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BS: Speaking of Phones
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Subject: Speaking of Phones From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia. Date: 15 Dec 01 - 07:08 PM How often do you get dialled wrongly? It seems about once a week with me and I've developed a couple of responses that go like this ;
Hello. Now, it's about here that the caller either lets out an anguished groan and hangs up, or twigs that you're pulling their leg and a lively conversation ensues. A couple have even said it was the best wrong number they ever dialed. And then to;
Hello. And sometimes I have the girl doing a 6 month stint on a prawn trawler in the Gulf of Carpentaria with a beery and lustful crew. One mother was horrified and said that as her daughter was only 14 she could have waited a year or 2 before embarking on such escapades. I had to come clean quickly on that one. Generally it's fun. JG / FME |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: GUEST Date: 15 Dec 01 - 07:16 PM Whats your number, so I know NEVER to ring you! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: CarolC Date: 15 Dec 01 - 08:15 PM I have a slightly different sort of situation. People say my sisters and I all sound exactly the same on the phone. There have been times while I was visiting my parents' house when someone would call for one of my sisters and think I was her. (She? which one is correct here?)
I've had people start right in with intimate talk calling me 'honey' and things like that. My response is "You probably think I'm (whichever sister). The part I really enjoy is the stunned, embarrassed silence that usually lasts about ten or twenty seconds and then the choking sound and awkward attempt to resume the conversation that follows. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia Date: 15 Dec 01 - 09:46 PM Yeah, well I live alone so I guess it is a strategy to maximise social contact. JG / FME. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 11:56 PM I usually find that a simple "I'm sorry but you have the wrong number" seems to suffice. However one time, after the third call at 2 am asking "Is Linda there" "Yes" "Can I speak to her" "NO" "Why" "She's with me now and she doesn't want to speak to you" Silence for a while then, "Who are you?" "Linda's new boyfriend - so bugger off and don't call here again" I never heard from that wrong number again. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Gary T Date: 16 Dec 01 - 02:24 AM A different thing to do--when answering the phone, instead of saying "Hello" say "Is Carol there?" (as if you had placed the call). Stops most people in their tracks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Banjer Date: 16 Dec 01 - 06:24 AM My wrong number calls most often go something like this: Ring, ring, ring: Helo? Is _______ there? No one here by that name Oh, I must have the wrong number Not really, this is the only number you could have dialed to hear these golden tones, and more golden you will never hear! That results either in a quick hangup or in some cases a pleasant conversation with someone whose day was just brightened a bit with a little humor! At work we have multiple phone lines, the number of one being just one digit off from a local pizza parlor and another one away from a local movie theater. We answer with our business name and our own names. In most cases folks realize they misdialed, but for the unfortunate few who don't bother to listen and just start rambling on about their pizza order or movie information, we oblige with answers. some gems they hear are: Oh no don't waste your money on that one, it's the worst thing (insert name of star or director) has done in quite some time. I saw it last night and I don't think we should be showing that type of movie in a public place Why waste your time with this kind of trash, go read a good book. What do you mean no anchovies? That's the best part of the pizza. You don't let me put anchovies on you can forget about it. Deliver? Hell no, you come and get the damn thing Yes sir, it'll be there in twenty minutes or not only is it free, but our delivery driver will wash your dishes for you. I have often wondered what the 'customers' do, after an hour of waiting and getting no pizza...I would love to hear the conversations when they finally dial correctly asking where their pizza order is. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Celtic Soul Date: 16 Dec 01 - 08:13 AM I love the ones that call you and say... "Is (whomever) there?" "No one here by that name" "Who is this?" As if knowing what the name of the person at the end of the wrong number they dialed is going to help matters in the least :::giggle!!!::: ;D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Banjer Date: 16 Dec 01 - 09:44 AM In answer to the 'who is this' question my reply usually is 'the one who is telling you (whomever) is not here'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Morticia Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:53 AM This happened fairly late one night when I was living in Edinburgh. The lady looking for her daughter was Italian and distraught when ( after the third call)she realised we really didn't know where her exchange student daughter was.I think there was a family crisis of some kind and she really needed to talk to her.I asked her which school she had exchanged to and then rang the police who got the Headteacher out to find the family lists and find the girl who then rang her mother. The next day I got a call from both of them to say thanks....I was really glad I hadn't been impatient. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Bill D Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:08 PM where I live, 90% of wrong #s are a foreign accent or someone who'd never get a joke response anyway....I just can't bring myself to mess with those kind..if they call back 2 or 3 times, just a brusque "please look up the # and stop calling ME", is all I can manage. I save my creative juices for telemarketers |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Liz the Squeak Date: 16 Dec 01 - 06:23 PM I got a spate of late calls around midnight, from a guy who wouldn't leave his name, but just giggled down the phone. I dialled 1471, got the number, waited an hour or two and called back....... he couldn't understand why what he found funny at midnight when he was doing it, wasn't so funny 2 hours later when he was the recipient. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia Date: 17 Dec 01 - 09:46 AM Got another one at work today. I sent someone's son off around Australia as a solo canoeist in a fund raising effort to save the very rare, never been seen before, green marlin. Oh dear. JG / FME |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Gervase Date: 17 Dec 01 - 09:53 AM Not that I would recommend this, but... If someone's really getting on your wick, get a friend to ring them at around 2am to ask: "Is Tom/Dick/Harry there?" There'll be a polite(ish) response in the negative. Wait an hour and ring again, asking for the same name. The response will be a little frostier. Try again in another hour, with the same request. And then, an hour later, put in a final call: "Oh, hello - it's Tom/Dick/Harry here. Have there been any calls for me?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Trevor Date: 17 Dec 01 - 10:04 AM The other day I 'phoned the home number of the person in the next office and just as it was about to answer transferred it to her extension. She is still trying to work out why her answering machine called her at the office! Juvenile innit? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Mr Red Date: 17 Dec 01 - 05:59 PM I have a singing message on the answer phone, that sorts out them at least, usually hang-up but if you listen carefully you can often hear "Jesus Christ!" If they knew me they would laugh along or sing the message - cos they're folkies. as for the ones I catch I just say "sod off I don't need no steenkin duouble glazin" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Nancy King Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:03 PM Way back in the '60s my first ex and I lived in San Francisco, and our phone number was one pulse (not one number, one pulse) different from the time signal. People call the time signal at bizarre times, we learned. And when they'd get a sleepy person instead of the time signal recording, they'd ask, "What time is it?" Jerry took to just saying, "Noon" and hanging up. When we complained to the phone company, they said they could only fix the problem if we'd keep a log of the times of the calls, and the callers' phone numbers. HA! We finally convinced 'em just to give us a new phone number. The wrong-number callers that bug me -- and let's face it, folks, we've all called wrong numbers at one time or another -- are the ones who don't believe me when I tell them this isn't the number they want, and call back just to make sure. Cheers, Nancy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Banjer Date: 18 Dec 01 - 03:42 AM 'The wrong-number callers that bug me -- and let's face it, folks, we've all called wrong numbers at one time or another --' The ones that bug me are those that upon realizing they have misdailed just slam the phone in your ear like it is YOUR fault!! If I dial a wrong number, and like Nancy says, we all do sometime, I at least have the courtesy to apologize. A simple 'I'm sorry I must have the wrong number' goes a long way to make up for the answering party to have dropped what they were doing to pick up the phone. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Chip2447 Date: 18 Dec 01 - 05:15 AM At one time my phone number was one digit different than a local doctors office. I was working nites at the time, and needless to say I got alot of early morning calls, who never waited for a proper answer before trying to schedule an appointment. If the caller was male I would politly inform him that if he could get over here right away the doctor could probably squeeze him in. If the caller was female I would always ask if she were over the age of eighteen, and if she were a spitter or a swallower. I dont know how many men I seriously pissed off, but I can tell you that alot of the femmes screamed and cursed at me. Thankfully, a little invention called caller ID and another called voice mail have helped me move past the beligerant obnoxious stage into just the obnoxious and sometimes beligerant one. Chip2447, who has been known to answer the phone with a loud "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Skipjack K8 Date: 18 Dec 01 - 05:24 AM John, just tried the 'prawn trawler' line on the first wrong number since reading this. What a hoot. It sounded all the more hilarious, mid winter at 55 Degrees North. 'Lucky bugger' was the response! Skipjack |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 18 Dec 01 - 05:42 AM Twice in different locations a local business printed our number in their local paper adverts instead of their own (one digit out). When we pointed it out they still failed to correct it so we just made appointments, they soon got the message and rectified it! RtS (Apologies to everyone who found their hair appointments in Peckham or their restaurant reservations in Winkfield double-, treble-, or quadruple-booked!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Mark Cohen Date: 18 Dec 01 - 05:56 AM Hello? Hello, Mom? Yes, hello, honey. Oh, Mom, I'm so upset! What is it, sweetheart? Well, I'm supposed to have twelve people over for dinner tonight, but the car wouldn't start so I couldn't go shopping, and the gas company shut off the line because there was a leak, and the baby is sick and the sitter canceled. Mom, what am I going to do? Don't worry, sweetheart, Mother is here! First I'll do your shopping for you, then I'll cook the hot dishes here so you don't have to use your range, then I'll bring the food over, and I'll bring some toys for the baby, and I'll watch him while you're having your dinner. All right? Oh, Mom, you're so wonderful! Thank you so much! It's all right, honey, what's a mother for? But tell me, if the car wouldn't start, how did Sam get to work? [Pause] Sam? Who's Sam? Sam, your husband! How did you drive him to work with no car? But...my husband's name is Paul. [Longer pause...] Is this....955-5599? No, this is 955-5559. [Really long pause.......] Does that mean...you're not coming? Aloha, Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: CarolC Date: 18 Dec 01 - 06:05 AM I want that mother. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Speaking of Phones From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 18 Dec 01 - 07:08 PM "Is Tanya there?" "No Tanya here. Never has been." [Click]
And (here you need to look at my signature below) I often get a call that starts like this: "Is this Mr. Oh-- Oh-- Oh-ess-turr-ich there?" or maybe it will be My answer is standard: And they will often lie to me: "Oh, I'm not selling anything!" "That's good, because you're not SELLING anything to me!" [click]. Dave Oesterreich |