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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Stilly River Sage 26 Mar 15 - 10:22 PM
GUEST,Blind Drunk in Blind River 26 Mar 15 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Mar 15 - 07:20 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 06:33 PM
gnu 26 Mar 15 - 01:02 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 11:08 AM
Stilly River Sage 26 Mar 15 - 12:42 AM
Rapparee 25 Mar 15 - 08:59 PM
gnu 25 Mar 15 - 08:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Mar 15 - 05:38 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Mar 15 - 05:15 PM
Amos 25 Mar 15 - 03:55 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Mar 15 - 02:46 PM
gnu 25 Mar 15 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 15 - 01:19 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Mar 15 - 11:34 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Mar 15 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 25 Mar 15 - 10:33 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Mar 15 - 10:19 AM
gnu 25 Mar 15 - 07:20 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Mar 15 - 09:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 24 Mar 15 - 09:10 PM
Rapparee 24 Mar 15 - 08:15 PM
gnu 24 Mar 15 - 07:54 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Mar 15 - 06:23 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 24 Mar 15 - 05:36 PM
GUEST,# 24 Mar 15 - 03:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Mar 15 - 03:27 PM
Amos 24 Mar 15 - 03:07 PM
gnu 24 Mar 15 - 01:30 PM
Amos 24 Mar 15 - 12:29 PM
Stilly River Sage 24 Mar 15 - 10:36 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Mar 15 - 09:45 AM
GUEST,# 24 Mar 15 - 09:34 AM
Rapparee 24 Mar 15 - 09:19 AM
gnu 24 Mar 15 - 09:12 AM
gnu 24 Mar 15 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 24 Mar 15 - 07:34 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Mar 15 - 05:55 AM
Amos 24 Mar 15 - 12:48 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 23 Mar 15 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 23 Mar 15 - 05:12 PM
Little Hawk 23 Mar 15 - 04:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Mar 15 - 03:54 PM
Little Hawk 23 Mar 15 - 01:52 PM
Rapparee 23 Mar 15 - 12:32 PM
Little Hawk 23 Mar 15 - 11:09 AM
Rapparee 23 Mar 15 - 09:30 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 10:22 PM

When nurses shave you when you're asleep, you never know what you'll find when you awaken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind Drunk in Blind River
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 10:07 PM

Holy Flip, Rap! It sounds like you got worked over by a flippin' chimp!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM

And they SHAVED certain parts!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 07:20 PM

My God, I'm so inspired! Makes me want to give myself a hernia just so I can get it fixed and be as brave and resilient as our brother Rap!

Nah! I'll find some way to be brave and resilient that doesn't involve pain. Or, if I can't find one, screw courage and resilience. Who needs 'em?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 06:33 PM

I'm in constant pain from which I almost pass out. I only keep consciousness by thinking of sunshine and fresh air and flowers and bunnies. My Lower Frontal Regions look like they were worked over with a club There are three holes in my lower tummy and they were not stitched shut but closed with some sort of "skin sealant" (i.e., I'm glued shut). I can shower, for which I have already received thank-you cards from the neighbors. But I am strong, I will survive, I will conquer! Excelsior! Don't Give Up The Ship! The Show Must Go On! Remember the Alamo! Remember the Maine! If I Give Up, The Terrorists Win! The Guard Dies But Never Surrenders! All For One and One For All! Follow Me! Come on you sons-of-bitches, do you want to live forever? Die Gedanken Sind Frei! Workers of the World, Arise! etc. etc. etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 01:02 PM

I've always wanted to see Mollie's Nipple. Well, both, actually. The love of my life looked a lot like Molly Ringwald. I was a grad student and "taught a tutorial class" for a prof that didn't have a clue about finance... imagine a city planner not understanding the value of money over time as it applies to cost-benefit analyses! 80 some students every class because all he did was tell them to "read the book" and assigned assignments... twit! Anyway, she was an undergrad and the very first time she walked into my class... my lust melted. Skip ahead. We were secretly engaged and awaiting her graduation for the formal announcement. Then, a family tragedy struck and I had to go home to take care of it. I was so in love that I forced her hand... announce or break up. She could not as it was a Romeo and Juliet thing... poor Irish/French Cat'lic boy marries the daughter of a mucky-muck Assistant Deputy Minister and head Presbyterian Elder in the capitol city? That's when I started drinking. Fuck I was stupid. BTW... she became president of NB's association of pro engineers... so I actually did teach her more than just lust and love. Or so I would like to think.

I almost deleted all of that text. Fact is, I wish I could delete it from my brain without alcohol... alcohol only works temporarily.

