BS: Family rules

Subject: Family rules
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:32 PM

The hugging/non-hugging families reported on another thread make me curious what other categories families fall into. Not long ago my family sat down to set formal bylaws. It's a long document now, including many proposals from my young kids which I don't understand, and not all of which have been "historated" (my daughter's word).

Mainly, we are not those oblivious people who are always in everybody's way.

And we are not paralyzed by escalators, we walk, unless there's a good reason.

Also historated was "sandwich." We do not prepare, consume, or associate with a "samwitch." What would we like on it? anything, dear Subway artiste, as long as you'll stop for godsake calling it a "Samwitch" before we lose our appetites.

If it's funny, you're not in trouble. There was some controversy over this bill. The youth demographic campaigned for it, I favored it in principle, the Mom lobby held out for details. It passed in connection with-- Mom and Dad are the sole arbiters of what's funny.

Other notes on family culture?

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:38 PM

A few of our various family-of-origin rules:

No sherbert, nucular weapons, or afishyondoes.

If you create something really creative in the duct-tape or abling-twine type of home repair or improvement, it must be submitted for consideration to go to the Make-Do Hall of Shame. At the moment I hold the top-ranked entry: a ceramic tile kitchen floor which has several 12 x 12 tiles (1" tile in an increasingly-loose rubber matrix) with major sections executed in duct tape and file folders.

No penalty for "mandatories"-- those quips and comebacks that are mean, dirty, or otherwise normally no-no's, but which are demanded by the prompting phrase or situation.

Don't let Hardi's mom see the full extent of an emergency, till it's been resolved.

If it howls, feed the beast.

Mayonnaise, not Miracle Whip.

Just act normal.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:46 PM

Oh, and Longterm Loan. If you GIVE something, it's gone, it's theirs, case closed. If you give it on LONGTERM LOAN, it's theirs till they want to modify, lend, or dispose of it, in which case the original giver must be consulted first. It's up to the recipient to remember if something was given outright or given on LL, but it's up to the giver to know if the recipient got it wrong and should be punished. Therefore it is always safest to consider every item in the home as on LL from someone, and to defer any decisions until the next family gathering.

Hardi and I have a new one we made up ourselves after years of following fam of origin rules and going to fam of origin holiday gatherings. Also he is a pastor so most holidays include, for him, an early- morning church service and accompanying hoorah. Holiday Meals: for holidays we spend at our own home, no guests without spousal permission, and no planning allowed for holiday mealtimes. People will get up when they feel like it and cook when they feel like it, and since everyone will have brought or made a hearty appetizer, this may not occur till sometime the following day. Guests if allowed are encouraged to stay overnight for this reason.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:50 PM

If you're telling it like it is, no penalties -- well, no punishment, at least.

We don't do "lazy" and we don't avoid the effort of facing up to a situation and dealing with it. (Varies in application, to be honest).

The TV set is for occasional videos, important news, one ball game per season, and sometimes NPR or the educational channels.

We don't need a dishwasher. We're it.

Hugs and "I love you" always come first.

If ya got it to do, do it now.

We're proud of you. (Applies on all combinations of "we" and "you").

See through the hype whenever possible. It saves you all kinds of trouble.

TANSTAAFL, in spades.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:57 PM

We aren't real democratic here. Everybody can have an opinion and their say and to be frank, Dad and Mom are pretty relaxed and a bit arbitrary, but whatever they say goes. I dunno'........maybe I'm a lousy parent, but it's the way I grew up and it worked for me so I figure the boys will do okay with it too. Tris is such a different case that everything ends up being pretty individual as to what and who and all that good stuff. We've tried to make this as easy on Michael as possible, but even at age nine, he has come to grips with the fact that Tris will one day be his responsibility.......I am so proud of Michael I could bust sometimes......He's a helluva' little boy. So we don't have many hard and fast rules.

This does remind me a bit of something I got e-mail the other day:

KIDS IN THE FIFTIES

Were you a kid in the fifties or so?
Everybody makes fun of our childhood! Comedians joke.
Grandkids snicker. Twenty-something's shudder
and say "Eeeew!" But was our childhood really all
that bad? Judge for yourself:

In 1953 The US population was less than 150 million...Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better...And that was good.

