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Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song

In Mudcat MIDIs:
Rectal Bleeding Calypso [John Dengate]


Haruo 10 Mar 04 - 09:59 PM
Clinton Hammond 10 Mar 04 - 11:27 PM
Bob Bolton 10 Mar 04 - 11:51 PM
mouldy 11 Mar 04 - 02:44 AM
Herga Kitty 11 Mar 04 - 02:32 PM
Liz the Squeak 11 Mar 04 - 02:45 PM
GUEST,armedwithjello 11 Mar 04 - 10:22 PM
Bob Bolton 12 Mar 04 - 12:46 AM
Joe Offer 12 Mar 04 - 01:33 AM
Sandra in Sydney 12 Mar 04 - 08:04 AM
Bob Bolton 12 Mar 04 - 08:19 AM
JennyO 12 Mar 04 - 08:34 AM
Sandra in Sydney 12 Mar 04 - 08:41 AM
Sandra in Sydney 12 Mar 04 - 08:44 AM
Jim Dixon 13 Mar 04 - 02:43 PM
Bob Bolton 13 Mar 04 - 05:51 PM
JennyO 13 Mar 04 - 08:57 PM
Liz the Squeak 14 Mar 04 - 01:23 PM
JennyO 14 Mar 04 - 09:26 PM
Bob Bolton 15 Mar 04 - 07:06 PM
JennyO 15 Mar 04 - 08:56 PM
GUEST 04 Apr 04 - 10:25 AM
GUEST,Stan in OZ 06 May 04 - 05:57 PM
JennyO 06 May 04 - 09:31 PM
GUEST,Dennis@sannauk.com 23 Aug 04 - 07:11 PM
Clinton Hammond 23 Aug 04 - 07:51 PM
GUEST,Vanessa 24 Sep 04 - 03:24 AM
GUEST,Ricky Blue 30 Jan 05 - 02:14 PM
Clinton Hammond 30 Jan 05 - 04:40 PM
Clinton Hammond 30 Jan 05 - 04:47 PM
Devilmaster 30 Jan 05 - 04:52 PM
GUEST,paddymac 30 Jan 05 - 09:12 PM
GUEST,Ricky Blue 31 Jan 05 - 10:46 AM
GUEST,Jeremy 10 Feb 05 - 02:56 AM
GUEST,Sterling Campbell 09 Nov 07 - 09:55 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 17 Dec 07 - 05:26 PM
Anglo 17 Dec 07 - 06:09 PM
Young Buchan 17 Feb 10 - 12:14 PM
Amos 20 Feb 10 - 04:05 PM
Little Robyn 20 Feb 10 - 04:56 PM
Haruo 15 Feb 11 - 11:54 AM
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Subject: Lyr Add: WORKING WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE
From: Haruo
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 09:59 PM

I was surprised to find a search in DT & Forum for "colorectal" gave no hits. Here is the Colorectal Surgeon song, which I think is hilarious.

Haruo

Working Where The Sun Don't Shine (The Colorectal Surgeon's Song)

From "The Health Report", ABC Radio National, Tuesday 18th August 2003
MP3 audio of quote/song (3.4 Mbyte)

Norman Swan: You'll be happy to hear that Tim's colorectal surgeon tells him that his haemorrhoids are doing very well, almost sparkling.

But have you ever wondered why an intelligent human being would become a colorectal surgeon? Well the singers George Bowser and Ricky Blue wondered too, and gave their conclusions to the Annual Meeting of the American Society of Colorectal Surgeons in 1995.

SONG: "Working Where The Sun Don't Shine" (The Colorectal Surgeon's Song)

We praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine

Respect the colorectal surgeon
It's a calling few would crave
Lift up your hands and join us
Let's all do the finger wave

When it comes to spreading joy
There are many techniques
Some spread joy to the world
And others just spread cheeks
Some may think the cardiologist
Is their best friend
But the colorectal surgeon knows...
He'll get you in the end!

Why the colorectal surgeon?
It's one of those mysterious things.
Is it because in that profession
There are always openings?

When I first met a colorectal surgeon
He did not quite understand;
I said, "Hey nice to meet you
But do you mind? We don't shake hands."

He sailed right through medical school
Because he was a whiz
Oh but he never thought of psychology
Though he read passages
A doctor he wanted to be
For golf he loved to play
But this is not quite what he meant...
By eighteen holes a day!

Praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine!

