Song Challenge! - Part 53

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 04:24 PM

Hello, hello, hello, dear Challenge!rs!! I don't need reminding that I'm still a bit behind in catching up to things in 'Catland; however, I received this Challenge! idea today from Amos, the right honorable (?) Bard of the Cookefam, and I couldn't resist (his begging and whinging) to use it for Challenge! No. 53 -- So, gird your loins, cover those naughty bits, and superglue your undies to yourselves . . . and GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!!:

I Wanna Hold Your . . .

May 31 — A sex-crazed male monkey has caused an uproar in a central Sri Lankan town, stalking and attacking girls in public and flirting outrageously with cats and dogs, a newspaper said on Wednesday.

The monkey has roused the anger of residents of Kundasale by following young women around the town, jumping on them without warning and clinging tenaciously until it was chased away with sticks and stones, the Daily News reported.

Apparently having little success with human females, the primate also makes advances on other animals to which it has "a very strong affinity (particularly) cats and dogs of the opposite sex," the newspaper said, adding the creature fed its libido by stealing chocolates from local shops.

The monkey business has outraged the town in Sri Lanka's conservative rural heartland where public displays of affection are frowned upon even between humans of the opposite sex.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Charley Noble
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 04:43 PM

Can't resist tossing in this old bawdy chestnut from "Cats on the Rooftops"!

The monkey's small but not so slow,
He only stands about a foot or so,
But when he comes, it's time to go
As he revels in the throes of fornication!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: harpmolly
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 05:42 PM

...trying madly to chase away the images called up by a parody of "Monkey on Your Back"...

M

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Dharmabum
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 09:04 PM

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Dharmabum
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 09:49 PM

sorry about that.

WOULDN'T IT BE LOVERLY

Wandering your streets
trying to fornicate,
I'm just a little horny
simean primate,
If I don't find someone soon
I'll have to masturbate,
Oh wouldn't it be loverly.

Eating little candies
made of chocolot,
My simean labido's
getting mighty hot,
If I can't find a girlfriend
I'll take whatever you got,
Oh wouldn't it be loverly.

Feeling amorous
when my heart goes thump,
Watching all the girls
for a leg to hump,
Getting hit with sticks
I'm all brused & bumped,
Oh wouldn't it be loverly.

(chorus)
What a abso-bloomin-lutely wonderful life
I'd never leave me bed if I had a human wife.

I'm searching for
a Sri Lanka girl,
Give me half a chance
& I'll rock her world,
I'll wave my monkeyhood
like a flag unfurled,
Oh wouldn't it be loverly.

If all of my flirtations
I nowhere get,
I'll try some titillation
with the family pet,
Be it Rover or with pussy
I'll have no regret,
Oh wouldn't it be loverly.

(chorus)
What a abso bloomin lutely wonderful life
I'd never leave me bed if I had a human wife.

Darwin's theory never
had a so lu tion,
I am the missing link
to ev o lu tion,
It'll be a homosimian
rev o lu tion,
Then It'll be just loverly.

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 10:11 PM

The Monkey and the Ingenue

Tune: The Monkey and the Engineer (Jesse Fuller (Hillgreen Music/BMI))

Once upon a time there was an ingenue

                                                                            Awful proud of the wiggle that her buns could do
                                                                     Walkin down that Ceylonese avenoo
                                                                        Making all the Sri Lanka boys go woo, woo, woo!

                                                                             One day this little lass she was strollin' free
                                                                          Got noticed by a monkey in a nearby tree
                                                             The gal was so provokin' with her strut and all
                                                                   She heated up that the monkey through the Species wall!

                                                                                   Motivated monkey, coming down that street
                                                                                  Motivated monkey, smells some fancy meat
                                                                                   Motivated monkey, swollen all outta shape
                                                                                Got his monkey-mind set on some trans-species rape!

                                                                    The monkey, he believed that his love was true!
                                                                     He figgered that the doxie would just ring him on through,
                                                                 Imagine his surprise when he made his pitch,
                                                                  That two-timin' hussy was a world-class bitch!

The pretty little strumpet with the swell behind
Left that monkey with a worried mind,
When he jumped up to make his case,
The lady kicked the monkey all in his face!

