Song Challenge! - Part 73

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Áine
Date: 05 Dec 01 - 06:28 PM

All right, y'all! That's enough resting on your Golden Cow Chips! I want all my lovely Challenge!rs to get up, wipe off your collective (and oh so darlin') bums, wash your hands, roll up your sleeves, grab yourselves a pint of the Black Stuff and hunker down on this one -- and if you need a second helping, just remember that the stewpot is always full and the Guinness is always just the right temperature at Moon on the Hill ;-)

Hugs and snogs (and here's an extra napkin, too!), Áine

What A Fella Will Do For A Good Irish Stew! -- A house burglar in South London ignored a video recorder, mobile phones and other valuables - but stole a pan of Irish stew.

Clare Wilson, from Mitcham, made the dish for the next day's dinner, then left it on her oven and went to bed. The next morning it had vanished, but nothing else had been taken.

Ms. Wilson, a mum of four, told The Sun: "I know my cooking is good but this is ridiculous. It's unbelievable someone would just take a stew when all that stuff was lying about the place. I'm considering putting out reward posters asking people if they've seen my stew pot. I've been making stew for over 20 years in that pot, and I'm a bit annoyed. I've got several others, but it was my favourite. It's just the right size for all the family. The thief must have tasted the food first because I found dollops of it around the top of the stove."

Ms. Wilson's sons, Brian, 20, and Scott, 19, swear they did not eat the stew after getting in from the pub - they had a kebab on the way home.

The back door had been forced open, so Ms. Wilson reported the crime to Mitcham police. She said: "The thief should have just knocked on the door. I'd have invited them along for dinner. There would have been enough for everyone."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Áine
Date: 05 Dec 01 - 07:43 PM

This thang has been up for an hour, and no bites yet?!?!

Y'all quit staring at my garrulous garlic g-string from Part 72 and get going on this Challenge! now, ya hear?!?

-- Áine ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 01 - 07:56 PM

Keep Your Hands Off My Irish Stew

Tune: Blue Suede Shoes (Click to Play)

Well you can steal my tapes, you can take my car,
Steal my teeth from the bedside jar.
But uhhhuh, honey lay offa my Irish stew!!
Well you can do anything, but lay offa my Irish stew!

Take my china, Delftt and Blue,
Take my CDs and my records too,
But one damn thing that you better not do,
Is baby, lay offa my Irish stew!!
Well you can do anything but lay offa my Irish stew!

I came home it was late last night
Found my Ma in one helluva fright
Screaming, Baby, they messed with my Irish stew!
They coulda had anything but they messed with my Irish stew!!

She ran to the bedroom, dropped to the floor,
Pulled out her old blue-steel forty-four,
Screamin' Damn them! Messed with my Irish stew!!
They coulda had anything but they messed with my Irish stew.

She wasn't wearing no hat,
Wearing no shoes,
But she surely knew what she meant to do!
Hunting down the man who had messed with her Irish stew!!
Do anything! But don't touch my Irish stew!

She found her man by the old drive-in,
Carrot gravy all over his chin!
And she told him, lay offa my Irish stew!
You coulda had anything, but you messed with my Irish stew!

Well, the next thing anybody knew,
He had holes in his chest you could look right through!
I tole ya, don't touch my goddamn stew!
You can do anything!! But lay offa my Irish stew!

Now how come Ma's got such a crazy look?
It's the only damn thing she knows how to cook,
So don't you,
Mess with her Irish stew!

You can do anything, but lay offa her Irish stew!!
 
 

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Dec 01 - 10:48 PM

Is the use of "Stewball" banned from this challenge too?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Áine
Date: 05 Dec 01 - 11:01 PM

Not at all, Dear SINSULL -- go for it, sweetie! ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Áine
Date: 05 Dec 01 - 11:37 PM

OK, here's my take on the situation -- kind of a Romeo and Juliet thing -- Seems to me that Ms. Wilson doth protest too much, so I've written a little ditty for her 'secret admirer':

That Irish Magic
(Tune: That Old Black Magic by Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer -- may they stop spinnin' in their graves long enough to forgive me . . .)

Your Irish stew it has me its spell,
Your Irish stew that you cook smells so swell,
Down on the street, the scent went through my spine,
My senses addled with the lamb and thyme.

I tingled with lust deep inside my bones,
I knew I had to cross the legal zone,
Up and up I climbed, no care about the time,
An innocent, caught up in a crime.

I should stay away, but what can I do?
One whiff and I'm all in a stew,
A stew with such a burning desire,
Only your pot liquor can put out the fire.

