Love over fifty. Better hurry up!

Subject: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: GUEST,Baldy
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 08:02 PM

I'm starting this for a friend who's embarking on a rather scary new journey.

I think it's a good question though. Does it help if you both play music? So many people have met at places like Pinewoods and Augusta. Falling in love over fifty should be like falling off a log. It isn't though. It's really scary to feel like a teenager again. Are the odds of it working, better though?

Baldy

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 08:08 PM

My uncle, who was a widower, fell in love in his late 80's and married her in his 90's....was very, very happy for the few years they had together.

My dad and mom divorced after 38 years, which put them in their late 50's. Dad has been remarreid for over 20 now.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 08:15 PM

Well, the odds of it working better depend on the individual. But you can bet that someone with 20 years of learning the ropes on a marriage will be better equipped to make one work right than someone who hasn't. 'Course, not everyone tries to learn much....

A

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: bet
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 09:16 PM

At times I sure think it would be nice to find out.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: bflat
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 11:32 PM

I think it can and does happen. But, I doubt the majority of folks are willing to comprise behavior as the age. If they have known love once, and it had some reasonable duration that seems to be enough. I am speaking from first hand knowledge not speculation. And, I've spoken to several people about this subject, most opinions were something along the line of why bother when there is so much to living besides love with a partner. I guess it is too risky. Rather a sad view I feel.

Ellen

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 11:34 PM

It's so funny-- Rick Fielding and I were discussing just this topic today in e-mail, and I wrote a little ditty, and then I came here and here THIS was! Guess I better post the song. I swear I had not seen this thread when I wrote it!

Hardiman and I met and married at about age 40. Lately I have been wondering if we'd have had the courage these seven years later-- you know, a little less hair, a few more pounds... could it be as romantic if we just met now, as it was then? And if we are creaky now, what about 50? We do actually sit and watch Lawrence Welk!

Lessee... this would require a uke or a tenor banjo, yeah-- striped blazers, straw hats!!!

For my friend Rick Fielding.



ADDLEPATE 'N' TWITTERPATE ME!

Oh God! I've just turned fifty
But ya know I think you're mighty nifty,
Couldja wouldja wanna come on
Addlepate 'n' twitterpate me!
Got a mean old beatup recliner
But there's nothing in my midlife any finer
Than a chance ta see if you can
Addlepate 'n' twitterpate me.

You know I been here waiting
'Bout a half a century,
And you know the thought never occurred in this brain
That someone really could love me....

Oh God! You know I'm all of fifty,
But you seem to think I'm sorta kinda nifty,
So honey whyncha cantcha go on
Addlepate 'n' twitterpate me!
And even though we're startin' at fifty
There could be lots and lotsa years of nifty,
So we might just as well and honey what the hell--
Addlepate 'n' twitterpate, we!

You know you look like you been waitin'
'Bout a half a century,
And I hate to shock you, maybe even rock you
But I feel most tenderly.

So darlin' here and now at fifty
Life's suddenly gone all nifty,
Let me twitterpate 'n' addlepate ya,
Cuz ya addlepate 'n' twitterpate me!
And ya know, since we're startin' at fifty
Might only be a few years left of nifty!!
So we better start fast with a wheeze and a gasp--
Addlepate 'n' twitterpate, we!

Oh I know that you are nervous
About all those sags and folds,
But I think they'll all fit, if we adjust 'em a bit,
Like custombuilt jelly molds.

Wouldja wanna be older than fifty
Before you find out our love can be nifty?
Let it all roll downhill, I can if you only will
Addlepate 'n' twitterpate me!
No it's bad enough to start at fifty,
Sixty-five might not be so damn nifty!
Let it all roll downhill, I can if you only will
Addlepate 'n' twitterpate me!

(C) 2001 Susan O. Hinton

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Troll
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 11:45 PM

Memsahib and me got married when I was 42 and on my second divorce and she was (whisper) 39.
Nineteen years and one kid later we are still together.Or at least we didn't file for divorce today.
It may last. I'm not sure yet. We're still working on it.
If something happened to her, I don't think I'd actively go looking but if someone nice came along, I'd probably try it one more time.
I'd hope that if something happened to me, she would find someone. No one should have to be alone if they don't want to be.

troll

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Gypsy
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 12:00 AM

Well, our fiddler and mando player are together. And seem to be having more fun than most young lovers in their twenties. It has been a year, with no end in sight. Ah....they make lovely music together.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From:
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 12:49 AM