                                                                               Motivated monkey, gettin' bothered now,
                                                                                  Chasin' every species from a dog to a sow!
                                                                                   Motivated monkey, swollen all outta shape
                                                                                Got his monkey-mind set on some trans-species rape!

  The monkey saw his ardor wouldn't win the case                                                                    He figgered that it mighta been his funny face!
                                                                 But he had to do something with his swelling pet,
                                                                So he turned his passion toward a passing cat instead!

But that wasn't the end of that Sri Lankan lass

                                                                     She caught herself a bachelor with that curvaceous ass,
                                                                 But the fifth time he whopped her up alongside the head
                                                                 She kinda wished she'd settled for the monk instead!!
 

                                                                    Motivated momma with an achin' head,
                                                                     Wishes that she got herself an ape instead!
                                                                      Motivated momma, with her beauty gone,
                                                                      Lookin' for a trans-species  liaison!

Regards,,

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 10:16 PM

Actually, this comes via Dharmabum to me to Amos to Áine!

I'd like to offer a sub-challenge, Áine, if I may. That would be to make a blues number collaboratively, using as many words from this as possible:

http://blueslyrics.tripod.com/blueslanguage.htm#top

Put the words from that source in BOLD type to get points. The winner gets a set of Gary Davis lyrics edited for use in church singing! (Not sanitized-- verses added, etc.!) With chords! Call it a Holy Roller Ball prize.

I'll start it off:

HOT MONKEY LOVE BLUES

You know it's hot in the jungle
But baby I saw you.
Oh I was hot there in the jungle
But then I caught a whiff uh you.
I'll do whatever it takes, baby,
To lose these hot monkey love blues.

And it's steamy in that jungle, baby,
But not as steamy as you.
Oh yeah it's steamy in that jungle, baby,
And 'most as steamy as you.
But with these hot monkey love blues baby,
Whatchoo speck me to do?

You got me jitterbuggin' baby
The way you shake that thang.
Oh I cain't hep but be jitterbuggin' baby,
The way you shake that thang.
Need me some pow'ful goofy dust honey
Or do I gotta flag me a train?

I ain't no monkey man, baby
I'se a natural born.
I ain't no monkey man, baby
I'se a natural born.
Once this monkey kiss yo monkey, honey,
Keep it nice an' warm.

~S~

line breaks added by mudelf

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 10:18 PM

Duh! LINE BREAKS!!! LOL!

Send in the Clones!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Dharmabum
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 10:26 PM

We jes be spankin our monkey tonite ain't we!!!!!!!!

Good ones guys!

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jun 01 - 01:10 AM

"I'll wave my monkeyhood like a flag unfurled...."

Really! (a good line!!)

*G*G*

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Jun 01 - 01:21 AM

finally, a song challenge about me....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jun 01 - 08:40 AM

MONKEY'S PRAYER (to the tune of Sailor's Prayer- McDonald)

Though I may be small and hairy, and I fill you with disgust
and you want to chase me off with sticks and stones
It's not as if I want to marry, just gratify my lust
and satisfy my monkey soul

CHORUS:
Oh won't you lay me down, my blood is raging
Oh won't you lay me down, to calm this storm?
You're a female, I know that; be you human, dog or cat
and I won't leave you with a child to hold

In Sri Lanka's heartland now, you'd think I could find, some how
a female who would be my very own
with chocolate I would would woo, some for me and some for you
a one night stand is all I really want or need!

chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 05 Jun 01 - 09:13 AM

Fantastic entries so far, I must say! Here are your Silver B.L.O.B.s for these wonderful offerings:

To Dharmabum for:

I'm searching for
a Sri Lanka girl,
Give me half a chance
& I'll rock her world,
I'll wave my monkeyhood
like a flag unfurled,
Oh wouldn't it be loverly.

To Amos for:

The monkey saw his ardor wouldn't win the case
He figgered that it mighta been his funny face!
But he had to do something with his swelling pet,
So he turned his passion toward a passing cat instead!

To WYSIWYG for these 'goofy' lines (hahaha):

You got me jitterbuggin' baby
The way you shake that thang.
Oh I cain't hep but be jitterbuggin' baby,
The way you shake that thang.
Need me some pow'ful goofy dust honey
Or do I gotta flag me a train?

