Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch My Plums

Subject: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From: Allan C.
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 02:32 PM

I wonder if anyone might know the lyrics to "Please Don't Touch Me Plums" as sung by Goldie Hawn in the film, "Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox". Does anyone know if it is an authentic music hall song or just one written for the film?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From:
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 05:15 PM

Chances are this song was written for the movie. I didn't find the lyrics, but I found this

From Oscar Best Song Finalists Part 2
 
"LEMON DROPS, LOLLIPOPS AND SUNBEAMS" - The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox - Music by Charles Fox, Lyrics by Sammy Cahn and Melvin Frank

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 11:29 PM

BMI lists PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY PLUMS written by Sammy Cahn, Charles Fox, and Melvin Frank.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From: Allan C.
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 07:59 AM

It looks as though the question of pedigree has been answered. Thanks, George and Jim!

Wouldn't you just know it! I was still watching the film while I was posting this thread. Goldie had already sung the song once through and some snatches of it later on. Moments after I hit the "Submit" button, she sang the song once again, s-l-o-w-l-y. It would have been so simple to have written down the lyrics at that rate. But she was finished before I could find writing materials!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From:
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 09:53 AM

Too bad the VCR controls weren't handy, Allan.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 12:44 PM

Rent the video.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From: Allan C.
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 03:51 PM

Sorcha, I'm reminded of what David C. used to say: "We could have ham sandwiches...if we had some bread...and if we had some ham."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 05:26 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From: wilbyhillbilly
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 05:44 PM

Allan, my missus performs this for a laugh at our local sometimes, she will type the lyrics for you and we'll post them shortly.

Don't know if she has learnt to type "cockney accents" so you'll just have to improvise!!

Subject: Lyr Add: PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY PLUMS
From: wilbyhillbilly
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 05:16 PM

Here you go!! Have Fun.

PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY PLUMS
(Sammy Cahn, Charles Fox, and Melvin Frank)

Me mummy had a fruiterer
The finest ever seen
His fruit was fresh and firm and hard
And for the most part clean
The ladies came from far and near
To sample his deploy
But when the mums reached for his plums
The fruiterer would cry

OH
You can touch me berries
But you must not touch me plums
You can touch me cherries
But be careful with those thumbs
Squeeze me limes a thousand times
From now till winter comes
I beg you each enjoy a peach
But please don't touch me plums
He was very very sensitive about his bloomin' plums

A titled lady came one day
She had a strange request
She'd promised some plum puddin'
To a very royal guest
I understand your plums sir
Are inordinately large
I'll try a few and if it's true
I don't care what you charge

NOW
You can touch me apples
Me bananas and me pears
These nectarines, these tangerines
And all me other wares
The Queen's own guard could ride up hard
With sabres, plumes and drums
And I'd salute. Say have a fruit
But please don't touch me plums
He was very very sensitive about his bloomin' plums

OH
You can grope me cantaloupe
And I won't hardly mind
Ask to stroke me artichoke
Or anything you find
Act like felons with me melons
And we'll still be chums
Try some of those. Try some of these
I beg you all on bended knees
I've got so much for you to squeeze
So please don't touch me plums.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch Me Plums
From: Allan C.
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 08:57 PM

Thanks so much, wilbyhillbilly and a special thanks to the "missus".

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch My Plums
From: GUEST,heather
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 01:43 AM

Finally - I've been looking for this since before the internet was public! Perseverance pays off:)
Thanks!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch My Plums
From: GUEST,Blowzabella sans cookie
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 03:32 AM

The clip from the film is on youtube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GK2kQDjl_14

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch My Plums
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 03:00 PM

Me mummy 'ad a fruiterer
The finest ever seen
'Is fruit was fresh and firm and 'ard
And for the most part clean.
The ladies came from far and near
To sample 'is supply
But when the mums
Reached for 'is plums
The fruiterer would cry

Oooh, you can touch me berries
But you mustn't touch me plums
You can touch me cherries
But be careful with those thumbs
Squeeze me limes
A thousand times
From now till winter comes
I beg you each
Enjoy a peach
But please don't touch me plums
'E was very, very sensitive
About 'is bloomin' plums

A tartan lady came one day
She 'ad a strange request
She promised some plum puddin'
To a very royal guest
I understand your plum sir
Are inordinately large
I'll feel a few
And if it's true
I don't care what you charge

Noooo, you can touch me apples
Me bananas and me pears
These tangerines
These nectarines
And all me other wares
The queen's own guard
Could ride up hard
With sabres, plumes and drums
And I'd salute
Say, "Have a fruit."
But please don't touch me plums
'E was very, very sensitive
About 'is bloomin' plums

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch My Plums
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Dec 13 - 01:45 PM

Can anyone find a video of this song sung by Goldie herself online??

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Please Don't Touch My Plums
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 16 - 01:54 PM

I've found the video but get passed the adverts first: http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNzI4OTkwNjk2.html