BS: The Red and the Green

Subject: The Red and the Green
From: Lady Hillary
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 10:12 PM

I received this missive the other day. Has anyone else tried this?



Whenever I get a packet of M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the
strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold
M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply
pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and
splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.
The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and
the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that
the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of
competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or
pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be
a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra
strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its
environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M,
the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one
as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A
Division of Mars, Inc., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this
M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a
free1/2 pound bag of M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set
aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we
will discover the true champion. There can be only one!

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: GUEST,Sergeant Sweetiepop
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 10:22 PM

My puniest Minstrel could muller your fly by night, namby pamby M&M.

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: EBarnacle
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 01:02 AM

Name time and place. I offer my services as referee and will do my best to be impartial. Perhaps we could make this a meet rather than a duel. I am sure there are others out there who would be interested in this vital piece of research.

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 05:00 AM

what about the black and the white? what will you do then?

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: EBarnacle
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 09:51 AM

May the best win. Consider the consequences, though. Alexander the Great's final words, in answer to a question from one of his generals about what to do with his empire, were "To the strongest." His empire was broken into 3 major segments and various small ones and was easy pickings for Rome in her ascendancy.

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: GUEST,Sergeant Sweetiepop
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 09:54 AM

And that's the best way to tackle a chocolate orange.

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 12:27 PM

(JOKE)
Blasphemers! You with your Darwinistic, survival of the fittest!
God created all M&Ms in his image with all of their flaws and beauty! They are to all go forward and be prolific so that we may enjoy His labors and give him praise!

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM

Lady Hillary:

Might does not make right. You assume that M&Ms are or should be bred for their strength when, in fact, it might be better for the survival of the species if they were bred for love and compassion. By unmercifully consuming the losers in your little duels you may be reducing the probability of M&Ms surviving for the pleasure and exploitation of future human generations. Just because the human race has acted that way for thousands of years is no reason to teach innocent M&Ms this behavior.

You are not God - even to a group of M&Ms!

Bev and Jerry

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: PoppaGator
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 05:51 PM

Look -- I'm not complaining; this has been funny and perhaps even interesting, and I might not have found it had it been properly categorized as BS.

BUT:

Thee's NOTHING here about music, by any stretch. If this ain't BS, what is?

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 05:52 PM

I repeat, what about the black and the white? None of you are addressing the problem when they all fade to black . . . and white.

I am afraid you are not paying attention to what is going on in M&Mdom. Maybe that should be The Kingdom of M&M though. The lords in power have sent out a decree that all M&Ms don black and white garb for the next six months.

Subject: RE: The Red and the Green
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 06:09 PM

"There's NOTHING here about music, by any stretch. "

Well, they're the only brand of sweets I know which has had a (sort of) singer called after them. Even if he doesn't spell it right.

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 10:58 PM

PoppaGator:

Did you ever hum a tune? When you did you went "M and M"!

Bev and Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 07 Jan 04 - 03:54 PM

Black and White M&Ms....
Can't we all just get along?
I can see the NAACP measuring each one to make sure that M&M Mars is not making the black ones inferior to the white ones!
Also...There goes the sale of M&Ms in certain Southern Towns!

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Mr Red
Date: 07 Jan 04 - 04:03 PM

Here in the UK we play "press the Smarties"

Red of course is best.

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: GUEST,Sergeant Sweetiepop
Date: 07 Jan 04 - 04:49 PM

Spin the Spangle?

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 07 Jan 04 - 05:32 PM

Did you know that Mars bars and Milky Ways are different things in the USA and the UK?

As Homer might say, M&M's Mmmmm...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 07 Jan 04 - 05:34 PM

BTW - if it was orange and green would the orange M&Ms demand to stay in the factory while the green ones demanded a packet of their own?

I'll get my coat...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Morticia
Date: 07 Jan 04 - 07:48 PM

whatever happened to Spangles? I liked Spangles....

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: GUEST,Sergeant Sweetiepop
Date: 07 Jan 04 - 07:51 PM

I had no choice but to recall them, they were fearless little chaps, but caused too many lacerations of the tongue.

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Cllr
Date: 08 Jan 04 - 05:03 PM

I thought this was about tomatoe politics, cllr

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: EBarnacle
Date: 09 Jan 04 - 02:48 PM

For tomatoes, go to the Fried Green Tomatoes thread.

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Peace
Date: 09 Jan 04 - 02:51 PM

How do ya know they're not W and W's?

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Mr Red
Date: 09 Jan 04 - 03:34 PM

You mean they don't have W & W 's in Australia?

They used to have a chocolate bar called Cherry Burst....... not any more!

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Lady Hillary
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:42 PM

So far my score for the New Year is:
2 Greens
1 Red
1 Brown.

This was hard work. I have sent the winners from each bag back to their birth place.
I will have to slow down on the testing as the effects are starting to make a difference.

Does this mean that in places south of the equator there are no M & Ms? Only W & W's?

Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 01:36 PM

Did you hear the one about the blonde working at the M&M factory?
She was fired from the quality control dept. for throwing out all of the Es, Ws, and 3s!