And to MMario for the 'satisfying':

Though I may be small and hairy, and I fill you with disgust
and you want to chase me off with sticks and stones
It's not as if I want to marry, just gratify my lust
and satisfy my monkey soul

Way to go, Challenge!rs!! Now, keep 'em comin' . . . that is, the songs, not the monkey . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 06 Jun 01 - 03:59 PM

Ah come on now -- I know there's one or two more monkey songs in you guys!! ;-) Now start 'monkeying' around, or I'll have to take back some of those Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarinas I handed out for Song Challenge! Part 52 . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 06 Jun 01 - 04:29 PM

Monkey Man

I'm a fleabit peanut monkey
I'll unlock you with my trunk-key
I'm telling you the truth!

I'm a galavanting gibbon
Won't you help untie my ribbon?
Would you do?

My libido's so hot it steams
And you're the gorilla of my dreams
Do you want to, babe?

Well, I am just a monkey man
I'm glad you are a monkey woman too

I was smitten by a boar
She knocked me through the bedroom door
But I pulled it on through

Yes, I'm a randy chimpanzee
So swing on this trapeze for me
Won't you?

Well, I hope I'm not a sex-psychotic
Or a trifle too erotic
Did you see me in the news?

Well I am just a monkey man
I'm glad you are a monkey, monkey woman too, babe

I'm a monkey
I'm a monkey
I'm a monkey man
I'm a monkey man
I'm a monkey...

line breaks fixed by mudelf

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Trapper
Date: 06 Jun 01 - 04:36 PM

Monkey Love
Words by Al Boyce
Tune: Radar Love by Golden Earring

I've been swinging all night, just eatin' my meal
Ate my banana then I had to peel
The city's callin', says I need you here
I'm sniffin' the air - some lovin's near!

CHORUS 1:
When I get lonely and the longing gets too much
Hangin' from a cable I swing in from above
Don't need no jungle at all
I've got a thing
That's called: Monkey Love
I've got my nose in the air...
Monkey Love!

Little girl is singing some forgotten song
The pussy cat is coming on strong
The poodle's got me hypnotised
I'm gonna give one a BIG surprise!

CHORUS 2:
When I get lonely, and I'm sure I've had enough
I get juiced on chocolates and swing down from above
Don't need no condoms at all
I've got a thing
That's called: Monkey Love
I've got my eye on the prize...
Monkey Love!

No more mocha I'm almost there,
One more leap and I'll be in her hair!
Can't let one pass, here I go!
To the line of girls movin' down below
And that little girl's singing that forgotten song
And the pussy cat's coming on strong
And the poodle's bell is ringin' my ding-dong
One more Monkey Love has gone!

TO CHORUS 1:

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 06 Jun 01 - 06:29 PM

That's it!! I knew that I should just keep the faith ;-)

Here's two more well-earned Silver B.L.O.B.s --

To Lonesome EJ for:

My libido's so hot it steams
And you're the gorilla of my dreams
Do you want to, babe?

And to Trapper for:

When I get lonely, and I'm sure I've had enough
I get juiced on chocolates and swing down from above
Don't need no condoms at all
I've got a thing
That's called: Monkey Love
I've got my eye on the prize...
Monkey Love!

Way to go, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 07 Jun 01 - 06:09 PM

So, is this it? Seems your sense for semian sex songs has settled down to a slow simmer . . . Shall we mosey on over to another Challenge!??

Enquiring mosey-makers want to know ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 09 Jun 01 - 08:17 AM

Alrightey then, I'll go ahead and get the Golden Cow Chips ready for tossing out today -- I've got to wash both the dogs and one of the cats, so you've still got time to rustle up a ditty or two about the lusty monkey -- until I get dried off and bandaged up . . . ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 10 Jun 01 - 06:07 PM

Well, ya can't say I didn't warn ya ;-) Here are your well-earned Cow Chip Awards . . . Cudos, congrats and thanks for yet another round of great Challenge! songs! Keep your eyes 'peeled' for the No. 54, coming up . . .

