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Rugby Football Songs

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Monkey Boy 13 Mar 98 - 08:35 PM
Bill D 14 Mar 98 - 09:44 PM
Bruce Olson 15 Mar 98 - 12:32 PM
dick greenhaus 15 Mar 98 - 03:59 PM
Bill D 15 Mar 98 - 06:36 PM
Bruce O. 15 Mar 98 - 06:54 PM
Garry Gillard 02 Oct 01 - 03:52 AM
GUEST,Ed 02 Oct 01 - 04:10 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 02 Oct 01 - 05:54 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 02 Oct 01 - 05:59 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 02 Oct 01 - 06:09 AM
The_one_and_only_Dai 02 Oct 01 - 06:13 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 02 Oct 01 - 06:25 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 02 Oct 01 - 06:40 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 02 Oct 01 - 06:48 AM
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GUEST,John 3:16 02 Oct 01 - 10:53 AM
The_one_and_only_Dai 02 Oct 01 - 10:57 AM
Mrrzy 02 Oct 01 - 11:00 AM
PeteBoom 02 Oct 01 - 11:01 AM
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Jeri 03 Oct 01 - 08:38 AM
GUEST,John 3:16 03 Oct 01 - 02:11 PM
GUEST 03 Oct 01 - 02:55 PM
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Bert 03 Oct 01 - 08:11 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 03 Oct 01 - 10:02 PM
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Murray MacLeod 03 Oct 01 - 10:26 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 03 Oct 01 - 11:56 PM
Bert 04 Oct 01 - 01:19 AM
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Eric the Viking 06 Oct 01 - 12:07 PM
Jeri 06 Oct 01 - 12:22 PM
Nigel.Parsons 06 Oct 01 - 02:40 PM
Paul from Hull 06 Oct 01 - 03:00 PM
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Paul from Hull 06 Oct 01 - 03:29 PM
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pavane 07 Oct 01 - 06:14 PM
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SINSULL 07 Oct 01 - 11:30 PM
The Walrus at work 08 Oct 01 - 01:58 PM
Eric the Viking 08 Oct 01 - 02:31 PM
GUEST,erstwhile rugger hugger 08 Oct 01 - 04:57 PM
Snuffy 08 Oct 01 - 07:35 PM
GUEST,Myra Proach 08 Oct 01 - 07:44 PM
mooman 09 Oct 01 - 05:45 AM
mooman 09 Oct 01 - 05:52 AM
Eric the Viking 09 Oct 01 - 02:10 PM
Gareth 09 Oct 01 - 02:40 PM
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mooman 10 Oct 01 - 02:43 AM
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Paul from Hull 12 Oct 01 - 02:46 PM
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harpgirl 16 Oct 01 - 01:30 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 16 Oct 01 - 05:13 AM
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harpgirl 16 Oct 01 - 11:29 AM
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harpgirl 25 Oct 01 - 10:36 AM
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harpgirl 25 Oct 01 - 09:05 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 26 Oct 01 - 12:16 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 26 Oct 01 - 03:51 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 26 Oct 01 - 03:56 AM
harpgirl 26 Oct 01 - 10:31 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 26 Oct 01 - 08:49 PM
harpgirl 26 Oct 01 - 11:33 PM
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GUEST,gargoyle 12 Nov 01 - 12:56 AM
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harpgirl 12 Nov 01 - 12:37 PM
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harpgirl 12 Nov 01 - 06:37 PM
GUEST,gargoyle 12 Nov 01 - 11:05 PM
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BlueFolk 21 Dec 01 - 02:58 AM
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Gareth 21 Dec 01 - 06:35 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 21 Dec 01 - 09:39 PM
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GUEST,.gargoyle 21 Dec 01 - 10:13 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 21 Dec 01 - 10:51 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 22 Dec 01 - 12:48 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 22 Dec 01 - 01:11 AM
Snuffy 22 Dec 01 - 07:02 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 15 Nov 02 - 10:58 PM
Joe_F 17 Nov 02 - 06:47 PM
Gareth 17 Nov 02 - 07:04 PM
Joe Offer 15 Feb 03 - 12:32 PM
SmokinBill 21 Feb 04 - 04:58 AM
SmokinBill 21 Feb 04 - 05:06 AM
SmokinBill 21 Feb 04 - 05:33 AM
GUEST,Skipper 11 Apr 04 - 06:26 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 12 Apr 04 - 12:06 AM
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GUEST,.gargoyle 30 Aug 04 - 05:59 AM
wigan 30 Aug 04 - 10:33 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 31 Aug 04 - 06:36 AM
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GUEST,.gargoyle 01 Sep 04 - 04:54 AM
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Subject: Rugby Football Songs
From: Monkey Boy
Date: 13 Mar 98 - 08:35 PM

Hey, do you guys know of more verses to the S&M Man, Chicago, Marrying Kind, I Met a Whore in the Park, and Yogi Bear? We always sing the same ones after every game and I'd like to find some newer verses. You can E-mail me at monkyboy@ucla.edu.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Mar 98 - 09:44 PM

the secret is a search engine!! Alta Vista gave 200+ hits..including this one

go forth and learn MANY new songs and verses!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bruce Olson
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 12:32 PM

Some site! I clicked on Bawdy Rugby Songs, and found that the songs there were from DT, but no longer available. According to a note at the top of the homepage it was supposed to be up to date. O well, I have (Harry Morgan's) 'Rugby Songs' and 'More Rugby Songs'.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 03:59 PM

Hi Bruce- Which songs are no longer available? If they've been deleted, it's due to computer error, not censorship.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 06:36 PM

Dick...I think it is that SO many sites around the world still have links to the old xerox address!! This is one!!....I have no idea why so many people fail to check their links after they post them!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bruce O.
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 06:54 PM

Dick, Bill's right, and I should have explained better. That site still has the old xerox address for DT.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Garry Gillard
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 03:52 AM

Three years later, "That site still has the old xerox address for DT."

If there WAS a collection of bawdy rugby songs on Digitrad, is it still around here somewhere?

Garry


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Ed
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 04:10 AM

Garry,

The link in question simply searched the DT for the @bawdy note.

Hope that helps

Ed


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 05:54 AM

This does not appear to be on/in the DT ... simple and sweet.

I LIKE CUNT

Melody--Three Blind Mice

I like cunt,
I like cunt,,
Ain't it cute,,
Ain't it cute?,
Up against railings I've often stood,,
Fucking young ladies and doing them good,,
It's so much better than pulling your pud,,
'Cause I like cunt,,
I like cunt.,


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 05:59 AM

Another one that might not be in the DT

From Monty PythonMp> Melody--Itself

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me,
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too.
I love it when you oralize,
When I'm between your thighs,
You blow me away!

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you,
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,
'Til we're blown away!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:09 AM

Although originally posted in April of 1998 Click here this one does not appear to have made its way into the DT.

Melody--Do, Re, Mi

Dough, the stuff, that buys me beer,
Ray, the guy who serves me beer,
Me, the guy, who drinks me beer,
Fa, a long way to the john,
So, I'll have another beer,
La, I'll have another beer,
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer,
And that brings us back to,
Dough . . . (etc)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:13 AM

Another variant:

Doh, a beer, a Mexican beer,
Ray, a bloke who buys me beer,
Me, a guy, I buy beer for,
Fa, a long way to the bar,
So, I think I'll have a beer,
La, la la la la la laaaa,
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer,
And that brings us back to,
Dough . . . (etc)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:25 AM

Now...buried, deep, deep, inside a KatLaugh thread (a perfect example of the giggling-pussy's DT and MC abusive posting) is a cantankerous soulClick here that attempted to bring the MC's soul out of the muck.

Nope...this one has not made it into the DT yet either.

Bring Back

Sung to the well-known Scottish air

My brother lies over the ocean,
My sister lies over the sea,
My father lies over my mother
And that's how they got little me.

Chorus:
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me, to me.
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me.

My one skin lies over my two skin,
My two skin lies over my three,
My three skin lies over my foreskin,
So pull back my foreskin for me.

Pull back, pull back,
Oh pull back my foreskin for me, for me.
Pull back, pull back,
Oh pull back my foreskin for me.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:40 AM

Perhaps my Site Search Skills are lacking, but this one does not show up here, until now

HELLO PENIS

Melody--Sound of Silence

Hello penis my old friend,
I've come to play with you again,
When those wet dreams come a-creeping,
I spurt my seeds while I am sleeping,
And with your helmet firmly planted in my hand,
It will expand,
While jerking off in silence.

In horny dreams I get a bone,
I beat off on cobble stones,
Beneath the halo of a street lamp,
I see a whore who's getting very damp,
For five hundred Guilders in a flash she's on her back,
She spreads her crack,
And twitches her twat in silence.

Those who see and do not know,
How to make my penis grow,
I whipped you out so she might eat you,
I stuffed you up into her pussy spew,
And then my sperm, like silent raindrops fell,
And turned to gel,
While jerking off in silence.

And the ants came out and played,
In the fucking mess I'd made,
But in heeding daddy's warning,
That mum would find it in the morning,
So I rolled out of bed and wiped it up with my shirt,
God, what a squirt!
Jerking off in silence.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:48 AM

Surely, I am doing something wrong, only FIVE songs in the entire Forum/DT with the word Pregnancy? Joe, you're pulling levers behind the screen arn't you?

Melody--Yesterday

Some verses by Flying Booger

Pregnancy,
There's a shotgun hanging over me,
Why has this bulge got to be,
I should have used one, silly me.
Chorus: Why I had to come,
I don't know, she wouldn't blow,
I did something wrong,
Now I long for birth control, ol, ol, ol . . .

Birth control,
It's the only way to save my soul,
Since I put it in my girlfriend's hole,
Now I believe in birth control.

Syphilis,
Feels like razors every time I piss,
Who the hell's to blame for this,
It's agony, this syphilis.

Chorus: How I got that sore,
I didn't know, she was a whore.
I was indiscreet,
Now I've got infected meat, eat, eat, eat . . .

Syphilis,
Chancre sores and spots upon my skin,
I never should have stuck it in,
Now I will die of syphilis.

Leprosy,
Bits and pieces falling off of me,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Since I acquired leprosy.


Aw, Garg, I wouldn't do THAT. I censor only when people are mean, not vulgar. Try a search for apron low (click), and you'll get a few more.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:54 AM

Since my sebatical, into the world of hashdom, the supply appears endless. Enough for now, work awaits THANX Susan for the inspiration

SEX IS BORING

Melody--Frere Jacques

Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Gonna cut my fingers off,
One by one . . .

Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pulling out my pubic hairs,
One by one . . .

Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Poking out my eyes,
One by one . . .

Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Cutting off my gonads,
One by one


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 10:53 AM

I cannot believe these vulgar lyrics are included on a so-called reputable site. Sex is a procreative act and to sing such filth is sin in the eyes of God. Rugby players are drunken violent swine and i do not know of a single one who is worth the grace and glory of Jesus Christ our Savior. You should repent and expend your energy in the service of God and fellow man rather than in glutting yourselves on liquor and rutting like wild animals.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 10:57 AM

And he who lies with beasts of the field, he too shall be cast out. Leviticus I think, from the oddest book ever published.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 11:00 AM

In the beer do-re-mi, LA should be LA..ts and lots and lots of beer... per Thomas the Rhymer at the Northwest Gathering!

My undergrad institution had this as the song for the women's rugby team:

Gangbang up on the hill, gangbang is o such a thrill
When I was younger and in my prime, I used to gangbang all the tiiiiime
But now I'm older, and getting grey / and not so gay, I only gangbang once a daaaaaaaaay
(shouted by 1 person) Knock knock! (shouted by everybody else) Who's there?
[This is an example answer] Jimmy Carter! Jimmy Carter who? Jimmy cart'er over here and we'll have another gangbang up on the hill...


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: PeteBoom
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 11:01 AM

John - No thanks, I'm having beer....

Boom


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 03:51 AM

Oh it does make me laugh we I stick it to a Kat.

Melody--Puff the Magic Dragon

Once a pure white virgin lived by the sea,
She frolicked o'er pastoral fields, her name Virginity,
A sweet young lass of just sixteen, a rosebud ripe and firm,
She wandered o'er the verdant hills, not knowing of the sperm.

Well, Fuck the giant penis lived not far away,
His cock was damn near two feet long; he poked one twice a day,
He was an Ivy Leaguer with vest and pinstriped suit,
He drove a roadster XKE, the sexed-up extrovert.

One day while he was reaming around the rural strips,<> He spied her picking flowers there that lass with swinging hips,
He jumped out of the driver's seat and grabbed her by the ass,
He tore off all her clothing, and laid her in the grass.

Her maidenhead was busted, the ground ran bloodyred,
He poked her till the twilight came, then took her home to bed,
He poked her till the sun rose, she begged for more and more,
He turned that pure virginity into a God damned whore.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 03:58 AM

Have heard this one for years and years and no doubt there are 49 more verses

CANAL STREET

Walking down Canal Street
Knocking every door
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch
Couldn't find a whore

Finally found a whore
Trying to get it in
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch
Couldn't get it in

Finally got it in
Trying to get it out
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch
Couldn't get it out

Finally got it out
The thing was red and sore
The moral of this story:
Never fuck a whore.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:06 AM

To the tune of Cassons Go Rolling Along

TAMPAX FACTORY

You can tell by the smell, that she isn't very well,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell by the flies, that are hanging around her thighs,
that the end of the month comes around.

refrain:
We're the boys that work at the tampax factory.
We shout our orders loud and clear (loud and clear!!!)
We got small size, medium size, family size and king size,
we got a nancy that would fit anyonce' fancy,
when the end of the month comes around.

You can tell by her frown, that her blood is dropping down,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell by her yearning, that she's loosing hemaglobine,
when the end of the month comes around.

refrein

You can see where she sat, that her pussy drops are red,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell when you fucked it,
that it won't go cause she plugged it,
when the end of the month comes around.

refrein

From the stench of the quean, you know exactly where she been,
when the end of the month comes around.
When there's cleenex on the loo, there'll be no intercourse to do
when the end of the month comes around.

refrein

But when her period takes too long,
there's been something going wrong
when the end of the month comes around.
And when it doesn't come at all, there'll be a baby at the fall,
when the end of the year comes around.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:13 AM

This would have fit nicely in the disease thread of Spring 2000.

SYPHILIS

Melody--Four and Twenty Blackbirds

Sing a song of syphilis,

A penis full of pus,
Four and twenty pox scabs,
Waiting to be burst.
And when her legs were opened,
Oh what a sight to see,
Oozy gray-green matter,
All running with her pee.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:20 AM

Simple enough for most any drunk to sing - but wimsical enough to be fun.

SHE'S A MOST IMMORAL LADY

Melody--Battle Hymn of the Republic

She wears her silk pajamas in the summer when it's hot,
She wears her woolen nightie in the winter when it's not,
But later in the springtime, and early in the fall,
She jumps between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

Chorus: She's a most immoral lady,
She's a most immoral lady,
She's a most immoral lady,
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper do not! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper do! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper! (three times)
Oh, Sir! (three times)
Oh! (three times)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:27 AM

Now for the MC member who likes to lie with beasts in the field. Good for audience particiaption. This following ditty is one of my personal favorites.

BESTIALITY'S BEST
Melody--Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Boys

(Take turns leading verses)
Chorus: Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best--SHAG A WALLABY!
Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best.

Stick your dork in a stork
Drip your juice on a moose
Be a queer with a deer
Be a rotter with an otter
Be very pleasant to a pheasant
Bring a flea to her knees
Chuck your sperm in a worm
Do an illegal with an eagle
Do it funky with a monkey
Down the throat of a goat
Drink the pee of a bee
Drop some goo in a shrew
Get in deep with a sheep
Have a hug with a bug
Have a screw with a shrew
Have a shag with a stag
Make love with a dove
In the bog with a dog
Put your noodle to a poodle
Rub the thigh of a fly
Shoot your load in a toad
Shove your log in a dog
Stick you rod up a cod
Stick your dork in a stork
Up the hole of a mole
Up the rear of a deer


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:43 AM

Within the database are two wonderful classics you might consider.

Click here: THE BALL OF KERRIEMUIR (BALLYNORE).

Click here: MY GRANDFATHER'S COCK


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:49 AM

And a favorite almost everywhere and in any book is the easy audience participation song

THE MAYOR OF BAYSWATER DAUGHTER Click here.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 08:38 AM

Flying Booger's Half Mind Catalog - if you click on "HHH Hymnal," you can download a pile of songs.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:11 PM

I am sure that your Mothers are proud of all of you. This filth is totally inappropriate for a music discussion group. It may be amusing now, but how funny will it be on judgement day when God calls you to atone for your sins. As you are clinging by your fingertips on the edge of the fiery abyss, do you think that your drunken rugby friends will be there to help. There are some gospel music threads that you should check out. Perhaps seeing words of praise to our most heavenly Father will give you a change of heart.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:55 PM

Please post the Gospel links


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:59 PM

Sorry, but I've just converted to Islam, and find the Bible to be full of evil.

I'll bore you with some quotes from the Koran as soon as possible


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 03:11 PM

Dear Brother/Sister,

One such thread title is Spirituals, gospels, hymns. There you can find discussion and links that are of a spiritual nature. It is a blessed relief if you have been exposed to the comments of the dregs of humnaity that can be found in this thread.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bert
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 08:11 PM

Hey 3:16, it wasn't us it was Gargoyle! "be a rotter with an Otter" indeed!

Just kidding you Garg me ol' buddy, I love bawdy songs myself.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 10:02 PM

Yes the "Half Mind" is a half-decent link for a wanna-be.

But if ye seek the equivilent of the "DT"
In the world of "H3"
Ye should see

http://harrier.net/songbook/index.html

With MIDI and HISTORY connected in parallel notation. It is EXACTLY what the next generation. Of of the DT's spawnation.

Should Be.

Dick, Susan, Joe please take a look


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 10:19 PM

Well my little giggling 3:16 pussycat (there are other 'gods' than Joe)I am so glad you've finally found religion

From the DT

Oh me name is Jim Swaggart, I'm a preacher;
I used to save souls on TV,
But they caught me carousing with floozies
And they've taken my program from me.

Come on at least keep yer responces musical...or recite some wiccan things to encourage me.

sorry to digress, back to drunken debauchery

Yo, Ho...Yo, Ho...a Harlot wife for me!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 10:26 PM

Yet again Gargoyle your URL doesn't work. Well it might but you need a password.

Murray


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 11:56 PM

Murray -

If you are referring to the previous harrier.net .....
PLEASE cut and paste again.

I promise you...it IS current and direct.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bert
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 01:19 AM

It won't let me in without a user name and password, I guess you just have to be REALLY depraved before it lets you in;-)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:37 AM

SORRY .... mea culpa

OK...on the front page it GIVES you the PassWords, forgot it is "cookified" like here.

Name = shiggy (H3 name for open countryside)
Password = gispert (name of the founder of modern H3's)case sensitive

An example of parallel anotation is found at their http://harrier.net/songbook/manual/abdul.html

Also, the List of Titles gives much more than the simple A, B, C boxes.... The Airplane Crash Song is even too much for me ... given the current standing of events.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:39 AM

Here is a song worthy of Homer Simpson, or any field of Rugby players

Yes, we thank our Evangelical Bible thumping friends for providing us with the tune.

MORE BEER Tune: Amazing Grace

CHORUS:
A nice cold beer, How sweet it sounds.
To save a drunk like me.

(stop, drink a beer, catch your breath and resume)

I finished 1, but I'm not done,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my wife, I love my beer.
But if I had to choose.
My dear old wife, who I love with my life,
Would most undoubtedly lose.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 2, but I'm not through,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my truck, I love my beer
But if I had to choose,
I'd sell my 4X4, Of which I do adore.
For beer I'd walk to the store.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 3, now I have to pee
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love to fuck, I love my beer
but If I had to choose
It's beer for me, unless her pussy,
tastes like more beer, more beer.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 4, but still want more,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my dog, I love my beer,
but if I had to choose,
I sell my pet, to the vet,
A dog for beer more beer.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 5, I'm still alive,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my MOM, I love my beer
but If I had to choose,
That drunken whore, It's me she bore,
Still I choose more beer more beer.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 6, I've had my fix, (Or: "still need my fix"...to continue song!)
Now you all must drink more beer.

I love my house, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
My house might might burn down, But I could still pound
More beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS) |I just had 7, not yet to 11
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my guns, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If my aim is bad, then I'm still glad
To have more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 8, it's not to late
To drink more beer, more beer

I love fishing, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If I lost my line, I wouldn't whine
I'd drink more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 9, I'm feeling fine
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love NASCAR, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If I lost the race, I'd get shit-faced
More beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 10, Don't know when to say when
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my porch, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
My rocking chair, won't always be there
So I count on beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 11, but I'm still getting
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my tools, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If my power-drill exploded, I'd go get loaded
On beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 12, from off my shelf
More beer, more beer, more beer

As you can tell, I love my beer
I'm such a drunk, you see?
When I fall down, you can drink my next round
More beer, more beer, more beer!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:40 AM

Mary Ann

Tune: ??? Any suggestions - what will it go with???

Oh, Mary Ann had a leg like a man,
And a great big hole in her stocking,
A chest like a drum and a big fat bum,
And a hole to shove your cock in.
And when you shove it into her,
She cannot keep from laughing,
So, what do you say, lets go and play,
And let me put my staff in.

Oh, she jumped into bed and covered up her head,
And swore I could not find her.
But I knew damn well she lied like hell,
So I jumped right in behind her.
She shoved her feet right through the sheet,
And showed her sausage grinder;
So I rubbed my nuts against her guts,
And shoved it in behind her.

Well, the wind it flew and the gism flew,
It flew right up her nightie.
And then I bit the nipple of her teat,
Oh, Jesus Christ Almighty!
Well, I pumped her once and I pumped her twice,
And I pumped her once too often,
I broke a spring or some damn thing,
And now she's in her coffin.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:41 AM

Now I LOVE "Ghost Riders" or at least I did, until a MC discussion led me to understand it was nothing more than "Jonny Comes Marching Home" with a change in tempo. Here is another parody.

GHOST MAGOTS

Tune: Ghostriders in the Sky

The municipal sewerageman stood out upon the rim ('pon the rim, 'pon the rim),
The municipal sewerageman fell in and couldn't swim (couldn't swim, couldn't swim),
He sank down to the bottom,
He sank down like a stone,
You could hear the maggots cryin' out,
"You're on your fuckin' own."

CHORUS:
Shitty-i-ayyy, Shitty-i-ohhh,
Ghost maggots in the overflow (overflow, overflow).

For six long days and weary nights he tried to stay afloat (stay afloat, stay afloat),
But every time he cried for help,
A turd caught in his throat (in his throat, in his throat),
He sank down to the bottom,
He sank down like a rock,
You could hear the maggots,
Munchin' on his cock.

The moral of this story is if you should shovel shit (shovel shit, shovel shit),
Be careful of your footing,
Or you might end up in it (up in it, up in it),
You'll sink down to the bottom, (SLOWLY. . .)
You'll sink down like a stone,
You'll hear the maggots cryin' out,
WHEEEE-AAAAAH-WHEEEE,
"You're on your fuckin' own."


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:42 AM

So many of these would fall very well under the "medical thread" for diseases.

Mary Ann McCarthy
Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic

Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams.
Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams.
Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams,
But she didn't get one son of a bitchin' clam,
All she got was oysters,
All she got was oysters,
All she got was oysters, But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
And all she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
But all she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
But all she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:45 AM

Another that would do well in the Medical Disease Thread,

MONKEY BOY - You may want to drop by the UCLA Medical Hospitol for help on the correct pronunciations.

Medical Love Song

From: Monty Python

Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile,
I've had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while,
I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June,
I ache for you my darling, and I hope you get well soon.

My penile warts, your herped, my syphilitic sores,
Your moenelial infection, how I miss you more and more.
Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox, our lovely gonorrhea,
At least we both were lying, when we said that we were clear.

Our syphilitic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst,
You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist.
Your trichovaginitis sent shivers down my spine,
I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochetes met mine.

CHORUS: Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal ballimitis,
Meningo meylitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididimitis, interstitial keratitis
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior u-ve-i-tis

My clapped out genitalia is not so bad for me,
As the complete and utter failure every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes are the worst he's ever seen,
My scrotum's painted orange and my balls are turning green.

My heart is very tender though my parts are awful raw,
You might have been infected but you never were a bore.
I'm dying of your love my love, I'm you're spirochaetal clown,
I've left my body to science but I'm afraid they've turned it down.

CHORUS: Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal ballimitis,
Meningo meylitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididimitis, intersititial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior u-ve-i-tis.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:46 AM

Within a previous MC discussion thread from July, 2000 we have a promise from GUEST-John Fineman Click here http://www.mudcat.org/Detail.CFM?messages__Message_ID=265885 for a Vicar/Tart song that never appeared.

Two days later we have a member Joe_F that gives us

Click here

However, here is perhaps the Scottish version (NOT in the DT) Mr. Fineman was searching for:

Monk of Great Renown

Tune: ??? Suggestions?

There was a monk of great renown,
There was a monk of great renown,
There was a monk of great renown,
Who shagged an innocent maid from town.

CHORUS:
The old sod, the sod,
The bugger deserved to die.
Fuck him, shit him -
But first let us pray:
GLORY, GLORY, HALLELUJAH

His brother monks they cried in shame,
So he turned her over and fucked her again.

He met another by the mill,
And fucked and fucked her up the hill.

He met another in the hay,
And put her in the family way.
He took her to the Abbot's bed,
And fucked and fucked till she was dead.

But when the Abbot cried, "Amen,"
He fucked her back to life again.

His brother monks to stop his frolics,
Put a nail through this prick and cut off his ballocks.

And now the moral I will tell,
And now the moral I will tell,
When all the world just feels like hell,
Just fuck and fuck till all is well.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:48 AM

A simple tune known by most, easy to learn, good for Rugby

Favorite Things
Tune: A Few of My Favorite Things

MEN:
Middle and Pinky and Index and Ring,
Throw in the thumb and you've got the whole thing,
It works just fine and it's also quite safe,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dawn breaks,
When I wake up,
And it's feeling hard,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Penthouse and Playboy and something called Forum,
They're what I use to help start something going,
Centerfolds spread-eagled showing me pink,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm lonely,
Really lonely,
By myself again,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

WOMEN:
Dildos and vibrators and Vaseline jelly,
That's what I use to set fires in my belly,
In and out up and down making me wet,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Men are useless,
I don't need them,
I'm the best I've had,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Tight buns, silk undies, and erotic books,
Make me excitedó I'm starting to cook,
I stir me up and the honey will come,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm thinking,
Of a hard cock,
But I don't see one,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.


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Subject: I Used to Work In Chicago
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 05:07 AM

MonkeyBoy - We have Chicago in the DT, but here are some more of the verses you asked about

Chicago
Tune: The Bear Went Over the Mountain

CHORUS:
I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
But I don't work there any more.

A lady came into the hatshop,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Felt," she said, Felt her I did,

A lady came in for a water-bottle,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Rubber," she said, Rub her I did,

A lady came in for a sweater,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Jumper," she said, Jump her I did,

A lady came in for a ticket,
I asked, "Where would you like to go?"
"Bangor," she said, Bang her I did,

A lady came in for some coffee,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Ground," she said, Grind her I did,

A lady came in for a cake,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Layer," she said, Lay her I did,

A lady came in for a down quilt,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Goose," she said, Goose her I did,

A lady came in for some lamp oil,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Whale," she said, Sperm her I did,

A lady came in for some Air Wick,
I asked, "What scent would you like?"
"Mountain," she said, Mount her I did,

A lady came in for a sleeper,
I asked, "What berth would you like?"
"Upper," she said, Up her I did,

A lady came in for some china,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Bone," she said, Bone her I did,

A lady came in for some coffee,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Ground," she said, Grind her I did,

A lady came in for some gin,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Beefeater," she said, Eat her I did,

A woman came in for some service,
I asked, "How fast do you want it?"
"Quick," she said, Prick her I did,

A lady came in for a diskette,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Floppy," she said, Hard drive her I did,

A woman came in for a bath mat,
I asked "What size would you like?"
"Shower," she said, Show her I did,

A woman came in for a power drill,
I asked, "What brand would you like?"
"Black & Decker," she said, Deck her I did,

A lady came in for a drink,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Liquor," she said, Lick her I did,

A lady came in for some Air Wick,
I asked, "What scent would you like?"
"Mountain," she said, Mount her I did,

A lady came in for some dish soap,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Johnson & Johnson," she said, My Johnson she got,

A woman came in for some wood shoes,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Clog," she said, Flog her I did,

A lady came in for a curtain,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Drape," she said, Rape her I did,

AND: a woman came in for a:
doughnut - glazed she wanted. cream filled she got
elevator - my shaft
carpet - laid
spring - BOINGed
screwdriver - screwed
hammer - nailed
T-bone - my boneless round
carpet - pile she wanted, shagged she got
gun - banged
nylons - hosed
floppy disk - my hard drive
metaphysical conversation - fucked
velvet - felt
liquor - lick her I did
bolts - my nuts
sailors - semen
ham - porked
cigarette - camel, humped
plastic - rubbers
plumbing - my pipe
pipe - hosed
stockings - hosing
liquid Plumber -pipes cleaned
canned ham - porked
gift wrapping - packed butter - spread
seafood - lobster , crabs
beer - 6-pack, ate
fabric - silk, felt

ALSO: a man came in for a:
balloon - blown
doughnut - my hole
lollipop - sucked
horse - ridden
carpet - shag he wanted, piles he got
wheels - rimmed
beer - Bush (w/visual aids)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Johnl
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 01:38 PM

You could also try "Clementine" to the tune "Bread of Heaven", aka "Cwm Rhondda". I know it's clean, but it's still fun, and you can experiment with male voice harmonies, always a big hit with rugby teams.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:09 AM

As I Was Walking
Tune: The Old Hundredth

As I was walking through the wood,
I shat myself, I knew I would.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so I shat myself again.