Yours is the dish that I have waited for,
The soup d'jour I was created for,
And every time I dip my tine,
Sweet Clare, oh down each morsel goes, through my tum down to my toes,
In a spin, loving the spin I'm in,
Under that Irish magic called STEW!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 01 - 11:42 PM

Irish magic indeed, fair Annie!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Áine
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 08:37 AM

Just giving this one a little 'refresh' to the top o' the list again . . . ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 09:35 AM

To the tune of Nell Flaherty's Drake and very obviously inspired by the same ...

Oh me name it is Clare, me soul now I'll bare
I'm tearing me hair, I am left in a spot
For some dirty clart, has near broke me heart
And caused me to part with me oul' cookin' pot
It had come down the line of this family of mine
From the dawning of time when the world it was new
And all of our breed have had mighty feeds
They've been nourished indeed on the boul' Irish stew

There's mountainy sheep, carrots in heaps
And I wail and I weep as the onions I chop
As I wash the mud off the lashings of spuds
I know she'll be good to the very last drop
This oul' recipe was given to me
On my mammy's knee when I was just two
But I hope that it chokes and causes to boke
The ignorant yoke that made off with me stew

The ingredients got, I boiled up a pot
It was steamin' and hot and smelt too good to eat
And me being tired, to bed I retired
What I required was eight hours in the sheets
In the dead of the night some despicable shite
Without an invite or a how-do-you-do
Slipped in the back door, the miserable hoor,
And never-no-more'd with me fresh pot of stew

I grinded me teeth and I stamped both me feet
And the wall I did beat with the prow of me head
How I'd like to grapple with his Adam's apple
I'd squeeze his oul' thrapple until he was dead
I wish his oul' eyes were afflicted by styes
The colour and size of fluorescent golf balls
I'd kick his backside from morning till night
Till he'd lose all his pride and for mercy he'd call

May he suffer a crash, may he get the whiplash
And his oul noggin bash off his motor's windscreen
May he fall in a drain that's been swollen with rain
Or suffer the pain of a haemorrhaged spleen
May he lose his oul' roof, get a hole in his tooth
Or a nail in his hoof, may his fart follow through
A dose of the gout, of shingles – a bout
To be his look-out for stealin' me stew

My bad wishes extend to a lingering end
Where he'll have to contend with his burden of guilt
With Oul' Nick standing by to roast and to fry
His pitchfork to pry right up to the hilt
His cries of remorse will be useless of course
Nick's heard such discourse from a felon or two
The wages of vice are not very nice
When you're playing the price for the stealin' of stew

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Clifton53
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 09:37 AM

The Kettle of Purloined Stew
(Tune: Maid Of The Sweet Browne Knowe)

'Twas on a fair and gentle day in the South of London green
Claire Wilson rattled her pots down in her kitchen so serene
" The next days fare I will prepare for it's the thing to do
She'd no idea it would become The Kettle of Purloined Stew

" 'Tis me favorite pot I love a lot I'll use to make this grub
While her boys were busy making merry at the pub
" Tomorrow morn it will still be warm and we'll have a fine ragout
But when the sun came up she missed The Kettle of Purloined Stew

Beset with shock she took in stock of the situation drear
" Where the devil is me pot" she cried, " how could it disappear"?
The thief was just a mystery she didn't have a clue
And someone rash had made a dash with The Kettle of Purloined Stew

She made some noise and woke her boys saying " I'll get to the crux"
" Yez ate me stew now didn't you, you lousy sons 'a bucks"!
" Oh dearest mum we wanted some, for we'd had quite a few,
But we would never dare to take The Kettle of Purloined Stew

She quickly rang the copper gang and they answered soon the call
But plain it was she told the fuzz, there's nothing gone at all
" They had a need just for a feed, some gravy they did strew"
" I'd roast the swine that took me fine 'ol Kettle of Purloined Stew"

Darlin' Claire is unaware what happened that fine day
Or how the pot still piping hot could simply walk away
No dog nor cat nor burglar fat nor anyone else knew
A mystery for history, The Kettle of Purloined Stew

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 09:52 AM

Wow!!! Two of my favorite tunes return to the Challenge lists!! Both top-drawer -- you guys are a Rare Pair of geniuses indeed.

Derry -- if you want a grin, look up the challenge on the case of the murdered hen -- I forget the number -- or, here it is here. An earlier adaptation of Flaherty's Drake.

Clifton -- I sang the English version of Maid of the Sweet Brown Knowe to TGG for the first time when we went to visit her in Dallas a couple of months ago -- she'd known the Gaelic version forever and never heard it in English. It's amazing how these old songs resurface time and again, no?