My Parents could not seem to stay in love after fifty. They divorced, but afterwards, my Mother had two long term marriages. She was happy both times. My Dad is ninty and has had the same girlfriend for 25 years.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: kendall
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 12:50 AM

I envy couples who can make music together. I've never had that for long.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Hawker
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 03:54 AM

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all! I don't know the answer to your question, but your friend seems keen, surely its worth a try, have some fun - dont try and MAKE it work, just enjoy the experience and see whether it blossoms, Have fun, Lucy

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: R!
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 07:58 AM

My husband was just fifty when he and I married. We've been married happy twenty two years. So far, it seems to be working! In a couple of years I'll be fifty myself. If you both put the effort into it and clearly respect each other AND understand that each member of this unit needs his/her own space it has a very good chance of lasting.

Ta ra, Reen

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: GUEST,2 feathers
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 08:08 AM

There are enough sons written about "older" love to tell you that it happens all the time, and why not? My good friends, the Jerry Epsteins, serenaded us at our wedding 13 years ago with John Denver's "Love again." This reminds me of a soap (Helen Trent) whose introduction included "...love can live at thirty---and even beyond!" (How come I can remember that and not the name of a neighbor?)

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: kendall
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 11:52 AM

I was 47 the first time I fell in love. I'm now 66. What are the chances it will happen again? Pretty grim I should think.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 12:08 PM

Kendall:

Dinna give up hope, man!!! You never know who's out there. At your age, cradle-robbery (say, a plump and beautiful 50-year old) might be just the thing, and no-one will complain!

C'mon, man! Shine them shoes! Polish that pate! CHERCHEZ LA FEMME!!!

Regards,

A.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 12:31 PM

I don't know about fifty. The issue never arose at that time. I fell in love with Mrs. Murphy when I was twenty-two and I'm still falling. I haven't bottomed out yet.

We've been married for fifty-three years and the training period (for both of us)took fifty-two years and eleven months. We have shared our thoughts on this subject and neither one of us would go again if something happened to the other. It's simple. Why in HELL would anyone want to start over at this stage of the game?

I think the answer is that everyone's entitled to one good marriage. If you've had it, be satisfied. If not, go for it.

Love and Lilac Blossoms, Spud

(Sounds kinda corny, don't it?)

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: canoer
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 12:33 PM

Being 56 and looking -- I believe it's more difficult now -- by this age we have solidified our interests, our "ways," where we live, how we live, all our preferences. In our 20's all of this was far more fluid and a couple could gradually define their lives within the relationship -- and therefore more adjusted to each other.

At least, that's my part of the elephant. -- the canoer

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 12:38 PM

What do you mean by "Better hurry up"? I thought the whole point of love after fifty was savouring the moment. Kendall, my Dad at 66 married an old friend (ended in a nasty divorce but the two of them loved a good fight so all in all I think they got what they wanted.) Now at 87 he is dating another old friend he refound via the internet.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: RichM
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 12:48 PM

I was a bit younger than 50--by seven years, when I remarried.
When my beloved first wife died suddenly, I didn't figure on re-entering the dating game. I had known Sue- my current wife- for a number of years; we were colleagues at work, and I introduced her to bluegrass. She started coming to jams at my house, and soon took up banjo...In fact, I started teaching her informal banjo lessons...which led to..other things.
Duh! I was too dumb, too long out of the dating game to know she was interested.

We've been married 16 years. And we share a common love of performing music.We play together in a big (irish) band, me on guitar, she on upright bass, and both of us sing.
We have also been in a bluegrass band together a few years back;and we have always sung duets in many kinds of music. We are really comfortable with each other, in all respects. Musically, we seem to have a telepathic connection: we love singing harmonies together.

My advice to you is: follow your heart. If you want to partner someone, start dating without expectations. Enjoy the time together, and see what happens.
The wisdom of being over 50 is having a good idea of who you are, and the experience to recognize a kindred spirit.

Find someone who likes what you like. And vice-versa.

Rich

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: kendall
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 01:45 PM

No one could fill my list of "Must haves"

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 02:09 PM

Nice song wysi. Thanks for the smile.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: winniemih
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 02:26 PM

RichM, I love the thoughts you have on the wisdom of being over 50. Thanks! Winnie

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 02:45 PM

Well, Doctor Morse, with an attitude like that you better not try -- you'll just disappoint yourself. On the other hand, if you're willing to shift your attitude JUST a teensy bit, who knows what hair-raising adventures might await you still!!

Cherchez La Femme, M'sieur!! Allez-y!!! Va't'en poursuiver la heuresse!!!"