As I was walking through Saint Pauls,
The vicar grabbed me by the balls.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he grabbed my balls again.

As I was walking through St. Giles,
Some bastard grabbed me by my piles.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
Ad so he grabbed my piles again.

As I was walking down the street,
A whore grabbed me by the meat.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so she grabbed my meat again.

As I lay sleeping in the grass,
Some bastard rammed it up my ass.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he rammed it up again.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:10 AM

Bagpipe Song
Tune: Scotland The Brave

* Substitute your Rugby Team for Edinburgh City*

Here's to the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the jockey with his upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the harlot making money in the car lot
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the masher who was posing as a flasher
Hustling customers from the harlot making money in the car lot
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cock
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the Wenchy doing down-down on a benchy
Making money for the masher who was posing as a flasher
Hustling customers from the harlot making money in the car lot
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Now the moral of this ditty is that when in Edinburough City
And you're with your favorite girlie chasing hairs all short and curly
To keep her away from the Wenchy doing down-down on a benchy
Making money for the masher who was posing as a flasher
Hustling customers from the harlot making money in the car lot
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:10 AM

By the Light
Tune: By the Light of the Silvery Moon

By the light (by the light, by the light),
Of a flickering match,
I saw her snatch,
In the watermelon patch.

By the light (by the light, by the light),
Of a flickering match,
I saw it gleam, I heard her scream,
You are burning my snatch,
With your fucking match.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:11 AM

Ball Game
Tune: Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Whip it out at the ball game
Wave it round at the crowd
Dip it peanuts and crackerjack
I don't care if you give it a whack
Because it's
Beat your meat at the ball game
If you don't cum it's a shame
It's one, two
And you're covered in goo
At the old ball game


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 03:48 PM

John I'm with you, these disgusting songs remind me of when I was younger and played 1st team rugby, Oh how I repenteth my evil doings and would that my tongue could be cut out and trampled on by horn-ed beasts.But now (of course) such evil songs would never cross my angelic lips and foul the veritable air with such utterances of Saxon and Viking derivation.

APART from the rugby songs, some of us who have been educated into the way of heavy metal etc (Of course H/M is a bit like S/M but the pain is in your ears after a real good gig)

Please check out "The Mac lads" Well known purveyers of disgusting lyrics, set to popular songs of the 60's and 70's. They are so disgusting that I have had to go and see them at least 4 times and buy their albums because Allah in his infinate wisdom gave us ears that we should listen and eyes that should see all the "evil that men do" (Iron maiden song)Many of these, I am sure because it says in the bible-Seek and ye shall find, would be good for a folk gig that gets a bit rockish (like Steeleye S and Fairport C etc).

So evil doers check out for these disgusting perverted wrong doers and spread the word so that all men of evil might be dammed and cast into the pit.

ps Blessed are the cheese makers


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 04:11 PM

Sorry "The Macc Lads" ( C's) Try lyrics .com http://lyrics.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 04:14 PM

Sorry "The Macc Lads" ( C's) Try lyrics .com http://lyrics.

Click here
Should be a blue clicky thing ! But probably God has stopped it in his infinate wisdom


God didn't zap it, you forgot a bunch of HTML stuff. --JoeClone


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 04:55 PM

Erik,

I'll bet your Mother is very proud of you. I would think that someone who is apparently now too old to play ruggy would be mature enough to realize that it is a waste of time and energy to traffic in garbage like that. I would assume that most people on this board (at least the true Christians) are disgusted enough by the rugby songs and have no desire to explore the other genres that you have offered them. Your pseudo-Christian posturings are blasphemous.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 05:25 PM

Thankee kindly sir-I'm a PAGAN,which is much older than other current trends in religion.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 05:46 PM

And it don't say anything in the bible about Joseph and Mary never having a shag after jesus was born. By the way, My mother is dead-she would be proud of me! I have spent nearly all my adult life (except when shagging, singing dirty songs and having a good ol time) helping those less fortunate than me, for little reward or gain, but because I believe in the good of my fellow man and the need for committed help, not the misplaced concept of going to heaven because I lived the Christian life and feared some god or other who expected me to get down and worship it.-I don't want to get into this, but I, like many, have seen some real (what they think) Christians whom I wouldn't even give to lions, and some proper real humans with no religious beliefs of whom 1 is worth more than 20 so called religious zealots.

So,. A poke with a bloke may be quite incidental
But diamonds are a girls best friend etc etc.

And I'm not too old to play Rugby

And ...Don't forget the Macc Lads

And...
Before you see the splinter in someone elses eye, look at the plank in your own.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 05:51 PM

This is funny!!!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: alanabit
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 06:29 PM

Hasn't anyone posted "The Lady of the Manor" yet? It was always my favourite...


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 07:02 PM

Ah dear - as a former Rugby Plyer, hard drinking Welshman I would beg to suggest that those bible bosuns who complain should look at thier hymnal.

"All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small etc....

Including the verse -

"The rich man in his Castle,
The poor man at his gate, Each to thier estate "

I may add - our Coach, in the youth team I used to play for many years ago, was the local Methodist Minister, one Frank May, he winced at some of the songs, he did not drink the ale, but was a damn fine man, and taught me the straight arm tackle with the verve of any Rhondda prop forward.

Aaaah! Happy days - them is so long ago that metal studs were allowed - I can remember sharpening them up on the cement outside the pavilion before going on field.

One of the reasons I keep a Moustasch is the scars I recieved kicked in the mouth trying to fall on a fly hacked ball - but never mind, we got the sod later in the game !! - He was stretcherd off with bruised testicles. - But we both came out of the Kent and Canterbury Hospital in time to enjoy a pint of five.

Incidently (apart from Cosher Bailey ) One of my favourites and party pieces is this one The Harlot of Jerusalem one of the many versions in circulation.

And having done my bit to promote religious understanding, its good night from

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 07:28 PM

This is hiding over in another thread - and deserves a little "air time" over here.

Generally I've heard it as an additional banter in between the verses of the "Salvation Army Temperance Song"

Salvation Army, Salvation Army
Put a nickel in the drum
Save another druken bum
Salvation Army, Salvation Army
Put a nickel in the drum
And you'll be saved-
Testimonial, Testimonial!

1. All the girls in my twon wear grass skirts. boo-
But all the guys have lawn-mowers. yeah-

2. All the girls in my town are corks. boo-
But all the guys are corkscrews. yeah-

3. In our town there is only one bar. boo-
but it is a mile long. yeah-

4. All the girls in our town wear masks. boo-
But all the guys have holloweenies. yeah-

5. In our town there are only six bubble dancersBOOOO
But Only two bubblesYEAH


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 08:00 PM

Sorry - the beer must have got to my HTML

The verse should read

The rich man in his Castle,
The poor man at his gate,
God made them high and lowley
Each to thier estate "

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 09:25 PM

Sure, mock someone who openly professes the true faith. It is only a sad pathetic attempt to hide your spiritual decay. You may laugh and shout gleefully at the sight of a rookie performing a Zulu or enthusiastically participate in spanking the bare buttocks of a birthday boy at a rugby party, but you are crying inside. You should change your ways. Instead of scoring tries for Satan, you should score them for Jesus Christ.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Snuffy
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 10:25 AM

But diamonds are a girls best friend etc etc.

No, Eric, that's the real version. Isn't the rugby version Durex, not diamonds? I'll teach you the reat at Llanstock.

Wassail! V


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 12:07 PM

Thankyou for fixing the link who ever did it.As for you John-the true faith is only from your sad perspective, and you are denying the right of jews,hindu's, sihks, buddists, Islamists, Bahi's, jehovah's witnesses and any one else a religion that they may believe in. I don't care who believes what, and normally don't hold it against them unless they expect me to believe what they believe and condem me for believing what I believe. Perhaps you'd like to eradicate anyone who does not go along with your view of the world. I for one am content to live and let live.

Hitler used the idea that the Jews killed Jesus as one of his ideas for the way he treated 6,000,000 jewish believers.
How many thousands or millions of people have died for the fact that they had their god on their side? Or didn't have the right god? How many millions killed by so called christians, let alone any other group?

Like I said I don't normally get caught in this debate, but for you I make an exception.

(My apologies to those of you-I know there are many, (including friendsof mine)who hold their beliefs sacred, and if I am offending you please forgive me since it is not you I am mad at, you are tolerant like most of us and have defended the freedom to express what people say on the Mudcat,even if you disagree. In the same way I defend your right to put your comments in place, but with out insulting each other) but John, you are an arsehole. I played Rugby and shared my life with so many people nearly all of whom I have liked, they have had their faiths and beliefs, they have been of different races and cultures.

Since I have little time to discuss this and it will spoil a good thread on songs that make people laugh,
I will say this. You could have ignored the thread, you need not have insulted the people who added to it with your religious invective.

Perhaps you should try sex instead of wanking-it's more fun to procreate with someone else than on your own (OOh sorry, it's a sin-now I'm in trouble)Try sheep, they can't run away with your wellies on

Perhaps God has a sense of humor after all, which is why he invented jesus.
At least I'm prepared to be judged by my life if it happens, I won't be getting down and preying for forgiveness and having all my sins washed away so that I'm excused anything wrong I have done. I have also not used it as an excuse to harm others because I believe I will be forgiven
By the way, I don't suppose you think Darwin was right do you?Anymore good songs?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Jeri
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 12:22 PM

"You may laugh and shout gleefully at the sight of a rookie performing a Zulu or enthusiastically participate in spanking the bare buttocks of a birthday boy at a rugby party, but you are crying inside."

Who told John Cleese about Mudcat?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Nigel.Parsons
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 02:40 PM

Gargoyle (I think it was he, but it's a long way up this thread!!) a suitable tune for Mary Ann would appear to be "The Lambton Worm" which I assume is in the index (Though I haven't checked)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:00 PM

Apologies for maybe stealing what should rightfully be YOUR line I suppose, Gareth, but all I can say to 'John' (who I strongly suspect to be a troll anyway) is:

"Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the Goalposts of Heaven"


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:12 PM

Paul from hull is correct. I had assumed that my fellow ruggers would start to get wise when John started talking about Zulus and tries, but I guess that too many concussions and shots of T-Dew can slow you down a bit. As someone who has stood on a pitch singing Father Abraham with my shorts pulled down around my ankles, let me say that I actually love the wide collection of songs that you all have listed.

Bless you my children. Now go forth and sin some more...


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:29 PM

Go on then, what is in 'John, Chapter 3, Verse 16'?

Dunno whether you intended to or not, but you have 'stimulated' some good discussion here, & not particularly with the intention of 'winding people up' I feel....

Perhaps we need various 'classifications' of trolling... from say 'teasing', through 'mildly annoying', & all the way up to 'sociopathic' (& maybe beyond) for the real unfortunate types?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:49 PM

I dunno what is in that verse. I used it because that is often what people put on signs at various televised sporting events. My comments were for entertainment value given the colorful topic of this thread.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:53 PM

Well, I'm curious enough to try & look it up now! *G*

....& you certainly provided plenty of entertainment value in my opinion! *S*


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 04:06 PM

Hmmm...it's THIS one:

'John, Chapter 3, Verse 16'

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Which coincidentally reminds me of somethhing that is PROBABLY now a Rugby song, though I've only heard of the Parachute Regiment singing it (as I have posted elsewhere on Mudcat...*G*):

"There is a green hill far away, without a city wall, where our Dear Lord was crucified, He died to save us all

Two, Three, Four....

FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW...." etc....


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 11:34 AM

So John 36 49 36, you are really a rugger in disguise! Or is it if you can't beat them join them? League or Union? If this is so......then, I have to say I am not usually caught like a fish and played so well. Thanks for the laugh.

But if you think you can gain an insight into satanic practices in scrumms, the lechery of loose rucks and mauls and the baths after, you are very much mistaken my friend. I bet you have scabs and are confined to the showers!!!! And only drink ginger beer shandy.

By the way, you're not coming to Llanstock are you?

What about "Away with Rum" the song of the salvation army? No one has listed that yet!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 02:22 PM

Erik,

I was a 35 year old rookie with a division III club in the Midwest last year. When my shoulder, ankle, and ribs completely heal, I am going to get back into it this year. In the meantime, the songs posted here help to keep me motivated.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 03:10 PM

Glad you play a proper game and don't wear armour like softies! (Hehe) Good luck. I once cracked 3 ribs in a crunching tackle, about 4 months later in a return match, same team, I did them again! Never did again after that, but bloody hell they ached for a good few years.Good luck, I only gave up at aged about 38 because I couldn't afford to have my anle tendons stitched on.(They're healed, but not too strong)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: pavane
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 06:14 PM

Have you tried this site? Smutty songs etc


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Myra Proach
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 10:46 PM

This thread is entirely puerile and disgusting!
Myra
BTW, why hasn't anyone posted "Mariah MacNaughter?"


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 11:25 PM

Sir Viking,

Ah...be ye a little disoriented by the scrum or the rum or is it the mead that sent you to seed?

I posted yer ruddy Salvation Army song, right over yer soddy head on 05-Oct-01 17:58


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 11:30 PM

Anybody visit the auction lately. There is a collection of rugby songs up for sale. Smutty lot, too.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 01:58 PM

Guest,

I think the one Eric is after is the one in the Database as AWAY WITH RUM.

Does anyone know a slightly older version, "More beer and Bugger the Band of Hope" ?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 02:31 PM

Thankee all, I din't see "away with rum" cos i woz frisky with the whisky.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,erstwhile rugger hugger
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 04:57 PM

Myra,
I almost got kicked out of my town house in Toronto years ago after I invited my rugger boyfriend and his rugger pals to a party and they commenced singing, at the top of their "puerile" lungs, songs like

"Mariah MacNaughter, the vicar's fair daughter,
The hairs on 'er dickie-die-do hung down to 'er knee.
One black one, one white one, and one with a bit o' shite on,
The hairs on 'er dickie-die-do hung down to 'er knee."
(tune: The Ash Grove)
Fortunately, I can't remember any more of it. Maybe we'll be lucky and no one will muddy the 'cat with the rest of it. But I wouldn't count on it.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 07:35 PM

In England that usually starts "The Mayor of Bayswater, he had such a lovely daughter" and it's here MAYOR OF BAYSWATER'S DAUGHTER in the DT database.

WassaiL! V


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Myra Proach
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 07:44 PM

That's it, Snuffy. Just a slightly different version of the same vile, disgusting song. Thanks for posting it.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: mooman
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 05:45 AM

Maybe it's because I played for softie Southern teams (Reading University 1st XV and Rosslyn Park) but I can't remember "The Quartermaster's Stores" even though I sung it often enough (usually while streaking through the streets of Reading frightening the local denizens) and can't find it in the DT. Can anybody bring back fond memories?

BTW, I remember "As I was walking by St Paul's" going down particularly well after we had beaten the said St Paul's Physical Training College 1st XV away and were enjoying their hospitality!

mooman


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: mooman
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 05:52 AM

P.S. Eric...like you, several broken fingers and toes, twice in hospital with concussion, a gouged eye, cartilage damage to both knees, forced my premature retirement from this finest of sports!

I find the music slightly less violent although have no been totally free of "music injuries" either!

mooman


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 02:10 PM

Hey Richard, Roslyn park, I used to play for "Old Aleyniens" and "Streatham and Croyden" Did you ever play Rugby netball on Clapham common? 1968-70 ish?< I didn't list all my injuries, they sort of extend a bit with various tears, twists and breaks don't they?

The best game ever !!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 02:40 PM

Mooman

Clik Here for a vrsion of

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 03:07 PM

Sorry Try again

Clivk here The Quatermastrs Stores

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: mooman
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 02:43 AM

Thanks Gareth,

Brings back fond memories!

Eric...we may have been "in combat" one time as I also played for Old Reigatians and Old Croydonians round about that time as well!

mooman


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:35 AM

Leader: "Oggy Oggy Oggy!"
Unruly Mob "Oi Oi Oi."
Leader (Louder) "Oggy Oggy Oggy!!"
Rabble "Oi Oi Oi!"
Leader (Really pissed now) "Oggy!!!!!"
Crowd (Bellowing) "Oi!!!!"
Leader (Red faced) "Ogy!!!!!"
Audience "Oi!!!!"
Leader "Ogy Oggy Oggy!!!!"
Followers "Oi Oi Oi !!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:36 AM

Olé zooma zooma zooma
Olé zooma zooma chief
Drink it down you Zulu warrior
Drink it down you Zulu chief
Drink it down you Zulu warrior
Drink it down you Zulu chief, chief, chief!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:37 AM

Positively amazed THIS one is NOT in the DT, we sang it in elementry school

Walking Down Canal Street

Walking down Canal Street,
Knocking on every door,
Goddamn son of a bitch,
Couldn't find a whore.

When I finally found a whore,
She was tall and thin,
Goddamn son of a bitch,
Couldn't get it in.

When I finally got it in,
I turned it all about,
Goddamn son of a bitch,
Couldn't get it out

When I finally got it out,
It was red and sore,
Goddamn son of a bitch,
You should never fuck a whore.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:39 AM

Yank My Doodle

Yank my doodle it's a dandy,
Yank my doodle 'till I die,
Make that wiener shoot some fireworks,
Just like the Fourth of July.

I've got a Yankee doodle boner,
I've had it since you rubbed my thigh,
So yank my doodle if you please.
That bulge is not a pony,
Just stick your fingers up my ass,
And stroke my macaroni.

Yank my doodle it's so big,
Clearly it's a dandy,
Stick that sucker in your mouth,
You'll swear it tastes like candy.

Yank my doodle it's a dandy,
Yank my doodle 'till I die,
Lick that lizard 'till it's standing tall,
Right through my pubic hair.
If you like Yankee doodle peckers,
I've got one that I can spare.

So yank my doodle 'till it cums,
Just point it toward your titties,
They say that stuff is beauty cream,
Let's make your titties pretty.

Yank my doodle it's so big,
Baby it's a dandy,
Jerk that Turk and make it squirt,
And keep a Kleenex handy.

Yank my doodle it's a dandy,
Yank my doodle 'till I die...


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:41 AM

With the scrum through the memory of mud and blood, some of the above might not be technically, songs, but they are deffinately Rugby at its finest. This one falls there also.

Our Lager Tune: None
Note: A Prayer

Our Lager
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager,
Barman!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 12:27 AM

Well MONKEY BOY it has taken three and half years and one-hundred separate postings but here is your beloved S&M Manyou bloody perv

S&M Man
Tune: Candy Man

Who will run through jaggers,
Ripping up his flesh,
And turn right around,
And repeat the bloody mess?
CHORUS...

CHORUS:: It's the S&M man,
Oh, the S&M man,
The S&M man because he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good.
Yes the hurt feel good.

Who can take a hammer,
Shove it up her twat,
Move it back and forth,
Til he finds her G-spot,

Who can take a hammer,
Wave it overhead,
And slam it on his pecker,
Til he wishes he were dead?

Who can take his bicycle,
Take away the seat,
Put his girlfriend on it,
Ride her down a bumpy street?

Who can take some sandpaper,
Gotta be 50 grit,
Rub it back and forth,
Til she has a bleeding clit?

Who can take a old wood saw,
Rusty, but still cuts,
Saw it back and forth,
Til he cuts off both his nuts?

Who can take his willy,
Slam it in a door,
Slam it back and forth,
Til he can't pee anymore?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Rev it up on high,
Shove it up her arse,
Just to hear her scream and sigh?

Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream?

Who can take a sander,
Make sure it's Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you've got a bleeding pecker?

Who can take a mallet,
Claim that he's a stud,
Smash it on his pecker,
Till it starts to ooze blood?

Who can take a young girl,
Turn the lights down low,
Flip on the video camera,
And make like Rob Lowe?

Who would use machinery,
To masturbate at work,
Rip off his left testis,
And pretend it didn't hurt?

Who can take some fiberglass,
Wrap it round his pud,
Shove it up her arse,
Til she's shitting chunks of blood?

Who can take a light bulb,
Shove it up her arse,
Fuck her up the rear,
Til she's shitting chunks of glass?

Who can take just two bricks,
Take one in each hand,
Bang them on his balls,
Like the cymbals in the band?

Who wears pants with zippers,
And no underwear,
Then pulls them up and down,
And rips out his pubic hair?

Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up your ass,
And hit it with a hammer,
And line your ass with glass?

Who can take your scrotum,
Stick it with a pin,
Hang on a bunch of weights,
Till it drags down to your shins?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Cut the bitch in two,
Fuck the bottom half,
And toss the other half to you?

Who can take your penis,
Feed it to a whore,
Then slam it in a door,
So you can't fuck no more?

Who would take a condom,
Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on the wife,
'Cause she twitches when it stings?

Who can take your penis,
Tie it in a knot,
Tighter yet tighter,
Until the fucker rots?

Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he fucks her up the rear?

Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch?

Who would take your kiddies,
Out to a picnic binge,
Put them on the fire,
And watch the fuckers singe?

Who would put a kid's hand,
In a socket on the wall?
It's nice when they jerk,
Up against his balls?

Who gives children candy,
Takes them round the block,
And rips up their innards,
With the ramming of his cock?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Stick it up her hole,
Turn it round & round,
And make tuna casserole?

Who can take some clothes pegs,
Hang his girlfriend by her nipples,
Leave the bitch just hanging,
Til her tits are nearly tripled?

Who can take a Doberman,
Let him do a show,
Let him fuck your girlfriend,
While he takes a video?

Who can take a hair curler,
Turn it up on high,
Stick it in her cunt,
And listed to her fry?

Who can take his penis,
Put it in a door,
Slam it real hard,
And scream MORE MORE MORE?

Who can find some newlyweds,
Sneak into their room,
Fuck the bride in bed,
And sodomize the groom?

Who can take a glass rod,
Shove it up his prick,
Put it on the table,
And smash it with a brick?

Who can take a baby,
Throw it on a pile,
And fuck it up its ass,
Sish-ka-bob style?

Who can take a nun,
Lean her over the pew,
Fuck her up the ass,
'Till she wishes she was a Jew?

Who can take a vagina,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And serve bread at the hash feast?

Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears?

Who can take a vice clamp.
Clamp it on a tit
Squeeze the succker down
Till it pops just like a zit?

Who can take a transient
Rip out one of his eyes
Skull fuck the bastard
While he listens to his cries?

Who can take a Coke bottle
Shove it up her ass
Kidney punch the bitch
Until she's shitting blood and glass?

Who can take a cheese grater
Strap it to his arm
Fist fuck the bitch
And make vagina parmesian?

SONG ENDERS:

Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head?

Who can take a pregnant woman,
Fuck her til she's dead,
Leave his dick inside her,
Til the fetus gives him head?

Who can go to the abortion clinic,
Sneak around the back,
Root around the dumpster,
And find a tasty snack?

Who can take a little girl,
Before she's on the rag,
Fuck her till she's dead,
And then toss her in a bag?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 02:46 PM

Well....I'm not surprised you posted that anonymously....


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 06:53 AM

Thanks GUEST - Well that is "different" and perhaps best left out of the D.T. Here's a "nicer one" for those who more easily offended, it is a variation on Bestialitys' Best posted above.

Vegetables Are The Best
Tune: Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport

Chorus:
Vegetables are the best, girls,
Vegetables are the best--EAT YOUR GREENS!
Vegetables are the best, girls,
Vegetables are the best, 'cause . . .

Do the deed with a weed, girls,
Do the deed with a weed--VEGETABLES!
Do the deed with a weed, girls,
Do the deed with a weed, 'cause . . .

Other verses:
Commit fellatio with a potato, girls
Take a dyke on with a daikan, boys
Shave the fuzz off a peach, boys
Slip a rubba on a rutabaga, girls
Be a fairy with a strawberry, boys
Try humpin' a pumpkin, lads
Tickle your root with a shoot, boys
Tickle your clit with a pickle, girls
No need for the pill with a dill, girls
Stick a cuke up your chute, girls
Fill your chute with a root, girls
Squeeze a kumquat in your twat, girls
Give a wedgie to a veggie, boys
Drink the pee of a broccoli
A gourd will always stay hard, girls
Elope with a cantaloupe, girls
Go goose a spruce, lads
Wine and dine a fine pine, men
Stuff some grass up your ass, boys
Debauchery with the shrubbery, boys
Rub your tube with a tuber, boys
Wheat germ makes your squirm, girls
Rub your slit hard with rhubarb, girls
Get frisky with some kim chee, girls
Give him a horn with some corn, girls
Make him green with a bean, girls
Get defrocked by a stalk, father
Venial sins with the California Raisins, girls
Stiffen your root with a Kiwi fruit, boys
etc . . .


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 06:59 AM

I don't believe the Search Engines are working at the M.C.

Vicar in the Dockside Church
Tune: ???

The Vicar in the dockside church,
One Sunday morning said,
"Some dirty bastard's shat himself,
I'll punch his fucking head."
Well up jumped Jock from the third row back,
And he spat a mighty go-o-ob,
"I'm the one who shat himself,
You can chew my fucking kno-o-ob,
You can chew my fucking knob."

The organist played 'Hearts of Oak',
Mixed up with 'Auld Lang Syne',
The preacher then got up and said,
'You've had your fucking time."
The organist waltzed down the aisle,
With his organ on his back,
Then up jumped Jock and hollered out,
(And the Vicar from his pulpit cried,)
"You can waltz that bastard ba-a-ack,
You can waltz that bastard back."

Sweet Jenny Lynd got up to sing,
She warbled like a thrush,
The Vicar from his pulpit said,
"By God you're fucking lush."
"That's right," said she, "but I'm not for free,
It's thirty bob a ti-i-ime."

The up jumped Jock and hollered out,
(And the Vicar from his pulpit cried)
"Hands off you bastards she's mi-i-ine,
Hands off you bastards she's mine."


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 07:01 AM

Carolina
Tune: Sweet Betsy from Pike

Way down in Alabama where the bullshit lies thick,
The girls are so pretty that the babies come quick.
There lives Carolina, the queen of them all,
Carolina, Carolina, the cow-puncher's whore.

She's handy, she's bandy, she shags in the street.
Whenever you meet her she's always in heat.
If you leave your fly open she's after your meat,
And the smell of her cunt knocks you right off your feet.

One night I was riding way down by the falls,
One hand on my pistol, the other on my balls.
I saw Carolina there using a stick,
Instead of the end of a cow-puncher's prick.

I caressed her, undressed her, and laid her down there.
And parted the tresses of curly brown hair.
Inserted the prick of my sturdy horse,
And then there began a strange intercourse.

Faster and faster went my sturdy steed,
Until Carolina rejoiced at the speed,
When all of a sudden my horse did back-fire,
And shot Caroline right into the mire.

Up got Carolina all covered in muck.
And said, "Oh dear, what a glorious fuck!"
Two paces forward and fell flat on the floor,
And that was the end of the cow-punchers whore.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 07:03 AM

Cactus In My Y-Fronts
Tune: A recital to the meter of Eskimo Nell

Chorus:
I've got Cactus in my Y-fronts
A vulture on my head
I've just been kissed by a Tennessee miss
And I wish that I was dead

I've a jock strap made of leather
That tickles tee he hee
But the cactus in my Y fronts
Made a loser out of me

I was up in Cripple Creek,
I was dying for a leak
So I dropped behind a cactus there
And when I did up my belt
I can't tell you how it felt
But I knew the meaning of a prickly pear

I went down to Nevada
Where the girls try so much harder
And I met a cute young thing called Caroline,
But each time she felt my prickles
She said "goodness me to tickles!"
Now she's gone and run off with a porcupine

In Cal-i-for-ni-a where the rustlers are so 'gay'
I bought a gentle gee-gee name of jack
But he livened up a lot
When he felt my prickly bot
That bucking bronco broke my bloomin' back


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 07:05 AM

Virgin Sturgeon
Tune: Reuben and Rachel

CHORUS:
Caviar comes from the virgin sturgeon,
The virgin sturgeon is a very fine fish,
The virgin sturgeon needs no urging,
That's why caviar is my dish.

I gave caviar to my girlfriend,
She's a virgin through and through,
Since I gave my girlfriend caviar,
There ain't nothing she won't do.
I gave caviar to my bow-wow,
All the other doggies looked agog,
He had what those bitches needed,
Wasn't he a lucky dog?

I gave caviar to my grandpa,
Grandpa's age is ninety-three,
Last time that I saw grandpa,
He's chased grandma up a tree.

