BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...

Subject: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 12:12 PM

"You Know You Are In San Francisco, When..."

Your co-worker tells you she/he has 8 body
piercings but none are visible.

You make over $100,000 a year and still can't
afford a house.

You take a bus and are shocked that 2 people
are carrying on a conversation in English.

Someone says TENDERLOIN - you don't think
of steak.

You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule
because you know the drivers have never seen it.

You can't remember....is pot illegal?

You have a very strong opinion where your coffee
beans are grown and can taste the difference
between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

You know that anyone wearing shorts in July must
be visiting from Ohio.

You assume every company offers domestic
partner benefits.

Your boss runs in "The Bay to Breakers"....and
it's not the first time you have seen him/her nude.

Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced
ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze," and,
after telling that to a friend, your friend still needs
to ask if the teacher is male or female.

You are thinking of taking an adult class but you
can't decide between yoga, aroma therapy,
conversational mandarin or a building your own
web site class.

You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since
the first month you moved to SF and you couldn't
figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life
depended on it.

A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You
don't notice.

You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut
must be visiting from the midwest.

You know that any woman with a George Clooney
haircut is not a tourist.

You keep a list of companies to boycott.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 02:25 PM

Obviously written by someone who has lived there.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: NicoleC
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 03:57 PM

Actually, I was thinking it was obvious it was written by someone who has NEVER been there. The truth is far stranger.

(Especially since this joke is just a minor rewrite of the LA version.)

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 04:28 PM

...the best joke, the one that always gets a laugh, is LA.

...you've all but forgotten that 'homophobia' inspires all kinds of bizzar nonsensical violence in much of the world...

... KPFA is coming in clear, and everyone you know agrees with the political analysis...

... 'Little Boxes' has just been sung in the car on the way north...

... Getting hypothermia on a summer morning, jogging through GG park, leaping over and around the hypos, while dreaming of those warm winter nights

... the once a week discussions of the nitty gritty details about the latest GG bridge jumper...

... the open mindedness of the average person make you wonder if biggots have been outlawed...

ttr

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: M.Ted
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 04:45 PM

This might be more appropriate:

You're from San Francisco if:

You love It's It--

You   still call it Candlestick Park--

You leave the city on weekends--

You know where you were when George Moscone and Harvey Milk were shot--

You never ride the cable cars, but know all the routes--

You can recommend restaurant s in every neighborhood--

You order from the Chinese menu--

You may not go to Fisherman's Wharf, but you do go to Fort Mason--

You always have toast with your breakfast--

You've never eaten Rice-A-Roni--

You can give directions to the Aquarium--

You wear a 60/40 parka every day of the year--

You have a view--

You think that FRISCO is the name of a railroad--

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 04:51 PM

You remember....and mourn....the original U S Restaurant in North Beach, where no waitress had to write down your order, and the pasta was 2nd to none.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: M.Ted
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 04:51 PM

Very good Thomas, except that not all of the friends agree with the KPFA political analysis, some think it is revisionist garbage designed to lull the proletariat into bourgeois complacency--

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: NicoleC
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 04:55 PM

... You know not to go anywhere Union Square on a weekend. ANY weekend.

... Anyone who doesn't own a car (and there are many) has thighs like a Triathlete.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Charley Noble
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 05:18 PM

When you can't get a two-lobster special for under $15.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble, who's a 20-minute drive to Sarah's Cafe in Wiscasset, Maine

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: michaelr
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 07:38 PM

Well, I know for a fact that Uncle Dave O. has been to San Francisco, because I met him there a few weeks ago!

He didn't stay, though...

Cheers,
Michael

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 08:43 PM

My son, who visits friends there, often, has this to add:

The missing entry is that when you and your girlfriend are walking up Market street, An attractive member of either sex nods in obvious appreciation of your party. Yet you are unable to decide who received the compliment. You or your girlfriend!!

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 08:57 PM

Well said, Mted, well said... I'm originally from next door to Bezerkeley, and I know what you say is true... I stand corrected! ttr

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: M.Ted
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 09:23 PM

I know from first hand experience, as I once lived in the People's Republic myself--

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 09:27 PM

You know you're in San Francisco when...

...you have to move to Denver to get a date with a member of the opposite sex.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 09:50 PM

You'll know you're there when you can witness "The Great El Swanno High Dive."

Dave Swan's act, as you may be aware, is to ascend a 90 foot tower, garbed in half a gorilla suit and fishnet tights, leap from his perch, performing his "Swan Dive" while playing The Garry Owen on Bagpipes. At the apex of the jump Dave ignites a fart, and rockets down into a Fire Helmet filled with lime jello 90 foot below. Several audience members have suffered heart attacks and 47 have been sent to the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: GUEST,Barky
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 11:00 PM

... When there's a woman screaming obscenities at you from the corner of 19th and Irving, and you don't even notice anymore.
... When it's 70 degrees out and sunny, and you bring an umbrella - just in case.... and it comes in handy.
... When you can't see three feet in front of your face because of fog. (I live in the sunset... forgive me.)
(ok, this only applies to me, but I have to say it...) ...When you get to go hear one of the best symphony orchestras in the world every month for free. (thank you San Francisco Conservatory!!!) (ONE OF... No one get on my case)

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: GUEST,Barky
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 11:01 PM

ooh ooh... one more -
... when you go to the beach and are not shocked to see naked people everywhere.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Melani
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 11:03 PM

Can't think how I've managed to miss THAT performance. For the record, I go to Fisherman's Wharf and Ft. Mason every day.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 11:03 PM

ok, ok, last ones...
... when you can have crepes for breakfast lunch and dinner, 'cause they're everywhere.
.
.
.
... when "hella" begins to slip into your vocabulary.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: GUEST,Barky
Date: 07 Apr 03 - 11:04 PM

Melani -
two words - Baker's Beach.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: leprechaun
Date: 08 Apr 03 - 12:13 AM

...when your wallet falls out of your pocket and you kick it all the way to Oakland before you pick it up.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Alasdair
Date: 08 Apr 03 - 07:46 AM

You know you're from London when you arrive in the Castro district and wonder where all the gay nightlife is... sorry everyone, bitter experience.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: mack/misophist
Date: 08 Apr 03 - 12:23 PM

You've been in San Francisco too long if:

    You complain that 'real' Chinese food doesn't taste like that.