Thanks, guys -- made my day!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Áine
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 09:59 AM

Wow! Three very appetizing entries here -- well done! Here are the oh-so-appropos Silver B.L.O.B.s for these 'starving artists':

To Amos, possibly inspired by witnessing yours truly running madly around in the kitchen, for:

Now how come Ma's got such a crazy look?
It's the only damn thing she knows how to cook,
So don't you,
Mess with her Irish stew!

To derrymacash, who captures the spirit of the seasoning with:

May he suffer a crash, may he get the whiplash
And his oul noggin bash off his motor's windscreen
May he fall in a drain that's been swollen with rain
Or suffer the pain of a haemorrhaged spleen
May he lose his oul' roof, get a hole in his tooth
Or a nail in his hoof, may his fart follow through
A dose of the gout, of shingles – a bout
To be his look-out for stealin' me stew

And to Clifton for his wonderful Holmesian take on poor Clare's plight with:

She made some noise and woke her boys saying " I'll get to the crux"
" Yez ate me stew now didn't you, you lousy sons 'a bucks"!
" Oh dearest mum we wanted some, for we'd had quite a few,
But we would never dare to take The Kettle of Purloined Stew


Great going so far, dear Challenge!rs -- Keep 'em comin'!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:12 AM

Amos ... bravo on the previous thread to which you lunk above ... Nell Flaherty's was a bit of an obvious song to parody. (For me getting in mind a song that lends itself to parodying is the crux ... it's plain sailing from that point on!).

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:15 AM

Oh ... obvious doesn't have a negative meaning in my post above ... it was supposed to mean mean "absolutely 100% right" ... on re-reading I realised it might sound as if I was being sniffy. Not so!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: mousethief
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:34 AM

Stewpot
tune: Stewball (as sung by Leadbelly)

Oh the TV (uh-huh)
Is a big one (un-huh)
And beneath it (un-huh)
A DVD (DVD)
But the stewpot (uh-huh)
On the rangetop (uh-huh)
Is the thing they (uh-huh)
Took from me (from me)

You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin (thin, thin)
You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin.

Was a Thursday (uh-huh)
In Mitcham (uh-huh)
Both my boys were (uh-huh)
At the pub (at the pub)
They were filling (uh-huh)
Up on Guinness (uh-huh)
And a couple (uh-huh)
Of kebabs (keeeee-bobs)

You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin (thin, thin)
You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin.

While-a they were (uh-huh)
Out drinking (uh-huh)
I was slaving (uh-huh)
At the stove (at the stove)
To create some (uh-huh)
Irish stew for (uh-huh)
The family (uh-huh)
That I love (that I love)

You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin (thin, thin)
You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin.

But-a it was (uh-huh)
Getting late so (uh-huh)
I set the stew to (uh-huh)
Simmer low (simmer low)
And to bed I (uh-uh)
slowly shuffle (uh-huh)
And to sleep I (uh-huh)
quickly go (quickly go)

You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin (thin, thin)
You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin.

But I left my (uh-huh)
Window open (uh-huh)
And th'aroma (uh-huh)
Must have gone (have gone)
Out the window (uh-huh)
To the alley (uh-huh)
And enticed a (uh-huh)
Thief to come (to come)

You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin (thin, thin)
You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin.

When I woke up (uh-huh)
In the morning (uh-huh)
My stewpot (uh-huh)
Was gone (was gone)
It was stolen (uh-huh)
By a criminal (uh-huh)
With a discrim- (uh-huh)
-inatin' tongue (natin' tongue)

You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin (thin, thin)
You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin.

There were dollops (uh-huh)
On the rangetop (uh-huh)
Where the criminal (uh-huh)
Dropped that stew (that stew)
But the stewpot (uh-huh)
My favorite stewpot (uh-huh)
Was nowhere (uh-huh)
In view (in view)

You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin (thin, thin)
You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin.

All you criminals (uh-huh)
In the country (uh-huh)
Please listen (uh-huh)
To me (to me)
I will feed you (uh-huh)
with my family (uh-huh)
bring my stewpot (uh-huh)
Back to me (to me)

You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin (thin, thin)
You can bet in my stewpot
My stew's not thin.

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Deda
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:12 AM

Well, shucks, I guess Nell Flaherty was the obvious choice indeed, 'cause it was what I was starting to churn around in my head. But I hadn't gotten far, so I'll just toss in the lines I have so far, and start searching again. But it'll probably be tomorrow before I can settle on a new tune and get to it again:

My stew it had dozens of red Spanish onions
And mushrooms and carrotts and cabbages, too.