My father was a lighthouse keeper,
He had caviar for his tea,
He had three children by a mermaid,
Two were kippers, one was me.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 04:46 AM

Barcelona
Tune: Mañana

CHORUS:
Mañana, mañana,
Is my banana good enough for you?

Way down in Barcelona,
Where ladies learn to knit,
A lady stuck a knitting needle in another lady's tit.
Said the lady to the lady,
"We're here to learn to knit,
Not to stick a knitting needle in another lady's tit."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where drummers play the drum,
A drummer stuck a drumstick up another drummer's bum.
Said the drummer to the drummer,
"We're here to play the drum,
Not stick a drumstick up another drummer's bum."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where lepers decompose,
A leper picked a snotty from another leper's nose.
Said the leper to the leper,
"We're here to decompose,
Not to pick a snotty from another leper's nose."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where ladies learn to swim,
A lady put her finger up another lady's quim.
Said the lady to the lady,
"We're here to learn to swim,
Not to put our fingers up another lady's quim."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where beggars beg for food,
A beggar chucked a lunger in another beggar's gruel.
Said the beggar to the beggar,
"We're here to beg for food,
Not to chuck a lunger in another beggar's gruel."

Way down in Barcelona,
Where wankers yank their crank,
A wanker took a yank of another wanker's crank.
Said the wanker to the wanker,
"We're here to yank our crank,
Not to yank a crank off another wanker's crank."

Way down in Barcelona where the miners shovel coal,
A miner shoved a shovel up another miners hole,
Said the miner to the miner,
We're here to shovel coal,
And not to shove a shovel up another miners hole.

Way down in New York City,
Where the cabbies drive so fast.
A cabby rammed his cab up another cabbies ass,
Said the cabby to the cabby,
(Wind down window)
FUCK YOU - BUDDY!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 04:47 AM

This is a version of "Darkies Sunday School" currently NOT in the DT. It has inuendo and is more playful.

Country Sunday School

CHORUS:
Young folk, old folk,
Everybody come,
To the country Sunday School,
And we'll have lots of fun,
Bring your sticks of chewing gum,
And sit upon the floor,
And we'll tell you Bible stories,
That you never heard before.

Now Adam was the first man,
So we're lead to believe,
He walked into the garden,
And bumped right into Eve,
There was no one there to show him,
But he quickly found the way,
And that's the very reason,
Why we're singing here today,

The Lord said unto Noah,
"It's going to rain today"
So Noah built a bloody great Ark,
In which to sail away.
The animals went in two by two,
But soon got up to tricks,
So, although they came in two by two,
They came out six by six.

Now Moses in the bulrushes,
Was all wrapped up in swathe,
Pharaoh's daughter found him,
When she went down there to bathe,
She took him back to Pharaoh,
And said, "I found him on the shore"
And Pharaoh winked his eye and said,
"I've heard that one before."

King Solomon and King David,
Lived most immoral lives,
Spent their time a-chasing,
After other people's wives,
The Lord spoke unto both of them,
And it worked just like a charm,
'Cos Solomon wrote the Proverbs,
And David wrote the Psalms.

Now Samson was an Israelite,
And very big and strong,
Delilah was a Philistine,
Always doing wrong.
They spent a week together,
But it didn't get very hot,
For all he got was short back and sides,
And a little bit off the top.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 12:38 AM

For the Yanks in this forum that have never crossed the pond and had the honor of sojourning with the European "ladies." Here is a little background information. Then again,the notation is probably unnecessary, WHO besides a UKer-FBer (or a UC-La student) would read this thread?

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Philippa
Date: 12-Jan-99 - 09:19 AM
Shop: Daniel , Tonight
I heard a story about a young man who who was seen coming out of the shopping centre with some dozen multi-packs of Durex (condoms). "You must have a heavy date tonight, Mick", said his friend. "Uh, well, it's like this," Mick admitted 'sheepishly', "I was going to buy a Daniel O'Donnell album, but every time I went up to the counter, I was too embarassed to ask."

Durex is a Girl's Best Friend

Tune: Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

A poke with a bloke may be quite incidental,
Durex is a girl's best friend,
You may get the works
But you won't be parental.
As he slides it in,
You trust that good old latex skin
As he lets fly, none gets by
'Cos it's all gathered up in the end.
This little precaution
Avoids an abortion
Durex is a girl's best friend.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 12:40 AM

OK folks, perhaps this could fall more in the catagory of "Camp-Fire-Songs," it is a variation of Three Jolly Fishermen As a "camper" I thought it a cute-ditty, but little did I know the OTHER words meaning when twisted to a footballer's mentality. Joe/Max will probably deleat it since it reflects sentiments THEY attribute to the Knaben/Jugen of the HJ. But given its irreverance to cutesy/niceness it is deffinately RUGBY!!! (posted 10/16/01 15:31 GMT)

Three Jews from Jerusalem

Tune: Three Jolly Fishermen

There were three Jews from Jerusalem,
There were three Jews from Jerusalem,
Jerry, jerry, jerry, Ru Sa Lem,
Jerry, jerry, jerry, Ru Sa Lem,
There were three Jews from Jerusalem.

The first Jew's name was Issac (2x)
Isy, isy isy suck suck suck (2x)
There were.......etc.

The second Jew's name was Abraham (2x)
Abry, abry, abry RAM RAM RAM! (2x)
There were......etc.

They had a friend named Joseph,(2x)
Josy, osy, osy SIPH SIPH SIPH!(2x)
There were..... etc.

And another friend named Jehosephat,(2x)
Hjehosy, osy, osy, FART FART FART!(2x)
There were..... etc.

They went for a ride in a charabanc,(2x)
Chara, chara, charc BANG, BANG, BANG!(2x)
There were..... etc.

There was a mighty thunderclap,(2x)
Thunder, thunder, thunder, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!(2x)
There were..... etc.

They all fell over a precipice,(2x)
Preci,preci,preci PISS, PISS, PISS!(2x)
There were..... etc.

The took them off the hospital,(2x)
Hosy, ohy, ohy, PIDDLE PIDDLE PIDDLE!(2x)
There were..... etc.

Otherwise known as the ramah sakit,(2x)
Rumah, rumah, rumah, SUCKIT, SUCKIT, SUCKIT!(2x)
There were..... etc.

But there were no beds vacant,(2x)
Vacy, vacy, vacy, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT!(2x)
There were..... etc.

The doctor came form Norfolk,(2x)
Norry, ory, ory, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!(2x)
There were..... etc.

The nurse she gave them arsenic,(2x)
Arsy, arsy, arsy, NIC, NIC, NIC!(2x)
There were..... etc.

And this is where we finish it,(2x)
Fini, fini, fini, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!(2x)
There were..... etc.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 01:30 AM

...they teach these to the Philmont Rangers? geez..kinda gross...


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 05:13 AM

Salome
Tune: ???

Down our street we had a little party,
Everyone there was oh so gay and hearty.
Talk about a treat, there was fuck all to eat,
So we all got pissed in a boozer down the street.

There was old Uncle Jim,
He was fair fucked up,
We put him in the cellar,
With the old bull pup.

Little Sunny Tim,
Was trying to get it in,
With his asshole,
Winking at the moonlight.

CHORUS:
Oh, Salome, Salome,
My gal Salome.
Dancing there with her asshole bare,
Every little wiggle make the boys all stare.
She swings it, she flings it,
She's a great big cow twice the size of me,
Hairs on her belly like the trunk of a tree,
She could run, jump, fuck, fart,
Push a barrow, wheel a cart,
That's my gal Salome.

Monday night she fucks like hell,
Tuesday night she has a spell,
Wednesday night she takes it up her back,
Thursday night she takes it in the crack,
And Friday night she takes it up her nose,
In between her finger and down between her toes.
Saturday night she dishes out the clap -
And she goes to church on Sunday. CHORUS


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 05:20 AM

Giving equal time to the women here is:

S&M Girl

Tune: Candy Man

Who takes jumper cables,
Attaches 'em to her tits,
Connects them to a Mack truck,
And has orgasmic fits?
It's the S&M girl.

CHORUS: Oh, the S&M girl,
The S&M girl because she mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good (the hurt feel good).

Who can jump a flagpole,
Land right up on top,
Wiggle down and squeeze so tight,
The ball on top pops?
It's the S&M girl.

Who can take a buzz saw,
Hold it to her twat,
Rev up the engine,
And perpetually squat?
It's the S&M girl.

Who sleeps on barbed wire,
Tossing left and right,
Just to see how many stitches,
She can earn each night?
It's the S&M girl.

Who can shave her body,
Pubic parts and all,
Swim around all day,
In a pool of alcohol?
It's the S&M girl.

Who rubs down with honey,
Just to have a chance,
To lay out on the lawn,
And be a picnic for the ants?
It's the S&M girl.

Who ties down her sweetie,
Every single day,
Covers him with rats,
And lets the kitties in to play?
It's the S&M girl.

Who can take some shackles
Chain you to the walls
Fill a glass with sperm
By lancing both your balls?
It's the S&M girl


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 09:44 AM

Peri Periwinkle

Tune: Ach, Du Lieber, Augustin

Noo a lassie was roamin' by the banks of Loch Lomand,
She slipped on her dress and a wee chunk o'stane
Noo a Parson was passin' and on her took passion
He lifted her up and he carried her hame.

CHORUS:

Singin' Peri Periwinkle, I see your wee wrinkle,
Singin' Peri Periwinkle, but you canna see mine!

Noo he fed her and cled her and into bed led her,
And noo that wee lassie's asufferin with shame;
For he jumped in beside her and started to ride her,
And noo that wee lassie's the Whore of Dunbane.

Noo all the little angels are sent, are sent up
Noo all the little angels are sent up on high.

Which end up? Ass end up.
Which end up? Ass end up.
All the little angles ass end up on high.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 11:29 AM

...garg...you aren't sleeping much....have you gotten laid off? I hope not!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 03:48 AM

Can't help but sing this song, and not recall that wonderful wedding scene from the original movie, The Godfather

Rajah of Aatrakhan

Tune: When Johnnie Comes Marching Home

There was a Rajah of Astrakhan,
Yo ho, Yo ho,
A most licentious fucking man,
Yo ho, yo ho,
Of wives he had a hundred and nine,
Including his favorite concubine,
Yo ho, you buggers, yo ho, you buggers,
Yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.

One day when he had a hell of a stand,
He called to a warrior, one of his band,
Go down without wasting any time,
Get me my favorite concubine.

The warrior fetched the concubine,
A face like Venus, a face divine,
The Rajah gave a significant grunt,
And rammed his penis up her cunt.

The Rajah's cries were loud and long,
The maiden's cries were sure and strong,
But just when all had come to a head,
They both fell through the fucking bed.

They hit the floor with a hell of a grunt,
Which completely buggered the poor girl's cunt,
And as for the Rajah's magnificent cock, It never recovered from the shock.

There is a moral to this tale,
There is a moral to this tale,
If you would fuck a girl at all,
Stand her right up against the wall.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 03:59 AM

Nope Harpy, working double/triple time at the moment, sort of a wild, waltzing 6/8 tempo, a crazed tranatella worthy of Dmitri Dabalevsky. No rest for the wicked.

Drink
Tune: Sing!

Drink,
Drink a beer,
Belch out loud,
Belch out clear,
Drink of good times, we run,
Drink of plenty, not one.....

Drink,
Drink the brew,
Down it quickly, this beer we give to you,
Don't worry that it's not good enough,
For anyone else to down,
Just drink,
Drink the beer.....

Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp, etc...


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 04:07 AM

Now here
can be heard
a song for the herd,
most appropriate for a Wicked Wyoming Wican
if it don't make you more sicken.

It is similar to Carolina in the DT, but carries some distinctly different lyrics.

Down in Wyoming
Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike

Twas down in Wyoming,
Where the bullshit lies thick
I was riding along, my hand on my dick
When whom should I see
But the girl I adore
It was Charlotte the harlot
The cowpuncher's whore

She's randy, she's dandy
She's my heart's delight
I fuck her by day and
I fuck her by night
And each time I fuck her
I pump in a quart
If you don't call that fucking
You fucking well ought!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 04:09 AM

A song of Max's east-coast cruisen the "Big A??????"

Don't That Bastard Get any Bigger?

Tune: Put Another Log On the Fire

Don't that bastard get any bigger?
I bet some bitch bit off the last three feet,
It's wrinkled like a six week old banana,
And got a limp a cripple couldn't beat.
Come on, baby,
Can't you make it go any faster?
And don't forget to let me get there first.
Don't that bastard get any bigger?
You're lucky someone understands,
like me.

Don't that paycheck get any fatter?
And don't forget my birthday's in a week,
What about the tennis courts you promised,
And how about Hawaii for a break?
Come on, baby,
Climb another rung in that ladder,
You haven't had a pay raise since
New Year's.
Don't that paycheck get any fatter?
You're lucky someone understands, like me.

Don't let that heart rate go any faster,
Jesus, why do you have to work so hard?
You never stay at home on the weekends,
No wonder your banana's never ripe.
Come on, baby,
You hang around the office 'til all hours,
I bet you've got a brand new secretary,
Don't let that heart rate go any faster,
You're lucky someone understands, like me.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 09:36 AM

Another version of this is in the DT under Ringdang

Ringadangdoo

Tune: My Ding-a-ling

CHORUS:
The ringadangdoo, pray what is that?
It's furry and soft, like a pussy-cat,
It's got a crack down the middle,
And a hole right through,
That's what they call the Ringadangdoo.

I once knew a girl, her name was Jean,
The sweetest girl I'd ever seen,
She loved a boy, who was straight and true,
Who longed to play on her ringadangdoo.

So she took him to her father's house,
And crept inside as quiet as a mouse,
And they shut the door and the window too,
And he played all night on her Ringadangdoo.

The very next day her father said,
'You've gone and lost your maidenhead!
You can pack your bags and suitcase, too,
And bugger off with your Ringadangdoo!"

So she went to town and became a whore,
And hung a red light outside her door,
And one by one and two by two,
They came to play on her Ringadangdoo.

There came to that town a son of a bitch
Who had the pox and the seven-year-itch,
He had gonorrhea and syphilis too--
So that was the end of her Ringadangdoo.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 09:38 AM

Don't Cry Lady

Tune: ??? (Good Night Ladies?)

Chorus:
Don't cry lady. I'll buy your goddam violets,
Dont' cry lady. Your pencils too.
Don't cry lady. Take off those colored glasses
Hello mother, I knew it was you.

Hooray, hooray, my father's gonna get shot.
Hooray, hooray, that dirty drunken sot.
For he was very mean to me when I was just a tot,
Hooray, they're gonna shoot my father, so (chorus)

Hooray, hooray, my uncle's gonna get hung.
Hooray, hooray, that dirty drunken bum.
For he was very mean to me when I was very young,
Hooray, they're gonna hang my uncle, so (chorus)

Hooray, hooray, my brother's gonna get hurt.
Hooray, hooray, that dirty sex pervert.
For he was very mean to me when I was just a squirt,
Hooray, they're gonna hurt my brother, so (chorus)

Hooray, hooray, my cousin's gonna get destroyed.
Hooray, hooray, that no go anthropoid.
For he would always try on me thing's he'd read in Freud,
Hooray, they're gonna wreck my cousin, so (chorus)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 12:20 AM

Dinah

Tune: ???

CHORUS:
Dinah, Dinah show us your leg,
Show us your leg, show us your leg.
Dinah, Dinah show us your leg,
A yard above your knee.

I wish I were the diamond ring,
On Dinah's dainty hand.
Then every time she wiped her ass,
I'd see the promised LAND! LAND! LAND!

The rich girl rides a limousine,
The poor girl rides a truck.
But the only ride that Dinah has,
Is when she has a RIGHT GOOD FUCK!

The rich girl uses a sanitary towel,
The poor girl uses a sheet.
But Dinah uses nothing at all,
Leaves a trail along the STREET! STREET! STREET!

The rich girl wears a ring of gold,
The poor girl one of brass.
But the only ring that Dinah wears,
Is the one around her ASS! ASS! ASS!

The rich girl wears a brassiere,
The poor Girl uses string,
But Dinah uses nothing at all,
She let's the bastards SWING! SWING! SWING!

The rich girl uses Vaseline,
The poor girl uses lard.
But Dinah uses axle grease,
Because her cunt's so HARD! HARD! HARD!

The rich girls work in factories,
The poor girls work in stores.
But Dinah works in a honky-tonk,
With forty other WHORES! WHORES! WHORES!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 12:25 AM

We have two very fine versions of this classic Austrailian in the DT. Here is bawdy parody.

Road to Gundagai

Tune: Road to Gundagai

There's a crack winding back,
From her belly to her back,
On the road to Gundagai

There's a yank there beside her,
You bet your balls he'll ride her,
Beneath the starry sky

With a frenchie on his big prick,
He'll ride her with ease
As he scratches up the gravel
With both of his knees,
Though the time will come to pass,
When he'll whop it up her arse,
On the road to Gundagai.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 12:29 AM

Rip My Knickers Away

Tune: ????

Be I 'ampshire, be I buggery,
Oi koms up from Wareham,
Oi knows a gal with calico drawers,
And I knows how to tear 'em.

CHORUS: Rip my knickers away,
Rip my knickers away,
I don't care what becomes of me,
As long as you finger my C.U.N.T.

Rip my knickers away, away,
Rip my knickers away,
Down the front, down the back,
Round the back, round the crack,
Rip my knickers away.

Walkin' by the field one day
I heard a maiden crying,
"Oh, please don't rip me knockers off, Jack,
You'll get there by and byin'."


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:37 AM

Roedean School

Tune: We Shall Not Be Moved

We are from Roedean, good girls are we,
We take great pride in our virginity,
We take precautions,
And avoid abortions,
For we are from Roedean School.

CHORUS:
Up School, Up school Up school,
Right Up school!
Laah-lah, laah-lah, lah, lah,lah,lah,lah,
Laah-lah, laah-lah, lah, lah,lah,lah,lah.

Our school porter, he is a fool,
He's only got a teeny-weeny tool,
All right for keyholes
And little girlies' pee-holes,
But not for girls at Roedean School.

When we go out to the Vicar's for tea,
He likes to bounce us up and down on his knee,
We feed him brandy,
Which makes him feel randy,
For we are from Roedean School.

When we go down to the beach for a swim,
The people remark on the size of our quim,
You can bet your bottom dollar,
It's big as a horse's collar,
For we are from Roedean School.

Our head perfect, her name is Jane,
She only likes it now and again,
And again, and again,
And again, and again,
For she is from Roedean School.

Our house mistress, she can't be beat,
She lets us go walking in the street,
We sell our titties for
Three-penny bitties,
Right outside of Roedean School.

Our sports mistress, she is the best,
She teaches us how to develop our chest,
We wear tight sweaters,
And carry French Letters,
For we are from Roedean School.

Each week at Roedean we have a dance,
We don't wear bras and we don't wear pants,
We like to give
All the fellows a chance,
For we are from Roedean School.

Our head gardener, he makes us drool,
He's got a great big dirty whoppin' tool,
All right for tunnels,
And Queen Mary's funnels,
And great for the girls at Roedean School.

We have a new girl, her name is Flo,
Nobody thought that she would have a go,
But she surprised the Vicar,
By raising him quicker,
That any other girl at Roedean School.

We are from Roedean, lesbos are we,
Caused by living in an all-girls dormit'ry,
It's lights out at seven,
Candles out at eleven,
For we are from Roedean School.

Our school doctor, she is a beaut,
Teaches us to swerve when our boy friends shoot,
It saves many marriages,
And forced miscarriages,
For we are from Roedean School.

We go to Roedean, don't we have fun,
We know exactly how it is done,
When we lie down
We hole it in one,
For we are from Roedean School.

Those girls from Cheltenham, they are just sissies,
The get worked up over one or two kisses,
It takes wax candles,
And long broom handles,
To rouse the girls at Roedean School.

We go to Roedean, we can be had,
Don't take our word, boy ask your old dad,
He brings his friends,
For breath-taking trends,
For we are from Roedean School.

In our winter we wear our J.D.'s, Long combinations well below our knees, It's all right for dragging,
But no good for shagging,
For we are from Roedean School.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 09:47 AM

More verses to this WWII classic already found in the DT.

Roll Your Leg Over

Tune: Oh, Sally, My Dear

If all the young girls were like fish in the ocean,
Then I'd be a whale and I'd show them the motion.

CHORUS:

Oh, roll your leg over,
Oh, roll your leg over,
Roll your leg over the and fuck me till noon

If all the young girls were like fish in a pool,
I'd be a shark with a waterproof tool.

If all the young girls were like fish in the brookie,
I'd be a trout and I'd get me some nookie.

If all the young girls were like winds on the sea,
I'd be a sail and I'd have them blow me.

If all the young girls were like cows in the pasture,
I'd be a bull and I'd fill them with rapture.

If all the young girls were like mares in the stable,
I'd be a stallion and show them I'm able.

If all the young girls were like bells in a tower,
I'd be a clapper and bang them each hour.

If all the young girls were like bats in a steeple,
And I were a bat, there'd be more bats than people.

If all the young girls were like little red foxes,
And I were a hunter, I's shoot up their boxes.

If all the young girls were like little white rabbits,
And I were a hare, I would teach them bad habits.

If all the young girls were like trees in the forest,
And I was a woodsman, I'd split their clitoris.

If all the young girls were like telephone poles,
I'd be a squirrel and stuff nuts in their holes.

If all the young girls were like diamonds and rubies,
I'd be a jeweler and polish their boobies.

If all the young girls were like coals in the stoker,
I'd be a fireman and shove in my poker.

I wish all the girls were like statues of Venus,
And I were equipped with a petrified penis.

I wish all young ladies were singing this song,
It would be twice as dirty and three times as long.

If all the young ladies were far better skiers,
And better beer drinkers, and less constant pee-ers.

I wish all the girls were like Aspen Ski Tow,
You pay fifty dollars, you get on and go.

If all the young girls were like winds on the sea,
And I were a sail, I would let them blow me.

I wish all little girls were like pieces of pie,
And I were a fork so I would fork till I die.

I wish all little girls were like small desert cactus,
And I were a pin, I would prick theirs for practice.

We sing long, we sing loud, we sing all about it,
But only because we've been doing without it.

I wish all the girls were like holes in the road,
I be a truck and dump in my load.

I wish all the girls would douche with Lavoris,
I'd freshen my breath by licking clitoris.

I wish all the men were like pipes in the yard,
After they're drained they'd still remain hard.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 09:50 AM

Did You Ever Wonder?

Tune=?

Have you ever wondered if your Mom gave Dad a blow job
Right before she kissed you good night?
Did she swallow and eat a lot of folks you'll never meet
And does the thought give you a fright?
Did you ever wonder how a dog jumps on another dog
And gets his penis right in?
Then start banging away, not even "woof, it's nice to meet you";
If you ask me I think it's a sin.
What makes a penis so thick?
Why do some folks cum too quick?
While some others never cum at all?
Does a fly take a leak, and does an ostrich ever peek
When there's poop coming out of this butt?
C'mon, now do you ever wonder...?

Did you ever wonder if anybody ever hears you,
While you jerk off in solitude?
Whether you're sixty or six.
You get embarrassed pretty quick,
If your Mom walked in on you
When you screw someone new
Do you ever wonder who was there before you
Was he short or tall
Was his penis a three or was he hung like a tree
And will she feel you inside at all
Do dead men's genitals swell,
And are we going straight to hell for our perverted CURIOUSIOTIES?
C'mon, do you ever wonder? Humm...?

Do you ever wonder if the Tin Man wanted Dorothy
To lubricate his private parts
And if he has his wish, would it be "If I had a hard-on,"
'Stead of "If I only had a heart?"
Does sperm make a sound when it crashes to the ground
While you're jerking off and you're not seen?
Does it feel any pain when it dries into a stain
On the page of some magazine?
Did you ever wonder
If a pig can really vomit
Did you ever think of that at all
Heeeeey, do you ever wonder?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 10:18 AM

Dead Whore

Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

II passed a dead whore on the roadside
I knew right away she was dead.
For the skin on her stomach was flaking
She hadn't a hair on her head
She hadn't a hair on her head.

Chorus:
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me.

I first met my dead whore at Mitch's
With a horrible snail-sucking face
She'd roll them around on her tongue one
And barf them back up in your face.
And barf them back up in your face.

Chorus...

My dead whore looked into a gas tank
The contents of it for to see
I lit a match to assist her
Oh bring back my dead whore to me, to me
Oh bring back my dead whore to me,.

While nibbling my dead whore's festered nipples
A horrible thing to discuss
I thought it was milk I was sucking
But it turned out it was syphilitic pus, green pus
But it turned out it was syphilitic pus.

Chorus...

My dead whore's vagina was swelling
A condition I thought would soon pass
I stuck in my pecker to explore it
And she farted green gas from her ass
She farted green gas from her ass.

Chorus...
I thought of a way of preserving
My dead whore for posterity
I'd dry her like a piece of beef jerky
With a leathery twat just for me, for me
With a leathery twat just for me.

Chorus...

I French-kissed my dead whore named Merly
I thought she had a very active tongue
But after an evening of kissing
I realized it was maggots from her lung
I realized it was maggots from her lung.

Chorus...

Once upon thinking it over
I realized my terrible sin
So I stuck my lips on her sweet pussy
And sucked out the load I shot in, shot in
And sucked out the load I shot in,.

Chorus...

But before I could extract that jism
My dead whore was pregnant and more
Inside the maternity morgue
She gave birth to a dead baby whore
She gave birth to a dead baby whore.

Chorus...

Goes at the end of Dead Whore or may be done as a song by itself.

Born Dead

Tune = Born Free

Born dead, your baby was born dead
Three fingers and no head
Born dead to live in a jar
Stay dead, don't come back to haunt me;
You really don't want me.
Born dead to live in a jar.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:25 PM

How this one has escaped the DT, for this long, is beyond me.

Rub-A-Dee-Dub

Tune: The Scotsman

Now the baker's boy to the mart he went,
Some pork for him to buy.
And when he got upon the spot,
No one he could espy.
And just as he was about to leave,
Thinking all was dead,
He heard the sound of rub-a-dee-dub,
Right above his head.

Now the baker's boy was cunning and wise,
And he crept up the stairs,
And he crept up so silently,
He caught them unawares.
And there he saw the butcher's boy,
Between his missus' thighs,
And they were having rub-a-dee-dub,
Right before his eyes.
Oh, they were having rub-a-dee-dub,
Right before his eyes.

Now the butcher's wife was much alarmed,
Aleeping from the bed,
She turned unto the baker's boy,
And this is what she said,
"If you were but my secret keep,
Just bear this fact in mind.
You can always cum for a rub-a-dee-dub.
Whenever you feel inclined."
Oh, can always cum for a rub-a-dee-dub.
Whenever you feel inclined."

Now the baker's boy was filled with joy,
The prospect of such fun,
He barely leaped upon the bed,
When the butcher's boy was done.
But when he came to the shortest strokes,
How he kissed the butcher's wife.
He vowed he'd have a rub-a-dee-dub,
Every day of his life.
Oh, he vowed he'd have a rub-a-dee-dub,
Every day of his life.

Now in the 'morn when he awoke,
All over did he quake.
His back was sore, his balls were raw,
All over he did shake.
And when he looked at his Tom-Tom,
He saw he'd done the trick.
The consequences of his rub-a-dee-dub,
Was pimples on his prick.
Oh, the consequences of his rub-a-dee-dub,
Was pimples on his prick.

Now the baker's boy to the doctor went,
Some ointment for to buy,
The doctor looked him up and down,
And heaved a mighty sigh,
"My boy, my boy," the doctor said,
"You've been a bloody fool,
You'll never more have a rub-a-dee-dub,
I'm gonna cut off your tool."
Oh, you'll never more have a rub-a-dee-dub,
I'm gonna cut off your tool."

Now listen to the baker's boy,
For he should surely know,
An enthusiastic amateur,
Is worse than any pro,
And if you would a wooing go,
And self-control you lack,
Whenever you have a rub-a-dee-dub,
Be sure to wear a mack.
Oh, whenever you have a rub-a-dee-dub,
Be sure to wear a mack.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:29 PM

Posted into the Britania thread, is a great song for audience participation, simple enough that the most drunken of footballers can sing it.

Rule Britannia

Tune: Rule Britannia

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Five Chinese crackers up your asshole,
BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Four Chinese crackers up your asshole,

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Three Chinese crackers up your asshole,

BANG, BANG, BANG!

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Two Chinese crackers up your asshole,

BANG, BANG!

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
One Chinese cracker up your asshole,

BANG!

Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the seas,
Britons never, never, never shit green peas.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:32 PM

Davy Cockhead

Tune: Davy Crockett

Down in the valley where the black grass grows,
There lives a lady without any clothes.
Along came a man with a cap and a stick,
Down went his pants, and up went his prick.

CHORUS:
Davy, Davy Cockhead,
King of the wild fuckers.

Three months past and all was well,
Six months past, oh, what a swell,
Nine months pass, oh, what a shock!
Out came a baby with a nine-inch cock.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 01 - 07:34 PM

Did You Ever See

Tune: ???

Oh, I got an Aunty Sissy,
And she's only got one titty,
But it's very long and pointed,
And the nipple's double jointed.