Norman Swan: Bowser and Blue, whose website is www.bowserandblue.com


Lyrics copy-pasted from the link cited above.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 11:27 PM

Man I get a LOT of miles out of this song!

LOL


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Subject: ADD: Rectal Bleeding Calypso (Dengate)
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 11:51 PM

G'day Haruo/Clinton,

Down here in Australia, my old mate John Dengate believes in getting the most revenge possible ... via a well-honed song. This is what his brush with the colorectal surgeon produced:

Rectal Bleeding Calypso
Words & Music ©: John Dengate

I was passing some rectal blood
Sometimes half a cup –
So I go up to the doctor,
Thinking he will fix me up.
He poke around in my rectum
'Til his face is wreathed in smiles.
As he idly toyed with a haemorrhoid,
He says "Have you got piles?".
      Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding,
      Or some sim'lar disease – Ooh!
      Stay a-way from the hospitals
      And the doctors' surgeries.


But I don't get snaky or cranky –
I know he's doin' his best.
He say, sincerely and frankly
I must see the specialist.
Oh! The specialist is a rugby man –
He ruck the Uni scrum.
He practise shoving and pushing
With this thing stuck up my bum!
      Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding ...

Oh! Off to specialist number two
And this he say to me:
"Have to put you in hospital,
For colon-os-co-py".
Oh! Colonoscopy does not sound like
Very pleasant idea
And first you swallow this poisonous muck
That gives you diahhorea!
      Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding ...

Oh! Doctor say to me, sadly,
With a face like wise old owl:
Colonoscoscope won't go round
The main loop of your bowel.
Barium enema – that's the thing
He reckons must be tried.
I should have taken the coward's way
And planned on suicide!
      Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding ...

Is no damn wonder that my hand shake –
No wonder I imbibe.
Barium enema … so damned terrible,
Words can not describe.
I've had a bowel and a belly-full,
I've had much more than I need.
I've naught to show, for they still don't know,
What causes me to bleed.
      Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding ...


Click to play


I can post a MIDItxt (if that app still works!) from home ... but I realised that John's tune is remarkably like that of the "Monty Python" song I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK! ... sung in a calypso rhythm (John swears any influence must have been subliminal)!

Regards,

Bob Bolton
Hi, Bob. I guess you could say we're "not supporting MIDITEXT" any more. MMario and I handle posting of tunes at Mudcat MIDIs. Just e-mail files to one or the other of us, and we'll get them up right away.
-Joe Offer-
joe@mudcat.org


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: mouldy
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 02:44 AM

Sent the Bowser & Blue CD containing the colorectal song to my sister-in-law's Consultant Gastro-enterologist husband, for Christmas. I bet he'd love the other one, as endoscopies are his forté!

Andrea


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 02:32 PM

I've heard Gregg Butler perform this with Strawhead - thanks so much for posting the lyrics!

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 02:45 PM

Endoscopy? You know where you can stick that!

Or, from the famous painting of Florence Nightingale with her lamp, inspecting the wards - I don't care who she is, that doesn't look like a colonoscope to me!

LTS


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: GUEST,armedwithjello
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 10:22 PM

Bob, does your friend that wrote the song have an mp3 of it available? My mother was telling her proctologist about the Colorectal song, and he'd never heard of it. I'm making him a CD and thought it would be fun to make a CD of a series of bum-related songs. Those lyrics are a riot. Do you think your friend would mind sharing the song? Thanks! :-)

(I found this site while seeking the mp3 of the surgeon song.)


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 12:46 AM

G'day armedwithjello,

John is not actually at the forefront of IT (In fact one of his songs ... admittedly a few decades back ... derided various modernities - including things like "zippers on flies" ... !)

I do think I have the song on one of his CDs (recorded, mixed and published by more techno friends), so I should be able to rip it down to a moderately sized MP3 ... and forward it to a suitable e-mail address. (If you were to sign up ... Hey - it's free - and fun! ... you could send that privately on Mudcat's PM - Private Message facility.)

Regards,

Bob Bolton


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 01:33 AM

Tune added for Rectal Bleeding Calypso. It's a far nicer tune than the name implies.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 08:04 AM

John's other medical song is 'Skin Cancer Blues' about his trip to the specialist after 60 years of Oz sun. He also talks about dental hygiene, but I'm not sure if he actually wrote that one (Bob?)