Bad luck to that thief, Of all evildoers chief

Who's stolen my beautiful, fine Irish stew.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:49 AM

To the tune of that oul' tub-thumper, "The Broad Black Brimmer".

BOIL THEN SIMMER
There's a pot of stew that's bubbling
Beyond in the back-room
A pot of stew so simple in its style
It's got no flash ingredients
No rocket, no tofu
But this recipe's sustained us all the while
One night me ma was lying down
All peaceful in her bed
The stew was stolen by a dirty thief
There is no consoling her
No whisht ma, turn it down
Sure her heart is only tortured with the grief

It's got to boil then simmer
For four-and-twenty hours
To make sure that the mutton's tenderised
Thickened up
With a big cup of cornflour
And the spuds boiled till they're nearly atomised
A pinch of salt
And some parsley near the end
(A great big handful, not a leaf or two!)
When it's the nosebag that you're needing
You won't get better feeding
Than a great big bowl of mother's Irish stew

This recipe was eaten by
Me father years ago
A little bit unsteady from the pub
"Ah Jesus, that was lovely
I'll have another, so
It's hard to bate a plate of home-made grub"
And when he kicked the bucket
And laid out at his wake
It was on me mother's stew the mourners dined
"Mrs Wilson that was lovely!
It fair beats tay and cake.
It's a shame that he can't die another time!"

It's got to boil then simmer
For four-and-twenty hours
To make sure that the mutton's tenderised
Thickened up
With a big cup of cornflour
And the spuds boiled till they're nearly atomised
A pinch of salt
And some parsley near the end
(A great big handful, not a leaf or two!)
When it's the nosebag that you're needing
You won't get better feeding
Than a great big bowl of mother's Irish stew

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:57 AM

Of course the first line of the chorus should read "you've got to boil then simmer" ... not "them simmer". Balls!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 12:04 PM

derry - you boil them balls and someone's bound to complain.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Clifton53
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 12:50 PM

Amazing stuff indeed! Sure a bunch of sharp pencils around here! Lol at the " die another time" line Derry. I never thought of 'Drake' although it is so appropriate here. Enjoyed your entry Mousethief, could see 'ol Huddie banging that Stella and singing about stew.

Thanks again Amos, I enjoyed the link to the older challenge, great rhymes in that one.

And Aine, which Holmes are we talking about here? (BG)

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: mousethief
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 01:00 PM

Here's what really happened.

---------------------------------------------------

The Stewpot from Hell
tune: Sweet Betsy from Pike (more or less)

Now gather 'round bounders wherever you be
And you'll hear a story by listenin' to me
Me mum never learned how to cook very well
And the worst thing she makes is the Stewpot from Hell

Me brother is Brian and my name is Scott
And one night when mum started fillin' that pot
We looked at each other and Bri' grabbed his hat
And were out of the back door in ten seconds flat.

You must understand that we love our dear mum
And the last man who badmouthed her, we kicked his bum
Her biscuits are first-rate, her cakes never fall
But that glop she calls "stew" could be used to patch walls

So me and me brother went down to the pub
And had a good supper of broiled shish-ke-bub
And we knocked back a pint, maybe two of good stout
We were both walking sideways when we finally walked out

We made our way home, but for how I can't tell
We opened the door, and were hit by that smell
I started to choke, Brian broke down and cried
It was like someone's dog none-too-recently died

Now if you are caught by the arm of the law,
After cocking your elbow, out driving your car,
I think that one whiff of me dear mother's stew
And you'd be twice as sober as when you were two

We found the offending pot still on the stove
And, struggling to lift it, quite manfully strove
To wrestle the reeking thing into the yard
And buried it near the front tyre of the car

Next morning my head it did ring like a bell
"Who pilfered me stewpot?" I heard mother yell
"I'm sure I don't know" and right then it was true
For me head was too noisy to mind on her stew

So mum simmered down and the cops she did ring
And they took down her statement, and that sort of thing
But out in the yard there's a barren brown spot
For nothing will grow over mother's stewpot.

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 03:13 PM

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.mid

There was a wonderful smell, and I think you can tell
For it never should have been there at all.
Such a powerful compulsion, This Hiberian emulsion
The one thing to cause me to fall.
When the sweet meat and potatoes call like a siren song
And the gravy and veggies so savory
I did steal all the stew the container to, Chew,
And now do a stew for me.

When Irish stew is stewing, It reminds me of my home
Its the best of Irish cooking, no wonder you found it gone.
When Irish stew is ready, My resistance goes away,
And when Irish stew is stewing, sure I'm stealing it right away.