CHORUS:
Did you ever see,
Did you ever see,
Did you ever see,
Such a funny thing before.

I've got a cousin Daniel,
And he's got a cocker spaniel,
If you tickled 'im in the middle,
He would lift his leg and piddle.

Oh, I've got a cousin Rupert,
He plays outside half for Newport,
They think so much about him,
That they always play without him.

Oh, I've got a cousin Anna,
And she's got a grand piana,
And she'd 'ammer, 'ammer, 'ammer,
Till the neighbors say "God damn her."

Oh, I've got a brother Mike,
Who rides a motor bike,
He can get from here to Gower,
In a quarter of an hour.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 05:56 AM

Pioneers

Tune: Son of a Gambolier

The pioneers have hairy ears,
They piss through leather britches,
They wipe their ass with broken glass,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

When cunt is rare they fuck a bear,
(They knife him if he snitches)
They knock their cock against the rocks,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

They take their ass upon the grass
From fairies or from witches
Their two-pound dinks are full of kinks,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

Without remorse they fuck a horse
And beat him if he twitches'
Their mighty dicks are full of nicks,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

To make a mule stand for the tool
He's beat with hickory switches;
They use their pricks for walking sticks,
Those hardy sons of bitches!

Great joy they reap from bugg'ring sheep,
In sundry bogs and ditches,
Nor give a damn if he be a ram -
Those hardy sons of bitches!

When booze is rare, they do not care,
They take a shot of Fitch's,
The fuck their wives with butcher knives,
Those hardy sons of bitches!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 05:58 AM

A fun playful one, I like it better than Cy,yi,yi,Yi's lymerics, by the third week everyone begins to have verses.

Poetry Song

Tune: Chorus from "The Little Brown Jug"
(Note: Sing chorus before every bad rhyme)

Chorus:
Poetry, poetry,
How do you like my poetry?
Not as mellow as Longfellow,
But it's poetry.

Verses:
Little Jack Horner,
Sat in the corner,
Eating his sister Mary.
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, "Hey, what happened to your cherry?"

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
who sat down beside her,
and said, "Hey, what's in the bowl bitch?"

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
That crawled up inside her,
So she beat it to death with her spoon.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the kingÕs horses, and all the kingÕs men,
Has one fucking big omelet.

Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone...
But when old mother bent over...
Rover drove her, cause
Rover had a bone of his own.

There once was an old lady
That lived in a shoe,
She had so many kids that her
Cunt could stretch over a trash can.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She said "with my pension, that's all I can do"
It may be substandard, but just down the block,
I know an old lady who lives in a sock.

Little Boy Blew,
Because he needed the money.

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To get her poor daughter a dress,
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare,
And so was her daughter I guess.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill came down with half a crown
But not for fetching water.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
On and elephant.
Jill got down and helped
Jack off the elephant.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
for just an itty bitty.
Jill's now two months overdue,
and Jack has left the city.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill,
each with a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents;
do you think they went for water?

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Silly Jill forgot the pill
and now they have a daughter.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down on top of Jill
and now they have another daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Stupid Jill! Forgot that pill!
So now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With a keg of brandyv Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed
Now it's Jack, Jill and Andy

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high,
Pulled down his fly,
And Jill said,
"Where's the beef!"

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass, and grabbed her ass
And now two of his front teeth are missing.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
Both carrying a bucket.
When Jill bent down
Her ass was round
And Jack decided to fuck it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky
Jill came back
With a very sore crack
Jack must have been a Yankee

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
the fuckin' whore!

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
Jack jumped over the candle stick
And burnt his balls.

Jack was nimble
Jack was quick
but Jill preferred the candlestick!

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was as white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day,
school one day, school one day,
It followed her to school one day -
And a big black dog fucked it!

Mary had a little sheep,
And with the sheep she went to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
And Mary had a little lamb.

Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin'
She tied it to a five-bar gate
and kicked its little cunt in.

Mary had a little lamb,
its fleece was white as snow.
And every where that Mary went,
the lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found the price of meat too high,
which really didn't please her.
Tonight she is having the leg of lamb,
the rest is in the freezer.

Mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon.

Mary had a little watch,
she kept it in her garter.
And when the boys asked her the time,
she knew what they were after.

Mary had a little lamb;
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate;
And had a little more!

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept in her yard.
Every time she took her panties off,
His little wooly dick got hard.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time it jumped the fence
You could see its little arsehole.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were astounded.
Everywhere that Mary went,
Gynecologists surrounded.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was suprised.
When Old McDonald had a farm,
The poor guy nearly died.

Mary had a little lamb
A little roast, a little jam
An ice-cream soda topped with fizz
Boy, how sick our Mary is.

Little Willie, full of glee,
put radium in grandma's tea.
Now he thinks it quite a lark
to see her shining in the dark.

Little Willie with a thirst for gore
nailed his mommy's baby to the door.
Mother said with humor quaint,
Willie dear, don't spoil the paint.

Little Willie,
Brand new skates
Hole in ice
Pearly gates

The birds may kiss the bees goodbye,
The buttercup...the butterfly.
The morning dew may kiss the grass,
And you my friend, may kiss my ass.

Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam,
where the deer and the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard,
a discouraging word,
after all, just what can an antelope say?

A man's occupation
is to stick his cockulation
up the woman's ventilation
to increase the population
of the coming generation

Roses are violet
Reds are blue
I'm a dyslexic
And stuff too you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I.

Roses are red
Violets are blue,
I'm amnesiac,
And ...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
That's what they tell me
Because I'm blind.

Roses are red
Violets are for plucking
Girls out of high school
Are ready for college


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 05:59 AM

Poor Little Angeline

Tune: ???

She was sweet sixteen and the village queen,
Pure and innocent was Angeline
A virgin still, never known a thrill,
Poor little Angeline.

At the village fair, the Squire was there,
Masturbating in the middle of the square,
When he chanced to see the dainty knee,
Of poor little Angeline.

Now the village Squire had a low desire,
To be the biggest bastard in the whole damn shire,
He had set is heart on the feral part
Of poor little Angeline.

As she lifted her skirt to avoid the dirt,
She slipped in the puddle of the Squires last squirt,
And his knob grew raw at the sight he saw,
Of poor little Angeline.

So he raised his hat and said, "Miss, your cat,
Has been run over and is squashed quite flat.
But my car is in the square and I'll take you there,
Oh Dear little Angeline."

Now the filthy old turd should have got the bird,
Instead she followed him without a word,
And as they drove away, you could hear them say,
Poor little Angeline.

They had not gone far when he stopped his car,
And took little Angeline into a bar,
Where he filled her with gin, just to make her sin,
Poor little Angeline.

When he'd oiled her well, he took her to a dell,
And there he gave her merry fucking hell,
And he tired his luck with a low down fuck,
On poor little Angeline.

With a cry of "Rape," he raised his cape,
Poor little Angeline had no escape.
Now it's time someone came to save the name,
Of poor little Angeline.

Now the story is told of a blacksmith bold,
Who'd loved little Angeline for years untold.
He was handsome too and he'd promised to be true,
To poor little Angeline.

But sad to say, that very same day
The blacksmith had gone to jail to stay,
For coming in his pants at the local dance
With poor little Angeline.

Now the window of his cell overlooked the dell,
Where the Squire was giving poor Angeline hell,
As she lay on the grass, he recognized the ass,
Of poor little Angeline.

Now he got such a start that he let out a fart,
Which blew the prison bars wide apart.
And he ran like shit lest the Squire should split,
His poor little Angeline.

When he got the spot and saw what was what,
He tied the villain's penis in a granny knot.
As the Squire lay on his guts he was kicked in the nuts,
By poor little Angeline.

"Oh blacksmith true, I love you, I do.
And I can tell by your trousers that you love me too,
Here I am undressed, come and do your best,"
Cried poor little Angeline.

Not it won't take long to finish this song,
For the blacksmith had a penis over one foot long,
And his phallic charm was as brawny as his arm.
Happy little Angeline.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 06:00 AM

Poor Lil (Version 1)

Tune: ???

Her name was Lil and she was a beauty,
She came from a house of ill reputy,
But she drank too deep of the demon rum,
She smoked hashish and opium.

She was young and she was fair,
She had lovely golden hair,
Gentlemen came from miles to see
Lilian in her deshabille.

Day be day her form grew thinner,
from insufficient protein in her.
She grew two hollows in her chest,
Why she had to go around completely dressed.

Now clothes may make a gal go far
But they have no place on a fille de joie,
Lillian's troubles started when
She concealed her abdomen.

She went to the house physician
To prescribe for her condition,
"you have got," the doc did say,
"Pernicious anem-i-a."

She took to treatments in the sun,
She drank of Scotts Emul-si-ion,
Three times daily she took yeast,
But still her clientele decreased.

For you must know her clientel-le
Rested chiefly on her belly,
She rilled that thing like the deep Pacific
It was something calorific.

As Lillian lay in her dishonor,
She felt the hand of the Lord upon her,
She said, "My sins I now repents,
But, Lord, that'll cost you fifty cents."

This is the story of Lillian,
She was one girl in a million,
This is the moral for her sins,
Whatever your line of business,
Fitness wins.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 06:01 AM

Poor Lil (Version 2)

Tune: Same meter as Eskimo Nell

She was the best our camp produced
And them that ain't been screwed by Lil
Ain't had no goose and never will,
For Lil's been took away.

'Twas a standing bet around our town,
That no one could screw her and clamp her down
For when she screwed, she screwed for keeps,
And piled her victims up in heaps.

But down from the north came Yukon Pete,
With sixteen pounds of rolling meat.
When he laid his cock out on the bar,
The damn thing reached from here to thar.

We all knew Lil had met her fate
But we couldn't back down that thar late,
So it was arranged down by the mil,
Back of the schoolhouse on the hill.

When all the boys could get a seat
And watch that half-breed bury his meat,
Lil started out like the Autumn breeze
Whistling through the hemlock trees.

She tried the twist and the double bunt
And all the tricks wha's known to cunt,
But Pete was with her every lick
And just kept reeling out more prick.

At last poor Lil just had to stop,
For Pete had nailed her to the spot.
Here clothes were torn and ripped to shreds,
And scatters all over the cactus beds.

The sod was ripped for miles around
Where poor Lil's ass had hit the ground
But she died game I'm here to tell,
Died with her boots on where she fell -
So what the hell boys, what the hell!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 10:11 AM

b>Keyhole Song

Tune: ???

The party ended early,
Twas only half past nine,
And by some stroke of bloody good luck,
Her room was next to mine.
And so like Christopher Columbus,
I started to explore,
I took up my position at the keyhole in the door.
Oh the keyhole, keyhole, keyhole,
The keyhole in the door.
I took up my position at the keyhole in the door.

She sat down by the fireside,
Her lily white tits to warm,
With only a nylon chemise on,
To hide her naked form.

If only she would take it off,
What man could ask for more?
By God, I saw her take it off,
Through the keyhole in the door.

Oh the keyhole, keyhole, keyhole,
The keyhole in the door.
By God, I saw her take if off,
Through the keyhole in the door.

With soft and trembling fingers,
I opened up the door,
With soft and trembling footsteps,
I crossed the bedroom floor.
And so that no other man could,
See what I'd seen before,
I stuffed that nylon chemise up,
The keyhole in the door.

Oh the keyhole, keyhole, keyhole,
The keyhole in the door.
I stuffed that nylon chemise up,
The keyhole in the door.

That night I slept in rapture,
And something else beside,
Upon her glorious bosom,
Had many a glorious ride.
That morning when I woke up,
My prick was mighty sore,
I felt as if I'd stuffed it up,
The keyhole in the door.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Oct 01 - 10:13 AM

Perfect for the UcLa programers on your rugby team

King of the Nerds

Tune: King of the Road

Theorems to prove or not,
Differentials get me hot.
Got three advanced degrees,
I don't pay no software fees.

I work hard on my code at nights,
My system's fifty-million megabytes.
Don't have much truck with words,
'Cause I'm . . . King of the Nerds.

I know every engineer on every mainframe,
Each fileserver, and all of their names,
I know every BBS in every town,
And who to call for service when the system is down.

You know I watch Star Treck, TNG,
I follow Science Fiction Fantasy.
I read PC news for thrills,
I don't have no social skills.

Ah, but cheap beer and take-out foods,
Get me lots of geeks in party moods.
Good grooming's for the birds,
When you're King of the Nerds.

And I'm King of the Nerds.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 20 Oct 01 - 07:09 AM

Some additional verses to the original classic found here within the DT.

Cats on the Rooftops

Tune: Do Ye Ken John Peel

CHORUS:
Cats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles,
Cats with syphilis, cats with piles,
Cats with their assholes wreathed in smiles,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The Australian lady who, when she wants to find a mate.
Wanders 'round the desert with a feather up her date.
You should see that feather - when she meets her destined fate,
As she revels in the joys of fornication.

The labors of the poofter find but little favor here.
But the morally leprous bastard has a peaceful sleep I fear.
As he dreams he rips a red un some dirty urchin's rear,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The dainty little skylark sings a very pretty song,
He has a ponderous penis fully forty cubits long,
You should hear his high crescendo -- when his mate is on the prong,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The lady by the seaside was feeling very blue,
She saw the children at it, and she thought she'd like it too,
So she bought three bananas -- and she ate the other two,
As she reveled in the joys of fornication.

The poor old rhinoceros, so it appears,
Never gets a grind in a thousand years,
But when he does -- he makes up for arrears,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The poor old desert camel has no water for a week,
And as he doesn't drink, the poor bugger cannot leak,
So he has to hold his water -- so to speak,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Little Mary Johnson will be seventeen next July,
She's never had a naughty, but she thought she'd like to try,
So she took her daddy's walking stick and did it on the sly,
And she reveled in the joys of fornication.

When you wake up in the morning with a devil of a stand,
From the pressure of the liquid in you seminary gland,
If you haven't got a woman -- use your own fucking hand.
As you revel in the joys of fornication.

When you wake up in the morning with a surge of sexual joy,
And you wife has got the rags on, and your daughter's feeling coy,
Do you ram it up the asshole of your own darling boy?
As you revel in the joys of fornication.

The Regimental Sergeant Major leads a miserable life,
He can't afford a mistress, and he doesn't have a wife,
So he puts it up the bottom of the Regimental Fife,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The ape is small and rather slow,
Erect he stands just a foot or so,
So when he comes -- it's time to go,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The flea disports among the trees,
And there consorts with whom he please,
To fill the land with bastard fleas,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The elephant's prick is big and round,
A small one scales a thousand pounds,
Two together -- rock the ground,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The orangutan is a colorful sight,
There's a glow on its arse like a pilot light,
As he jumps and leaps -- in the night,
And revels in the joys of fornication.

The oyster is a paragon of purity,
And you can't tell a he from a she,
But he can tell -- and so can she,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The wild boar in the mud all day,
Thinks of the sows that are far, far away,
And the corkscrew motion of half a day,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Now a funny old fish is the old sperm whale,
With a funny little diddle tucked under his tail,
And he rides his missus in the teeth of a gale,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Now I met a girl and she was a rear,
And she gave me a dose of gonorrhea,
Fools rush in where angels fear,
As I reveled in the joys of fornication.

A thousand verses all in rhyme,
To stand and sing them seems a crime,
When we could better spend our time,
Reveling in the joys of fornication.

The owls in the trees and cats on the tiles,
One fucks in solitude, the other fucks in piles,
You can hear their delighted howls and shrieks for miles,
As they revels in the joys of fornication.

Poor old Mr. Bengelstein, whose morals we doubt,
He wanders round with his noodle hanging out,
And when he sees a wench it up and hits him in the snout,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Long-legged curates grind like goats,
Pale faced spinsters shag like shoats,
And the whole damn world stands by and gloats,
As they revels in the joys of fornication.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Oct 01 - 11:54 PM

Personally, I like the version in the DT much better; but here is another rendering.

Gay Caballero

Tune: ???

I am a gay young caballero,
I come from Rio de Janeiro,
I carry with me my weetrembeli,
And both of my latrabaleros.

I met a gay young señorita,
Who gave me a dose of clapita,
Right on the end of my weetrembeli,
And both of my latrabaleros.

I went to a wise surgeano,
He said, "I prescribe purgeano."
He cut off the end of my weetrembeli
And both of my latrabaleros.

And now I'm a sad Cabellero,
Returning to Rio de Janeiro.
But not, as you see, with my weetrembeli,
And both of my latrabaleros.

At night as I lie on my pillow,
Seeking to finger my willow,
All I find there is a handful of hair,
And one dried up latrabalero.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 12:01 AM

As long as John Peel is near by,in this thread, here is another to that marvelous tune. A very similar version is listed in the DT as The Finest Fucking Family however, this one is different enough to be unto its own.

My Sister Lily

Tune: Do You Ken John Peel

Oh, my little sister Lily is a whore in Picadilly,
And my mother is another in the Strand,
My father flogs his arsehole 'round the Elephant and Castle,
We're the finest fucking family in the land.

ALT:
Oh, her name is Diamond Lily,
She's a whore in Picadilly,
And her brother has a brothel in the Stand,
Her father sells his arsehole,
At the Elephant and Castle,
They're the richest fucking family in the land.

There's a man deep in a dungeon, with his hand upon his truncheon,
And the shadow of his prick upon the wall,
And the ladies as they pass, stick their hat-pins up his ass,
And the little mice play billiards with his balls.

There's a little green urinal, to the north of Waterloo,
And another a little further up,
There's a member of our school, playing tunes upon his tool,
While the passers-by put pennies in his cup.

Have you met my Uncle Hector, he's a cock and ball inspector,
At a celebrated public school,
And my brother sells French Letters, and a patent cure for wetters,
We're not the best of families, ain't it cool?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 05:49 AM

My Sombrero

Tune: Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye

My sister Belinda, she pissed out the winda,
All over my favorite sombrero,
I said, "You fat twat, you pissed on my hat,"
She said, "I don't fucking well care O."

Aye, aye, aye, aye, me and my soggy sombrero,
I said, "You fat twat you just pissed on my hat,"
She said, "I don't fucking well care O."

My sister Margarita, she come all excreta,
And shit in my bessy sombrero,
I said, "You fat twat, you shit in my hat,"
She said, "I don't give a fuckero."

Aye, aye, aye, aye, me and my shitty sombrero,
I said, "You fat twat, you just shat in my hat,"
She said, "I don't give a fuckero."

My girlfriend Maria, she's got gonorrhea,
She gave it to me, amigo,
I said, "You fat twat, you gave me the clap,"
She said, "I don't fucking well care O."

Aye, aye, aye, aye, me and my blobby dickero,
I said, "You fat twat, you just gave me the clap,"
She said, "I don't fucking well care O."


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Subject: Lyr Add: OLD TIME RELIGION (Zarathustra version)
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 05:59 AM

A few more verses not in the DT for a song already teeming with dozens.

Gimme That Old Time Religion

Tune: Give Me That Old Time Religion

We will follow Zarathustra,
Zarathustra like we use to,
I'm a Zarathustra booster,
And he's good enough for me!

CHORUS:
Give me that old time religion,
Give me that old time religion,
Give me that old time religion,
'Cause it's good enough for me!

We will pray with the Egyptians
Build pyramids to put our crypts in
cover our subways with inscriptions
and its good enough for me

In the church of Aphrodite,
The priestess wears a see-through nightie,
She's a mighty righteous sightie,
And she's good enough for me!

I will worship my ancestors
Just like the Shinto says ter
Burning money for those dead sirs
That's good enough for me

We will pray with the Baha'i
Though we really wonder why
They put that mark before the "i"
But it's good enough for me

Smoking ganja til my throat's dry
Brings me close to Ras Taferi
Ja loves me when I get high
If I don't cut my hair

We will pray with Hare Krishna
We will play with Hare Krishna
It's not really in the Mishna
But it's good enough for me

Come'n hear of L. Ron Hubbard
Who was recently discovered
With eight novels in his cupboard
But he's good enough for me

We will pray with Jim and Tammy
In our condo in Miami
And give none to Uncle Sammy
And that's good enough for me


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 06:06 AM

If ever there was a rugby song, Drunk Last Night is it. It is in the DT. Here is another verse.

Oh what's that smell on the evenin' breeze?
It's the God-damned Dutch
Makin' Limburger cheese!
God made the Irish - he didn't make much,
But they're a helluva lot better
Than the God-damned Dutch!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 01 - 06:13 AM

A bawdy version of a classic.

Hallelujah, I'm A Bum

Tune: Bound the Glory

Oh, why don't you work like other men do?
How the hell can I work when there's no work to do?

Chorus :
Hallelujah, I'm a bum,
Hallelujah, bum again.
Hallelujah, give us a handout
To revive us again.

Springtime is here and I'm just out of jail,
The whole winter in without any tail.

I went to a house and I knocked on the door,
My cock sticking straight out, my balls on the floor.

I asked for a piece of bread and some food,
The lady said, "Bum, you will eat when I'm screwed."

When I left that lady, my cock it was sore,
My belly was full, her ass it was tore.

I went to another and I asked her for bread,
She emptied the pee-pot all over my head.

Be happy and glad for the springtime has come,
We'll throw down our shovels and go on the bum.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 12:26 AM

My One Skin Hangs Down to My Two Skin
Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

My one skin hangs down to my two skin,
My two skin hangs down to my three,
My three skin hangs down to my foreskin
My foreskin hangs down to my knee.

CHORUS:
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back my foreskin for me, for me.
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back my foreskin for me.

My body lies over the ocean,
My body lies over the sea.
My father lies over my mother,
And that's how they created me.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 04:26 AM

My Mother-in-Law

Tune: ???

One night in gay Paree,
I paid five francs to see
A big fat French lady,
Tattooed from head to knee,
And on her jaw was a British man-o-war.
And on her back was a Union Jack,
So I paid five francs more

And running up and down her spine,
Was the BHB in line,
And on her lily-white bum
Was a picture of the Rising Sun,
And on her fanny,
Was Al Jolson singing "Mammy"
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.

I loves my mother-in-law,
She's nothing but a dirty old whore,
She nags me day and night,
And I can't do shit all right,
She's coming home today,
But I hope she stays away,
Now isn't it a pity,
She's only one titty,
And she's in the family way.

Last night I greased the stairs,
Put tin-tacks on the chairs,
I hope she breaks her back
Because I do love wearing black.

She drinks all my brandy,
And makes my dog feel randy,
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 04:40 AM

My Favorite Things
Tune: A Few of My Favorite Things

MEN:
Middle and Pinky and Index and Ring,
Throw in the thumb and you've got the whole thing,
It works just fine and it's also quite safe,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dawn breaks,
When I wake up,
And it's feeling hard,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Penthouse and Playboy and something called Forum,
They're what I use to help start something going,
Centerfolds spread-eagled showing me pink,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm lonely,
Really lonely,
By myself again,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

WOMEN:
Dildos and vibrators and Vaseline jelly,
That's what I use to set fires in my belly,
In and out up and down making me wet,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Men are useless,
I don't need them,
I'm the best I've had,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Tight buns, silk undies, and erotic books,
Make me excitedó I'm starting to cook,
I stir me up and the honey will come,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm thinking,
Of a hard cock,
But I don't see one,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 04:51 AM

Posted originally to a MC thread in 98 by Roger Himler (aka Rodger in Baltimore) this one has not yet worked its way into the DT.

A standard with the old Smother's Brothers show of the U.S. 70's. This is a variation on their "My Old Man" Best as a pre-rehersed (over and over) set piece, where the team joins in on the chorus.

My Old Man
Tune: My Old Man

LEADER: Well, my old man is an Army Colonel.

ALL: So what do you think about that?

He wears a colonel's raincoat,
He wears a colonel's hat,
He wears a colonel's collar,
He wears a colonel's shoes,
And when he gets home on Friday night . . .

LEADER: He plays with his privates.

ALL: And some day, if I can,

I'm gonna grow up just like my old man.

VERSES:

Confectioner . . . He packs fudge.

Organ Grinder . . . He spanks his monkey.

Farmer . . . He chokes his chicken.

Butcher . . . He plays with his meat.

Navy Captain . . . He inspects his seamen.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 04:54 AM

Mrs. Puggy Wuggy
Tune: ???

Mrs. Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt
Not a punt cut square
Just a square cut cunt
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front
Mrs. Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 05:11 AM

A popular sheet music piece about 1920. Here are the original, the bawdy version posted by Dick Greenhaus (http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=5550#35384) in 1998 (not in DT yet) and the FATHER version he asked for in that thread

Mother
Tune: Mother

M is for the many things she gave me
O is only that she's growing old
(She's growing old)
T is for the tears she shed to save me
(save me)
H is for her heart as pure as gold
(as pure of gold)
E is for her eyes with lovelight shining
(Shining)
R is right and she'll always be
(she'll always be)

Put them all together, they spell MOTHER.
The one that means the world to me
I don't mean maybe
The one who means the world to me
(the world to me)

Dick Greenhouse's Version MOTHER from frat days.

M is for the many times you made me;
O is for the other times you tried.
T is for those tourist cabiin parties,
H is for the hell we raised inside.
E is for the ease with which you had me
R is for the Wreck (sic) you made of me...

put them all together, they spell MOTHER
And a mother, brother, is what you've made of me

Now, for extra credit, does anyone remember the sequel? It started F is for your foolish little letter, and spelled out FATHER.

Answer to Dick's question –FATHER- four years later

F is for the farts that used to linger
A is for his arse all racked with piles
(all racked with piles)
T is for the turds he pried out by finger
(finger)
H is for his hole all wreathed with smiles
(all wreathed in smiles)
E is for the eggs he used to dine on
(dine on)
R is rotten and rotten they'd always be
(they'd always be)

Put them all together and they spell FATHER
The one who fouls the air for me
I don't mean maybe
The one who fouls the air for me
(the air for me)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 23 Oct 01 - 09:52 AM

Harvest of Love
Tune: ???

I rise at six and I feed the chicks,
And I'm feeling lonesome and blue,
And when I milk the cow it seems somehow,
My thoughts keep straying to you,
And as the horse and I plow the fields nearby,
Your mem'ry I can't erase,
'Cause when I walk at the rear of the horse, my dear,
I seem to see your face.

CHORUS:
I'm gonna sow the seeds of deep devotion,
Fertilize it with emotion,
Water it with warm desire,
And then I'll reap the harvest of love.

Side by side we'll take a ride
In my horse and buggy one day,
Down lover's lane I'll turn the reins,
And my horse will run out of hay,
And I will kiss those lips, those tempting lips,
The only one that can thrill me,
And we will frolic at night in the pale moonlight,
If the wife ever finds out she'll kill me.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Oct 01 - 11:11 AM

Irian Jaya
Tune: Mull of Kintyre

Far have I traveled and much have I seen,
Had blow jobs from Bancis and fucked things obscene,
Been crippled by herpes and things far more dire,
But if you want a blow job go to Irian Jaya.

CHORUS: Irian Jaya,
To be gobbled by natives is what I desire,
They practice on blowpipes in Irian Jaya.

Been rogered in Rio and poked in Peru,
Been massaged in Manila and then had a screw,
Been fucked in Llanelli by a Welsh male boys' choir,
But for the height of perversion go to Irian Jaya.

Met a girl in the jungle with a bone through her nose,
Cunt like a mantrap and strong I suppose,
Bush like a yardbroom that's made out of wire,
So be careful of pussy in Irian Jaya.

Oh the skirt she was wearing was made out of grass,
It only just covered her sweet little ass,
I felt an erection getting higher and higher,
As I followed that lady from Irian Jaya.

She put down her basket, took hold of my tool,
Pulled back the foreskin and started to drool,
Curled her lips round it, and sir I'm no liar,
They still have headhunters in Irian Jaya.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Oct 01 - 12:47 AM

Could be in the DT, and then again might not. Ask Sam is a little tipsey tonight.

One-Eyed Riley
Tune: One-Eyed Riley

When I was sitting by the fire,
(or: Sitting in O'Riley's bar one day)
Drinking whiskey, passing water,
Suddenly A thought come to my mind,
I'd like to fuck O'Riley's daughter.

CHORUS:
Giddy-eye-eye, giddy-eye-oh
Giddy-eye-eye, for the one-eyed Riley,
Rough 'em up, stuff em up, balls and all,
Hey jig-a-jig-eye-oh.
(Play it on your old bodran)

Her hair was black, her eyes were blue,
The Colonel, the Major, and the Captain sought her,
The regimental goat and the drummer boy too,
But they never had a fuck with O'Riley's daughter.

Jack O'Flanagan is my name,
I'm the king of copulation,
Drinking beer my claim to fame,
Fucking women my occupation.

Walking through the town one day,
Who should I meet but O'Riley's daughter,
Never a word to her did say,
But "Don't you think we really 'oughter?"

Up the stairs and into bed,
There I cocked my left leg over,
Marianne was smiling then,
Smiling still when the fuck was over.

Fucked her till her tits were flat, Filled her up with soapy water,
She won't get away with that,
If she doesn't have twins then she really 'oughter.

Suddenly footsteps on the stairs,
Old man Riley bent on slaughter,
Bloody great pistol in his hand, Looking for the one who fucked his daughter.