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:

Monkey's Prayer by MMario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:

The Monkey and the Ingenue by Amos
Monkey Man by Lonesome EJ
Wouldn't It Be Loverly by Dharmabum

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:

Monkey Love by Trapper

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield:

Hot Monkey Love Blues by WYSIWYG

Well done and way to go, Challenge!rs! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 11:11 AM

Aw, c'mon! Anyone who's ever seen Jungle Book will know exactly who that monkey is! King Louie! Check out the following ...

KING LOUIE's SECOND COMING

Now I'm the king of the swingers
Oh, the jungle VIP
I've reached the top and had to stop
And that's what's botherin' me
I wanna be a man, mancub
And stroll right into town
And get myself one of your fancy chicks
I'm tired of monkeying around

Oh oo-oo-bee-doo
I wanna be like you-oo-oo
I wanna date like you
Mate like you, too
You'll see it's true-oo-oo
An ape like me-ee-ee
Can learn to be hu-oo-oo-man too

SPOKEN

"Gee, cousin Louie
You're doin' real good"

"Now, here's your part of the deal, cuz
Lay the secret on me of pullin' chicks"

"But I don't know how to pull chicks"

SUNG

Now don't try to kid me mancub
I need to get it on
With a human girl and I don't care
If she's redhead, brunette, blonde
I'm sick of shagging monkeys
I lust after naked skin
All these prudes, think it's rude
They think that it's a sin

Oh oo-oo-bee-doo
I wanna be like you-oo-oo
I wanna date like you
Mate like you, too
You'll see it's true-oo-oo
An ape like me-ee-ee
Can learn to be hu-oo-oo-man too

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: MMario
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 12:00 PM

kipling in public?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: GUEST,Mugwa
Date: 26 Sep 01 - 03:26 PM

Kundasale

I was down in central Siri Lankan town
Feeling horny as hell, you know
When a beautiful gal waltzed by
I tried to take her there and then
But they chased me away with sticks and stones
So when I saw another beauty
I thought this time I might have a go
Still so many beauties later
I've surely got no luck
Things were getting bad now
I was pretty desperate
I saw little kitty cat, ohhh my
The kitty was looking good
I was thinking I was better
But the aching hurt me hard
I saw another kitty cat
And I finally lost control
I took that little kitty
And I could not get enough
I saw puppy down the street
Hit the alley cats 2 streets over
Ran into a pit bull, but I was on a roll
Robbed the local chocolate shop
And got me a Doberman pincher
But what more do you expect
When I'm sex-crazed, gone wild
No female whose bones I might jump
In this one monkey town
In this one monkey town

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: GUEST,refresh
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 04:05 PM

Refresh

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: SharonA
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 05:52 PM

Awright, mugwa! You go, ...um... girl?

Derrymacash, I'm sooooo glad to see I'm not the only one parodying Disney! Very well done indeed.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: GUEST,Mugwa
Date: 30 Sep 01 - 03:00 PM

yes, girl

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 04:04 AM

I'll try not to make parodying Disney a habit ... The above comes nowhere near the level of ingenuity of your Bare Necessities offering.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 06:14 PM

Long earned, long awaited and long delayed -- Here are your awards for your marvelous melodious madness(es), dear Mugwa and derrymacash:

King Louie's Second Coming by derrymacash and Kundasale by Mugwa are awarded The Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song.

Cudos and congrats!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 04:12 AM

Áine ...

Such approbation ... my head swells.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:27 AM

Sex Crazed Monkey, to the tune of "Stray Cat Strut"

Sex crazed monkey in Sri Lankin town.
Lookin for lovin all around .
Any species I don't care,
I do my business anywhere.
Sex crazed monkey I'm a horny ape,
I'm a primate Casanova, I'm so great.
Get stones thrown at me to drive me away
But I'll come back another day

I don't bother chasing my own kind.
Dogs and cats look better from behind
I slink down the alley careful because
Dogs and Cats have teeth and claws
Singin' the blues while the lady monks cry.
Crazy old monkey won't you give us a try
Being this way can be such a trial
but being with my own just ain't my style

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Áine
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 12:05 PM

Oh Jacko, play that Gretsch, baby -- make it wail!! Do the Dirty Dog, ya buggah!! ;-) 'Sex Crazed Monkey' decidedly deserves the coveted Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears. Well done, JtS!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 53
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 01:07 PM

OOOOO AAAAA EEEEEE (Thank you, thank you verra much!!)