For your stew it is what I do love in the Pot
And it makes my mandibles water.
Like a mountain's sweet spring, that odiferous thing
I can't leave it as I oughta
For the flavor of stew is the sweetest of all,
There is ne'er a real care or regret;
And while I'm in jail, won't you bring be a pail
I'll eat all the stew I can get.

When Irish stew is stewing, It reminds me of my home
Its the best of Irish cooking, no wonder you found it gone.
When Irish stew is ready, My resistance goes away,
And when Irish stew is stewing, sure I'm stealing it right away.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 03:32 PM

LOL Jack!! A fine twist to a stewsome tale!

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 03:43 PM

I can't think of anything except a possible end line where the police catch the thief and say " Irish stew in the name of the law". Someone try to work that one in!! Failte....Jock

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Homeless
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 04:51 PM

Sinkin' in that stew.
(to any number of electic blues tunes)

I feel oh so hungry
Ain't had no food today.
After a week I'll eat any old thing
A shoe or a lump of clay.

But what's that smell I'm smelling?
What olfactory delight?
Can it be a tasty stew
That will set my stomach right?

I spied it thru the window
Just sitting on the stove
That old back door is there no more
After I give it a shove.

cho:
I wander the street With nothing to eat
My belly a vacuous hole.
But I found a treat, that's full of meat
Just hand me a big bowl
'Cause I'm sinking, sinking,
Into that Stew.

Wander thru the kitchen
Hope the woman's in her bed
while I Savor that luscious flavor
that's running thru my head.

Sneak up to the oven
and what's before my eyes?
An entire pot of Irish Stew.
A homeless fellow's prize.

Reach down deep in the pot
After taking off the lid
Just one morsel to stave my hunger
Until I go get hid.

cho:

I'm not a thief by nature
I've never stole a thing
But when you're hunger gets the better of you
You'd take the crown from a king.

Money doesn't mean too damn much
To a homeless guy like me.
Keep your cameras, clocks, and phones
Just let me eat for free.

Oh that stew was tasty
Eaten as I ran down the path.
And now that pot, it serves me right
Whenever I want a bath.

cho:
Sinking deeper, deeper
Into that stew.

Mmm-mmm. (burp.)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 05:19 PM

Irish Stewing in an English Cell...... by Jack And Giok

Irish Stew in the kitchen
Sitting in the pot
Irish stew a steaming
Made him hatch a plot

Of course it was the reason
That he broke the door
But he never never should have
returned and asked for more

The lady said "Of course, I'll
Brew you for you a Stew
But Old Bill was waiting
He really shoulda knew

While the Bobby was a waiting
He poured some down his maw
The said to the food Burgler
Irish Stew, In the name of the law

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:54 PM

CLARE'S FAVORITE THINGS
(Tune:"Raindrops on Roses")

Onions and Guiness and chunks of fresh beef
Or use some lamb, you choose the meat
Pot in the oven, the heat turned on low
That's how to make Irish Stew, don't you know?

Some people add turnips and other add 'taters
But only an idjit would add in termater's
Add salt and pepper, perhaps a bay leaf
But don't get fancy or you'll come to grief

When I went to bed the stew was a-simmer
I thought I would serve it the next night for dinner
The thief he came in and he tasted the lot
Then he absconded with the stew, and MY POT!

If I find him, I may kill him
I could make more stew
But the stew-pot was gramma's, the really old kind
The one thing of hers, now, mine!

That stew-pot of gramma's was my family treasure
With it I never had the need to measure
Without it I really don't know what I'll do
The next time I need to make an Irish stew.

Why'd the thief take it, and not my TV?
That would have been, more welcome to me!
The police they say they will never find it,
My answer to them, a resounding "Oh shit!"

If I find him, I will kill him
This is not about stew!
He walked in and walked out with my old stew pot
Now I must make do, with new!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 08:52 PM

Ah, Me MMMMMMMMario---you still got the magic touch!!

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 09:01 PM

nah, I go for the easy parodies and the cheap jokes. I find most other entries much more worthwhile.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Deda
Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:06 PM

Well, this is one where I scarcely dare enter anything at all, the array is so dazzling already. But I've chewed my pencil eraser clean off, so here goes.

Irish Stew (Tune = "Close to you", sung by the Carpenters)

Why do thieves suddenly appear
At this time of the year?
For a treat, they long to eat
Irish Stew.

(*Tune to every alternate verse = On the day when you were born...) Forget about the credit cards
The secret safe, the VCR
The SUVs and all the jewellry too
They don't want to know about the dough
Just want to get that pot of Irish Stew!