He fired the pistol at my head,
Missed me by an inch and quarter,
Hit his daughter Marianne,
Right in the place where she passes water.
I grabbed O'Riley by the hair,
Shoved his head in a bucket of water,
Rammed his pistol up his ass,
A damn sight quicker than I fucked his daughter.

Old man Riley's dead and gone,
Shall we bury him? Not fucking likely,
We'll nail him to the shithouse door,
And there we'll bugger him twice nightly.

Come you virgins, maidens fair,
Answer me quick and true not slyly.
Do you want it straight and square,
Or the way I gave it to one eyed Riley?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Oct 01 - 06:09 AM

Or Would you Rather be a ____?
Tune: Swinging on a Star

A Pom is an animal that drinks warm beers,
He winces at everything he hears,
He wears a bowler and eats fish and chips,
He never showers so he stinks like shit,
So if you're dirty and smelling kinda strong,
You could grow up to be a Pom.

CHORUS: Or would you rather prop up a bar?
Drinking Singhas out of a jar?
And be better off than you are?
Or would you rather be a ?

A Yank is an animal that don't know jack shit,
He's got no humor and no wit,
His beer's like water and he talks too much,
He don't even know that a fanny's a crutch,
So if you can't tell a jackoff from a wank,
You could grow up to be a Yank.

An Ocker is an animal with corks in his hat,
He's rather drink piss than tickle twat,
He's got a roo for a rabbit and a dingo for a dog,
He wishes he could think but he's missing a cog,
So if you're dumb and your manners are a shocker,
You could grow up to be an Ocker.

A Kiwi is an animal that likes to fuck sheep,
He's so thick it makes you want to weep,
He's so damn lazy that he lives on the dole,
He'd like to screw women but he can't find their hole,
So if you can't tell a ewe from a she,
You could grow up to be a Kiwi.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Oct 01 - 06:15 AM

One-Eyed Trouser Snake
Tune: ???

Oh, I got a little creature
I suppose you'd call him a pet
And if there's something wrong with him
I don't have to see the vet.

He goes everywhere that I go
Whether sleeping or awake
God help me if I ever lost
Me one-eyed trouser snake.

CHORUS:
Oh me one-eyed trouser snake,
Oh me one-eyed trouser snake.
God help me if I ever lost
Me one-eyed trouser snake.

One day I got reading in an old sky pilot's book,
About two strakers bastards who made the hood go crook.
They reckoned it was a serpent that made eve the apple take
Cripes, that was no flaming serpent, 'twas Adam's one-eyed trouser snake.

I met this arty sheila who I'd never met before,
And something kind of told me she banged like a dunny door.
I said, "Come up and see me etching", she said, "I hope it's not a fake."
I said, "Its real, and a work of art. It's my one-eyed trouser snake."

So come all you little sheilas and listen to me some,
The moral of the trouser snake is short as it is long,
Beware of imitation, don't lock your bedroom door,
When my pajama python bites you, you'll be screaming out for more


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Oct 01 - 10:01 AM

I'll Take the Left Leg
Tune: Loch Lomond

Oh, I'll take the left leg, and you take the right leg,
It's my turn to give her the caber.
'Cos me and my true love have never been the same
Since I shared her with the next door neighbor.

When the Lord and his band were shaping up this land,
They found that they had left over
A pike of useless crap on the left side of the map
That they'd hacked out of the White Cliffs of Dover.

Angel Gabriel scratched his head and asked the Lord instead
"What can we do call a land so mean, Sire?"
"Och, Gabe, call it what ye will, maybe Largs or Motherwell
No, on second thoughts we'll call it Aberdeenshire."

Now there was me and Auntie Annie,
Cousin Jock and dear old Granny
And we'd all had a roll in the heather.
'Cos we come from Braemar, and we'll not forget that our
Family motto is, "We're all queers together."

Now the old goat died, around Eastertide,
So jock rammed the bloody coal scuttle up her.
He threw her on to boil, then he topped her off with soil
And served her up as haggis supper.

When a visiting rugby team took a whore from Aberdeen
To agree on a price took an eternity.
But she took them without a fuss and had triplets on the bus
And sued them for collective paternity.

Now wee Ronnie teaches pipes to girls of all types,
His methods are revelation.
Just cut your bloody banter, get your mouth round my chanter
And I'll complete your education.

Now in Burn's magic prose, a Scottish girl is like a rose.
My lass was more like Ben Nevis when I found her.
Her southern slopes were gray, half the nation knew the way,
And the team had run up and down her.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 25 Oct 01 - 10:36 AM

...you know garg....these songs about women are so disgustingly sexist that I can't imagine anyone singing them in mixed company. Some would also say violent. I hope you don't spend too much time collecting them...harpgirl


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Oct 01 - 08:39 PM

Ah Harpy, there is a breed of woman who harken to the sound of breaking bones and grunts of mortal pain, and who are enamored by the smell of blood and stale spilled beer. I take your presence within this thread to indicate a sort of voyeristic fascination.

Upon your request; I will do my best, to briefly break away and bring you the women's visionous versions. Good Lord knows your bum would be welcome in my scrum.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 25 Oct 01 - 09:05 PM

...ah garg...it's your online personality that intrigues, not the songs...the dungeons and dragons crowd have an interesting take on web presentation of self, I think. Do you play?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 12:16 AM

Hey, Harpy, ya wanna be my straight-man? You feed and I poke?
Footballers aren't misogynists. All adore women/wives/mothers and have loving, enduring relationships which produce daughters. Perhaps because one or two nuts have been crushed.

Just for you...Here is a female point of view.

If I Were the Marrying Kind

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby full-back.

And he'd find touch, and I'd find touch,
We'd both touch together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Finding touch together.

--Would be a: And he'd:
Wing three-quarter go hard,
Center three-quarter pass it out,
Rugby fly-half whip it out,
Rugby scrum-half strike hard,
Big pop-forward blind tight.
Rugby referee blow hard,
Spectator come again.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 03:51 AM

Harping Girl, you THINK this reflects well on the male species of the globe?
Reflections through jaundiced eyes, most frequently portray the critic!

Come on ol' harpy, I expected more from a fellow Maine-i-ak!

Lovely lady, I did not create, nor resurrect the bones of this long forgotten thread, however, I intend to fullfil it's promise since the material has, unwittingly, been placed within my grasp. I respect you as one of the truly, "kindred souls of the DT".....but how about looking for a "Knitting/Sewing SONG" thread to withdraw to? BTW....I think perhaps we dated for several years....your picture is not in the member's area....but your wit is her's. Post your photo, I will post mine. D&D - Donkey's and Dwarves? Whoop-T-Do!

You Won't Find Any Country
Tune: The Wild Rover

I've searched the world over, excitement I've sought,
But all my experience was dearly bought.

CHORUS:
So it's no, nay, never,
No nay never no more,
You won't find any country,
Where it pays you to score.

To tap a Yank for a good screw, in my belief,
Is like asking Mrs Custer to give to Indian relief,
In the last year or two they've not used their tush,
'Cause they're shagged up the arse by a cowboy called Bush.

The Dutch they just sit there, arsehole on bike,
One finger up nostril and one in a dyke,
And if they feel chilly when these things they perform,
They put their caps up girls' pussies to keep their heads warm.

Now haircuts for Germans are four times the price,
They charge for each corner and go over it twice,
And if you pick up a harlot now don't throw her out,
Though her snatch it smells strongly, they just love sauerkraut.

The Swiss nation at loving are antiseptic,
They put germolene, not Vaseline, on their prick,
The Swiss yodel is to cover their sheeps' anguished calls,
For their Toblerone pricks make triangular holes.

The Aussies are known for their intake of beer,
And they've all been in Sidney, now isn't that queer,
To keep flies off from their hat corks are hung,
'Cause a zipper can be painful if caught on the tongue.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 03:56 AM

Whoa, Harp!!!- Perhaps, this one compliments the male yang of the ying?

Inbred Man
Tune: Crawdad Hole

Inbred Man, he's our man
Inbred, inbred
Don't matter if he's kin or Klan
Inbred, inbred
Cunt or mouth or asshole too
Fuck you good that's what he'll do
Inbred, he's an inbred.

Inbred Man had a sister once
Inbred, inbred
Fucked that bitch way up her cunt
Inbred, inbred
Fucked her good then she died
Cause his dick was laced with cyanide
Inbred, he's an inbred.

Inbred Man he looses his truck
Inbred, inbred
But with his truck he does not fuck
Inbred, inbred
Under the hood is much better
Puts his lips around that header
Inbred, he's an inbred.

Inbred Man went down to the creek
Inbred, inbred
Jacking on his big old dick
Inbred, inbred
Saw a girl, she look so neat
GOD DAMN, she's got feet!
Inbred, he's an inbred.

Inbred Man had a dog named Rover
Inbred, inbred
Inbred yelled, "Well, come on over"
Inbred, inbred
Inbred came and so did Rover
That's more luck than a four-leaf clover
Inbred, he's an inbred.

Inbred Man, he's got this punk
Inbred, inbred
Boy, that kid smells like a skunk
Inbred, inbred
Took it out and shot it twice,
This song is over, ain't that nice
Inbred, he's an inbred.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 10:31 AM

...ah garg, my picture has been up for a long time via the forum. You just have to look. But I'm way more yang than I appear to be...Your turn! You're hard to pick out in that Philmont Rangers photo....


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 08:49 PM

Sorry, I don't know the team. At the end of the thread will be a posting of all the song credits, history, and writeup for the Ghost Riders Rugby Football Club, its the Camp Pendelton Marines not the U.S. Army.

Short on time right now Harps - so would you mind posting this next one into a couple of Irish threads?

Old Irish State
Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike

I'll sing you a song of the old Irish race
And the problems these poor people must face.
If you're asked who's got an IQ of 108,
It's the total points scored by the whole Irish state.

CHORUS :
With an urr urr urr, and an arr arr arr arr
They come from a-near and they come from afar
To hear our heroes and also to see,
Who am the next one a-going to be.

Now Patrick was screwing for over an hour
When he stopped and said to his girl in a glower
"You've got nothing on top and nothing below."
She said, "Get off my back, you silly old crow."

Now Sean was a student at the top of his form
"What's 4 and 4," said his mother, when he was at home.
"Seven," he replied, said his father with glee.
He's such a clever lad, he only missed it by three.

Mrs Riley went shopping for anti-perspirant
"For my husband," she said, "you know what I want."
"It's the ball type you're after," said the shopgirl, "I think"
"No, for under his armpits is where the bugger do stink."

"The defendant, did he rape you?" said the judge to Anna.
"Yes he did," she replied in her most demure manner.
"And to the best of your knowledge, did he have a climax?"
"No, a Japanese Mazda, them be the facts."

Now Mary O'Toole a gynecologist had seen.
He opened her legs and peered in between.
He said, "When did you last have a check-up in here?"
She said, "I've only had Hungarians for over a year."

"Pilot Murphy to control tower, I want to come in."
"Control tower to Murphy, instructions begin.
What's your height and position, you stupid old runt?"
"I be five-foot-nine tall and I be sitting in front."

Mrs O'Leary buried her husband, but her friend had found
That she'd left his bare arse sticking out of the ground.
"Why'd you do that, I've never seen such like?"
"Well, when I visit the grave, I can park me bike."

Well the Jews tell us that they're God's chosen race.
But it could have been our fair land in its place.
For God went a searching, he looked all around.
But three wise men and a virgin just couldn't be found.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 11:33 PM

...you're the Songmeister for sure garg!!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Oct 01 - 04:19 AM

Not a song, but a responce yell.

How's Your

Leader: How's your father?
Response: ALL RIGHT!

Leader: How's your mother?
Response: SHE'S TIGHT!

Leader: How's your sister?
Response: SHE MIGHT!

Leader: When was the last time?
Response: LAST NIGHT!

Leader: When is the next time?
Response: TONIGHT!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Oct 01 - 04:22 AM

Inside Those Red Plush Breeches
Tune: ???

John Thomas was a servant tall
The pride and joy of the servant's hall,
Although he only had one ball,
Inside his red plush breeches.

CHORUS: And he wore red plush breeches
And he wore red plush breeches
And he wore red plush breeches that kept John Thomas warm

Out of all the servant's at the servant's post
Mary was the one he loved the most
And for her his balls would roast
Inside those red plush breeches

They went for a walk one moonlight night
The stars were out and the moon was bright
Things became extremely tight
Inside those red plush breeches

They found a stump to sit upon
They found a stack to lay upon
Next day Mary sewed buttons on
That pair of red plush breeches

Mary had an illegit
It's face looked like a piece of shit
And every time she looked at it
She cursed those red plush breeches

Now Mary laid poor John a trap,
And he fell for it like a sap,
And now he's got a dose of clap,
Inside those red plush breeches.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Oct 01 - 04:27 AM

Incest Time in Texas
Tune: Yellow Rose of Texas

When it's incest time in Texas,
When there's no cunt to be found,
Your mother's in the bathroom,
With her panties halfway down,

No time for masturbation,
No time to beat your meat,
When it's incest time in Texas,
Mother-fucking can't be beat!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:10 PM

Interesting one to track down some history on.

Queen of All the Fairies
Tune: ???

Oh, she was a cripple with only one nipple
To feed the baby on.
Poor little fucker, he's only one sucker
To start his life upon.

Twenty-one, never been done,
Queen of all the fairies.

Ain't it a pity she'd only one titty
To feed the baby on.
Poor little bugger, he'll never play rugger,
Nor grow up big and strong.

Twenty-one, never been done,
Queen of all the fairies.

As he got older and bolder and bolder,
And took himself in hand,
And flipped and flipped,
And flipped and flipped,
To the tune of an army band.
They tried him in the infantry,
They tried him on the land and sea,
The poor little bugger had no success,
He left everything in a terrible mess,
We see no hope for him unless
He joins the W.R.A.F.

Twenty-one, never been done,
Queen of all the fairies.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:11 PM

Vlad
Tune: ???

Eat, bite, fuck, suck, gobble, nibble, chew
Nipple, bosom, hair-pie, finger fuck, screw
Moose piss, cat pud, orangutan tit
Sheep pussy, camel crack, pig lie in shit.

AW VLAD, AW VLAD.

Well, I went to a party, and what did they do?
They took off their socks, and they took off their shoes,
They took off their shirts, an they took off their pants,
I had a hunch, we weren't gonna dance.

Everybody's ass was bare,
No broads left, just a queer over there,
But the whole damn thing didn't phase me a bit.
I just jumped on the pile and grabbed some tit.

My baby's not a sports fan,
But she plays with balls whenever she can,
'Cause her favorite sport you see,
Is playing tonsil hockey.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:12 PM

Nellie Darling
Tune: I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Wiener

Oh, your ass is like a stovepipe, Nellie Darling,
And the nipples on your tits are turning green,
There's a thousand flies a' buzzing round your pussy,
Oh, you're the dirtiest, ugliest, rottenest, fucking bitch I've Ever seen.

There's a yard of lint protruding from your navel,
When you piss, your piss a stream as green as grass,
There's enough wax in your ear to make a candle,
So why not make one dear, and shove it up your a-a-a-ass?


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:15 PM

This is another variation of lyrics first discussed and then posted in the above thread.

Durex is a Girl's Best Friend
Tune: Diamonds Are Girl's Best Friend

To be screwed by a dude
Can be quite incidental
That's why Durex is a girl's best friend.
A poke with a bloke
Can be accidental,
So when he slips it in
Make sure it has that latex skin
When he lets fly non gets by,
Yes they all get caught up in the end.
This simple precaution
Can prevent abortions,
That why Durex is a girl's best friend.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:16 PM

No trousers
Tune: When You Wore a Tulip

Oh she wore no blouses
And I wore not trousers
And we both wore no underwear,
When she caressed me
She damn near undressed me
What a pleasure no man knows.
I went to the doctor, he said,
Where did you knock her,
I said down where the green grass grows,
He said in less than a twinkle
That pimple on your winkle
Will be bigger than a big red rose.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:18 PM

This peculiar collection of oddities has me flumoxed.

Nelly 'Awkins
Tune: ???

I first met Nelly 'Awkins down
The old Kent Road,
Her drawers were hanging down,
She'd just been with Charlie Brown
I shoved filthy tanner in her
Filthy rotten hand,
'Cos she was a dirty old whore,

CHORUS (Tune Change):
Won't somebody make my rhubarb rise
Dada dada da da
Oh my rhubarb refuses to rise
To it's natural size
Market gardening size
Oh my rhubarb refuses to rise
And my baby don't love me,
My baby don't love me
Oh my baby don't love no more.

(Tune Change) I caught a dose of pox a year ago,
a year ago, a year ago, a year ago.
I thought it was the clap and it would go,
it would go, it would go.
The longer I waited, the worse it grew,
Now I've got the galloping knob rot,
What shall I do?
The other day I lost the starboard ball,
starboard ball, starboard ball, starboard ball,
And now the other one's begun to fall.
I'm sorry to say, I'm wasting away,
And soon I'll have no balls at all.
Chorus -


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:19 PM

Within the MC forum - the first one appears to be a tradition for some families. Here are some other verses for other holidays.

Next Thanksgiving
Tune: Frère Jacques

Next Thanksgiving, next Thanksgiving,
Don't eat bread, don't eat bread,
Shove it up the turkey, shove it up the turkey,
Eat the bird, eat the bird.

Next Christmas, next Christmas,
Don't trim a tree, don't trim a tree,
Shove it up the chimney, shove it up the chimney,
Goose Saint Nick, goose Saint Nick.

Next Easter, next Easter,
Don't color eggs, don't color eggs,
Shove them up the rabbit, shove them up the rabbit,
Eat the hare, eat the hare


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:20 PM

Nice Girls
Tune: All the Nice Girls Love a Sailor

All the nice girls like a candle,
All the nice girls like a wick,
Because there's something about a candle,
That reminds them of a prick.
Nice and greasy, slips in easy,
It's the surest way to joy.
It's been up the Queen of Saipan,
And it's going up again.
Syph ahoy, Syph ahoy.

All the nice boys like a harlot,
All the nice boys like a whore.
Because there's something about a harlot,
That they've never known before.
She'll be willing, for a shilling,
And she'll pep you up, my boy.
But she'll leave you on the rocks,
With a bloody good dose of pox.
Syph ahoy, Syph ahoy.

All the parsons like a choir boy,
All the parsons like a bum,
Because there's something about a choir boy,
That would make an angel cum.
Roll him over, sleep in clover.
It's a curate's only joy.
And you needn't give a rap,
For you'll never catch the clap.
Syph ahoy, Syph ahoy.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:21 PM

Nick-Nack Paddy-Wack
Tune: This Old Man

This old man, he fucked one,
Don't you know he had so much fun...

CHORUS:
With a nick-nack paddy-wack
He fucked his dog alone.
Fucked his dog and made him moan.

This old man, he fucked two,
A baby rabbit and a kangaroo...

This old man, he fucked three,
Put up mirrors so he could see...

This old man, he fucked four,
Three wasn't enough so he bought a whore...

This old man, he fucked five,
Two were dead and three alive...

This old man, he fucked six,
Had his sister turning tricks...

This old man, he fucked seven,
The youngest one was just eleven...

This old man, he fucked eight,
One sucked him raw and it felt great...

This old man, he fucked nine,
God this orgy is just divine...

This old man, he fucked ten,
All he could say was, "Do it again"...

This old man, he fucked eleven,
Died of V.D. and went to heaven...

With a nick-nack paddy-wack,
Now his dog's alone,
No one left to make him moan.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 11:59 PM

HEINEKEN, SCHMEINEKEN

Chant

Heineken, schmeineken,
Fuck that shit!

Pabst . . . Blue . . . Ribbon!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 12:29 AM

Another version of the two already in the DT

COLUMBO
Tune - Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue

In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety-Two,
A schoolboy from It-aly,
Walked the streets of ancient Rome,
And jacked off in the alley.

CHORUS:
He knew the world was round, oh,
He knew it could be found, oh,
That mathematical, geographical,
Son of a bitch, Columbo.

Colombo went to the Queen of Spain,
And asked for ships and cargo,
He said he'd kiss the royal ass,
If he didn't bring back Chicago.

Now three slick ships set out to sea,
Each one a double-decker,
The queen she waved her handkerchief,
Colombo waved his pecker.

The sailors on Columbo's ship,
Had each his private knothole,
But Columbo was a superman,
And used a padded porthole.

Colombo came upon the deck,
His cock was like a flagpole,
He grabbed the bo'sun by the neck,
And shoved it up his asshole.

Columbo had a one-eyed cat,
He kept it in the cabin,
He rubbed its ass with axle grease,
And started in a-jabbin'.

Columbo had a first mate,
He loved him like a brother,
Every night in the pale moonlight
They buggered one another.

For forty days and forty nights,
They sailed the broad Atlantic.
Columbo and his scurvy crew,
For want of a piece were frantic.

They spied a whore upon the shore,
And off came shirts and collars,
In twenty minutes by the clock,
She'd made ten thousand dollars.

With a joyful shout they ran about,
And practiced fornication,
When they sailed they left behind,
Ten times the population.

And when his men pulled out again,
To take their homeward trip up,
They'd caught the pox from every box,
And syphilized all Europe.

Columbo went in haste to the Queen,
Because it was his duty,
He gave to her a dose of clap,
He had no other booty.

So she threw him in a stinking jail,
And left him there to grumble,
A ball and chain tied to his balls,
So ended poor Columbo.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 12:33 AM

JOE OFFER - sorry buggered the above post by leaving out the closing tags.

Another version of the one in the DT

COLUMBO
Tune - Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue

In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety-Two,
A schoolboy from It-aly,
Walked the streets of ancient Rome,
And jacked off in the alley.

CHORUS:
He knew the world was round, oh,
He knew it could be found, oh,
That mathematical, geographical,
Son of a bitch, Columbo.

Colombo went to the Queen of Spain,
And asked for ships and cargo,
He said he'd kiss the royal ass,
If he didn't bring back Chicago.

Now three slick ships set out to sea,
Each one a double-decker,
The queen she waved her handkerchief,
Colombo waved his pecker.

The sailors on Columbo's ship,
Had each his private knothole,
But Columbo was a superman,
And used a padded porthole.

Colombo came upon the deck,
His cock was like a flagpole,
He grabbed the bo'sun by the neck,
And shoved it up his asshole.

Columbo had a one-eyed cat,
He kept it in the cabin,
He rubbed its ass with axle grease,
And started in a-jabbin'.

Columbo had a first mate,
He loved him like a brother,
Every night in the pale moonlight
They buggered one another.

For forty days and forty nights,
They sailed the broad Atlantic.
Columbo and his scurvy crew,
For want of a piece were frantic.

They spied a whore upon the shore,
And off came shirts and collars,
In twenty minutes by the clock,
She'd made ten thousand dollars.

With a joyful shout they ran about,
And practiced fornication,
When they sailed they left behind,
Ten times the population.

And when his men pulled out again,
To take their homeward trip up,
They'd caught the pox from every box,
And syphilized all Europe.

Columbo went in haste to the Queen,
Because it was his duty,
He gave to her a dose of clap,
He had no other booty.

So she threw him in a stinking jail,
And left him there to grumble,
A ball and chain tied to his balls,
So ended poor Columbo.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 12:35 AM

I'M YOUR MAILMAN
Tune - Blackbird, Bye Bye

Make me happy, make me gay,
I can come twice a day,
I'm your mailman.
Lift the knocker, ring the bell,
I can make you feel swell,
I'm your mailman.
I can come in any kind of weather,
Don't you know my bags are made of leather?
I don't mess with keys or locks,
I'll slip it right in the box,
I'm your mailman.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 12:43 AM

Falling into the military catagory - but

British Soldier (aka Suzie Wong)
Tune - Its Own

Chorus:
We don't like you British Soldier
Yankee pay 5 dollar more

Verses:
Yankee calls me honey baby
British calls me fucking whore

Yankee knocks upon my window
British kicks the fuckin' door

Yankee screws for just 5 minutes
British fucks for evermore

Yankee cocks are sometimes limpy
British cocks, they leave me sore

Yankee lifts me on my pillow
British fucks me on the floor

Yankee tender kissed my nipples
British licks my pussy rawv

Yankee treats me like his mother
British fucks me on all fours

Yankee sends me gold and diamonds
Brits write postcards from the moor

Yankee sleeps soon like a baby
British makes me want some more


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 12:50 AM

Perhaps Shorty is acting up again....but this class is not appearing in the DT search

ARSEHOLES ARE CHEAP TODAY - VERSION # 1
Melody - La Dona e Mobile

Arseholes are cheap today,
Cheaper than yesterday,
Small boys ones' are half a crown,
Standing up or bending down,
Big ones for bigger pricks,
Biggest ones cost three and six.
Get yours before they're gone,
Come now and try one.

ARSEHOLES ARE CHEAP TODAY - VERSION # 2
Melody - La Dona e Mobile

Arseholes are cheap today,
Cheaper than yesterday,
Little ones are half a crown,
Standing up or bending down.

Large ones at three and eight,
Cause us to palpitate.
We have a big supply,
Of Gluteus Maximi.

We'll pledge your money back,
So don't say no to crack.
A bum deal you'll get from us,
Arseholes are cheap!
Arseholes are cheap!
Aaaaaaaarrrrrrssssseeee holes are cheap!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 12:56 AM

HI HO! HI HO! IT'S OFF TO THE BURLESQUE SHOW
Melody - Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Work We Go

Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to the burlesque show,
We'll sit up front,
To see their cunts,
Hi ho! Hi ho! Hi Ho Ho Ho Ho . . .

OTHER VERSES:
At half past eight, we'll masturbate
They're small on wits, but big on tits
We'll drop our drawers, and fuck some whores
I paid my buck, now where's my fuck
From ten till eight, we'll fornicate


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 01:04 AM

A collection of miscellaneous verses - Night Owl once posted part of the statue one, but left it hanging with nowhere to go, in the middle of a "mudcat cafe story."

HUMORESQUE
Tune - Humoresque

I love to go out after dark
And goose the statues in the park,
A lovely pastime at the close of day!
Unperturbed they stand so still,
While WHOOPS! it's me that gets the thrill.
It really is a lovely way to play.

I've noticed lately
They stand so stately,
Out there in the dark when dew is on the ground.
I sometimes tease them
And do displease them,
If I fail to show up as the sun goes down.

The Thinker is the only one
With whom I can have no fun.
He sits upon a boulder, rough and coarse.
Napoleon sits upon his steed,
I cannot goose him, no indeed,
And so instead I goose his horse.

Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you.
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station,
Moonlight always makes me think of you.

If you simply have to go
When other people are too slow,
There is only one thing you can do.
You'll just have to take a chance,
Be brave and do it in your pants,
But I'll forgive you, darling, I love you.

Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you.
If you have to pass some water,
Kindly call the Pullman Porter.
He'll place a vessel in the vestibule.

If this method is in vain,
You may break a window pane.
This novel method's used by very few.
Tramps and hobos underneath
May catch it in the nose and teeth.
And they may bite off more than they can chew.

Mabel, Mabel, strong and able,
Get your big ass off the table,
Don't you know the quarter is for beer?
You can always earn your pay,
But make your tips another way,
And I'll forgive you, darling, I love you!

Ever since you met our Nelly,
She's had trouble with her belly,
Wish you'd never seen our little town!
Ever since I met your Venus,
I've had trouble with my penis,
Wish I'd never seen your little town.

Was it you who did the pushin',
Put the stains upon the cushion,
Footprints on the dashboard upside down?
Was it your sly woodpecker
That got into my girl Rebecca?
If it was, you better leave this town.

It was I who did the pushin',
Put the stains upon the cushion,
Footprints on the dashboard upside down.
But since I got into your daughter,
I've had trouble passing water,
Now I guess we're even all around.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 01:10 AM

I WISH I WAS IN ENGLAND
Tune - Dixie

I wish I was in England,
I do, I do,
I'd go down to Trafalgar Square,
To see Lord Nelson's statue,
Get fucked! Get fucked! You one-armed pommie bastard!

I wish I was in Sydney,
I do, I do,
The finest town in all the world,
Except for one small problem,
The place! Is full! Of fucking Aussie bastards!

I wish I was in Paris,
I do, I do,
I'd go down to the Moulin Rouge,
To see the Can-Can dancers,
Get off! Get off! Get off your Froggie panties!

I wish I was in Vegas,
I do, I do,
I'd go down the MGM,
To see Siegfried and Roy,
Poof off! Poof off! Poof off, you bloody homos!

I wish I was in Tucson,
I do, I do,
I'd go down to Pantano Wash,
To hash in sand and cactus,
Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off, you Havelinas!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 12:37 PM

...Hi Ho, indeed!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 03:14 PM

A good choice HarpGirl. This one was a little hard to find. It came from a parody of the "Smurf's Christmas."

Hi Ho
Tune – Same

Hi ho, hi ho, its off to bed we go.
My aching dick, to see your clit.
Hi Ho, hi ho.

Hi ho, hi ho, its off to bed we go.
Get in that sack and spread your crack
Hi ho, hi ho.

Hi ho, hi ho, its off to bed we go
First get me drunk then feed your cunt
Hi ho, hi ho.

Hi ho, hi ho, its off to bed we go
Please wash your butt you fucking slut
Hi ho, hi ho.

Hi ho, hi ho, its time for you to blow
Please get me hard, you tub of lard
Hi ho, hi ho.

