by four, he's closing the door.

There were more verses, up to ten I think, but I can't recall the rhymes!

CD


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,jaze
Date: 27 Sep 00 - 01:41 AM

John Prine wrote a funny one called "My Own Best Friend" guess what that's about.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mbo
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 08:50 PM

Too right Petr. I've had the complete Robert Burns collection (all 3 fat volumes) of from my library several times. It's very interesting to learn what all the um...well, 'anatomical' and 'action' phrases are in Scots dialect. One of them has a curse that I sometimes long to use.. "Up your ass wi' a dick o' brass."


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Petr
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 08:45 PM

I have seen a collection of Robert Burns bawdy songs with titles like "nine inches will please a lady" etc. some of them were quite qraphic. (this was a book that a friend had but Im sure that the lyrics could be found on the web)

ALso at Fiddle TUnes festival this year at Port Townsend two guests were the sons of one of the Stripling Brothers and one tune they did was..

My little girl, when we were married, and we were going to bed that night, you put your glasses upon the dresser, you took the prettly curls from your hair, you put your false teeth upon the mantle and your wooden leg on the chair. My little girl, Id love to squeeze you but you were scattered everywhere.

Petr


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 03:13 PM

..and if the 11 minute version of Hesitation Blues by Gary Davis isn't long enough you have my permission to extend it by one verse ( a poor thing but mine own):I'M not an insurance agent
I'm an insurance agent's son [true]
If you want a great endowment
I can show you one[wishful thinking]
RtS


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Jim Krause
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 02:29 PM

How 'bout Diddy Wa Diddy as recorded by Blind Blake? Does that fit the bill?

There's a great big mystery
And it sure is worryin' me
It's Diddy Wa Diddy
Diddy Wa Diddy
Wish some one would tell me what Diddy Wa Diddy means.

and so forth.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Grab
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 12:45 PM

"The Old Morris Van" (by Brier, IIRC, to the tune of "The Black Velvet Band").

Grab.


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: MMario
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 12:42 PM

I have to ask

Bonnie ship the Diamond? Bawdy?


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Cavia_P
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 12:32 PM

A personal favourite of mine is "The Widow on the Moor" by (IIRC) Mick Ryan.
Chorus Oh the wind blew cold and lonely
All across that widow's moor
and she never ever turned away
A traveller from her door


Most memorable performance was by Elly Ellis and Sarah Grey. It always seemed a popular song with the ladies. :o)
(Allegedly) the inspiration for this song followed a careful study of the Hyte Report.

Cavia_P


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 11:57 PM

The all time classic for this class of song is the ancient Balls of Kerrymoor (sp?), which can be found in the DT and which I will not venture to quote, leaving you to embarass yourselves!

I am also partial to "Keep on Trucking, Mama", "The Jolly Young Tinker from London Town", and "Wallowing in the Throes of Fornication" which describes the delirious delights of alleycats and hippopotami in the same song!

Finally, a very ribald French ditty called "The Queen's Mouthfuls" discusses a really bawdy evening of activity between the King and Queen Victoria. But unlike the song I will leave the details to your perfervid imaginings!

Regards,

Amos


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Ely
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 11:47 PM

"Twiddly-Aye" (I don't know if it's trad or wrote, but it's got plenty of double-entendres)

"Big Enough for Two" (Jay Ungar/Lynn Hardy?)

"Bonnie Ship the Diamond"


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Howard Eberly
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 11:38 PM

Has anyone mentioned "Have some maderia, my dear"? The Limelighters has a great version on one of their albums. "Have some madiera my dear. I have a small cask of it here. Once it opened, you know it won't keep. Please drink it up, it will help you to......sleep."


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Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 09:06 PM

Khbreit - what tune, for heaven's sake?

Joerg


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