He also writes wonderful songs about his parents & other ordinary folks, & wicked parodies about politicians.

sandra


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 08:19 AM

G'day Sandra,

John is a true "folksinger" ... he sings about what happens to him ... even when he is the problem! Skin Cancer Blues arose from someone else trying to interest him in blues styles ... serves them right!

He did indeed write another autobiographical song Because I neglected Dental Hygiene ... singing through his new dentures!

Regards,

Bob Bolton


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 08:34 AM

Anyone got the lyrics for "Skin Cancer Blues"? I googled but can't find any. It's to the tune of "Nobody loves you when you're down and out", by the way.


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 08:41 AM

Jenny - why not ask Dale?


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 08:44 AM

and what is everybody (you, me & Bob) doing awake at this hour - we have a big day of singing shanties ahead of us!

go to bed you lot!

sandra (listening to Wee Pot Stove - seems like Evan will be singing some of Harry's songs tomorrow)


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 02:43 PM

Definition of a colonoscope: a long tube with an asshole at both ends.

(Just kidding, of course; those guys save lives!)


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 05:51 PM

G'day JennyO,

I have the lyrics ... I'm still trying to get John to give me a better idea of the "blues" style chording structure he uses - but I'll e-mail the words direct to you.

Regards,

Bob


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: JennyO
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 08:57 PM

Thanks Bob. Looking forward to it!

Jenny


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 01:23 PM

'Nobody loves you when you're down and out' can be heard on the Eric Clapton 'Unplugged' CD and a bloody good version it is too!

LTS


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: JennyO
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 09:26 PM

Quite right Liz. I have that album. Many fine songs on it and one of my favourites that I never tire of listening to.

Jenny


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 07:06 PM

G'day again, armedwithjello,

I now have an MP3 of John Dengate singing The Rectal Bleeding Calypso - from his Australian Son, vol. 2 CD. He sings to a small house concert audience ... and gives quite a good introduction (if not quite an apology!).

If you give me an e-mail address (you could P[ersonal] M[ail] that to me, if you joined Mudcat) I'll send it on to you.

Regards,

Bob Bolton


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Subject: RE: Colorectal Surgeon (link to lyrics)
From: JennyO
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:56 PM

Hi Bob, do you have those words for Solar Melanoma Blues?

Jenny


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 10:25 AM


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,Stan in OZ
Date: 06 May 04 - 05:57 PM

I first heard the CSSong about six months ago - Enjoyed - then when I was due for my next Dr's appointment - couldn't find where I had filed it on the computers hard drive / remember who had originally sent it to me - So it was great fun to find your site - Congratulations - this is what the Net is all about - contact between the World of Keyboarders (well in my case - two fingered)- exchanging info / help / details over all National Borders - and bringing more understanding between Countries.Thanks again for the lyrics - and think of me - this 17th May when I'll be recieving - an "Up Close and Personal Experiance" of such a surgeon.The song will sing through my limited brain cells - and give me a smile --- Stan


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: JennyO
Date: 06 May 04 - 09:31 PM

Here's a smile for you Stan :-) My sympathies. I'll be thinking of you on the 17th.

I was in hospital yesterday - not a colorectal surgeon thank goodness - I was having a metal plate taken out of my wrist. The thing that makes even such a simple operation hard for me is that any kind of anaesthetic or strong pain killer makes me really sick, especially on an empty stomach. I am only now starting to feel like some semblance of my normal self.

BTW where are you in Oz, Stan? I'm in Sydney. There are a few of us ozcatters around. Why don't you join the mudcat? You could send and get PM's, amongst other benefits. I can speak from personal experience when I say that this is a very supportive community.

Jenny


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,Dennis@sannauk.com
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 07:11 PM

Can anyone help me with the chordal structure of "The CR Surgeon's" Song? The tune is familiar, but I can't place it. Thanks. Dennis.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 07:51 PM

I'm half-way out the door to a gig, but tomorrow I'll come back and toss in my 2 cents re:chords...

:-)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,Vanessa
Date: 24 Sep 04 - 03:24 AM

I'd love to get the chords too! (for the guitar...) Anyone got them figured out? :)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,Ricky Blue
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 02:14 PM

If anyone would like to own the original ColoRectal Surgeon's song it is easily done. Go to www.bowserandblue.com for information. The Colorectal surgeon's song is actually called "Workin' Where the Sun Don't Shine". A good version of Bowser and Blue performing this song was recorded by the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) and is on this CD along with other Boomer related songs. Like: "Bald is Beautiful", "When A Man Turns 50", "It's Manbashing Time" and many others. The quality and humor of the lyrics are consistent with The Rectal Surgeon's song throughout the CD - If you like the Colo rectal surgeon's song you will like the other songs as well. My name is Ricky Blue and I approve of this message!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 04:40 PM

Subtle...