Good thick stock bubbling in a crock
What a shock! Break the lock!
They'd all fight, just for a bite
of Irish stew.

Some spuds, a little broccolli
Last night's unfinished G and T
Have all been tossed in to the steaming brew
And she threw some lamb meat in there too
And simmered for at least a week or two!

Add green peas, carrotts if you please,
Some fresh beans, celery,
Basile, too, all went into
Irish Stew!

The moment that the theft was made
The flavors came together
And decided to become a dream come true
So they blended mushrooms in the mix
And heaven's secret spices in there too.

That is why every thief in town
Is just hanging around
There's no haste, they just want a taste
Of Irish Stew.

(Ah, aahh aahh) Irish Stew
(Ah, aahh aahh) Irish Stew

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 08:45 AM

well done Deda! tough tune to put lyrics too - at least in my opinion. good job!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 09:20 AM

Then there is the entrapment theory......

I took the Stewpot by Bobby O'Marley

I stole the stewpot,
But I didn't take no VCR
I took the stewpot
Didn't steal no Jaguar car

All over South London
They're trying to track me down
They say they're trying to nab the culprit
Who pilfered the Irish Stew
For a stewpot of Irish stew

But I say
I stole the stewpot
But I did not take no Mobile phone
I just took the stewpot
I wish they would leave me alone

The smell of stew got the better of me
So I broke, I broke inside
It was so hard to resist
But I Tried, Oh Lord I tried

But I say
I stole the stewpot
But please don't put me in no juvie hall
I just took the stewpot
I don't thinkI am a criminal

[Gm]I shot the sh[Gm]eriff, [Cm]but I [Cm]did not shoot the [Gm]deputy. [Gm]===[Gm]===[Gm] {eoc} [Eb]All a[Dm]round in my [Gm]home town [Gm] they're [Eb]trying to [Dm]track me [Gm]down. [Gm] They [Eb]say they want to [Dm]bring me in [Gm]guilty [Gm] for the [Eb]killing of a [Dm]deputy,[Gm]===[Gm] for the [Eb]killing of a [Dm7]deputy,[Gm]===[Gm] But I say:

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 10:08 AM

To the tune of "Boulavogue" ...

In Mitcham Town, as the sun was setting
On another day of weary toil
My mother's hand set the gas ring blazing
As she put a pot of fresh stew to boil
And brother Scott, he gave the signal
And we both slipped out for a crafty beer
When we returned, there was consternation
That drew the neighbours from far and near

My mother in distress was wailing
"Ochone, ochone! We are undone.
A grave misfortune, it has befallen
We've been the victims of hit and run"
And lo! No pot on the stove was bubbling
A naked flame wavered in the breeze
God help my mother, with anguish crippled
She beat her breast and sank to her knees

"Kind neighbours all, I crave assistance
This crime has struck at my mother's heart
And the time has come. We must seek our vengeance
And every neighbour must play his part"
With a rousing cry we were set in motion
And I took my place at the company's head
In search of justice, none would deter us
We'd bring him in, be he 'live or dead.

On Streatham Hill, me boul' man was captured
And brought in chains and flung at me feet
Spuds and carrots spilt down his jumper
And in his beard, tell-tale chunks of meat
I drew me fist, prepared to smite him
To teach a lesson he'd not forget
But I stayed my hand and my voice was measured
As I asked your man if he had regrets

With that he fell prostrate before me
"I beg forgiveness, kind sir" he cried
"But I am one of the poor and homeless
I'm low in income, but high in pride
And wouldn't beg and couldn't labour
But hunger gnawed at my very soul
And I couldn't help but take advantage
I thought I'd have just a little bowl …"

He hung his head, he had said his piece
And he waited meekly to take my blow
But I took his hand and I helped him upwards
And warm embraces I did bestow
"My brother man, I am pleased to call you
My mother makes a most generous stew
It feeds herself and young Scott, my brother
With enough for me and enough for you

You need not steal and you need not plunder
Come back with me, for another bite
Ah for Jaysus' sake, why stop at feeding
Won't you come on home and stay the night."
My neighbours gazed in fond amazement
"What a nice young fellow" they softly said
But then I laughed "Ha! I'm only joking!"
And I kicked his ass till his nostrils bled!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: GUEST,Gusty
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 11:03 AM

Here's my first stab at a Song Challenge. This theme lends itself nicely to "Tis The Last Rose of Summer"

'Twas left o'er night to simmer; my lovely Irish stew.
I got up next morning for to check it, rising early as the dew.
But to my consternation, my pot of stew, it was gone!
Not another thing was missing, all my valuables left alone.