Hi ho, hi ho, inside your bush I'll blow
I'll make a splash inside your gash
Hi ho, hi ho.

Conclusion:
Hi ho, hi ho, you're all we need to blow
I'm going with you fucking bitch
Hi ho, hi ho.
Please give me head my dick is dead
Hi ho, hi ho.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 03:18 PM

Lyrics added.... Already in the DT - but without the tune noted and without the updated versions of aircraft. Its connection to Rugby is purly because the club was Marines.

GIVE ME OPERATIONS
Tune - Popeye the Sailor Man

Don't give me a P-38,
The props they counter-rotate,
They're scattered and smitten from Burma to Britain,
Don't give me a P-38.

CHORUS:
Just give me operations,
Way out on some lonely atoll,
For I am too young to die,
I just want to grow old.
Don't give me a p-39,

The engine is mounted behind,
They'll tumble and spin and auger you in,
Don't give me a P-39.

Don't give me a Peter Four-Oh,
A hell of an airplane I know,
A ground loopin' bastard, you're sure to get plastered,
Don't give me a Peter Four-Oh.

Don't give me a P-51,
It was alright for fighting the Hun,
But with coolant tank dry, you'll run out of sky,
Don't give me a P-51.

Don't give me a P-61,
For night flyin' is no fun,
They say it's a lark, but I'm scared of the dark,
Don't give me a P-61.

Don't give me an F-84,
She's just a gound-lovin' whore,
She'll whine, moan, and wheeze, and she'll clobber the trees,
Don't give me an F-84.

Don't give me an old Thunderbolt,
It gave many a pilot a jolt,
It looks like a jug and it flies like a tug,
Don't give me an old Thunderbolt.

Don't give me a jet Shooting Star,
It'll go, but not very far.
It'll rumble and spout, but soon will flame out,
Don't give me a jet Shooting Star.

Don't give me an F-86,
With wings like broken match sticks,
They'll zoom and they'll hover, but as for top cover,
Don't give me an F-86.

Don't give me an F-89,
Though Time says they'll really climb,
They're all in the States, all boxed up in crates,
Don't give me an F-89.

Don't give me an F-94,
It's never established a score,
It may fly in weather, but won't hold together,
Don't give me an F-94.

Don't give me an 86-D,
With rockets, radar, and A/B,
She's fast, I don't care, she blows up in midair,
Don't give me an 86-D.

Don't give me a C-45,
So slow it stalls out in a dive,
A ground loop built in it, and bird colonels in it,
Don't give me a C-45.

Don't give me a C-54,
Six inches of rugs on the floor,
And we'll go fat-cattin' from here to Manhatten,
Don't give me a C-54.

Don't give me a B-45,
The pilots don't get back alive,
The MiG-15's chase 'em, they soon will erase 'em,
Don't give me a B-45.

Don't give me a One-Double-Oh,
The bastard is ready to blow,
The A/B is there, but you're sayin' a prayer,v Don't give me a One-Double-Oh.

Don't give me an F-102,
It never goes up when it's blue,
An all-weather coffin, that flames out so often,
Don't give me an F-102.

Don't give me a Phantom 4C,
Radar, co-pilot, A/B,
It may be some fun, but it don't have a gun,
Don't give me a Phantom 4C.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: harpgirl
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 06:37 PM

a good hash might cleanse you of that testosterone poison, garg ole chap! go to it!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 11:05 PM

Aye, HarpyGal...yer testin' the strength of me testes, eh?

Footballers may indulge, and on occasion, over-indulge, in the ethyl esters of C2H3OH, and perhaps some of us may twist a twig of fulminating tobacco, but THC...of the cannibis family...nope, no thanks, aside from "medicinal anabolic steroids" we as a lot.... are drug free.

I will check the Indian/Nepal clubs for songs in reference to your distilate of preference. This may take awhile and something may be lost in the translations. You are a challenging gal, with peculiar tastes.

In the meantime, please satisfy yourself with the following.

THERE WAS AN OLD FARMER
Tune - Sweet Betsy from Pike - OR Sweet Violets

There was an old farmer who sat on a rock,
Shaking and waving his big hairy
Fist at the ladies next door in the Ritz,
Who taught the young girls to play with their
Kite strings and marbles and all things galore,
Along came a lady who looked like a
Decent young lady, but walked like a duck,
She thought she'd invented a new way to
Bring up the children, to sew and to knit,
The boys in the stable were shoveling
Litter and paper from yesterday's hunt,
And old farmer Potter was having some
Cake in the stables and singing this song,
And if you think it's dirty,
You're fucking well wrong!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 11:52 PM

A man who kept stats in Katmandu for 17 years will be researching, in the meantime:

Talked to other friends tonight, they say you are probably looking for the pop-song "Hash Pipe" by Weezer. Weezer has sort of a folk feel, particularly their first big hit...The Sweater Song....but I must assure you...this has NOTHING to do with Rugby Football.

Sincerly, your most humble of servants Gargoyle.
BTW, you will get better responces for your song requests through the MudCat forum; my handlers only let me out of the cage at odd hours and on odd days.

Hash Pipe
By Weezer

I can't help my feelings, I'll go out of my mind
These players come to get me 'cause they'd like my behind
I can't love my business if I can't get a trick
Down on Santa Monica where tricks are for kids

Oh, come on and kick me
Oh, come on and kick me
Come on and kick me
You've got your problems
I've got my ass wide
You've got your big G's
I've got my hash pipe

I can't help my boogies they get out of control
I know that you don't care but I want you to know
The knee-stocking flavor is a favorite treat
Of men that don't bother with the taste of a teat

Oh, come on and kick me
Oh, come on and kick me
Come on and kick me
You've got your problems
I've got my ass wide
You've got your big G's
I've got my hash pipe
I've got my hash pipe

Oh, come on and kick me
Oh, come on and kick me
Come on and kick me
You've got your problems
I've got my ass wide
You've got your big G's
I've got my hash pipe
I've got my hash pipe

I've got my hash pipe
I've got my hash pipe


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 03:51 AM

A "Football" song, but of the soccer variety, not folk but rock.

Three Lions ´98 Version
by Desperado

We still believe, we still believe
we still believe

It´s coming home,
It´s coming home, it´s coming
Football´s coming home

Tears for heroes dressed in grey
No plans for final day
Stay in bed, drift away
It could have been all
Songs in the street
It was nearly complete
It was nearly so sweet
And now I´m singing

Three lions on the shirt
Jules Rimet still gleaming
No more years of hurt
No more need for dreaming

Talk about football coming home
And then one night in Rome
We were strong, we had grown
And now I see Ince ready for war
Gazza good as before
Shearer ready to score
And Psycho screaming

Three lions on the shirt
Jules Rimet still gleaming
No more years of hurt
No more need for dreaming

We can dance Nobby´s dance
We could dance it in France

It´s coming home, it´s coming home,
Football´s coming home....


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 03:58 AM

HOT VAGINA
Tune - Yellow Rose of Texas

Hot vagina for your breakfast,
Hot vagina for your lunch,
Hot vagina for your dinner,
Just munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.
It's so speedy and nutritious,
Bite-size and ready to eat,
So take a tip, go eat your mom;
Hot vagina can't be beat.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 04:03 AM

GET IT UP, GET IT IN
Melody - Bonanza Theme

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around
Hit the spot, make me hot
I will scream out loud

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue
around Suck my toes, insert your hose
Make my juices flow

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around
When I am done and I have cum
We'll start another round

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 04:09 AM

CHAPPED HIDE
Melody - Rawhide

Ballin', ballin', ballin',
That boy he keeps on callin',
His crabs, they keep on crawlin',
Chapped hide!

You thought he was the right one,
But he was a one-night stand one,
He's shootin' blanks with his gun,
Chapped hide!

Pick him up, take him home,
ride him hard, make him moan!
Wake him up, saddle up, Send him home!
Chapped hide . . . Yee Haw!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 04:12 AM

BYE BYE CHERRY
Melody - Bye Bye Blackbird

Back your ass against the wall,
Here I come, balls and all,
Bye, bye, cherry!
Won't your mother be disgusted,
When she finds your cherry's busted,
Bye, bye, cherry!
Wrap your legs around a little tighter,
I can feel my load is getting lighter,
Shake your ass and wiggle your tits,
Till my little pecker spits,
Cherry, bye bye!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 04:20 AM

ALI BOOGIE
Tune - Like a Jump Rope Song

CHORUS:
I boogied last night,
And the night before,
I'm goin' back tonight,
And boogie some more.

Mama's on the bottom,
Papa's on the top,
Baby's in the attic,
Fillin' rubbers with snot.

Mama's on the bottom,
Papa's on the top,
Baby's in the cradle yellin',
"Shove it to 'er, Pop!"

Mama's in the hospital,
Papa's in jail,
Sister's in the corner cryin',
"Pussy for sale!"

I got a gal,
About six-foot four,
She fucks everything,
Like a two-bit whore.

I got a gal,
She lives on a hill,
She won't fuck,
But her sister will.

Papa's got a watch,
Mama's got a ring,
Sister's got a baby,
From shakin' that thing.

One and one makes two,
Two and two makes four,
If the bed breaks down,
We'll fuck on the floor.

Nappy, nappy hair
Eyes like a frog
Bend over baby
And I'll do you like a dog


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Atalanta
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 07:29 AM

I know you! Aren't you the LongBeach Hash House Harriers songleader? I ran in your Sunday hash!!! Atalanta


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 12:08 AM

I am honored …..to have been thought …..to have ……met you. No doubt, the pleasure would have been mutual.

Unfortunately, I have not met you.

Equally unfortunate, is that I am not the "Songleader of the Long Beach Hash House Harriers."

No doubt…..to have earned his title…. he is a talented and tuneful fellow. Unfortunately, I am not…… all of my contributions to the DT are lyrical in nature.

However, I AM a "Hasher"…. but only newly arrived within the pack…..and not yet worthy of any title. Someday, perhaps, I will run with Long Beach H3 and meet the man/woman you admire.

Sincerely,

Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 12:13 AM

The cover page of the primary source

CAMP PENDLETON "GHOST RIDERS" RUGBY FOOTBALL CLUB
OFFICIAL SONG BOOK

(Second Edition)

Not copyrighted – 15 January 1981 by Pendleton RFC
No rights reserved. Any part of this work, considering there are
no copyrights, may be reproduced or copied in any form or by any means
graphic, electironic, or mechanical, including photocorpying, record-
ing taping, or information and retrieval systems - - without written
permission of the Pendleton RFC.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 12:17 AM

This is close as possible to the original written text's, layout and design; it is neither edited nor corrected, with the typos and original line breaks included. These were still the days of the manual and "selectric" typewriters.

The following explanation from/within the manuscript explains why I believe some of these songs, (hopefully dick/Susan will concur) belong within the anals (sic) of the Digital Tradition.

Sincerely,
The Digital Tradition's most humble of servants,
Gargoyle

PENDLETON'S FUCKING OFFICIAL (?) INTRODUCTION

The sport of Rugby is unique but oddly enough the action on the
playing field itself has little to do with this distinction. The
stamina, skills and risk of bodily harm can be matched, all or in
part, by other sports. The can't, however, match the unusual comb-
ination of sport of sportsmanship, comaraderie, humor and enthusiasm which
surfaces after the game has finished. In no other sport can the
participants indulge in such vicious bodily contact, cause or
sustain an assortment of hurt and injury then, win or lose, join
the opponents in a convivial party to share an evening or rowdy
song and drink, even going so far as to pay for the enemy's beer.

Although the game of Rugby has often been described as unorgan-
ized mayhem, this description is only partially correct. It would
be more to the point to describe the game of Rugby as organized mayhem.

Rugby songs themselves are a traditional part of folklore and
each team member owes it to the team to learn them in order to
participate more fully in the sport. The passage below was taken
from the preface to the book, "Why was he Born so Beautiful and
Other Rugby Songs" by Michael Green, 1967. It more eloquently
describes the animal known as the "rugby song" and is reprinted here
without the permission of the publisher and in complete disregard
for copyright policies just as Michael Green did in compiling his
own book. It will serve as the introduction to the Pendleton RFC
OFFICIAL SONGBOOK and in turn as the last bit of sanity in an
otherwise happily insane collection of smut.

"It has often been said that what happens after a game of rugby
is more important then what happens of the field and the sing-song
is one of the chief post-match activities. Perhaps it is rather
stretching it to the word 'sing'. The noise which comes out
of a rugby clubhouse on Saturday night has little in common with
the work or Marie Callas and Benjamin Britten, although the dis-
sonant half-tones, like an elderly bagpipe exploding, which mark
attempts at harmony, might gladden the heart of a Kurdian shepherd."

"Yet the rugby song does have a crude sort of folk culture all of
its own. At its worst it is simply a bawdy chorus, a Chaucerian
obsession with the basic functions of the human body being the es-
sential linking theme of all good rugby songs. At its best it may
tell a moving story, make a pertinent social comment. Keir Hardie
himself could not have resisted the socialist appeal of "they're
digging up fathers grave to build a sewer." the story of an honest
British workman who was exhumed for the building of a scewer up to

(1)

"some dirty pesh's residence" and who retaliated by haunting the
aristocrat's lavetory seat. And his heart would be hard indeed
who was not moved by the tragety of Morphine Bill and Cocaine Sue
who after killing themselves with drugs (Honey have a sniff on me)
were buried side by side."-.

"Some rugby songs tell a narrative story of heroic proportions
in 'recitative', such as the famous "Eskimo Nell' or the witty story
of the incredible "Wild West Show". from which the Oozekum Bird has
passed into the language as a symbol of futility. Others like "Oh,
You Zulu Warriors' depend for their appeal on violent physical actions
by the participants, such as pouring beer over the singer. A large
section are derived from hymn tunes, and while they would scarely
be accepted by ecclesiastical authorities they have a grim attraction
of their own."

"Truly there is something for everybody, providing they can drink
enough beer to dull their finer senses. This volume itself could
serve as a treasure trove for the psycologist. The literature fills
a gap in English Literature (somewhere between Smellet and Henry
I think). I commend it to all rugby players who can read, while
even front-row forwards will enjoy having it spelled out for them".

Due to the length of this work and the skill (or lack thereof) of the
typist, there will be some typographical errors in you copy. Please
look upon these as lending aesthetic value to the work.

Signature
Bradley W. SHARP
Treasurer, Pendleton RFC
15 January 1981

END OF ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 12:10 AM

Back in November of 99, a thread http://mudcat.org/thread.CFM?threadID=15135 was created requesting additional lyrics to this song. Combining those few and these we have the most complete version on the net…..(for twenty-eight minutes until "the bots" grab this and add it to their page.)

((Which is VERY good…nice bots, good boys, here take a byte.))

IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND

CHORUS:
If I were the marrying kind,
I thank the lord I'm not sir,
The kind of man that I would be. . .

WOULD BE RUGBY FULL-BACK
I'd find touch, she'd find touch.
We'd both find touch together,
We'd be all right in the middle on the night,
Finding touch together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY HOOKER.
I'd strike hard, she'd strike hard,
We'd both strike hard together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Striking hard together.

WOULD BE A CENTER THREE-QUARTER.
I'd pass out, she'd pass out,
We'd both pass out together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Passing it out together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY REFEREE'S WHISTLE
I'd blow hard, she'd blow hard,
We'd both blow hard together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Blowing hard together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY PROP-FORWARD
I'd bind tight, she'd bind tight,
We'd both bind tight together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Binding tight together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY FLY HALF
I'd whip it out, she'd whip it out,
We'd all whip it out together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Be whipping it out together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY SCRUM HALF
I'd put it in, she'd put it in,
We'd all put it in together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Putting it in together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY SCRUM ORANGE
I'd get sucked, she'd get sucked,
We'd all get sucked together,
|We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Getting sucked together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY SPECTATOR.
I'd come again, she'd come again,
We'd all come again together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Coming again together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY SECOND ROW.
I'd push hard, she'd push hard,
We'd both push hard together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Pushing hard together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY GROUNDSKEEPER NUMBER ONE.
I'd trim bush, she'd trim bush,
We'd all trim bush together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Trimming bush together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY GROUNDSKEEPER NUMBER TWO
I'd fill holes, she'd fill holes,
We'd all fill holes together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Filling holes together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY TICKET TAKER
I'd punch holes, she'd punch holes,
We'd all punch holes together
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Punching holes together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY SPECTATOR IN THE RAIN.
I'd wear rubbers, she'd wear rubbers,
We'd all wear rubbers together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Wearing rubbers together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY NUMBER EIGHT MAN
I'd sniff ass, she'd sniff ass,
We'd all sniff ass together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Sniffing ass together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY GOAL POST
I'd stand erect, she'd stand erect,
We'd all stand erect together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Stand Erect together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY TOUCH LINE.
I'd get laid, she'd get laid,
We'd all get laid together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Getting laid together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY PARTIER.
I'd keep it up, she'd keep it up,
We'd all keep it up together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Keeping it up together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY WING NUMBER ONE.
I'd get nothing, she'd get nothing,
We'd all get nothing together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Getting nothing together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY FULLBACK NUMBER TWO.
I'd kick balls, she'd kick balls,
We'd all kick balls together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Kicking balls together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY WIND NUMBER TWO.
I'd drop balls, she'd drop balls,
We'd all drop balls together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Dropping balls together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY CLEAT.
I'd come in a box, she'd come in a box,
We'd all come in a box together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Coming in a box, together.

WOULD BE A SCRUM HALF'S DAUGHTER
Then she'd put it in, and I'd put it in,
We'd both put it in together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Putting it in together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY THREE QUATER
I'd be going hard and she'd be going hard
We'd all be going hard together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Going hard together.

WOULD BE A RUGBY PROP SIR
I'd support a hook and she'd support a hooker
We'd all support a hooker together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Supporting a hooker.

WOULD BE A RUGBY BALL SIR
I'd get pumped and she'd get pumped
We'd all get pumped together,
We'd be all righ in the middle of the night
Getting pumped sir.

v


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 10:13 PM

A spoof on the Rordean School found within this thread. Personally, this one is better, and some textual references (probably stolen from a classic)indicate, perhaps, it came sooner.

WHOREDEAN SCHOOL
Tune – We Shall Not Be Moved

CHORUS:

Up school, up school, fuck the school,
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, hey,
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Three fingers up your ass!

We are from Whoredean, Whoredean girls are we,
We take no pride in our virginity,
We take precaution and avoid abortions,
We are from Whoredean school.

Our school doctor, she is a beaut,
Teaches us to swerve when our boyfriends shoot,
It saves many marriages and forces miscarriages,
We are from Whoredean school.

We go to Whoredean, don't we have pluck,
We go to bed without asking a buck,
Try us sometime boys, you may be in luck,
We are from Whoredean School.

We have a new girl, her name is Flow,
Nobody thought that she could have a go,
But she surprised the Vicar, by raising him quicker,
We are from Whoredean school.

We go to Whoredean, we can be had,
Don't take our word, boy, ask your old dad,
He brings his friends for breath-taking trends,
We are from Whredean School.

Our house mistress you cannot beat,
She lets us go out walking the street,
We sell our titties for three bitties,
We are from Whore dean School.

Our head prefect, her nema is Jane
She only like it now and again,
And again, and again, and again,
We are from Whoredean school.

Our sports mistress whe is the best,
Teaches us to develop our chest,
So we wear tight sweaters, and carry French letter,
We are from Whoredean school.

Our teacher Porter, he is a fool,
He's only a tenny weeny tool,
It's only good for key holes and little girlie's peeholes
We are from Whoredean school.

We go to Whoredan, don't we have fun,
We know exactly how it is done,
When we lie down we hole it in one,
We are from Whoredean school.

When we go down to the sea for a swim,
The people remark on the size of our quim,
You can bet your bottom dollar, its as big as a horse collar,
We are from Whoredean school.

The girls from Cheltenham, they are just sissies,
They get worked up over one or two kisses,
It takes wax candles and long broom handles,
To rouse girls from Whoredean School.

We are at Whoredean each Witson dance,
We don't wear bras and we don't wear pants,
We like to give our boyfriends a chance,
We are from Whoredean school.

When we go down to Vicar's for tea,
He always lets us sit on his knee,
We make him randy and he gives us candy
We are from Whoredean school.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 08:39 AM

that's 'threepenny bitties' not 'three bitties'


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 08:41 PM

Thank you for the correction. If it make the DT no doubt, the correction will be added.

It is good to know that at least one other soul reads these.

With this little encouragment, the scrum marches forward.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 08:43 PM

FOR HE'S A DIRTY BASTARD

For he's a dirty Bastard,
Scum of the earth,
Born in a whore house,
Shit on, pissed on, shoved around the universe.

Of all the son-a-bitches
He is the worst
Born down in ________(city of your choice)
The armpit of the universe.

So him, him, fuck him.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 08:44 PM

RUGBY ALMA MATER

The rugby boys are out on the piss again,
Out on the piss again, out on the piss again.
The rugy boys are out on the piss again,
We want to wee-wee now-what do we want boys.
We want to wee-wee now, we want to wee-wee now.
The rugby boys are out on the piss again,
We want to wee-wee now.

The rugger huggers want too much fucky fucky,
Too much fucky fucky, too much fucky fucky.
The rugger huggers want too much fucky fucky,
We want to wee-wee now, we want to wee-wee now.
The rugby boys are out on the piss again,
We want to wee-wee now!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 08:45 PM

This one is DIFFERENT LYRICS. There is another one in the DT.

I DON'T WANT TO JOIN THE ARMY

CHORUS
I don't want to join the army,
I don't want to go to war.
I'd rather hang around Piccadilly Underground,
Living off the earnings of a high born lady,
I don't want a bayonet up me asshole,
I don't want me balls shot away.
I'd rather stay in England, in merry, merry England,
and fornicate me fucking life away, oh blimey…..

Monday I touched her on the ankle,
Tuesday I touched her on the knee,
Wednesday with success, I lifted up her dress,
Thursday I saw you know what,
Friday I laid me 'and upon it,
Saturday I gave a little twitch, twitch, twitch,
And Sunday after supper, I rammed my fucker up 'er,
And now she wants it seven days a week, oh blimey….

SECOND
CHORUS:
I don't want to join the Navy,
I don't want to go to sea.
I'd rather hang around Piccadilly Underground,
Living off the earnings of high born lady,
I don't need no Freggy women,
London's full of girls I never had.
I want to stay in Blighty, Lord Gawd Almighty,
Following in the footsteps of me dad.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 08:46 PM

Verse added.
The WWII Tulagi Song is found in the DT. In the Rugby version the phrase "Fuck 'em all" replaces the PC "bless them all." The following verse is not in the DT.

TULAGI SONG

So here's to your corporals and privates too,
Here's to your sergeants and their bastard sons,
As we fondly do bid them farewell,
The long and short and the tall,
There'll be no promotions this side of the ocean,
The fucking reserves got 'em all.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 08:47 PM

DON'T SAY NO

Oh, my darling, don't say no,
Onto the sofa you must go.
Up with your petticoat,
Down with your drawers,
You tickle mine,
And I'll tickle yours.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Dec 01 - 11:38 PM

Mrs. Murphy
TUNE - Cassons Go Rolling Along

Give a cheer, give a cheer,
For the men who drink the beer,
In the cellar of Murphy's Saloon.
They are brave, they are bold,
And the sotries that are told,
In the cellar of Murphy's Saloon,
For it's guzzle, guzzle, guzzle,
As they pour it down their muzzle
And they shout out their orders, loud and clear:
"More beer!"
For its more, more, more
As the cops break down the door
In the cellar of Murphy's saloon

Won't you put it in your mouth Mrs. Murphy,
For it only weighs a quarter of pound,
It's got hair on its neck like a turkey,
And it spits when you rub it up and down.

If I had the wings of an eagle,
And the balls of a hairy baboon.
I'd fly up to the top of the mountain,
And jack off on the man on the moon.

Now you say you're still a virgin,
But you're cherry is not there anymore,
So why don't you quit trying to be so perfect
And do the thing that you're best know for.

For now you've got a throat like Linda Lovelace,
And a cunt like a great cathouse whore,
So why don't you please do my peder a favor,
And deep throat me on the barroom floor.

Now we've got a team called Pendleton,
And peckers as long as a boom,
So would you please do your pussy a favor
And keep us mother fuckers out of your room.

We'll eat you and beat you and mistreat you,
While we're singing our dirtiest verse,
Then we'll stick it in your ear and dick you from the rear,
For that's how we build up our thrist.

Sung by the whore house quartet,
Did you go and get it? Not yet.
Are you gonna get it? You bet!
Who you gonn get it from? Ginnette!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Dec 01 - 11:40 PM

The Rugby Tinker

CHORUS:
With his bloody great kidney wiper,
And with balls enough for three,
And a yard and half of foreskin,
Hanging down below his knees.

The lady of manor was dressing for the ball,
When she spied the rugby tinker tossing off against the wall;

She wrote to him a letter and when it he did read,
His balls began to fester and his prick began to bleed;

She wrote to him a letter and in it she did say,
"I'd rather be shagged by you, sir, than his lordship any day!"

He mounted on his charger and on it he did ride,
His prick across his saddle and a ball on either side;

He rode into the courtyard and on up to the hall,
"Bloody," cried the valet, "He has come to fuck us all!"

He fucked them in the kitchen and he fucked them in the stall.
And the way he shagged the valet was the funniest fuck of all:

The tinker begged the mistress and in then minutes she was dead,
With a yard and half of foreskin firmly wrapped about her head;

He rode from out the manor and on into the street,
with the little drops of semen pitter-pattering at his feet;

The inker he is dead now and buried in St. Paul's
It took a team of oxen just to drag away his balls;

Some say he went to heaven and some say he went to hell,
Some say he shagged the devil and we know he shagged him well!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 10:24 PM

The Street of the Thousand Arse Holes

CHORUS:
Her greasy twat,
Was always hot,
U-Flung Shit,
Her name, Her name,
U-Flung-Shit, her name.

In the Street of a Thousand Arse Holes
Neath the sign of the swinging tit,
There lived a Chinese maiden
By the name of U-Flung-Shit.

She sat beneath the joss sticks,
With a smile of celestial bliss,
Her breath like scented lotus,
Her eyes like pools of piss.

She thought of her lover, the bastard,
She thought of her pox ridden beaux,
She thought of the scores she'd had on floors,
When up walked Won-Hung-Low.

"Oh come to me you bag of shit."
He cried with tits in hand,
"My love for you will last for hours
Like ice upon the burning sand."

She raised herself on her starboard tit,
And gave her tits a tweak,
With smiles in her eyes she stared at him,
And said, "Go shit a Peke."

He clutched his tool with calloused hand,
And beat it on the walls,
Removed his hat and trampled that,
Then danced upon his balls.

At length with anger screaming out,
He pissed himself with spleen,
He went and shit and stamped it in,
His scrotum turned quite green.

His anger quickly mastered him,
He felt with fury black,
She stood on him and bared her quim
And pissed on the bugger's back.

The Chinese maiden now is gone,
No longer does she sit,
In the Street of a Thousand Arse Holes,
By the sign of the swinging tit.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 10:26 PM

O'Reilly's Daughter

CHORUS:
Yi-di-I-ay, Yi-di-I-oh,
Yi-di-I ay for the one-eyed Reilly,
Rub-it-up, shove-it-up balls and all
Jig-a-jig. Tres bon.

Sitting one night in O'Reilly's bar
Drinking beer that was just like water,
Suddenly a thought ran through my head
I'd never fucked O'Reilly's daughter.

I took her gently by the hand
Led her upstairs like a lamb to slaughter
Laid her gently on the bed
And quickly cocked my left leg over.

I fucked her standing,
I fucked her lying,
If she'd had wings,
I'd have fucked her flying.

I heard Reilly coming up the stairs
Up the stairs intent on slaughter,
With two pistols in his hand
Looking for the fellow that fucked his daughter.

I grabbed O'Reilly by the hair
Stuck his head in the bucket of water
Rammed the pistols up his hole
A fucking sight quicker than I'd shagged his daughter,

Now I'm growing old and grey
And my tool is growing shorter
But until my dying day
Oh, I'll remember, O'Reilly's daughter.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 08:37 PM

LET ME CALL YOU SWEETHEART
Tune: Same

Let me call you sweetheart
I'm in love with you.
Let me rub your bubbies,
'Til they're black and blue.
Let me stroke your vulva,
'Til its filled with goo.
Lets play hide the weeney,
Up your old wazoo!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 08:38 PM

THE COUNTRY GENTLEMAN

CHORUS:
Singing High Jig-a-Jig, Fuck the little pig.
Follow the band, Follow the band all the way.
Singing High Jig-a-Jig, Fuck a little pig.
Follow the band, Follow the band all the way!

I took my Missus horse riding, horse riding
She stuck it as long as she could;
She stuck it and stuck it until she said, "Fuck it,
My arse hole is not made of wood."

I took my wife for a ramble, a ramble
Along a country land
She caught her left tit on a bramble, a bramble
And arse over buttocks she came.

I asked her if it hurt her, hurt her,
If she had gone through any pain.
Before she could answer, could answer
She was arse over buttocks again.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 08:40 PM

Many different, and better, versions of this one in the DT, but here is still another one.

