Song Challenge: Brief and Shorts

Subject: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 03:27 PM

Well, I'm no Gaelic Goddess. So lets just call this one red-headed Texan standing up for another one in her absence, eh?

ROBBERY IS SHORTS LIVED

YAKIMA, WA-- A man suspected of robbing a Yakima convience store while wearing underwear on his head was arrested Thursday afternoon after a zany hunt by police.

The 30-year old Yakima man, who eventually was arrested at a downtown business, faces possible robbery and burglary charges following a string of muddled misdeeds.

Events began about 9pm Wednesday when a man wearing boxer shorts on his head walked into the College Mart store on Nob Hill Blvd. A lone clerk washing dishes in the back of the store heard the door buzzer and looked up to see a strangely attired man pocketing money from the till on the counter, Yakima police Lt. Jeff Schneider said.

Stepping toward the counter, the clerk recognized the man's face through a hole in the underwear, Schneider said. Addressing the man by name, the clerk asked what he was doing. The man pulled the underwear off of his head and told the clerk he was robbing the store and wanted the safe opened.

When the clerk refused, the robber put his hand in his shirt and made his fist into the shape of a gun, as if reaching for a weapon. The clerk then pushed the alarm, which sent the robber out into the night. With the positive identification, and the name of the robber, police caught up with him at his comic book store downtown Thursday afternoon.

Have fun y'all
~Jen

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 04:36 PM

In all fairness, the Woodchucks should be allowed sole rights to "In My Shorts With a Gun" for this one.

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 04:46 PM

owwwwwwwww!

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:03 PM

The Brief Ballad
by Alex Riggle (no tune yet)

My mother always told me, "Son
You're bound to come to grief
If you go wearing boxer shorts."
She said, "Son, stick to briefs."

I tried to follow her advice
As down life's road I trod
Wearing briefs till I was 40
Tis true, so help me God!

But then the guys at work all laughed
One day at the swimming pool
They said, "You're wearing turtle tights!"
I felt like such a fool!

So I went out and bought twelve pair
Of Sears Best boxer shorts
I couldn't see what mama meant
(I wore a jock for sports)

Until I went to rob a store
With boxers on my head
Instead of my manhood hangin' out
Through the fly, my face instead!

They arrested me and threw me in jail
And my mama bailed me out
Saying, "Son, I hope you've learned your lesson!
Boxers let it all hang out."

©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Okay so it's not Tennyson.....

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:08 PM

*bravo!*

turtle tights?

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: AggieBethie
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:23 PM

lol... great

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:23 PM

Way to go Alex!

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:28 PM

That's what my cousin Brian called them when he lived with us (he wore boxers, I wore briefs).

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:31 PM

*definate cowchip contender Alex...BRAVO!!*

Sins...how's about this verse for the boxer song?

CHORUS
I'm gonna rob the minimart, I ain't sure how to do it
I've seen them guys on t.v. and it shore looks like fun
RealTV, Scariest Jobs, and Cops in Alabammy
I'll head down to the quickie-mart for heist #1

My girlfriend took her pantyhose when she left me last Sunday
All my briefs have strange marks where my hea'ds supposed to go
Bikin's make my head look fat, and I can't see through sweatshorts
All them rolled up tubesocks barely cover my nose

All the way down Nob Hill with them shorts in my pocket
Never thought I'd ever wear these things on a dare
Glow-in-the-dark spaceship shorts I got for my birthday
Gramma said these aliens would take you anywhere

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:02 PM

The Boxers
(tune: The Boxer)
by Alex Riggle

I am just a poor boy, and my story's briefly told
I have owned a comic book store
in the downtown streets of lower upper Yakima
I told my ma, times are hard and money's slender
I think I'll try my hand at robbing minimarts
Ooooooo...

When I left my home with my underwear, I was no more than a fool
Putting boxers on my head
And peeking through the fly, I tried to rob a store
Nothing more! but the cashier saw my face, and the boxers off I tore,
As I left there, the alarm rang through the store

Ly-la-lye, (etc)

In the courtroom sit the boxers, and a lawyer by his trade
Tries to get me off not guilty,
By pleading temporarial insanity
Vanity! All is lost! To the "big house" I am going
I have broken local law and now must pay the cost.

Lye-la-lye (etc)

©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

---

I'm warming to this topic.

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: AggieBethie
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:21 PM

Ya'll are so creative...and funny.

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: Dharmabum
Date: 20 Jan 01 - 10:47 AM

THE B V D BANDIT
(sung to The Streets of Laredo)

As I was out walking the streets of Yakima
As I walked out in Yakima last week
I spied a young man with his head wrapped in boxers
Placed with the legholes for his eyes through to peek

Raise your hands slowly I'll drop my shorts lowly
No one will get hurt if you just go along
Give me your money or I'll shoot with my finger
I'm the B V D Bandit & I know I've done wrong

Now this odd behavior it runs in my family
My Ma & Pa had it though now they're both dead
Ma with her bloomers & Pa with his longjohns
Worn not where they sat but adorned each ones head

And my dear old Granny didn't cover her fanny
She thought it was better to cover your face
She walked many a mile while cracking a smile
Displaying her buttocks all over the place

Dear uncle Preston you won't believe what he dressed in
Everyone laughed when he entered a room
And poor Auntie Hester the way that he dressed her
Seems their haberdasher was Fruit Of The Loom

My life of crime started when I was a baby
A diaper delinquent from the very first day
I was rather flighty in my tighty whities
I'd steal everyones candy & then run away

I've tried all the scivies that you can imagine
Tried Haines & Jockys,yea I wore em for years
But none give me comfort like BVD boxers
More room for my eyes,my nose,and my ears

So raise your hands slowly I'll drop my shorts lowly
No one will get hurt if you do as I say
Give me your money or I'll shoot with my finger
I'm the BVD Bandit now I'll be on my way

Subject: RE: SONGCHALLENGE: BRIEF AND SHORTS
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Jan 01 - 02:41 PM

FABULOUS, DHARMABUM!!!

Dueling cowchips???