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: kendall
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 04:43 PM

I'm afraid I'm beyond "hair raising" experiences too!

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Matt_R
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 05:14 PM

I've just had to break up with my girlfriend. Now I feel like a bastard. I'm starting to think I WILL be 50 before I really fall in love.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: RichM
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 05:28 PM

Matt R, sorry to hear about your breakup with your girlfriend.
Don't feel like a bastard--unless you acted like one!

And no, you won't have to wait until you're 50....

Get out, mingle, be sociable, and for heaven's sake don't look desperate! Turns women (and men) off...

Just hurry up.....and slow down ;)

Rich

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 07:26 PM

Matt - sorry. Take some time to figure it out and then move on.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 08:53 PM

Aw, Matt. If there's a lesson in it, tease it out; this is not an easybusiness to learn. It took me twenty years, for example, to learn to just say "I understand how you feel" instead of saying "Oh, I know what you oughta do!" or "I can fix that!". I never thought I was a slow learner but in this particular "Mars talks to Venus" game I am pure Mongoloid.

A

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Matt_R
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 09:03 PM

Thanks for the support, guys. Now returning you to your regularly scheduled thread.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Bluebelle
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 11:11 PM

Of course it's possible to fall in love after 50. If that's what you want to do. You have to be open and receptive to being loved if you want to fall in love. My man is younger than I by 10 years. (I'm 50) If you're 50 and still judging people by the outside, rather than the inside, the chances of sustaining a relationship are slim. Everyone wants a good-looking partner. I believe that's human nature and I'm not different than anyone else. Attractive is good. Intelligence and a keen sense of humour and humanity is even better. Generous of heart and spirit is even mo betta. And a healthy libido is the icing on the cake. I love icing.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 01:40 AM

I've been married to the same man for 27 yrs...married him when I was 23....he was 19. I've often been suprised it has lasted this long.......
but I don't think, at nearly 50, I would ever want to try to learn to live with someone else. Quirks, idiocyrncies, food preferences, laundry smells, etc.

There is a lot to be considered in a 2nd/Late marriage that was never even thought of in the first.......Does he like Ham/Beans? Will he put up with "toots"? Does he like dogs/cats? Esp dogs/cats on The Bed!

Will he pick up poop or sick up? What about Curry,sock doughnuts and dust on the piano?

Then, there is always the ex or kids from the First to consider.........Who Gets It? Which site will s/he be buried in?

Too much for me to deal with......alone sounds good....

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:45 AM

HMMMM. Maybe that's my problem. I have confined my search to older men. I bet I could afford a twenty-year-old but then I would have to put up with him. But 40+. Maybe...

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:47 AM

"Put up with him"? Aye now lass, what's that supposed to mean? ;-)

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:22 AM

Made perfect sense to me....:>)

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:57 AM

Matt - What are you doing on this thread in the first place??? Wait a minute! Do you have designs on Peggy Seeger?

You young guys are high maintenance. Too much angst. Too eager to reproduce. I can't handle it anymore. Now a 1957 model with low mileage and decent tires...that I might be able to handle. Am giving up on the vintage Mercedes and new Jaguars. A cute little two-cylinder VW bug sounds about right.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:03 AM

Ah yes, the stereotypical young guy. I assure you that I do not fit in that group.

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:16 AM

So Matt, Who gets first pick? Me or Peggy Seeger/

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:23 AM

Well I'm not sure there, Sins. On the poster for her concert, Peggy was driving a mini-backhoe, so there's that...

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:32 AM

Yeah, and I'm married, so that lets me out. Dang!

~S~

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:35 AM

~S~ da Flooz strikes again!

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:15 AM

Be thou Flooz'd.

A little Floozification is always in order, eh?

~S~

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 12:23 PM

But of course!

--A passing gentleman

Subject: RE: Love over fifty. Better hurry up!
From: wdyat12
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 01:15 PM

Late February is a good time for us over fifty folks to fall in love. It's now after Valentine's Day. so we don't have to commit just yet and we don't have to send a premature Valentine. Christmas isn't for another few months, so we have a repreive from spending money on a lavish gift for someone that we are just beginning to know and appreciate. Spring will be here soon, a perfect time to let love blossom. Then there's summer, the easy time of year for us seniors. We can share all those inexpensive romantic outdoor activities like long walks on secluded beaches or canoeing in the local resevoir without freezing our old butts off. Yes my fellow folks over fifty, don't waste any more time pining away. It might be later than we think, but not too late yet to fall in love again.

wdyat12