BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat

Subject: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 06:41 AM

(OK I'm just emptying the old jokes bin)

When I first started lurking around the Mudcat Café I was a long time jazz and blues and skiffle fan who knew very little about folk music apart from (or because of) attending Spinners and Corries concerts in the 1970s.

Since then, of course I've picked up quite a lot from the experts here. However, as a musical klutz, I may not have quite grasped it all correctly.
For the benefit of other folk neophytes (not you, Banjo Bonnie, sit down, you're an expert now!) here is what I think I've learnt:

Folk: people (NOT horses, whatever Louis or Big Bill said or didn't say).
Axe: what pop performers call their guitars
Banjax: what Irish folk performers call their tenor banjos
Thong: What thome people thing (Thee altho thpudth)
Craic: Where the thong ends up
Martin: a popular brand of guitar, responsible for the death of Ella Speed (on many occasions)
Washboard: A primitive rhythm instrument, mainly extinct, now only used by living fossils (see also teachest bass, washtub bass and kazoo)
Whirlpool high spin automatic front loader: An electric version of the washboard favoured by more modern performers.
Old country: where most Americans came from
New Country: Out of town shopping malls
Chord: What people hang themselves with when I sing
Key: What people use to lock me up ditto (in the blues, does not always fit in the right keyhole)
Note: What people press on me to stop me singing
Shanty: a hut, outside of which people often sing the blues
Sea Shanty: one of the above that has been swept away by a hurricane
Luthier: Superman's enemy, also the topic of many songs: The Man from Larrivee; North to Grit Laskin The Great deFender,
Seagulls: One in the eye for luthiers if they look up
Catspaw: A foul mouth hiding a (largely recycled) heart of gold
Skiffler: An awful warning to those who never listened in Music 101 and never practised.
Roger (verb) : To assault a person in the most horrible way, to do the same to a song. (see also to render, or tear apart)
Fender: Something to put in front of the fire and rest your legs on.
Ovation: to throw eggs at (see also Skiffler).OR something to throw on the fire
Sheila: Australian for any woman, Berkshire for that long-suffering wife of the noisy, out of tune, old git.
Brummie: A person with an unintelligible accent, a shamrock in his turban, an undeserved pride in his heritage, frequently exiled to other parts of the country or world.
Blues: Poor folks' music played by supporters of Birmingham City
Claret and Blue: rich folks' music played by supporters of Aston Villa
Sky Blues: music for high fliers who support Coventry City.
West Bromwich Albion Supporters: My dad (last of the breed)
Kazoo, a cigar shaped instrument which is placed between the lips and hummed through by those who can't play a musical instrument (DO NOT see Lewinski, Monica)
Harmonica: a mouth organ (same warning applies)
Harp: Either an instrument with strings, sometimes in an erotic frame, OR metal object which is placed in the mouth an blown through (I won't tell you again!) OR a lap top instrument that takes six months to learn and three years to tune.
Mandolin: an instrument for slicing vegetables and encouraging Greek tourism (for an instrument for discouraging Greek tourism see Skiffler)
Bouzouki: A mandolin with ideas above its station
Bodrhan: a popular resort in Turkey favoured by people driven out of Greece by itinerant skifflers.
Cecil Sharp: the key I whistle in
Child Ballad: A lullaby that goes on all night
Sympathetic strings: Yorgos Glinatsis, the only guitarist who can accompany my singing
Rick (verb): to strain a muscle trying to do complicated chord changes
Otway: annual awards presented by the American Guild of Self-Advertising Practitioners.
Ella Speed: the correct tempo to sing "A tisket a tasket (OR an amphetamine popular with late night musicians)
Tempo : An Irish Secretary who can't hold down a regular job
Rhythm: something attributed to African Americans, keenly espoused by Catholics with less success and totally lacking in WASPS.
Wasps: A well known Lancashire rugby league side
Ukelele: a guitar that's shrunk in the Pacific climate
Banjolele: a device for telling the weather's turned out nice again
Late night sing-around: A device for telling the time (stop that noise, don't you know it's four in the morning?).
Ascot: A small village, near a racecourse. Once the epitome of class and privilege, recently invaded by riff raff, even exiles from Birmingham
Birmingham Sunday: Two way Family Favourites, Billy Cotton Band Show and Sing Something Simple
Ascot Festival: Celebrations that take place twice a year, funnily enough always while I'm in Greece
Pianola: A device for exercising both thigh muscles and voice.
Piano roll: a snack to be eaten while pedalling the pianola, consumption prevents singing, often supplied free by neighbours.
Greek Diaspora: whole communities in Greece have been seen running to the harbour and getting on board ships to avoid the singing of some tourists.
Argonauts: Ancient Greek sailors who put wax in their ears to avoid terrible noises, a custom recently revived.
Capricorn: jokes so bad, even the goats won't listen
Capripox: A disease of goats, sheep and Vikings
Condom: A very safe rhythm guitarist
Frankie and Johnny: A successful jockey, whose seven winners at Ascot were a record (and were backed by Herself - a whole pound on a placepot) and the man with the monocle behind an old tv cook.
Crossroads: where Robert Johnson learned to play the blues until the other guests complained they could hear him through the cardboard walls. He also composed the immortal "May Amy Turtle be unbroken" there
Big Bill: What you get from your ISP if you use the Mudcat too much
Max: short for maximum, the ultimate
Yamaha: a motorcycle mass produced in plywood
Morris dancing: a pastime of workers at Cowley, Oxford
Washtub bass: someone with a deep voice who sings in the shower
Tenessee Ernie Ford: also known as the Model T, an early US car
Dulcimer: an erotic film starring Carol White and John Mills
Jug band: a strip of duct tape around the head to protect the ears of rugby front row forwards
Ramblin': All the above, sorry!
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 06:51 AM

LOL-gasping-for-breath-
That's great, Roger! This must be required reading for all Mudcatters!!