I was puzzled and befuddled, nearly to my poor wit's end.
Why would a thief steal the stew only? This, I could not comprehend.
Now, I know my cooking is a legend, but I never dreamed I'd see the day
When a burglar broke into my kitchen just to steal my stew away.

I suspected, first, that my two sons had come home late from the pub,
And had set upon my stew pot, looking for some late night grub.
But they swore they both ate kebabs, and had then gone straight to their bed.
Then I saw the back door was forced open, and I knew I'd been robbed instead.

Now, of all the pots I use for cooking, that pot was my favourite one.
For twenty years I have used it, and now my pot is gone!
'Twas of just the right dimensions to hold stew for my whole family.
I'd reward the person handsome, who can bring it back to me.

Oh, the thief, they must have been right hungry, for to go to such extent.
They had even sampled my concoction; left a mess before they went.
Of my stew, I had made plenty. Had they only knocked upon my door,
I'd have gladly given them some dinner. Now, my stew pot I'll see no more.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 11:13 AM

Bravo, gutsy! not only does it read well, but it has tons of the information in it as well.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 11:26 AM

Good one Gutsy! Welcome aboard!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Clifton53
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 11:57 AM

The Night That The Stew Pot Was Snatched
(Don't need to tell the Irishmen/women which tune this is, but fer the rest of yez, 'tis "The Night Before Larry Was Stretched")

The night that the stewpot was snatched
'Ol Clair she did whittle and parboil
Sweet lamb in the vessel was catched
'Twas just lightly browned in some veg oil
The carrots they tumbled in fast
And taties she strew round about them
A dish from someplace in her past
From Limerick, Cork or from Mitcham
( She did not know, nor did she care)

She finished the dish fine as wine
And then off to bed lest she tarry
"Sure on the young morrow we'll dine,
It'll suit any Tom, Dick or Harry"
The boys, they come tumblin' home
All aglow with the feel of sweet whisky
"Just grab some and she'll never know"
" Oh to hell I'm not feelin' that frisky"
(And young Brian and Sean, declined the invite)

In the mornin' she gamboled downstairs
And with coffee and smoke came to decent
"Good Lord but I be unawares"
"But it's plain that me pot 'tis absent"
Then she let out a hooligan cry
And the boys they come runnin' in quickly
"Ah lads there is something awry"
"And to truth I am feelin' quite sickly"
("They stole me stew", she said in pain)

The coppers come crowdin' in fast
And they spoke them so clean and so civil
One looked like a troll from her past
And one looked like 'Ol Ish Kabibble
And they stood up so tall and so grand
Then one of them asked," Please don't sob"
"Can it be that 'yer stew has been taken"?
Claire fetched him jab on his gob
" What the hell do 'ye think that I'm fakin'"?
(Just look at the stove, ye bloody big ass!)

Well never the story's been told
Except 'round these parts so I'm proven
What more than a thief just so bold
Than to grab me stewpot off me oven
And history tells us today
Not all of God's beasts are can be holden
Than to come in 'yer house plain as day
And to grab 'yer lamb stew cooked just golden
(And they sent her to peal and repent)

Clifton

line added per request by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 12:09 PM

Another Bellringer, Clifton. LOL.

I have to say I think the quality of these challenges is really coming up steadily!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Clifton53
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 12:11 PM

Good lord, missed a line again,after the Ish Kabbible line should be, " And they stood up so tall and so grand", Thanks powers that be.

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: GUEST,Deda
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 01:33 PM

LOL,LOL, spitting tea all over. My husband and I were roaring over all these last night when I read him the entries. This is a great harvest of hilarity, imho.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Áine
Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:47 PM

Well, Yee-haw and Hot Dang! Not only are my darlin' Challenge!rs coming up with Cow Chip Classics, but we've even added another talented member to the Cow Chip Corp!!! Oh happy day '-) Welcome, welcome, welcome, Gusty, to our happy clan and get set to receive your first of many (we hope) Silver B.L.O.B.:

Here are the latest Silver Best Lines O' Bull:

To Gusty, for a wonderful cockle-warming verse (don't know 'bout you all, but it made me pull out my hankie):

Oh, the thief, they must have been right hungry, for to go to such extent.
They had even sampled my concoction; left a mess before they went.
Of my stew, I had made plenty. Had they only knocked upon my door,
I'd have gladly given them some dinner. Now, my stew pot I'll see no more.