THERE WAS A YOUNG SAILOR
TUNE: Sweet Violets

There was a young sailor who sat on a rock
Wailing his fists and abusing his.
Navel. A neighboring tavern was watching his fists
Teaching his children to play with their
Kites. and their marbles as in the days of yore
Along came a woman who looked like a
Decent young lady who walked like duck
She said she was learning a new way to
Bring up children and teach them to knit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling
The contents of a pig sty muck and mire
The squire of the mannor was pulling his
Horse from the stable to go to the hunt
His wife in the boudoir was powdering her
Nose and arranging her vanity box
And taking precaustions to ward off the
Gout and rhuematics which make her feel stiff
Too well did she remember her last dose of.
What did you think I was going to say?
No, you rude bugger, tha't all for today!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 08:43 PM

THE LOBSTER

CHORUS:
Singing ho tiddly ho
Shit or bust!
Never let your bullocks
Dangle in the dust!

Good morning Mister Fisherman,
Good morning Sir, said he;
Have you a lobster
You can sell to me?

Yes, Sir said the Fisherman
I have two;
The biggest of the bastards
I will give to you.

I took the lobster home
And I couldn't find a dish,
So I put it in the pot
Where the Missus has a piss.

In the middle of the night
The wife got out of bed;
She piddle' in the pot
Right on the lobster's head.

The Missus gave a giggle
The wife gave a grunt;
A dirty big lobster,
Hanging from here cunt.

The wife grabbed the shovel,
And I grabbed the broom,
We chased that fucking lobster
Round and round the room.

We hit it in the head,
We hit it on the side;
We hit that fucking lobster,
Till the bastard died.

The moral of this story,
The moral, it is this,
Always have a look-see
Before you take a piss.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 11:01 PM

I LOVE MY WIFE

I love my wife;
I love her truly;
I love the hole
She pisses through.
I love her tit-tittly-tits tittly-tits
And her brown arse hole.
I could eat her shit,
Chomp, chomp, gobble, gobble,
With a rusty spoon,
With a rusty spoon.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 11:04 PM

A variation of "Carolina" found in the DT. I like this one better. Why "Charotte" instead of the better rhyme of "Charlot" I don't know.

CHAROTTE THE HORLOT

CHORUS: She's filthy, she's nasty
She shits on the floor,
Chorotte the Harlot,
The cowpuncher's whore.

Way out in the Wild West where the cactus lies thick,
Where the women are women and the men they come quick,
There lives a fair maiden of forty or more;
Chaorotte the Harlot the cowpuncher's whore.

One night on the prairie while riding along,
One hand on my pistol and one on my dong,
When who should I spy but the maid I adore,
Charotte the Harlot the cowpucher's whore.

One night on the desert her legs opened wide,
A rattlesnake saw it and crawled up inside.
Now all the young cowboys on Saturday night
Come see the vagina that rattles and bites.

I leapt from my saddle and reached for her crack,
But the damn thing was rattling and biting me back,
I pulled out my six-gun and aimed for its head,
I pulled the trigger, shot Charotte instead!

Up got Charotte all covered with muck
And said, "Oh, dear cowboy, what a glorious fuck!"
She stepped a pace forward and fell flat on the floor,
And that was the end of the cowpuncher's whore.

The funereal procession was forty miles long,
And all of the cowboys were singin this song,
"Here lies a maiden who never kept score:
Charlotte the Harlot the cowpucher's whore."


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 11:09 PM

FANNY BAY

If you ever go across the sea to Darwin,
Then maybe at the closing of the day,
You will see the local harlots at their business,
And watch the sun go down on Fanny Bay.

Some are black and some are white,
And some are brindled, and some are young
And some are old and grey,
But what will cost you twenty quid
In Lower Crown Street,
Will cost you half a zac in Fanny Bay.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 12:07 AM

There is a version in the DT ….but the DT's is neither nearly as long, nor as bawdy as this one.

This section is copied from pages 68,69,70, 71 of some other published source that was inserted into the Pendelton Marine Rugby Football Team Song Book.

THE GOOD SHIP VENUS

'Twas on the good ship "Venus,
My God you should 'av seen us,
The figurehead was a nude in bed
Suckin a red-hot *****.

CHORUS: Frigging in the rigging,
Wanking on the planking,
Masturbating on the grating
The was **** all else to do.

The captain's name was Slugger
He was diry bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel ****
On any buger's lugger.

The first mate's name was Paul,
He only had one ****
But with that cracker he rolled terbaccer
Around the cabin wall.

The second mate's name was Andy
His ***** were long and bandy,
The filled his **** with molten brass
For pissing in the brandy.

The third mate's name was Morgan,
He was a frisly Gorgan,
Three time a day he strummed away
Upon his sexual organ.

The captain's wife was Mabel
And whenever she was able
She gave the crew their Daily Screw
Upon the messroom table.

The Captain's randy daughter
Was swimming in the water,
Delighted squeals came as the eels
Entered her sexual quarter.

A cook whose name was Freeman,
He was dirty demon,
He fed the crew on menstrual stew
And hymens fried in semen.

Another cook was O'Malley,
He didn't dilly dally,
He shot his bolt with such a jolt
He whitewashed half the galley.

The Boatswain's name was Lester,
He was a hymen tester,
Through hymens thick he hoved his ****
And left it there to fester.

The engineer was McTavish
And young girls he did ravish,
His missing ****'s at Istanbul
He was a trifle lavish.

A homo was the Purser,
He couldn't have been worser,
With all the crew he had screw,
Until they yelled, "Oh no sir."

Another one was Cropper
Oh Christ he had a whopper,
Twice round the deck
Once round his neck
And up his bum for a stopper.

The cobin boy was Kipper,
A dirty little nipper, They stuffed his *** with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.

The ship's dog's name was Rover
The whole crew did him over,
They ground and ground the fiathful hound
From Singapore to Dover,

'Twas in the Adriatic
Where the water's almost static
The rise and full of **** and ****
Was almost automatic.

The end of this naration
Came in jubilation,
For they sunk the junk in a sea of spunk,
Caused by masturbation.

So now we end the serial
Through sheer lack of material
I wish you luck and freedom from
Diseases venereal.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 12:18 AM

Listed as page 141 from the original of a photo-copied insert in the Pendleton book.

FLY AWAY YOU BUMBLE BEE

Sambo was a lazy coon
Who used to sleep in the afternoon
So tired was he
So tired was he
Off to the forest he would go
Swinging his hands to and fro
Whan along came a bee
A bloody great bumble bee
Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz

"Get away you bumble bee
I ain't no rose
I ain't no syphilitic bastard
Get off my ******** nose.
Get off my nasal organ
Don't you come near
If you wants a bit o'fanny
You can **** my granny
But you'll get no ****hole here.

****hole rules the Navy
****hole rules the sea
If you wants a bit o'bum
You can ****my chum
But you'll get no **** from me!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 09:04 PM

There are three versions of this ditty in the DT but here is a fourth, and this is a BETTER version

CHARLOTTE THE HARLOT LAY DYING

TUNE: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

CHORUS:
"I've been had by the army, the navy,
By a bullfighting toreadore,
By dages and dronges and dinges,
But never by maggots before,
So roll back you dirty old assholes
And give me the cream of your nuts."
So they rolled back their dirty old assholes,
And played "Home Sweet Home" on their guts.

Charlotte the Halot lay dying,
A piss-pot supported her head,
The blow-flies were buzzing around her,
She lay on her left tit and said:

Charlotte the Harlot repented,
She'd never have another bang,
She wanted to go to heaven,
So she rolled on her right tit and sang:

Charlotte the Harlot was buried,
The town was much quieter than before,
But one night at the local brothel,
Her ghost she appeared in the beer!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Dec 01 - 11:01 PM

A SONG ABOUT TURDS

CHORUS:
Toorala, Tooralay,
A rolling stone gathers no moss so they say,
Sing along with the birds,
It's beautiful son but it's all about turds.

There was an old lady who lived on West Street,
And she was all stopped up from too much to eat,
So she swallowed some pills without reading the box,
And the first thing she knew turds came flying like rocks.

Sjhe ran to the window and stuck out her ass,
Just as she did a young cowboy did pass,
He turned to the sound that he heard up on high,
And a bloody great turd hit him right in the eye.

He ran to the east and he ran to the west,
A bloddy great turd hit him right in the chest,
He ran to the north and he ran to the south
Another great turd hit him right in the mouth.

If ever you pass o'er the Flat River bridge
And see a young cowboy asleep on the ridge,
Just stop by the roadside and pray for a bit
Drop a tear for a cowboy whose buried in shit.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 20 Dec 01 - 04:13 AM

THE HOLE IN THE ELEPAHNT'S BOTTOM

I wanted to go on the stage
And now my ambition I've gotten
In pantomine I'm all the rage
As the ass hole in the elephant's bottom.

His balls they hang so low
I think I could knott 'em
As I wink at the girls in the pit
Through the ass hole in the elephant's bottom

The man who plays the front part
Is absolutely rotten
All he can do is to fart,
Through the ass hole in the elphant's bottom.

There are pockets inside the clothes
For two bottle of Bass, if you got 'em
But they hiss and the boo when out they froth,
Through the ass hole of the elephant's bottom.

Now my part hasen't got any words
But there's nothing that can't be forgotten
I spend all my time pushing property turds
Through the ass hole in the elephant's bottom.

Some may think that this story is good,
And some may believe that it is rotten,
But those that don't like it can stuff it right up,
The ass hole in the elephant's bottom.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 20 Dec 01 - 04:16 AM

THEY'RE DIGGIN UP DAD'S REMAINS

They're digging up dad's remains to build a sewer;
They're doing the job regardless of expense;
They're diggin up dad's remains to make way for ten inch drains
To satisfy some rich man's residence, 'gor blieme'.
Now father in his lifetime wasn't a quitter, a quitter;
And I don't suppose he'll be a quitter now;
Cause he'll dress up in a sheet and he'll haunt the shithouse seat
And only let toffs go when he allows, 'gor blieme'.
Now won't there be some horrible constipation;
Oh, won't the loos bound toffs oh rack and rave;
But it serves them bloody well right;
For having the perishing nerve to muck about with a British workman's grave!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 01:18 AM

It is HARD to imagine these ditty's do not reside elsewhere on the the net….but… for the most part…. many are original postings….. While they are a glorious tribute laid at the feet of Dick and Susan…they are grudgingly laid on the max location of cripples.

This one might be adopted as the anthem for Max himself!!!

Anyone looking for a thesis "Machaveli on the Net?" (follow the threads of the puss-filled-pussy)

QUEEN OF ALL THE FAIRIES

CHORUS:
Twenty-one, never been done,
Queen of all the fairies.

Oh, she was a cripple with only one nipple,
To feed the baby one.
Poor little fucker, he's only one sucker
To start his life upon.

Ain't it a pity she'd only one titty
To feedhe baby on.
Poor little bugger, he'll never play rugger,
Nor grow up big and strong.

And as he got older and boldr and bolder,
]And took himselof in hand.
And slipped and flipped and flippped and flipped,
To the tune of the army band.

They tried his in the infantry,
They tried him on the land an sea,
The por little bugger has no success,
He left evert;ying in a terrible mess.

We see no hope for his unless
He joins the Women's Royal Air Force.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: BlueFolk
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 02:58 AM

A funny rugbysong is "Hippo in a Skrum" by Leon Schuster, but to appreciate it you have to speak a litte Afrikaans (language of a South African Boer).


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 06:11 PM

JOHN - Please Post the LYRICS! Sounds like a hoot. Only hippo song I have is about wanting one for Christmas....and its not rugby.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 06:23 PM

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HIS NAME IS…

CHORUS:
I don't know what his name is and whatever it may be,
Just listen while I tell you what he did to me!

I went through the front gate,
Like a good girl should,
And he slipped roung the back way
Like I knew he would.

I went in through the front door,
Like a good girl should,
And he slipped in behind me
Like I knew he would.

I went up the stairs,
Like a good girl should,
And he came behind me
Like I hoped he would.

I took all my clothes off
Like a good firl should
And he took off his trousers,
Like I knew he would.

I put on my 'jamas,
Like a good girl should,
And he then took them off again,
Like I knew he would.

I got into bed,
Like a good girl should
And he got in beside me,
Like I knew he would.

I laid on my side,
Like a good girl should,
But then he turned me over,
Like I knew he would.

FINAL CHORUS:
I don't know what his name is and whether he may may be,
It's none of your damn business what he did to me!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 06:35 PM

Gargoyle.

Most of your last postingd seem to be lifts from those exellent text books "Rugby Songs" & "More Rugby Songs"

jon D my taal may be getting a little rusty these days but No 2 Sister is still fluent.

In the interest of a dying culture these should be recorded.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 09:39 PM

Gareth - Thanks for dropping in on the thread - I will seek and secure the two books you mentioned. These postings are coming from photocopied notes that were typed and handwritten except where noted with a page number that was copied from an unidentified source.

Dick Greenhouse - has a wonderful, humorous, bawdy collection of classics, many of which are also "rugby classics" - This thread is filling in for the specific ones not already in his Digital Tradition Archive.....

PLEASE POST ANY bits, pieces, snippets or songs that you know....and if possible....where you first became aware of them.

THANX again for dropping by, sometimes it gets lonely and cold... high on the steeple.... gurgling rainwater in the night....down on the people...... but I now have a MUCH greater respect for the original "labor of love" dick and susan spawned.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 09:55 PM

Perhaps, this thread, from the old "Glory Days of the MudCat" refers to your books. I will also seek out the LP's mentioned

The song posting immediately following this is the full version of the one Steve Parkes posted

http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=10022

Steve Parkes lyrics request - my rhubarb refuses to rise RE: lyrics request - my rhubarb refuses to rise 30-Mar-99

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you collecting rugby songs? There used to be several books and one or two lp records (the Jock Strapp Ensemble, if memory serves) - if they're not still in print, there must be a lot going at second hand.

From our "Fancy that!" department: writer and researcher Dan Farson reckons that prime Jack the Ripper suspect James K Stephen was the Stephen in

Mary from the Mountain Glen
Seducesd herself with a fountain pen.
The pen it broke, the ink ran wild,
And she gave birth to a blue-black child!
They called the bastard Stephen [shout: Stephen!] [x3]
'Cause that was the name of the ink [shout: Not Quink!!]

Interestingly, this is one of the (relatively!) more poetic rather than merely obsecene examples. Some were obviously written by "genuine" poets -

Dylan Thomas used to turn a good rude rhyme in the pub, for example.

And "Eskimo Nell has been attributed to Robert Service. A verse like

Oh, have you seen the pistons
On the mighty CPR,
With the pounding force of a thousand horse? -
Well, you know what pistons are!

is what George Orwell would have called "good bad poetry" (or maybe the other way about!). It's humorous and well put together; the whole piece could have been written very effectively using euphemism rather than obscenity; but maybe the mores of the times (1900-1920?) meant that anything that risqu‚ would have no circulation except in the circles where obscenity was commonplace.

We could go on for hours, couldn't we?! I'll let somenone else have the floor, though.

Steve (Queen Mary's Grammar School RFC (League, not Union!) 3rd 11, 1962-1965)


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 10:13 PM

Ah...Mr. Parks no doubt, you knew THIS obscure one for the same reason I know twenty songs with gargoyle in them.

THE MAID OF THE MOUNTAIN GLEN

CHORUS:
They called the bastard Stephen,
They called the bastard Stephen,
They called the bastard Stephen,
His father's name was Quink.

There was maid of the mountain glen,
Seduced herself with a fountain pen,
The pen it broke and the ink ran wild,
And she gave birth to a blue-black child.

Stephen was a bonny child,
Pride and joy of his mother's mind
And all that worried her was this –
His steady stream of blue=black piss.

Mary of New Brighton Pier,
Seduced herself with a bottle of beer,
The top came off and the froth ran wild,
And she gave birth to a nut brown child.

FINAL CHORUS:
They called the bastard Frellfalls,
They called the bastard Frellfalls,
They called the bastard Frellfalls,
For that was the name of the beer!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 10:51 PM

WE'RE ALL QUEERS TOGETHER

CHORUS:
Oh, we're all queers together,
Excuse us whilst we go upstairs.
Yes, we're all queers together,
And heretofore shall travel in pairs.

I went for a ride on the tram-tram,
It was crowded and I had to stand,
When a sweet little boy offered his seat,
I reached (illegable)…. my hand.

I went to sell my motorcar,
Iwent to the man from Hertz,
He asked me what was my bottom price,
I said, "Let's sell my car first."


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Subject: ADD: In Mobile
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 12:48 AM

MOBILE

CHORUS:
In Mobile, in Mobile, in-so, in-mo, in Mibile,
Arse holes, arse holes, arse holes, in Mobile.

Oh the seagulls they fly high in Mobile,
Oh the seagulls they fly high in Mobile,
Oh the seagulls they fly high and they shit right in your eye,
Thank the Lord that cows don't fly in Mobile.

There's a man by the name of Hunt in Mobile,
There's a man by the name of Hunt in Mobile,
There's a man by the name of Hunt and he thought he had a cunt,
But his arse was back to front in Mobile.

There's a shortage of good bogs in Mobile,
There's a shortage of good bogs in Mobile,
There's a shortage of good bogs, so they wait until it clogs,
Then they saw it off in logs in Mobile.

There's a shortage of bagpaper in Mobile,
There's a shortage of bagpaper in Mobile,
There's a shortage of bagpaper so they wait until it's vapor,
Then they light it with a taper in Mobile.

There's a man by the name of Smith in Mobile,
There's a man by the name of Smith in Mobile,
There's a man by the name of Smith and he thinks the he can't sniff,
Foul odor from the syph in Mobile.

Oh they teach the babies tricks in Mobile,
Oh they teach the babies tricks in Mobile,
Oh they teach the babies tricks and by the time that they are six,
The suck their father's pricks in Mobile.

It's a fuck of a (illegable)….. in Mobile,
It's a fuck of a (illegable)….. in Mobile,
It's a fuck of a (illegable)….. and they're sunk in masterbation,
For their (illegable)………… in Mobile.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 01:11 AM

In the DT as the "Foreman's Song" this is another version. The DT tune identified as "Red Flag" (CLICK) is of course "Oh Tannenbaum." A parody/reply of the James O'Connel 1899 version in the DT (click)

RED FLAG

CHORUS:
The working class can kiss my ass,
I've got the foreman's job at last
The proletariat can kiss,
My fundmental orifice;
I'm upper class and off the dole,
So shove that red flag up your hole.

"Twas on Gibraltar's Rock so fair,
I saw a maiden lying there,
And as she lay in sweet repose,
A nasty wind blew off her clothes.

A sailor who was passing by,
Removed his cap and winked his eye,
But as he saw to his despair,
She had the red flag flying there.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Snuffy
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 07:02 AM

Dan Farson is just plain wrong on this one

They called the bastard Stephen, 'Cos that was the name of the ink.

When I was at Grammar School in the 50s/60s all our work had to be done in fountain pen, and you had to carry a bottle of ink round in your satchel for refilling purposes. Steven's Blue-Black ink was my prefered choice, but some of the other kids used Quink instead.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 10:58 PM

An appropriate song for this immediate period in history, as we are posed on the brink of another war with Iraq.

I have chosen to post this to the "Rugby Thread" because of its ribald content and more importantly, its origins are within the Camp Pendleton Marine Base – the song-book source for my previous postings to this thread. However, the immediate reference is even stranger.

Roll Me in Your Arms - "Unprintable" Ozark Folksongs and Folklore", Volume 1, Folksongs and Music, Vance Randolph, University of Arkansas Press, 1992, No. 180 Root, Hog or Die! p 576-579.

"The original 1850's "Bullwhackers' song" lent itself to lively parodies….

"Here is the text of "Old Saddam Hussein" (or "old Harem-Scarem"), collected at the U.S. Marine Carps boot training camp, Pendleton, California, February 1991. See glossarial notes at the end of the text. Each double stanza repeats its own last two lines, as shown, to form the chorus. The cannibalistic images are striking:

When old Saddam Hussein found
His pecker (ellick) wouldn't stand,
He thought he's sell his harem
And work it off by hand
The pussies all got frantic
And his wives began to cry,
He called his asshole-buddies,
Told 'em Root hog or die!

Root hog or die! Root hog or die!
He called his asshole-buddies,
Told 'em, Root hog or die!

When old Saddam Hussein
Came 'round here in the south,
We cut his pickled pecker off
And stuffed it in his mouth.
We boiled his balls for supper
An' Hung his asshole out to dry,
We told that mother-fucker
He could root hog or die.!

Root hog or die! Root hog or die!
He called his asshole-buddies,
Told 'em, Root hog or die!

Well, old Saddam Hussein
Had the nerve to claim he'd stay,
He thought he's wave his scepter
(Hand-gester of masturbating:)
And the Corps would run away.
We chopped him up for pigfood
In his dirty, rotten sty,
We told that mother-fucker
He could root hog or die!

When old Saddam Hussein
Started burning up the gas,
We took his poisoned Scuds
And we shoved them up his ass.
We shot him full of Patriots
And blasted him sky-high,
We told that mother-fucker
He could root hog or die!

If the Army and the Navy
Ever get to Heaven's halls,
They will find old Saddam sliding
Down the staircase on this balls.
We'll ca-ter-ate that bastard
Or we'll know the reason why,
We'll show that mother-fucker
He can root hog or die!

Root hog or die! Root hog or die!
He called his asshole-buddies,
Told 'em, Root hog or die!

"The singer added that he also knew a sequel called ' Kuwaitus Interruptus.'"….In stanza 1:2 above, pecker penis, and so also the dialectal variant ellick, from the Scottish name Alec, as in "smart aleck," for any disliked would-be hero or wit.

Randolph within this immediate section also includes an interesting footnote. It is regarding rap (so disliked by some current wannnabe mudcat drop-ins) and yet a rich, ripe area of lyric harvesting. (Xenophobes!!!)

"In 2:7 mother-fucker, originally a Negro slang term used aggressively in "dozens" insult-contests or "rap" sessions as the most extreme insult possible, but not often meant literally and sometimes abbreviated expurgatorial – especially by white jazz musicians – to "mother" or mockingly varied Oedipally to "granny-jazzer" or "poppa-hoppa."

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Nov 02 - 06:47 PM

Browsing this thread, I discovered that way back in October 2001 I
promised a Scottish version of There Was a Monk of Great Renown, but
never followed up. Here it is:

THERE WAS A MONK OF GREAT RENOWN

(As sung at St Andrews University, ca. 1959)

1. NARRATOR (sings): There was a monk of great renown, (3x)
                      Who bought a whore for half a crown.

CHORUS
CONGREGATION (speaks): The sod!
                        The dirty sod!
                        The bastard deserves to die.
NARRATOR (speaks): How shall he die?
CONGREGATION (shouts): Fuck him!
                        (After 2. also:) Double-fuck him!
                        (After 3. also:) Triple-fuck him!
                        (After 4. also:) Quadruple-fuck him!
NARRATOR (whispers): Shhhh! Here comes the vicar.
VICAR (speaks): A prayer for those in trouble.
CONGREGATION (shouts): Abortion!
VICAR (speaks): A prayer for the frustrated.
CONGREGATION (shouts): Fuck!
VICAR (speaks): A prayer for the constipated.
CONGREGATION (shouts): Shit!
VICAR (speaks): A prayer for the castrated.
CONGREGATION (shouts): Balls!
VICAR (speaks): Gentlemen! What have we said?
                Let us pray for the soul of Brother Banglestein.
CONGREGATION (sings): Glory, glory, hallelujah!
                      Balls for Brother Banglestein,
                      Banglestein, Banglestein,
                      Balls for Brother Banglestein,
                      Dirty old man!
                      For he keeps us waiting
                      While he's masturbating,
                      So balls for Brother Banglestein,
                      Dirty old man!

2. NARRATOR (sings): His brother monks were so annoyed
                      'Cos with a woman he had toyed,

3.                     They put an end to all his frolics,
                      For with a knife they cut off his ballocks,

4.                     And now, bereft of all desire,
                      He sings soprano in the choir,
--
--- Joe Fineman    jcf@TheWorld.com

||: The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we :||
||: started and know the place for the first time.          :||


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 17 Nov 02 - 07:04 PM

Gargoyle - You old tosser - a correction to your post on We are all queers together/

"I went for a ride on the tram-tram,
It was crowded and I had to stand,
When a sweet little boy offered his seat,
I reached (illegable)…. my hand"


Should read :-

"Then a sweet little boy offered me his seat,
So I reached for it with my hand"

And theres the verse youv'e forgoten

"I stayed at a posh London hotel,
The waiters were all of a kind,
I asked for prompt room service,
They said it was a little behind"

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Feb 03 - 12:32 PM

Gargoyle, that's quite a collection. I did my best to fix your HTML where it needed fixing. Now I have another collection of Rugby songs for you to study, francerugby.fr

I wish my French were a little better...

-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: SmokinBill
Date: 21 Feb 04 - 04:58 AM

Okay, I just spent a bloody hour reading your collection. I'm impressed and appropriately disgusted.

Here is one of my own songs you might like to add to your repertoire:


HERE'S TO THE VAGINA
(To the tune of "St. James Infirmary")

Here's to the vagina,
From whence each of us came.
Each vagina is unique,
No two are the same.

Vaginas are all beautiful,
Be they black or brown or white.
Some men like them all stretched out,
But most prefer them tight.

Here's to the vagina... etc.

Some vaginas are shaven bald,
And some have fur like mink.
Some smell sweet like French perfume,
But most vaginas stink.

Here's to the vagina, etc.

When dealing with vagina,
Don't act in too much haste.
Remember, friends, when you go down,
To sniff before you taste.

Here's to the vagina ...

Smokin' Bill's Digital Depot


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: SmokinBill
Date: 21 Feb 04 - 05:06 AM

Here's another one I wrote a few years ago. Unfortunately my rugby club never picked this one up and I have long since retired from the sport (except for occassional old boys matches and other fits of dementia).

It's a call and response ditty, and it's designed so people can make up new verses on the fly, just by rhyming with the name of a saint.

THERE AIN'T NO SAINTS IN RUGBY
(To the tune of "South Australia")


Caller: My patron saint is old Saint Mark.
      
Response: Heave away, haul away, what's he the patron saint of?

Caller: Shaggin' all the beasts on Noah's ark.

Response: That's nothing to be ashamed of.

All sing chorus: Oh, you ancient dirty fuck,
you'd bite your own mother in a ruck


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs (oops)
From: SmokinBill
Date: 21 Feb 04 - 05:33 AM

apologies... this is the complete message:

Here's another one I wrote a few years ago. Unfortunately my rugby club never picked this one up and I have long since retired from the sport (except for occassional old boys matches and other fits of dementia).

It's a call and response ditty, and it's designed so people can make up new verses on the fly, just by rhyming with the name of a saint.

THERE AIN'T NO SAINTS IN RUGBY
(To the tune of "South Australia")


Caller: My patron saint is old Saint Mark.
      
Response: Heave away, haul away, what's he the patron saint of?

Caller: Shaggin' all the beasts on Noah's ark.

Response: That's nothing to be ashamed of.

All sing chorus: Oh, that ancient dirty fuck,
                He'd bite his own mother in a ruck
                Bless the soul of that asshole
                Cause there ain't no saints in rugby.

My patron saint is old Saint Clare
(Heave away, haul away, what's he the patron saint of?)
Rainbow-dyeing her pubic hair
(That's nothing to be ashamed of)

chorus

My patron saint is old Saint Nick
(Heave away, haul away, what's he the patron saint of?)
Teaching the elves to suck his dick
(That's nothing to be ashamed of)

chorus

My patron saint is old Saint John
(Heave away, haul away, what's he the patron saint of?)
Showing old ladies his hard-on
(That's nothing to be ashamed of)

..........
I'm sure you can imagine the possibilities for this one. If you're not familiar with the tune, you might want to check out The Pogue's version of "South Australia."

I'd love to see this one catch on at post-match drinkups... Maybe I'll get the Union College Old Boys Rugby Football Club to learn it.

Smokin' Bill's Digital Depot


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Skipper
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 06:26 PM

Here's a song for John3:16

It's called Jesus Can't Play Rugby

(Sung to the Battle Hymn of the Republic)


CHORUS: Free beer for all the ruggers, Free beer for all the ruggers

Free beer for all the ruggers, Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves


SINGER: Jesus can't play rugby 'cause the Jew won't pay his dues

ALL: Jesus can't play rugby 'cause the Jew won't pay his dues

Jesus can't play rugby 'cause the Jew won't pay his dues

Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!


SINGER: Jesus can't play rugby 'cause he's only got 12 men

ALL: Jesus can't play rugby 'cause he's only got 12 men

Jesus can't play rugby 'cause he's only got 12 men

Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!


OTHER VERSES:

The goal posts give him flashbacks

His dad fixes the games

He wears illegal headgear

He's got holes in his hands

He can't support a hooker

Jesus can't play touch judge 'cuz his arms point both ways

He's nailed to a cross

He's got some open wounds

He wears illegal spikes


Be sure to finish this song with the following verse,
to make sure you don't go to hell (for singing this song, at any rate).

