BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?

Subject: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 06:35 PM

Ya know it's gotta be chimps, right? I mean, hey! It's really no competition. That's my opinion. A man can't doff his shoes and scramble straight up a telegraph pole or the side of a building. A Chimp can. Chimps are stronger, more rugged, and have great brow ridges. Chimps have hairier chests. Chimps have a better sense of balance, and don't take no guff. Chimps are at home in a forest or behind the wheel of a fancy flivver. Chimps can untie shoelaces with their toes.

Okay, so this is my unscientific survey, ladies, and you get ta vote:

Who is sexier? Chimps or men?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 06:40 PM

I don't think so

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 06:40 PM

Canadian men from Newfoundland. Then Canadian men generally. Then men in the Mudcat. And then Chimps.

I can untie shoelaces with my toes...

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 06:47 PM

Banjo players.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Shongo, Yer Evil Twin
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 06:49 PM

What's it to you, punk? You'd don't make it in either one anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 07:02 PM

I mighta known you'd show up here, you bindle-stiff. Go suck a ripe durian!

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 07:52 PM

Well gol danged! If this ain't some blatent descrimination... Why only the ladies gettin' a vote, anyway? Huh, answer me that one, will ya?

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Magenta
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 08:08 PM

Chimps - hands down.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 08:18 PM

I knew I could count on you, Magenta. You are one swell dame with good taste. When the case is closed you and I have got ta get together and DO this town in real style.

Bobert, if ya wanna rate female chimps, be my guest. My own opinion is, female chimps are great...but the thing that gets me about female humans is those legs. They tower up like elm trees. Whoosh! I get dizzy just thinkin' about it!

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 08:22 PM

According to anthropologists, the typical "dominant" male chimpanzee in the wild or in "simulated wild" zoo environments demands and has sex with female members of his tribe on the average of more than 50 times per day

- - - - lasting on average less than 6 seconds per incident.

Sexy?????????

John

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 08:31 PM

Now you're playing dirty, John... :-) I wonder how Chongo will respond to this?

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Shongo...who don't suffer from what Chongo d
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 09:13 PM

Six seconds? For my twin brudder that's like all day. I ain't sayin' he's premature or nothin', ya unnerstand, but he's, you know, quick. That's all, quick.

Now me, I take my time and do it right. Good for me, good for the lady. Chongo, he's not even wham bam -- more like wha, ya know? Me, I'm like, wham bam, ma'am, bam wham, again? sure, all day if you want, doll.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 09:19 PM

Oh, for heaven's sake... :-) I warned Chongo not to do this.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 09:24 PM

Hey Chongo... who's sexier, Chimps or Bonobos?

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 10:59 PM

female bonobos are sexier than chimpanzees, hands down! I'm a female bonobo masquerading as a homo sapiens!n

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 10:59 PM

Well, thankee fir the invite, Chongo, don't mind if I do step into the ballot box on this important issue....

Ahhhhh, the original question was men v. chimps, right? Well, half them chimps is female ain't they? So this is a no brainer fir men. It's chimps, hands down...

Now if its male chimps v. men then its a tossup...

BTW, a man can have sex with a chimp but will have to peform the act on the chimps terms.

(That is sick, Bobert. Sick!)

Hey, don't look at me. I heard that from an old black preacher man who I think was trying to make a point...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 11:01 PM

John, you need to study your chimpanzee behavior books. Those chimps only mate with a female in estrus and they also allow less dominant mates to mate. When no females are in estrus, guess what? females rule the world of sexuality...always have always will!

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,cheryl the chimp
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 03:31 AM

let's be honest. some men are only interested in a mother figure. How boring is that? others only want a servant figure (eg someone they can earbash and boss around). now i know most of you lovely catter men would never be like this.

but chimps are uncomplicated. and they don't worry about stretch marks, they're just excited by the moment. I'd rather go on a wild ride through the trees any day, than have to listen to someone talking about square roots and equations.

cheryl

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Gurney
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 07:25 AM

according to JohninKansas' figure, (and I'm sure he read it, not observed it) then those dominant chimps scored 5 minutes bonking per day, in total.
When I was a young fellow, 5 minutes would have given me time to boil an egg as well.

Seriously, I'm given to understand Bonobo Chimps are the sexiest (in quantity) creatures in the world. and the most popular of their females are the experienced, wrinkled ones.
Isn't that interesting!