The average annual salary was under $3,000...
Yet our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life...And that was good.

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents...But it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one...And that was good.

Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gunsmoke and Lassie...So nobody ever heard of ratings or filters...And that was good.

We didn't have air-conditioning...So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike...And that was good.

Your teacher was either Miss Matthews or Mrs. Logan or Mr. Adkins...But not Ms Becky or Mr. Dan...And that was good.

The only hazardous material you knew about...
Was a patch or grassburrs around the light pole at the corner...And that was good.

You loved to climb into a fresh bed...Because sheets were dried on the clothesline...And that was good.

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives...So "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles...And that was good.

Parents were respected and their rules were law...Children did not talk back...And that was good.

TV was in black-and-white...But all outdoors was in glorious color...And that was certainly good.

Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor...And the Dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs....And that was very good!

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard...
And chickens behind the garage...And that was definitely good.

And just when you were about to do something really bad...Chances were you'd run into your Dad's high school coach...Or the nosy old lady from up the street...Or you little sister's piano teacher...Or somebody from Church...ALL of whom knew your parents' phone number...
And YOUR first name...
And even THAT was good!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REMEMBER...

Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, Sky King, Little Lulu comics, Brenda Starr, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a reel mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land, playing hide and seek and kick-the-can and Simon Says, baseball games, amateur shows at the local theater before the Saturdy matinee, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar, and wax lips and bubblegum cigars.



Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say,
Yeah, I remember that!
And was it really that long ago?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 01:10 PM

No, spaw, it wasn't that long ago and it's too bad in a lot of ways.

Very few house rules around here...
Shirts and pants (etc) at the table.
No hats in the house.
You don't have to eat the food, but if you bitch about it, you cook the next meal.
Laundry lady gets to keep what she finds (and she doesn't do pocket checks. If you don't want wet sock balls, unwrap them yourself.
Say please and thank you.
If it's food in the kitchen it's fair game. If you bought it and don't want anybody else eating it, then hide it.
Mostly just common courtesy stuff........which is sadly lacking in the outside world.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 01:10 PM

Geez, Spaw, you hitting second childhood here?

Now ya got me stuck back in '53 watching Howdy Doody and Captain Video and the Ranger, man!!

LOL!!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 02:28 PM

I remember the 50's too--If you had red hair, they called you a "carrot top" or a "Mick", if you were disabled, they called you a "Spazz" and would hoot at you when you ate lunch or went through the halls. If you were black, you were a "Nigger", or something "cute" like "burrhead", but no one gave you trouble at school, because everyone at your school was a "Nigger" just like you.

Girls were Prudes" or "Sluts", depending on whether they "Put Out", but either way, all the guys knew that you really "Wanted it"--

If you were gay and anyone even knew what that was, you were a "fruit" or a "pansy" and thought you wore purple on Thursday.

Oh, and if you were a Mick, or Spazz, or Nigger, or a Fruit, or a Slut that didn't put out, you got beat up--or worse--but no one talked about that--

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 03:17 PM

Guest, I'm sorry that you, as a disabled gay red-haired black girl, had such a difficult time in the 50's, but I'm not sure that the negatives you mention are logically and intrinsically connected to the things others remember fondly. It is possible to have an old bear-claw tub, say, and a computer, the one not being the other side of the coin of the other. Anyway, I was enjoying the tone of the thread. got to go get my kids now.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 03:34 PM

Well, I don't remember the 50s, because I wasn't born yet.

Anyway, the big rule at our house is, No Smokin Indoors. Mister takes his pipe out on the screened-in back porch. Sometimes the NSI rule is temporarily suspended in the event of supper guests, in which case smoking is confined strictly to the kitchen.

When I was a kid, the rule at our house was, Do Not Use Hand Towels on Rack for Drying Hands. Hand Towels on Rack Are For Decoration Only. Please Use Bath Towel Instead. Now Mom has those fancy paper-towel things in a holder by the bathroom sink. And she still puts up hand towels for Decoration Only.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: GUEST,Glade
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 03:45 PM

Sorcha, yeah, 'Please & Thank You' is the main rule that got transferred from my folk's home to mine. It's a pretty big deal mainly because we're a close if far-flung bunch and somewhere along the line, someone figured out that "what you raise is what you get." Okay, not always, but more often than not in my observations.