ALL: Jesus, we're only joking.
Jesus, we're only joking.
Jesus, we're only joking.
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 12 Apr 04 - 12:06 AM

Least it go without notice Father Bill - your fine words were contributed on Easter Sunday 2004.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 12:40 AM

"Sexual Life of the Camel"

(variation) THE POOFTER VERSES

JOE'S link .... to a now-dead-thread on AOL ..... is an excellent example....of why lyrics SHOULD be posted to the Mudcat treads (with correct notation and credits) http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=24760#539476

These following verses were purloined from the "Lagos Away Team Pamphlet" in a dark urine-strentched ally of Cardiff, Wales around midnight, in the shadow of Mellenium Stadium, July 2004.

It was an interesting bawdy allustion to several sanguine ballads of the past.

My name is Cecil,
I come from Leicester Square,
I wear open toed sandals,
And a rose bud in my hair.
For we're all queers together
Excuse us while we go upstairs,
Yes, we're all queers together,
That's why we go around in pairs.

I went for a ride on a chuff-chuff
It was crowded so I had to stand,
A little boy offered me his seat,
I went for it with my hand.
For we're all queers together
Excuse us while we go upstairs,
Yes, we're all queers together,
That's why we go round in paris.

It was Christmas Eve in the harem
The eunuchs all standing there,
A hundred dusky maidens,
Combing their public hair.
When along came Father Christmass,
Striding down through the marble halls,
When he asked what they wanted for Christmas
The eunuchs all answered, "Balls!"

(to Mr Bangelstein)

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 01:00 AM

This is usually a Septment/October job...but an injury has sent me home early.

I have searched the DT and Forum...and find no versions of these lyrics.

Consider them "fresh meat for the gods."

Another LAGOS Nigeria song is:

The Rajah From Astrakhan

There was a Rajoh from Astrakhan,
Yo Ho, Yo Ho!
A most licentious lout of a man,
Yo Ho, Yo Ho!
O wives he had a hundred and nine
Exluding his favourite concubine.
Yo, Ho, you buggers
Yo Ho, you buggers,
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Yo Ho!

On night he awoke with a hell of a stand,
He called to warrior, on of this band
"Go down to by harem, you lazy swine
And fetch my favourite concubine
CHORUS

The warrior fetched the concubine
A figure like Venus, a face devine
The Rajah gave and almighty grunt
And parked his p*** inside her c***
CHORUS

The Rajah bellowed lound and long
The maiden's cries were short but strong.
And just when the ride had come to a head
They both fell through the rickety bed.
CHORUS

They hit the ground with one hell of a dunt
Which completely buggered the poor girl's c***.
And as for the Rajah's magnificent c***
It never recovered from the shock.
CHORUS

There is a moral to this tale,
There is a moral to this tale
If you would screw a girl at all,
Plwease stick her up against the wall.
CHORUS

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 05:40 AM

BRIAN BARU

A second variation of of the one found in this thread:

http://www.mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=5755

I was up to my waist in the turf-mould
At the peat contract down in the bog,
When my spade hit something quite solid,
Like a stick, or a stone, or a log.

'Twas a chest of the finest bog oak, sir,
And I wondered at what it might hide,
So I chanced my luck with the fairies,
And I took just a wee peep inside.

I doubt that you'll never believe me,
For I know it could hardly be true
'Twas and ancient ol Irish French letter,
A relic of Brian Baru.

Yes, an ancienct old Irish French letter,
Made of elk hide, and just one foot tall
With a wee golden tag on the end sir,
With his name and his stud fee and all.

I cast my mind back through the ages,
To the days of that hairy old Celt.
And Granwaillie there in the bed lay
With Brian Baru in his pelt.

I heard remark sternly,
Just listen, now let's get this right.
Just as sure as you had you're way last night,
It's the hairy side outside tonight.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:25 AM

Ding Dong

On a Sunday afternoon
As the church was turning out
The vicar to the curate said:
"I bet I've been through more of these
Women than you."
And the curates said, "You're on."
"We'll stand by the gates as the women pass by
And this shall be our sign.
You say Ding Ding for the women you had
I'll say Ding dong for mine."

Now there were Ding Dings and there
we Ding Dongs.
There were more Ding Dings than there were Ding Dongs
Till at last a woman went bty and the curate said "Ding Dong."

"Just a minute," said the vicar, "there's a mistake here.
That is my wife I do declare."
"I don't give a bugger, I've still been there
Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong."


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:42 AM

THE CLAP

Once upon a time I was a hasher,
Used to drink a Guider beer or two,
Remember how I laughed away the hours,
Dreaming of the harriets I would screw.
Every Monday evening I'd go out hashing,
Sometimes I'd shortcut along the way
But I'd always otay late at the ON - ON"
Where often you would hear A hasher say ....

(Chorus):

I've got the clap again,
I really should refrain
From KoKo's bar and screwin' local whores
I've got the pills to use,
I must lay off the booze
I've got the clap - oh yes, I've got the clap.

One night to the Hash there came a beauty,
A thing that's quite unusual to do.
But something made me think this girl was different;
It must have been the tatoos on her boobs.
She wore hot plants and a see-through T shirt,
Sipped her beer through rosy choo-choo lips,
All the men began to get excited,
At the sight of this young lady's tits .... (chorus)

Six o'clock Hash Master got his horn out,
Everybody else put their's away
Then I got myself into position,
Where I could see her buttocks sway.
She short-cut and I short-cut beside her,
Wondering if tonight I'd be in luck.
Heard her calling "ON-ON" from the bushes,
And I knew right then that we would f**k .... (chorus)

This girl showed me she really was no novice,
Her repertoire of tricks sure made me sweat.
I came, she came, then we came together,
And our juices flowed till we were wet.
Made our way back finally to the circle,
Watching smiling faces turning green.
Could it be that they were only jealous,
Or could it be they know she wasn't clean? (chorus)

Drove her home that night, she lived in Lagos,
Arranged that this should be a regular thing
But then one week later at the "ON-ON"
I took a piss and felt that tell - tale sting
Now every Saturday evening there's a clinic
That caters for those fellows from the hash,
So that we all can have our frequent check-ups,
And find out what caused that nasty rash. (chorus)

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:51 AM

LAGOS IS STRANGE

Oh, give me a home where the nightfighters roam,
And the area boys they hold sway.
Where often is heard a disparaging word
And the beer is all cloudy and grey.

(Chorus):

Oh, Lagos is strange
If you live here too long you're deranged.
Where the NEPA goes down and potholes abound
And Bar Beach is eroding away.

What a wonderful sight to watch everyone shite
With their arses hung over the side,
Of the wall to the creek, where each day of the week,
The bodies float by on the tide.

(Chorus)

Now to get into town or just moving around,
Transport is hard to be found.
Well there's always a queue, 'cause the molues are few
And their motos just keep breaking down.

(Chorus)

Oh, the last Saturday is for clearing away,
But the refuse collection is lax.
Well they haven't no brains when they muck out the drains,
'Cause the rain washes most of it back.

(Chorus)

Mismanagement here, well they like their beer,
And it's true they're occasionally pissed.
Now 'Rule Number One' says no queers on the run
But the 'odd' one or two they get missed.

(Chorus)

In the circle don't chat, 'cause the R. A.'s no prat,
With 'Down - Downs'to keep those mouths'stilled.
And if that don't suffice, he'll sit them on ire,
And their bare bums will also get chilled.

(Chorus)

Now there are those who come
Just to wiggle their bum
In the hope that they'll pick up sore trade
But the guys around here just Down Down their beer
And get too fucking pissed to get laid.

(Chorus)

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:23 AM

I guess you could consider this to be the Italian step-sister of the Mexican who married a Nigerian.....you know....the one from Leland Stanford Jr.'s Farm.





GIVE ME THAT GOOD OLD VINO



CHORUS

Si, si signore,

My sister Belinda

She pissed out the window

All over my brand new sombrero.





I like my gin, it helps me get in, But give me the good old vino, I like my vino, It gives me a stand supremo.





CHORUS





I like my Star, it helps me go far But give me the good etc.



I like my brandy, it makes me feel randy,



I like my stout, it helps me get out.



I like my rum, it helps me to come.



I like my coke, it helps me to poke.



I like my beer, it makes me feel queer. N. B. HASH POOF ONLY.





I like my wine. it makes me feel fine (it stiffens the vine)




I like my claret, it stiffens the carrot.




I like my liquor, it makes me come quicker.




I like my Pimms, it helps with the quims.




I like my Aquavit, it makes me feel neat. (it keeps me on beat).




I like my schnapps, it helps cure the clap.




I like my sprite, I can last out all night.




I like my red, it gets me to bed.




I like my tea, it helps me wee‑wee.




I like my Budweiser, but pussy in nicer.




Sincerely,

Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:32 AM

I thought the whole world knew this one ....but find it lacking verses in the DT and Forum

(A personal Nigerian View of Colonialism?)

THE FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM

A Frenchman went to the lavatory
To enjoy a bloody good shit;
He took his coat and trousers off
So that he could - revel in it !
But when he reached for the paper
He found that someone had been there before,
" Ou est le papier? Ou est le papier!
Mon dieu, moo dieu, mon arseholes en feu.
Ou est le papier?"

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 12:55 AM

The following series of songs were lyrics obtained in July of 2004 at Cardiff Wales, Mellenium Stadium.

Since so many irrelivant (so-called MUSICAL) threads run into ....so many irrelivant stories here is a Rugby-Thread "irrelivant story" and a "rugby joke".....I do not fear a "dillution of the threa" by less than five percent.

There are damn few ... for sure....on this planet secure....that can claim a lineage more direct.

,

During a Wales v England match at the Millenium Stadium a lightening storm hit Caridff and a bolt was conducted through the towers to the touch line. In a tragic accident both coaches - Graham Henry and Clive Wooward - were killed.

Ther were taken straight to heaven where they were warmly greated by the Almighty. Aftrer a while Clive was taken to thi8s new accommodation, stype cottage with statues outside in the form of English rugby greats. As a constant background he could hear the sweet voices of angels singing Jersualem and Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

Clive was delighted until he suddenly heard some even more beautiful singing coming from the top of the hill. He listened closer and could her Bread of Heanven follow by Land of My Fathers. Clive looked up the hill to see a great palace with statues outside of Barry John, Gareth Edwards and JPR Willi8ams. A party was taking place in the garden with Grains SA flowing freely as the corwd watched Scott Gibbs scoring his ty at Wembley against England in 1999.

Clive went to The Lord and said: "Look, I dont't want to appear ungrateful - my cottage is great, but why does Graham get the huge mansion?"

God broke into a laugh as he replied: "Clive your've got it all wrong! That';s not Graham's place - it's mine."

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:20 AM

AS noted by diesel in this thread - Ireland Rugby Song http://www.mudcat.org/Detail.CFM?messages__Message_ID=1148046

Ireland's Call

Come the day

And come the hour

Come the power and the glory

We have come to answer

Our countries call....

From the four pround providences of Ireland[p]

CHORUS

From the mighty

Glens of Antrim

From the rugged hills of Galway

From the wall of Limerick

And Dublin Bay

Grom the four proud provinces of Ireland

CHORUS

Heart of steel

And heads unbowing

Vowing never to be broken

We will fight, until

We can fight no more...

For the four proud provinces of Ireland.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:30 AM

Your're Welsh!


(Go West!)



You're Welsh, and you know you are.

You're Welsh, and you know you are.

You're Welsh, and you know you are.

You're Welsh, and you know you are....

Etc.



Sincerely,

Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:37 AM

Roll a Silver Dollar

(Roller, roller, roller, roller,.......

You can roll a silver dollar, down along the ground,
And it will, because its round.
I woman doesn't know what a good many she's got
Until she puts him down, (down down down)

Listen, my honey, listen to me,
I want you to understand,
That like a silver dollar goes from hand to hand,
So a woman goes from hand to hand,

Because a man without a woman
I like a ship sithout a sail,
He's like a boat witout a rudder
He's like a fish without a tail,

I say a man without a woman is like a wreck up the shore
But if there's one thing worse in this universe it's a woman,
Oh yes a woman, I said a woman without a man.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:57 AM

All the songs, in this general area, are from a songbook published in 2004 by the Cardiff, Wales Hotelier's Association

Give Me a Clone

(Home, Home on the Range)

Oh, give me a clone,
Of my own flesh and bone,
Yit its Y0chromosome changed to an X.
And when it is grown,
Then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.

Chorus

Clone, clone of my own,
With your Y-chromosome changed to an X,
And when I'm alone, with my own little clone,
We will both think of nother but sex.

Oh, give be a clone,
Is my sorrowful moan,
A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she's and X, of the feminine sex,
Oh, what fun we will have when we're prone.

My heart's not of stone,
As I've frequently shown,
When alone with my own little X.
And after we've dined, I'm sure we will find,
Better incest than Oedipus Rex.

Why should such sex vew,
Or distrub or perplex,
Or induce a disparaging tone.
After all, don't you see, since we're both of us are me,
When we're having sex, I'm alone.

And after I'm done,
She'll have the fun,
For I'll clone myself ere I die.
And this time without fail, they'll be both of them male,
And they'll each ravish her by and by.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 12:12 PM

Tiger Lily

Oh her name is TigerLily
She's a whore from Piccadilly,
And her mother is another in the Strand,
Her father sells his arse hole
At the Elephant and Castle,
They're the finest f***king family in the land.

She's a big fat cow, twice the size of me,
She's got hairs upon here belly like the branches of a tree
She can read, write, f**k, fight and ride f**king motorbike,
....And that the girl who's gonna marry me.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 12:35 PM

We'll keep these three kindred songs in the same general piece of the thread.

Mary Ann Burns - Queen of all the Acrobats

Mary Ann Burns is the queen of all the acrobats;
She can do tricks that will give a man the shits.
She can flip a green pea from her fundamental orifice,
Do a double backflip catch it on her tits.
She's a great big son-of-a bitch, twice as big as me,
Hair on her ass like the branches in a tree.
She can swim, fish, fight, fuck,
Fly a plane, drive a truck.
Mary Ann Burns is the girl for me.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 12:36 PM

WHO IS SYLVIA?

(Tune - Turkey in the Straw)

Who is Sylvia?
What is she?

She's a rag bag, a shag bag, an automatic whore.
She's got a fanny like a big barn door
She can run, skip and jump
Catch a barrel up her cunt.
She's the girl for me.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:42 PM

Rhode Island Red


(a song about chicken, I think?)...

Has anybody seen my cock,
My big Rhode Island Red?
He's mostly pink, with a little bit of blue,
And he's purple on his head (Gor Blimey).
He stands straight up in the morning,
And he gives me wife a shock,
Has anybody seen, anybody seen,
Anybody, anybody seen my cock?

He's a right big-headed little upstart,
The best you've ever seen.
He could have got gonorrhea,
Instead he got gangrene.
He should have worn a condom
But the silly sod forgot,
Has anybody seen, has anybody seen,
Has anybody seen my cock?

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 08:04 PM

Ahhh...what a wonderful number fell to that previous song....a shame it could not linger-longer but there are more cumming and they must be fulfilled.

NUDE OF HARLECH


(tune: Men of Harlech)

What's the use of wearing panties,
Whalebone corsets of your Auntie's
Boxer short and other scanties -
Best of all is nude.

There's such fin in going bra-less,
Now that it's no longer lawless
"Specially if your figure's flawless -
Best of all is nude.

Nude is what you're born in
Shirts are never torn in
Underwear and lacy flimsies,
Garter belts and other whimsies
Yards of itchy cloth to put your form in
Best of all is nude.

Ducks all do it, maidens rue it,
Ancient Picts in Britain blue it
Going naked's how to do it
Best of all is nude!

If your garters aren't elastic
Tie them up in knots fantastic
(Panty hose is something drastic!)
Best of all is nude!

If you're tire of wearing clotheses,
Shed your garment 'mongst the roses
Never mind the old bluenoses
Best of all is nude!

Nude is best for ducking!
Worst for horses bucking!
Moonlit nights will see such sights
That are very best for fooling round and elbows!
Nudity is grand to see
A well-known antidote to virginity
Take your clothes off and you'll see:
Best of all is nude!

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 08:24 PM

My Old Man's A Pervert


(MGM)

CHORUS:
My old man's a pervert, he wears a pervert's mac.
He like's to stand in bus queues and w**k down people's backs.

One day while waiting for the bus, a girl said, "Please come quick."
"Wait replied the old man, "I've just got out my prick."

CHORUS

My mum her name is Dawn, she lives an awful life.
That's not really surprising - she is a pervert's wife,
She comes downstairs each morning, looking all pale and worn
'Cos we know dad is always up the crack of dawn.

CHORUS

One night he went a-calling upon the vicar's wife.
He thought that he would give her, the worst fright of her life.
Unbuttoning his lies, his dick showed without warning,
She said, "put it on the mantelshelf - I'll smoke it in the morning."

CHORUS

My old man's a pervert, he wears a pervert's mac.
He like's to stand in bus queues and w**k down people's backs.
If you should see a pervert, w**king off like mad,
Don't kick him in the bollocks - it might be my old dad.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 12:02 AM

We Are The Cheltenham Boys


We are the Cheltenham boys,
We are the Cheltenham boys,
We know our manners, we spend our tanners,
We are respected whereever we may go,
And as we're walking down the Gloucester Road,
Doors and windows open wide.
You can hear the mother's shout
"Put those bloody Woodbines out!"
We are the Cheltenham Boys.

We kan't reed an' we wan't rite,
But that don't reelly maaatuur,
We al come from Chelt-nmam-shur,
"And we can draav a tractur,
Oo-arr, oo-arr, oo-arr, oo-ar, oo-ar.
Chelt-nam-shur la, la, la,
Chelt-nam-shur la, la, la,
Chelt-nam-shur la, la, la,
Chelt-nam-shur la, la, la,

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 03:57 AM

The male version is in the forum -

This is the woman's version

Masturbation


(TUNE: Funiculi, Funicula)

Last night I laid at home and masturbated,
It did me good, I knew it would.
All night, the bed spings viber-ated
I think it's canny, to rub my fanny.

You should have seen me on the short strokes,
It felt so grand, I used my hang.
You should have seen me on the long strokes,
Around and round, and up and down.

Eased it, teased it, slid along the floor,
Rubbed it scrubbed it tickled it to the core.
Some people say that being fucked is very grand,
But for personal enjoyment, I would rather use my hand.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 04:09 AM

Fragments are found scattered through the "Nice songs made dirty thread"....this is a full version....and some of those other verses would go well also.

These Foolish Things

The tattered remnants of an old French letter,
The dose of sysphilis that won't get better,
And when I piss it stings,
These foolish things, remind me of you.

The dirty panties in the cracked washbasin,
The broken jerry that I washed my face in,
The bed with creaking springs,
These foolish things, remind me of you.

When I awoke upon the moring after,
I saw you tits and pissed myself with laughter,
Oh how the left one swings,
These foolish things, remind me of you.

The birth control book with its well worn pages,
The contraceptive which comes off in stages,
Oh, how by foreskin stings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 01:57 AM

I Need A Sheep

Bring me some whisky mother,
I'm feeling frisky mother,
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!
I need a lover, mother,
No, not my brother, mother,
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

Na, na, na, na, na, na etc....

Gerbils don't make it, mother.
They just can't take it, mother.
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night.
Owls, bats and other critters just tend to give me jitters,
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

Na, na, na, na, na, na etc....

Sheep never talk about it, they never ever doubt it,
Always so placid, affectionate and nice,
Give me that lanolin - better than a flannelin',
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

Na, na, na, na, na, na etc....

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 02:16 AM

I really like this one. It seems to have been "making the rounds" only within the last year.

Yankee Sailor

Yankee tell me pretty lady,
Blitish call me f**king whore.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee tap-tap on my window, Blitish break down f**king door.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee take my clothes off slowly,
Blitish rip them to the floor.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee make love on my pillow.
Blitish f*ck me on the floor.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee finish in five minutes,
Blitish take an hour more.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Yankee, he go home on Friday
Blitish stay for ever more.
Me no likee Blitish Sailor,
Yankee pay five dollar more.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 05:59 AM

The Alternative Yesterday

Yesterday...
All my herpes seemed so far away,
Now it looks as if it's here to stay.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Syphilis...
How was I to know I'd contract this?
How it hurts each time I take a piss,
Oh I believe in sysphilis.

Why she had to grow, I don't know,
She wouldn't say.
I did somethings wrong with my dong,
Now she won't play....

Leprosy....
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Bits and pieces just fall off of me,
Oh I believe in leprosy.

Gonorrhea...
Spreading from my dick up to my ear,
And my bollocks seem a little queer.
Oh I believe in gonorrhea.

Amputees...
I don't even have to....
(censored....)

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: wigan
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 10:33 AM

so! im crude and vulgar??
played rugby for 40 years,and coached junior teams and refereed. didn't stop me looking after a wife dying of cancer for 4.5years.
doesn't stop me doing voluntary charity work. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. prove you are what you pretend to be, by action not words.

when i get time i'll pm the words to the alphabet song.
starts a is for arsehole all covered in shit
       hey ho said roly
       and b is the bastard who revels in it
       with a roly poly up 'em and stuff 'em
       hey ho said anthony roly


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 06:36 AM

wigan! PLEASE post the alphabet song - and when/where you first heard it - these folk need to be taught more than a little manners and respect.

The Alternative DELILAH

I saw the white of her thighs as I pulled down her panties.
I saw the crystaline joice from last night on her pubes.
She was an old bag, distended F**Y and wasted fallopian tubes.

CHORUS
Why, why, why Deliah,
My, my, my, Delilah.
Eighty-four, an ocotgenarian whore,
Forgive me Delilah - I just couldn't take any more.

Chomping away on my tool night and day I was happy.
Gums round my meat she was happy and started to laugh.
(ha, he, ha, ha)
Then she got lockjaw]
I felt my hands round her throat and she sucked no more.

CHORUS
Why, why, why Deliah,
My, my, my, Delilah.
Eighty-four, and ocotgenarian whore,
Forgive me Delilah - I just couldn't take any more.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: wigan
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 03:28 PM

gargoyle,will post it but won't have time for a day or so


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: wigan
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 03:37 PM

just re-read 3.16. i am a christian and new no pagans et al until after my wife died. guess what,all the wiccans druids pagans gave me the best support i could have wished for. it wasn't asked for or sought but was given freely resulting in a lot of new friendships. reminnds me of the parable of the good samaritan!!!


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 04:54 AM

There Is A Green Hill

There is a green hill far away,
Without a city wall,
Where our dear Lord was crucified,
He died to save us all.

He died to save us all,
He died to save us all,
For he's a jolly good fellow,
He died to save us all.

He's so nice, He's Devine.
He's the bloke from Palestine,
Has anybody seen JC?

He's so great, He's so cool,
Walks across your swimming pool,
Has anybody seen JC?

He's so nice, He's so fine
Changes water into wind,
Has anybody seen JC?

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Sep 04 - 04:45 AM

I Used to Work in Chicago

Additional Verses

(Rhondda Cynon Taf/Swansea FC Version)

Pork blinds she wanted, beef curtains she go

Witch's collar she wanted, wizard's cuff she

Dry panniers she wanted, sogg saddlebags she got

Smile at a hot she wanted, snarl a the buzby she got

M69 she wanted, Northern route she got

Embroyo custard she wanted, baby gravy she got

Savory sea horse she wanted, chocolate starfish she got

Robin she wanted, thrush she got

Black bowler she wanted, purple helmet she got.

Lech Walesa she wanted, prominent Pole she got

Meatphysical conversation she wanted, f**k she got..

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 02:17 AM

What a Wank

(TUNE: William Tell Overture)

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,,gargoyle
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 07:06 AM

Love Me Tender

Love me tender,
Love me sweet;
Wrap your lips around my meat.

Watch me smile and watch me grin.
As my cum rolls, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Sep 04 - 06:38 AM

Home For a Rest

Performed by Spirit of the West

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best
I've been gone for a month, I've been drunk since I left
These so-called vacations will soon be my death
I'm so sick from the drink, I need home for a rest...

We arrived in December and London was cold
So we stayed in the bars along Charing Cross Road
We never saw nothin' but brass taps and oak
Kept a shine on the bar with the sleeves of our coats

chorus

Euston Station the train journey north
In the buffet car we lurched back and forth
Past odd crooked dikes, through Yorkshire's green fields
We were flung into dance as the train jigged and reeled

chorus
Take me home...

By the light of the moon she'd drift through the streets
A rare old perfume so seductive and sweetv
She'd tease us and flirt as the pubs all closed down
Then walk us on home and deny us a round

The gas heater's empty, it's damp as a tomb
And the spirits we drank are now ghosts in the room
I'm knackered again, come on sleep take me soon
And don't lift up my head 'til the twelve bells of noon


chorus
Take me home...

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Sep 04 - 01:31 AM

Sailor variation of "Sweet Violets" (aka There once was farmer)

DT midi file = http://www.mudcat.org/midi/midifiles/Sweet%20Violets.mid

There was a young sailor who
Looked through the glass,
He spied a young mermaid with scales on her
Frightfully clean island where sea gulls fly over their nests
As she combed the long hair that hung over her
Shoulders and caused her to tickle and itch,
Yelled a sailor, "Well I'll be a son of a
Beautiful mermaid out there on the rocks
And the crew came-a-running, their hands on their
Caps while they crowded four deep on the rail
All eager to share in this fine piece of
Talk which the Captain soon heard from the watch
So he tied down the wheel and unbuttoned his
Crackers and cheese which he kept near the door
In hopes he might come on a sea-going
Happy, he knew he must use all his wits
So he called for a line to make fast to her
Tail, saying, Boys, we are finally going to find,
"Whether mermaids do better before or
"Be brave. my good fellows," the Captain next said
"And with lick we'll break through her maiden
Heading to starboard, they tacked with dispatch
And caught that fair mermaid right on the
Side and immediately hustled her down below decks
Where each had a crack at this wonder of
Setting her free after each had a pass
They tossed her back in with a splash on her
After a while they all noticed some scabs
And soon they broke out with the pox and the
Cursing and scratching, you know what I mean
This song may be dull, but it's frightfully clean.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: wigan
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 09:46 AM

can't remember the title of the tune,but tis an old english folksong.
song in rhyming couplets. after ist line chorus of hey ho said rowley.afetr 2nd with a roly poly up em an stuff em, hey ho said anthony rowley
a is for arsehole all covered in shit
and b is the bastard who revels in it

c is for cunt all covered in cream
and d is the dickhead who licks it all clean

e is for eunuch with no balls at all
and f is the fucker who fucks at them all

g is for goitre gonorreah and gout
h is the harlot who dishes them out

i is the injection you get for the itch
while j is the jerk of a dog on a bitch

k is the king who shat on his throne
and l is the lesbian who fucks all alone

m is for maidenhead all tattered and torn
n is the noble who died with the horn

o is for orifice all cunningly concealed
and p is for penis all raedy and peeled

q is the quaker who shat in his hat
and r is the rascal who rogered the cat

s is for shithouse filled to the brim
and t are the turds that float there within

u is for uterus and uterine duct
and v is the virgin who wished she'd been fucked

w's the wife who makes it a farce
and x y and z you can stick up your arse

to the memory of terry baxter


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Jack
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 07:37 PM

I would like to know where the bawdy ballad "Big Rhode Island Red" orginated from - and are they any other versions to the song.

Jack


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Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Jeeves
Date: 24 Feb 06 - 04:08 PM

An Engineer said before he died
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
An Engineer said before he died
An Engineer said before he died
And I've no reason to think he lied
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

He married a girl with a cunt so wide
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
He married a girl with a cunt so wide
She was never satisfied
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

He built for her a prick of steel
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
He built for her a prick of steel
Two brass balls and a bloody great wheel
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

The whole fucking thing was powered by steam
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
The whole fucking thing was powered by steam
And the two brass balls were filled with cream
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

He tied her feet to the leg of the bed
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
He tied her feet to the leg of the bed
And he tied her hands above her head
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

She lay there and demanded a fuck
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
She lay there and demanded a fuck
He shook her hand and wished her luck
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

He fired the boiler and flicked the switch
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
He fired the boiler and flicked the switch
She cried for more the filthy bitch
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

Up and up went the level of steam
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
Up and up went the level of steam
Down and down went the level of cream
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

And finally that whore did cry
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
And finally that whore did cry
Enough! Enough! I'm satisfied!(in high pitched voice)
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

That prick split her from arse to tit
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
That prick split her from arse to tit
The whole fucking place was covered in shit
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

They scrapped her up into a bag
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
They scrapped her up into a bag
Serves her right for being a slag
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

And now here comes the tragic bit
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
And now here comes the tragic bit
There was no way of stopping it
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

It jumped off her and onto him
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
It jumped off her and onto him
And then it buggered their next of kin
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

The last time that that prick was seen
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
The last time that that prick was seen
It was down in London fucking the queen
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

And finally a child was born
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
And finally a child was born
With two brass balls and a fucking great horn
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum

The moral of the story should be clear
A-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly-rum-tiddly rum
The moral of the story should be clear
NEVER FUCK WITH AN ENGINEER!


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Mudcat time: 23 September 6:25 PM EDT

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