No, me neither. I just have that sort of memory. Stuff like that, forever. Anything useful......gone.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 08:35 AM

Who the feck is chongo chump anyway ?
eric the confused

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 09:48 AM

Yeah? Well, who the heck are you, eric the red? Last I heard you was captaining a longship, pillaging, and raping all over the ancient world. It ain't nothin' to be that proud of if you ask me.

You wanna know who I am? I'm a Primate Eye. A gumshoe. I hang my hat in Chicago, Illinois. I use to be on the police force, primate squad, but I couldn't put up with all the paper-pushers, so I took up private investigatin'.

I also moonlight for Little Hawk, manning (or aping) the phones and weeding out the telemarketers.

You oughta read the threads about the cases I've solved and then you'd know a thing or two, bub. Put "Chongo Chimp" in the filter and look. There's also a case unfolding about a vampire that involves me...Vlad the Inhaler. Look it up.

Now cheryl made some good points there. She mentioned engineers. Engineers have square roots, don't they? This explains why they can't seem to get any girlfriends, I figure. Ha! Take my advice gals...don't waste your time datin' no engineers. Date a healthy, active primate instead.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Once Famous
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 12:46 PM

Chimps like Chongo I am sure never wipe their ass.

Many can be found walking around, obvlivious to the fact that they have a dingle berry stuck to their red, protruding butts.

This is sexy?

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 01:43 PM

You spend much time following Chimps with dingleberries stuck to their red, protruding butts around, Martin?

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Rodney the Mandrill
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 02:27 PM

Martin Gibson? He's notorious, Carol. He tries to jump anything that moves...chimp, mandrill, bonobo, you name it. That's because he's such a jerk that no human female will go near him. He's sick. Howard Stern would find him embarrassing to be around, believe me.

Now I personally think that Mandrills are the sexiest of all primates. All you have to do is glance at a mandrill's butt and you can see that, even if he's clothed. It's obvious.

This is not to put down Chongo, who is definitely a cool dude with big coconuts, but I know what I know. Mandrills rule.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Tang the Orangutan
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 03:26 PM

He follows us around as well. I caught him trying to force his attentions on one of my mates so I had to beat him off of her. He got mad and went off to see an ostrich. I heard her sqawks from the other side of the zoo! Oh well, I must say that my mate was EXTREMELY grateful I rescued her from that pervert.

As to who is sexier, I must say neither one. Orangutans are the sexiest around!

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 03:39 PM

I'm with Sinsull on this one

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 03:47 PM

Hey, Tang, we have missed you over at the Be(a)st Poet thread...

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST, Catarrhinic Cercopithec anthropoid
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 07:58 PM

Hey!, most of you Pongids and Panids, and ALL of you Homonids can kiss my Ischial callosity! You don't know what sexy is!

or even better, Martin Gibbon (a Hylobatid, for sure!)can try this!

(Stick to Tang, Chongo--she can show you more than you need to know!)

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 08:37 PM

Chumps. By far.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Hrothgar
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 01:50 AM

Women - God bless the litle dears.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: danielriverwind
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 03:33 AM

I can always tell when there's a full moon.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Gurney
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 04:01 AM

Why, do your teeth grow or something?

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 04:12 AM

Chimps are about as sexy as a richard in a swimmin pool.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 07:52 AM

I think it entirely depends on the man to whom they are compared....

Now if it was Sean Connery or Hugh Jackman, the chimp wouldn't stand a chance... but if it was the guy from our postroom, with the handbag and bad toupee, then I'd be off to buy some bananas pretty sharpish!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: kendall
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 09:56 AM

I'm so glad I took up the banjo.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: Once Famous
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 12:17 PM

Me, too Kendall. The banjo is very sexy. As for following chimps with dingleberries stuck to their ass, I don't follow them around, and I get away from them as fast as I can at the two world class zoos here in Chicago if I am visiting. Hardly clever. As for following women around, I am way too happily married to a beuatiful, intelligent 50 year old girl-woman to even consider it!

What's disgusting to me is monkeys of all sorts. Especially people who use computers and pretend they are one.

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: GUEST,Lucy the Chimp
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 03:10 PM

Martin, Martin - that's not what you told me last night during our "interlude" as you called it. And by the way, Martin only lasted 5 seconds. Said I must be something special cuz he never lasted so long before.

But I have a question for you humans - his was the littlest "thing" I've ever seen. Is that true of men in general? If so, I'm glad I'm not part of evolution.

Lucy

Subject: RE: BS: Who's sexier? Chimps or men?
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 04:05 PM

eric - what is a richard and why is it in the swimming pool?
SINS