I remember purple on Thursdays from the 80's. Does anyone remember green on Fridays? or was I just attending a weird/idiosyncratic school?

Glade

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Morticia
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 03:53 PM

No pudding before dinner....that means you eat your dinner, not push it round the plate, hide it in the pot plants or force feed it to your baby brother.
Anything on a bedroom floor after fair notice has been given of intent to hoover goes into the bin.
Anyone mentioning their birthday more than two weeks in advance of same loses a present for each mention ( great theory, never did stick too well to it though).
Anything with teeth and fur belongs outside unless it's already an established house guest.
Cat puke gets cleaned up by the first person to see it.If I have reason to believe you saw and took diversionary tactics, you will clean it up until you have grey hair and wrinkles.
Asking for a school play costume the night before the great event will result in parental hysterics ( you do not want to experience this, trust me on this one).
No bringing up past crimes or misdemeanours......ever.
Bedtime stories take precedence over all other activities

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 03:59 PM

LOL, Morty! I guess the "rule" around here for dealing with any nasties from any orifice (belonging to anyone) is to Step Over It and Call Mom.........

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 04:08 PM

Morti, how do you enforce the forever-puke-cleaning clause if past misdemeanors are off limits?

Sorch, great! Come on over here then and kill us some spiders then! (Kidding, actually we like them and let them live to eat more flies.)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 04:09 PM

Hey, Sooze, I wouldn't kill them either ('cept for those 2 kinds!) I just move them outside.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: artbrooks
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 04:16 PM

The only rule I remember from when I was a kid was "no peeking at Christmas presents". Part of the fun was to try to find out where Santa/Dad had hid them, but woe betide you if you were caught using overt measures to figure out what they were. I had a bad holiday once because of that one.

Now? Well, we have the "2 second rule"...food isn't dirty until its been on the floor/ground more than 2 seconds. And the always popular "she who cooks doesn't do dishes". Of course, the corollary to that is "she doesn't do dishes even when he cooks". Never forget the "put the seat down" rule...in fact, go one step further and put the seat AND the lid down!

Honestly, we never really felt the need to sit down and come up with a set of rules...and we would likely have had much less trouble in the house when the girls were home if we had. If it works for you, it sounds like a great idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: GUEST,andi
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 05:39 PM

repect your elders respect yourself and others chores before play and homework before TV a place for everything and everything in it's place be home before the street lights came on boys do not hit girls and girls do not hit , period. Church on Sunday was mandatory and on extreem illness, hospitalisation or dispenation from the bishop was an acceptable excuse not to go. eat what was placed before you or don't eat. Don't question your mother, and don't piss off dad. never refuse to help others; never ask for your help unless you have tried yourself. I could go on and on ........... andi

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Sonnet
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 05:58 PM

Our main rule would be 'be kind to one another.' This includes the cats, too.

JMcS

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 06:05 PM

From my house to your house:

Put both the seat and lid down because the cat/dog likes to drink out of the toilet (EWWWWW).

Close the door (were you brought up in a barn).

Turn off the dryer before you go to bed.

Don't throw into the trash anything that can be composted.

All cans must be recycled.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: greg stephens
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 06:15 PM

Leave the seat wherever it was when you finished. This statistically is less wearing on the hinges.
And, as already mentioned, cook doesnt wash up.Except burnt pans. If you burnt them, you scrub them.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: GUEST,kelticgrasshopper
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 06:57 PM

PUT THE SEAT DOWN Don't tease your brother, don't tease your sister. Be kind to each other. SUPPER IS AT 5:30 DON'T BE LATE. If you can't be here your meal will be waiting in the fridge. Dirty a dish, wash it! Dirty a room clean it! First person up in the morning puts the dog out.

My goodness I am so glad for the empty nest years, I don't have to say those things to Dan!

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Midchuck
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 08:57 PM

Before a meal, whoever's cooking gets to decide what music is on the stereo.

After a meal, whoever's washing up, the same.

If you go out to run or walk, tell someone your intended route.