To mousethief for his descriptive lines and 'natin' tongue':

When I woke up (uh-huh)
In the morning (uh-huh)
My stewpot (uh-huh)
Was gone (was gone)
It was stolen (uh-huh)
By a criminal (uh-huh)
With a discrim- (uh-huh)
-inatin' tongue (natin' tongue)

AND for this brilliant finale:

So mum simmered down and the cops she did ring
And they took down her statement, and that sort of thing
But out in the yard there's a barren brown spot
For nothing will grow over mother's stewpot.

To derrymacash, a chara, for these Spittoon worthy lines:

This recipe was eaten by
Me father years ago
A little bit unsteady from the pub
"Ah Jesus, that was lovely
I'll have another, so
It's hard to bate a plate of home-made grub"
And when he kicked the bucket
And laid out at his wake
It was on me mother's stew the mourners dined
"Mrs Wilson that was lovely!
It fair beats tay and cake.
It's a shame that he can't die another time!"

AND another for derry, who made me spill me Guinness with:

You need not steal and you need not plunder
Come back with me, for another bite
Ah for Jaysus' sake, why stop at feeding
Won't you come on home and stay the night."
My neighbours gazed in fond amazement
"What a nice young fellow" they softly said
But then I laughed "Ha! I'm only joking!"
And I kicked his ass till his nostrils bled!

To Jack the Sailor for this very appetising set of lines (and an extra Bit on the side for 'Hiberian emulsion'!!):

There was a wonderful smell, and I think you can tell
For it never should have been there at all.
Such a powerful compulsion, This Hiberian emulsion
The one thing to cause me to fall.
When the sweet meat and potatoes call like a siren song
And the gravy and veggies so savory
I did steal all the stew the container to, Chew,
And now do a stew for me.

AND for gettin' down with:

But I say
I stole the stewpot
But I did not take no Mobile phone
I just took the stewpot
I wish they would leave me alone

And here's a Triple S.B.L.O.B. for my darlin' Homeless, for this thoughtful, yet funny, trio of wonderful words:

I'm not a thief by nature
I've never stole a thing
But when you're hunger gets the better of you
You'd take the crown from a king.

Money doesn't mean too damn much
To a homeless guy like me.
Keep your cameras, clocks, and phones
Just let me eat for free.

Oh that stew was tasty
Eaten as I ran down the path.
And now that pot, it serves me right
Whenever I want a bath.

And here's one for our Co-Challenge!rs, Jack the Sailor and Giok, for:

While the Bobby was a waiting
He poured some down his maw
They said to the food Burgler
Irish Stew, In the name of the law

To my sweet MMario, for this wee bit of hilarity, and a 'well done' for the 'termater'!!:

Some people add turnips and other add 'taters
But only an idjit would add in termater's
Add salt and pepper, perhaps a bay leaf
But don't get fancy or you'll come to grief

To Deda, for her simply 'ock-ing' wonderful lines:

Good thick stock bubbling in a crock
What a shock! Break the lock!
They'd all fight, just for a bite
of Irish stew.

And to Clifton, for this gutbuster of verse!:

The coppers come crowdin' in fast
And they spoke them so clean and so civil
One looked like a troll from her past
And one looked like 'Ol Ish Kabibble
And they stood up so tall and so grand
Then one of them asked," Please don't sob"
"Can it be that 'yer stew has been taken"?
Claire fetched him jab on his gob
" What the hell do 'ye think that I'm fakin'"?
(Just look at the stove, ye bloody big ass!)


Well done, Challenge!rs (yer songs, not yer stew)!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 73
From: Áine
Date: 08 Dec 01 - 07:36 PM

Well, it looks as if y'all have grown tired from lifting those hefty spoonfuls of Irish Stew ;-) -- So, I guess I'll be handing out the Cow Chips now. Cudos and congrats to everyone (especially Gusty, our newest 'newbie'!!) and I just hope that everyone has worked up a good appetite for Song Challenge! #74, which is coming up shortly . . .

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Irish Stewing in an English Cell by Jack And Giok
I Took the Stewpot by Bobby O'Marley (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)
Stewpot by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Clare's Favorite Things by MMario
Keep Your Hands Off My Irish Stew by Amos
The Kettle of Purloined Stew by Clifton53
The Night That The Stew Pot Was Snatched by Clifton53
The Stewpot From Hell by mousethief
When Irish Eyes Are Smiling by Jack the Sailor

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

The Boul' Irish Stew by derrymacash
Just A Little Bowl by derrymacash

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic):

Sinkin' In That Stew by Homeless

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Boil Then Simmer by derrymacash
I'll See My Pot No More by Gusty
Irish Stew by Deda