So, more importantly, an update from A on the surgery recovery would be appreciated. Also, how are you doing with your slice and dice, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 11:18 AM

A few years back a wildfire broke out on the slopes of Chink Peak (now known, due to a chink of PC, as Chinese Peak) above the Sheriff's Office. No problems, no property destroyed or lives lost. But when it was over the county and state dynamited six abandoned mine shafts about which they had no idea before the fire.

An old Chinese fella used to live up on that mountain, so I'm told, after he'd chink his cabin with moss and mud to keep out the drafts of winter, he grow wonderful vegetables to sell to those below him. He died with a very nice bank account and asked to be buried "on [his] mountain, Chink Peak." Over near Soda Springs are two hills named "Chinese Hat" and "Little Chinese Hat." West of here, near the town of Rockland, is "Mollie's Nipple."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 11:08 AM

Nah, not if enough people know they need killin'. Now up here you just dump the leftovers in an abandoned mine shaft, which are all over the hills. Or better yet, haul 'em over to Wyoming and dump 'em there. Wyoming will register them to vote and after the election lament the passing of such a fine citizen. Because WY has such a small population it's best to do this just before a census starts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 12:42 AM

Knock wood most of what I see around here is beneficial, but Texas does have it's share of toxic snakes. Most of them are the two-legged variety and shootin' em would get me in trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 08:59 PM

I've shot snakes and I've picked 'em up and threw 'em away. I don't like to mess with snakes or any other wild critter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 08:15 PM

Sweet Jaysus! It's all about shot placement. Don't ya read the threads at the redneck huntin sites? Ya can kill an elellyphant with a .177 cal if ya can shoot. Mind you, a 12 gauge would be more humane on the whole. I gotta say, though, I am all fer a big ass shotgun fer pisin snakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 05:38 PM

Hi Mom. I shot a cottonmouth in my pond today. I didn't use a lever action .357 magnum. I used a Remington 12 gauge shotgun. Not a good idea to shoot snakes with a rifle unless you're right on top of 'em. I wouldn't want a ricochet to accidentally hit one of my neighbor's cattle. Especially considering that the only rifle I own is an old Spanish carbine (click) that shoots a 9mm pistol round. It probably wouldn't kill a cow, just piss it off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 05:15 PM

The only thing I am desperate for right now is a good mixed drink. With that thought in mind, I am goin' out to Duffy's, Amos, and when I get there, me and the boys are gonna drink shooters and make rude jokes at yer expense for hours. I even got a nice photo of you here that I captured offa the Net, and we'll have some fun throwin' darts at it. 2 bucks goes to anyone who puts a dart in the end of yer big nose or the soundhole of yer guitar.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 03:55 PM

If Chinga ever finds out where that plaid-brained scuff-nosed pretender of a brother of hers is operating from, he's gonna have to move with no forwarding address. If she reads this thread, he's in double jeopardy as she will see how desperate he is. I dunno, it doesn't look good. I mean, she's got money now, and is used to kicking ass and taking names.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 02:46 PM

The one redeemin' feature you got, Rap, is yer obsession with good quality firearms. It just goes to show, even Nature's ugliest mistakes ain't completely without some good reason for bein' here, that's how I figger it.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 01:29 PM

If I was THAT piss poor a shot, I certainly wouldn't post a video of it. Then again, I suppose the lad doesn't know he's a piss poor shot. What a waste of ammo. He should spend the money on a good set of eyeglasses.

Yards? Lawns? I have four to tend. Two front and two back. I could link to pics but they more or less look like the background of this text.

Chicken stew is simmering. Some is right with my world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 01:19 PM

Come on out, Chongo dear. We'll insure a warm reception!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 11:34 AM

You are such a putz, Rap. One of these days I am gonna have to drive out there to yer godforsaken state fulla drunks, layabouts, and dumb redneck yahoos and straighten you out good.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 11:28 AM

Got more than one yard, do ya, gnu?

Obviously, you simpering simian stupnagel! The man said he had seven feet of snow. Seven feet is two yards plus a foot. So yes, gnu has more than one yard.

On the other hand, I have no idea how many lawns he has.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 10:33 AM

I pass on this message:

Tell Chongo Shitsack that he ruined and pimped my sister and that will be the last time that he does that kind of thing because I'm going to shoot his nuts off a little bit at a time and then feed him alive to the hogs. Love, Red Sven


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 10:19 AM

Got more than one yard, do ya, gnu?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 07:20 AM

Sunny and 2C today!!!! The seven feet of snow in my yards will be gone in a month! Maybe...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 09:13 PM

I agree. If any Vegans feel offended, they can just pack up their anal probes, get in their spaceships and move back to Vega where they belong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 09:10 PM

You got no idea what "cute" is Bee-dub....so I am gonna show you what "cute" is. Here's Maisey.