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 07:04 AM

Great stuff, Roger! But they will never get the "Crossroads" allusion over here !

Murray

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 08:36 AM

RtS. In my father's time the term Brummie, or Brum, was used to refer to something that wouldn't work, or had stopped working. A failed watch was - I've got a brummie watch, or a conked out car was said to be - a brum car.
It would seem to have originated as a derogatory term, probably the first few Birminghamites out here to dig for gold leant on their shovels a bit much. ( a guess )

JG/FME.

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 08:51 AM

My grandfather who worked "on the ashphalt" for much of his life used to tell how one day there were four men and only 2 shovels. They asked the boss what to do and he said:" Two of you will have to lean on each other" (usually done as an Aynuck and Ayli story but dialect removed to help the colonials understand it.)A hammer s of course a Birmingham screwdriver. Those people jealous of the City of a Thousand Trades spread the rumours of bad workmanship. Probably jealous Mancunians who thik that theirs is the Second City, poor deluded fools!
RtS (phew, that's another joke for the recycled bin!)

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: Morticia
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 09:02 AM

ROTFLMAO.....see, Roger, you have just ably demonstrated why you can't possibly leave us!Dammit, we'll club together and PAY your internet bills!

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 09:02 AM

And didn't good ol' Thomas de Quincey refer to "cheap Brummagen [sic] products" in his "Confessions of an English Opium Eater" nearly two hundred years ago? [Ans: yes, now you won't have to look it up]

Roger, I've always had a sneaking supspicion that there is a whole family of instruments: the big grown-up teachest bass; the more modest lady's or teacher bass; and the much smaller put-it-under-your-chin teach bass.

And you (and your Dad) may be interested to know that there is hope form WBA players: on ex-Albion man, Steve (don't know his surname, but it's Greek) runs the excellent chip shop in Stonnall, one of the things I'll miss most when I move. If you're ever up Brownhills way, drop in and buy some chips: this entitles you to make fun of the team.

Steve

P.S. JG: there's a car called Brum, and it (he?) has a tv series on BBC1. I saw it filming by the Floozie in the Jacuzzi last time I was in town.

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: Trevor
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 09:03 AM

Black Country proverb No1:

If at first you don't succeed gerrabiggerommer.

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 09:17 AM

Simplt FANTASTIC!!! This one needs a place of it's own in the Momorable Threads department and we will of course have it chiseled in the crumbling sandstone arch at the entrance of the NYCFTTS.

Skiff, we know you'll be visiting some even after your "retirement" and we hope it is a lot and not a little. But we have to work out some details based on your pending retirement. First, please check THIS THREAD and add comments or suggestions.

Next, we are planning Skiff's Official Retirement Party thread and we need to know which week to do it. As I realize this is before Christmas, the sooner the better. Which week will work out better for you to participate and receive the Cuckoo Clock and the other "presents" from 'Catters around the world? I considered the week after the American Thanksgiving as we'd have lots of leftovers and could save some bucks on the meal. That would be the week of 26 November. Do you have any preferences on this as we can't have a proper retirement party without the retiree!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 09:48 AM

Well, 'Spaw, I've managed to leave my previous jobs without any presentation and I'm trying to avoid one now (especially when I heard someone ordering tar, feathers and a rail). I always think it's unkind to give clocks in case the time hangs heavy!
However, a virtual knees-up in a virtual taverna sounds fine, nothing too elaborate, a few olives, a few bottles of a full bodied Naoussa Boutari and a cask or two of Metaxas 3-star should suffice.
By the way (a lead-in to some more binnable "humour" if I ever heard it) had you heard that Greece can't afford to supply breathalyser kits to the police on remote islands. Instead they are using this audioguide: House of the Rising Sun = half a bottle of wine and a brandy; Blowin in the wind= ...2 brandies; The Boxer (sung simultaneously in Englishand Greek)= 3 brandies; Yesterday (at least 4 brandies); Goodnight Irene = is that bottle empty already? and finally Blue Suede Shoes, (are you going to come along quietly , sir, we don't want any trouble). End of November, then?
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 10:19 AM

OK--put me down for a grorty pudding (a virtual one, unless someone can tell me how to attach food to an e-mail). I've also got a long stand from my time at Norton Villers, if you'd like that, Roger.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 11:24 AM

Roger, just 'cause you're leaving (which I have my doubts about....'cause NOBODY REALLY leaves) is no reason to stop injuring muscles in the quest for the perfect F13th,b5!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: 53
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 08:29 PM

i don't know what that chord is. BOB

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: simon-pierre
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 11:52 PM

My chords book doesn't have it, altought I have F13th,b9, the chord we have no use for. But IMHO, Roger can still cheat on his flat F, and it will be ok.

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 08:15 AM

"OK kids, take a go-o-o-d look at this li'l fella: it's F13b9--the only chord we never use!"

Steve (with apologies to Gary Larsen, and anybody else)

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: GUEST,Celtic Soul
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 09:09 AM

:::;giggle!!!:::

Well, that surely was enlightening! I had no idea I was so woefully ingernt of the real folk world. ;D

I especially loved the one about the bazouki!

Subject: RE: BS: What I've learned from the Mudcat
From: Amergin
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 09:11 AM

damn I am gonna miss your humour....