If you won't be back for dinner, let whoever's doing it know, or call in if plans get changed.

Don't lie. (This has always been a rule of mine, and it got me in lots of trouble with my mother, who could never get me to agree with her concept of necessary social lies to keep from hurting peoples' feelings.)

Don't hit. Except in necessary response to being hit.

Never hit seventeen when you play against the dealer, for you know that the odds won't ride with you.

Rub her feet. (Woops, that's not mine, it's Lazarus Long's. Good, though.)

Peter.

Don't hit

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 09:33 PM

Me and Herself have one in particular...

If you're not driving, DON'T FECKIN' DRIVE!!!!

and a good rule it is...

,-)

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 10:10 PM

LO!!

I get the feeling my folk would be right at home with yours-all, wherever you are!!

These are great.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Deda
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 10:30 PM

Whoever is driving gets to pick the music. (This worked very well when I thought my kids were going to be small forever. It worked less well for me, but a lot better for them, when they both learned to drive.)

"I'm like" ONLY means "I bear a resemblance to" -- it does NOT mean, and will not be used to mean, "I said", "I thought", "I gestured", "I responded", or anything else.

For myself, I make my bed everyday. No matter how bad the day is, I can always do that. This isn't really a family rule because at this stage, I only share my house with my husband, and he's a compulsive (LOVEABLE) neatnik who doesn't need to be told.

No smoking indoors, ever, nor anywhere my husband might be troubled by it -- i.e., not within his line of sight, not within his sphere of perception. (I don't smoke at all, but I have family members who do.)

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 10:45 PM

I like them all, too. Most are viable here, but unwritten, except the smoking indoors. I tried that but it didn't work because I smoke and it's MY house.......so whoever smokes can smoke in here and the non smokers have to just lump it. I do smoke outside at other people's houses though.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 11:05 PM

I have one and only one rule: Keep SweeteeFace Happy! (or she'll make my life a living hell!)

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 04:34 AM

If you're hungry, you cook it/make it

Put the toilet seat down because the cat runs straight up the stairs into the bathroom jumps on the toilet and promptly falls down it resulting in soggy cat, cat is even less than impressed if toilet hasn't been flushed!

Get to the door as soon as post man has been or the cat WILL have chewed all corners off any letters you may have.

Don't sit close to me when you are smoking, Its been 3 months since I quit and sometimes I find it quite difficult.

Check washing machine before turning it on.....cat could be in there sleeping!

Cat

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Pennny
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 06:28 AM

Make your bed . Write thankyou notes on paper (not the computer). Last person talking recharges the phone at night. If you cannot answer "yes" to all three of these , then do not say it: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: greg stephens
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 07:25 AM

What is paper? What is a thank-you note?

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 09:56 AM

Some of these make me aware that we had rules we didn't even see anymore--like no dishwashers. I had one in my first house and never turned it on. Eventually it occurred to me to pull it out for the cabinet space.

One rule I made for myself when my kids were small has worked pretty well. Whatever the kids ask, the answer is no. They will accept a decisive no, but if they see me hesitate or consider, it becomes a nightmare. So I always say no, then think, and if it's okay, then I return as the hero "I've figured out a way that we can do it...."

Never underestimate the projectile properties of coleslaw. (you don't want to know.)

My mother contributed this one: If someone gave us a new car we'd have to trade it for an old one.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Kim C
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 10:07 AM

We don't have a dishwasher. I cook, Mister cleans.

Now here's something I always wondered. What is the correlation between leaving the door open and being raised in a barn? Even if you were raised in a barn, wouldn't you want the door closed at least part of the time?

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 10:18 AM

Oh ya... another rule in oue house!

You can't take away our dishwasher!!!!!!!!

,-)

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 10:33 AM

Barn doors are often left wide open, especially during haying season when loads are being stored. Depends on the kind of barn, I guess. Anyway, you never here the occupants yell to shut the door, 'cept mebbe in winter.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 03:02 PM

Maybe it's like closing the barn door after putting the cart before the horse that got out, or something like that.

Subject: RE: BS: Family rules
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 06:57 PM

ExACkly, Fred!! Took them words right out of my mouth!! LOL!

A