Maisey


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 08:15 PM

Had hernia surgery today. Will discuss reality later, perhaps after I think up Amos again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 07:54 PM

The chicken was excellent! Looking forward to the stew. Simmered the carcass for two hours. My apologies to any vegans. Well... kinda. You know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 06:23 PM

Wow! A treatise on the nature of reality from a nonexistent non-human figment of a Canadian weirdo's imagination! How cute!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 05:36 PM

If you bozos would spend a little more time educatin' yerselves and then applyin' a little practical elbow grease to some kind of meaningful role in yer community...like I do...you'd get a lot farther, see? All this pointless yakkin' about "what is reality?" don't amount to a hill of beans in the world of a Chimp, a bookie, a cop or a twenty-dollar proskirt. I'll tell ya what reality is. Reality is a job, a paycheck when it is done, and goin' out on the town afterwards. It is that simple.

Regardin' "idiot au merde" ....I think I had that dish in New Orleans once. Not too good. I don't recommend it, not even with perogies.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,#
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 03:49 PM

Prime number again, brought to you by Alpo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 03:27 PM

So, reality is a dead chicken. Does that make truth a smoked ham? If it does, can all abstractions be expressed as food items? And vice versa? If I make a list, "love, honor, courage, compassion" and give it to the kid at the country store, will he know to bring me a bag of black beans, a half-gallon of almond milk, a box of granola bars and a fourteen-pound bag of beef flavor Gravy Train dog food?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 03:07 PM

Dumkopfmitsheisse is a featured dish in some of the rarified kitchens of Pocatello. No-one knows exactly how this local specialty got started but it seems to have begun somewhere out by the golf course there. The French chefs of Idaho are up in arms about the whole thing since they believe the dish is merely a poor copy of their own richly traditional idiot au merde or possibly the more urbane gueule de pete found in finer establishments around the XIV Arondissement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 01:30 PM

Fresh chickens were $1.99 a pound at Sobeys today. I know this to be a reality because I can smell the aroma from the kitchen. And, I have the receipt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 12:29 PM

Reality is a gradient phenomena that follows the general function f(A)=R where A is the degree of agreement between two or more points of view. Those things about which one has the most agreements are very real to him, while the less agreed-on things, such as the existence of Penelope Rutledge, Gluon, or Rapparree, are less real proportionately.

This general function applies to the physical universe, the universe of social agreements, and the universe of one's own created version of reality equally well. Don't youb agree?;>)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 10:36 AM

I am willing to bet that if Richard III were around today he'd have a few choice words for the mangling his reputation took at Shakespeare's hands. I also bet he'd be a member of the MOAB, a great place for shouting his truth to the masses.

Just a thought.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 09:45 AM

If there's no agreement among spell check software, Wikipedia, and Tom Robbins as to whether a big ugly beet is a "mangelwurzel" (Wikipedia), "mangel-wurzel" (gnu's autocorrect software) , or "mangel wurzel" (Tom Robbins in Jitterbug Perfume), how the hell do you expect there to be any sort of consensus as to what constitutes reality?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,#
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 09:34 AM

The post after this is a prime number, fyi. 52051

In binary that's 1100101101010011


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 09:19 AM

"What is truth?" asked Pontius Pilate. If we know truth, would we know what is real and what is not? CAN something be not-real if we can conceive of it? Are thoughts real? Do they define reality, whatever that is? What, then, holds reality in check (if anything)? Since I'm thinking about this have I created a new reality in which wurzel-mangels are the dominant species? And why is wurzel-mangel hypenated? If it is German, wouldn't it be something like wurzelmangelweissedumkoptmitscheisse?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 09:12 AM

Autocorrect? I got autocorrect?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 09:10 AM

And the mangel-wurzel goes on... la dee da dee dee...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 07:34 AM

Which brings up the question: what is real? Plato's Cavern? Sartre's conceit? Jung's archetypes? Freud's three-level second attempt to explain psychology? Do we make our own reality? Does Amos exist (for example) if I do not think of him, or do I if he doesn't think of me? Are we the fictons of some Cosmic Author, or is there Free Will? If there is, indeed, a Universe, does each of us create our own and how do the Universes overlap? Does the "Real" of each of us make up the greater fabric of "Reality" or is Reality itself an unreal construct? Or do we run screaming from these questions?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 05:55 AM

Just because he's imaginary doesn't mean you should be giving him ideas!