    You complain that Muni servise was better when the fare was only
    15¢.

    You bought your house before the real estate market went crazy.

    You know more than the tour guide.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: mack/misophist
Date: 08 Apr 03 - 12:29 PM

I almost forgot,

    If you sometimes call it Frisco because you know that the guy
    who made a career out of saying "Don't call it Frisco!" was
    from Sacramento.

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: GUEST,Claymore
Date: 08 Apr 03 - 05:06 PM

When you an identify the following names:

1. Presidio

2. Balclutha

3. Emperor Norton

4. Hetch Hechi (Phonetic, I forgot how to spell it)

5. Provide the last name to Herb ----

6. Extra points if you ever went to the Claremont Hotel in Berkley and did "what" behind it. (Hint: Some twenty years ago the Mayor of Berkely was the last one to do "it".)

7. In the hills above Berkley, what letter is set on the hillside.

8. Cannery Row is where?

9. Bodago Bay is the location scenery of what movie?

10. As you drive from Oakland down the Bay to the Bridge, what do you see in the tidal flats?

I'll check later for your answers...

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Dave Swan
Date: 08 Apr 03 - 09:45 PM

Claymore,

No more sculptures in the tidal flats. It's been ten years or so since they were declared protected wetland. They look great now, no longer a mud bog and many more birds. But I do miss some of the creative efforts of the junk sculptors.

D

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: mack/misophist
Date: 09 Apr 03 - 12:12 AM

OK Claymore, I give up. I'm too parochial to know much about Berkeley. What went on behind the Claremont?

As for the rest? Deliberately out of order, it's:

Caen, Birds, Army base, reservoir, ship, Monterey, and the Emperor was the emperor (and Protector of Mexico). I once had some of the currency he printed. I think his dogs were Bummer and Jake. The hills are off my turf, too.

Here's one for you. What's the link between Atherton and
Ghiradelli Chocolate?

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: mack/misophist
Date: 09 Apr 03 - 12:15 AM

Sorry. The Emperor's dog wasn't Jake. He was Lazarus. How could I make a mistake like that?

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: Fossil
Date: 09 Apr 03 - 05:10 AM

Another bit of advice for SF tourists from my son - who describes himself as "the Castro's token straight boy":

"If you drop your car keys on Castro Street... kick 'em all the way to Market."

Mudcatters, I'll be visiting him and travelling around the San Fancisco area in the last week of May. Anything musical happening then? Any recommendations?

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: GUEST,Claymore
Date: 09 Apr 03 - 09:53 AM

The Claremont Hotel had a massive silo affair that contained a spiral fire escape slide which was reached from each floor via a cat walk. People from all over the area would bring a piece of carpet, take the elevator up to the top floor, walk out on the catwalk, and take the slide of their life. The slide was maintained by neighborhood children like myself who would collect used wax candles from the rubbish of the hotel, and use them to wax the slide. The centifical force was so great that you would fly out the entry doors on the first or second floor entry doors, if you didn't slow down.

Since the local children kept the slide in such great shape, the management never objected to the sight of "very polite" children holding carpet samples, asking the elevator operator for the tenth floor.

I once earned eternal childhood fame by slipping off my carpet while wearing a brand new yellow rubber raincoat. The squeal of the rubber was heard for blocks, lasted every bit of thirty seconds, and when I emerged in a puff of smoke at the bottom, I looked like a space re-entry vehicle, with my new raincoat in black blistered tatters. I later earned a beating for trying to convince my parents that my raincoat was damaged when I had slipped in the rain while running.

Many years later, my Father confessed to me that he had thought I had been hit by a car and was afraid to tell him that I was jumping off the back of the Claremont trolley as it rolled through the streets of Berkely. (Another childish method of getting around town).

Later, due to the threat of litigation, the fire escape was torn down, and replaced with a commemorative plaque. But not before the Mayor finished his slide...


And the letter in the hills of Berkely is a "C" for University of California located directly below it.


Finally, I confess a loss at the Atherton link, but I might remember if I had a "Da-Doo-Tah-Do" of Ghiradelli's. (So-called because the chocolate came in a foil wrapped tube, which, after the candy was finished, was placed to the lips, and the above syllables trumpeted).

And nobody has mentioned the Planetarium, which was a wonder in childhood, and a stitch as an adult, as you watched the druggies twist out of their chairs as the planets rotated above. In the Eighties, you would attend a program and see the guy next to you tied into his chair with bungie cords, and a bite-stick in his mouth...

Subject: RE: BS: You know you're in San Francisco when...
From: mack/misophist
Date: 09 Apr 03 - 12:21 PM

Here is a very brief version of the Atherton/ Ghiradelli link. Atherton was a Catholic Englishman who became very sucessful in Peru. However, the politics there were a little too vigorous for his taste, so he took a ship north, looking for a safer business venue. Before he left, his friend, Antonio Ghiradelli gave him a few cases of chocolate and asked him to look for new markets. San Francisco was it. The town of Atherton grew around the estanciá he built for his wife, the Contessa. The last Atherton was Gertrude, who was a sucessful writer in the 20's.


PM me if you want to know how Calistoga got it's name.