:-)


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Subject: Lyr/Chords Add: WORKING WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 04:47 PM

Chords... I think this is sorta the way I do it... it's been awhile...

WORKING WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE
(Capo 2nd)

(C) We praise the colorec (F) tal (G)surg (F)eon,
(C) Misunderstood and much (F)mali (G)gned
(C) Slaving away in the (Am) heart of (F) darkness
(C) Working where the (G) sun don't (C)shine

Respect the colorectal surgeon, it's a calling few would crave
Life up your hands and join us, let's all do the finger wave

(Am) When it comes to (F)spreading joy
(C)there are many (G)techniques
Some spread joy to the world and others just spread cheeks

(Am) Some may think the cardi (C) ologist is
(Am) their best (D) friend
But the (C) colorectal surgeon (F)knows
he'll (C) get you (G) in the (C) end

Why be a colorectal surgeon it's one of those mysterious things
Is it because in that profession there are always openings?

When I first met a CR surgeon he did not quite understand
I said HEY it's nice to meet you, but do you mind
If we don't shake hands

He sailed right through medical school because he was a wiz
Oh but he never thought of psychology though he read passages
A Doctor he wanted to be for golf he loved to play
But this is not quite what he meant, by 18 holes a day

Praise the colorectal surgeon, misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine

*Rubbery Applause*


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: Devilmaster
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 04:52 PM

If the Guest at 2:14 is Ricky Blue, just wanted to say another thanks for the signed set list and for the show at the Sheraton on Saturday morning.

Great show, even if the Lucien Bouchard 1759 joke doesn't really work in the morning ;)

Steve


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,paddymac
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 09:12 PM

Incredible coincidence. I was reviewing old files earlier in the week with an eye toward clearing some disk space, when I ran across this song. I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my hot punch. I guess I got it from, or was led to it by, M'cat. Nearly split my gut over that that "plenty of openings" line. 'Spose the same could be said for gynecologists. A great contribution by the authors!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,Ricky Blue
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:46 AM

Thanks for the encouragement, Steve.

Just for the record, the Colo-rectal song was actually commissioned by the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons. A Montreal surgeon, Dr Phil Gordon, was President of the Society. He knew of Bowser and Blue - also Montrealers. The Colorectals were having their annual conference in Montreal that year - I think it was '95 or so. He thought they could use a laugh. He commissioned B & B to write them a song. This was the result. B & B performed it for them during their conference. They enjoyed it. The rest is history.

Rick


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,Jeremy
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 02:56 AM

FWIW, "Working Where the Sun Don't Shine" is played to the same tune as my favorite children's song of all time:

I am slowly going crazy
1-2-3-4-5-6 switch,
Crazy going slowly am I
6-5-4-3-2-1 switch.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,Sterling Campbell
Date: 09 Nov 07 - 09:55 PM

I have been trying all over the States to get a copy of, "Working Where the Sun Don't Shine" (The colorectal surgeon's song) Had a bad "V" and lost most of my HD. Can you help


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 05:26 PM

There is a YouTube entry showing Bowser and Blue performing this song for what appears to be the actual convention of those "Captains of the Windward Passage" (my apologies to the heirs of C.S. Forester).


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: Anglo
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 06:09 PM

See it HERE.

I know the tune as The Virgin Sturgeon, but there's an extra bridge in the middle.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: Young Buchan
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 12:14 PM

Visitors to this theme might, if they haven't met it before, be interested in JBS Haldane's humourous poem on rectal carcinoma, currently appearing as item 7ish on the thread 'Songs for Battling Cancer'.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: Amos
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 04:05 PM

Updated link to "The Colorectal Surgeon"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: Little Robyn
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 04:56 PM

The tune Bob gives to John Dengate's 'Rectal Bleeding Calypso' above is basically the tune for 'Foggy foggy dew'.
Robyn


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Subject: YouTube Link: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song
From: Haruo
Date: 15 Feb 11 - 11:54 AM

Here's the Bowser & Blue version on YouTube. Going in for a colonoscopy in a few hours, thought I'd better revisit these lyrics. ;-)

Haruo


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