I wouldn't classify what goes on in the "minds" of the residents of Little Hawk's Hall of Hallucinations as "ideas". If ideas can be said to add to the field of wisdom, then the ruminations of LH's fictions are more like attempts to plow up little plots of that field and grow mangelwurzels.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 15 - 12:48 AM

Puerility ill becomes a member of the dominant species, Rapp. You'll be giving conceits to that chimp, imaginary or not; there's bound to be some psychic bleedthrough considering that you are operating near the bottom of your species' frequency band while he gallivants near but never quite at the top of his normal operating band. Close enough to transfer over-inflated conceits and some fantasies. Just because he's imaginary doesn't mean you should be giving him ideas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Mar 15 - 10:31 PM

That .45-70 is a real nice lookin' rifle, Rap, good fer single shot long range shootin'. I like it. Mostly, though, I am usin' semi-auto or fully automatic weapons for layin' down a heavy volume of fire at short to medium ranges...meanin' the M1911 Pistol most of the time and the tommygun for the major firefights which happen now and then when the local gangs get restless. If I was hunkered down in the country, though, and aimin' to snipe at longer range, I figger the .45-70 would do the trick just fine.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 15 - 05:12 PM

Yeah, New Order, I got me a .45-70 for that....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Mar 15 - 04:02 PM

I would rate Chongo as a champion mudslinger when it's called for. As for the accusations of "poopflinging", that's outright specism! Expect to be investigated for it soon after Chongo sets about establishing the "New Order" in America...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Mar 15 - 03:54 PM

Well, Chongo's success as a candidate will depend largely on his ability to convert his innate anthropoid ability to fling fecal matter into the politician's innate ability to sling mud. There is a difference between shit and mud, and the skills required to be a good poop flinger don't automatically convert to mudslinging, and vice versa. In a poop flinging contest, Ted Cruz wouldn't stand a chance against Chongo, but Chongo might be just a bit too fair-minded to top Senator Cruz in mudslinging.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Mar 15 - 01:52 PM

Yes, I think it does. Penelope cut her off from financial aid some time ago. It's Winston who is the problem. He insists on indulging Veronica's whims for some reason...possibly to annoy Penelope. Their marriage is akin to the ongoing relations between North and South Korea.

Shane never thinks about the Rutledges at all. I think he and they may exist in separate dimensions, as neither party has ever acknowledged the other's existence. As for Chongo, he knows about the Rutledges, but hasn't met them on his few trips to England. He also knows about Shane, but has never had any reason to visit Blind River.

This could mean that Chongo is a multidimensional being, capable of moving seamlessly between worlds!!! It's another excellent reason to vote for him in 2016. He's less devious than Hillary Clinton, a lot smarter than Jeb Bush, and far saner than Ted Cruz. According to you, his gender is indeterminate, which makes him an ideal candidate for progressives everywhere to rally behind since he would be the first transgender president EVER, not to mention the first REAL ape to occupy the White House! (George W. Bush doesn't count...) The choice is clear and the time is ripe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 15 - 12:32 PM

Won't her "Shane-shane-shanie" be jealous of Quilly? Bad Penny could just cut off the financing that supports VV and her gigol...young man. And I won't call her "Venereal Veronica" anymore -- "Randy Ronnie" probably fits better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Mar 15 - 11:09 AM

Amos, you said, "It's kind of droll seeing the battle of imaginary wits being levied against an imaginary shuck."

I think you probably meant to say "schmuck"...   Am I right? It's a pretty good word to describe Shane and his whole zeitgeist.

Rapparee, I don't think you've done anything wrong. To the contrary, I think you've expressed yourself very well and made your point quite clear. Shane gets very annoyed by your threats. He walks off, muttering darkly, and vowing deadly retaliation, but this amounts to nothing but empty threats...as you say, "posturing". It's one of the things Shane does best.

Chongo, on the other hand, seems to be amused when you talk tough to him. He chuckles warmly, scratches himself, and makes those little "ook! ook!" sounds that Chimps make when they're enjoying themselves.

It's nice of you to remember Veronica Rutledge, although I don't think she'd be a bit pleased by being referred to as "Venereal Veronica". She and Penelope are barely on speaking terms these days. Penelope does not approve of Veronica's dating activities. Veronica has taken up with a posh young wastrel named James Quillington Letchworthy or "Quilly" for short, and they've been partying around in London, Paris, and Monaco, raising eyebrows and generally behaving like utter prats. Even Miley Cyrus would be embarrassed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 15 - 09:30 AM

No, what do they say? Do they admire me? Am I held up as a good example? If so, what have I done wrong?

Climate change = new Ice Age. gnu, get gelignite for you'll need it to clear your walk and driveway. Thermite might be better, or properly placed standard slurry for heavy heaving.


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