BS: Spare parts

Subject: BS: Spare parts
From: Dead Horse
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 05:57 AM

I have recently undergone surgery to remove various parts of my anatomy, all, it seems, I can do perfectly well without.
First it was the gall bladder.
It had stones.
It came out. I didn't need it.
Next it was my appendix.
It was rotten.
It came out. I didn't need it.
Last came my belly button.
It was in the way.
It came off. I didn't need it.
Now then, what else can they remove that is surplus to requirements?
I need to know in case I come under the knife again!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: sledge
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 07:14 AM

While not great you can afford to loose large parts of the Liver, one lung or kidney and your tonsils.

Hope this is of help :-)

Sledge

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 07:46 AM

Breasts are disposable even on men. In fact, if they can perfect a brain transfer, we may all be disposable. Maybe that's what they mean by our "throwaway culture".

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 07:46 AM

Sorry for youe troubles, horse.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Jeri
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 09:11 AM

Where is me...
All gone for scalpels and stitches...

You can probably lose anything you don't absolutely need for important bodily functions such as circulation, breathing, digestion, waste elimination, and such Even some of the things you think you need are just niceties.

You wouldn't miss your spleen much, and you've got lots of superfluous intestines. Things NOT to lose include your brain, your heart, liver, at least one lung, and your sense of humor. (No, they can't take that away...)

[I've never heard of a bellybuttonectomy!]

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 09:20 AM

I have. A frined of mine had a baby girl with multiple heart problems. After numerous surgeries on her tiny body, she was healthy but buttonless. I often wondered how she would feel about it when she was a teenager.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 09:23 AM

Did you hear about the guy who was born without a navel? The doctors said it was the most complete rejection of mother in the casebooks.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 09:39 AM

Rapaire, that's ridickle-dockle. No-one is born with a navel. Navels are -- so to speak -- iatrogenic.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: JennyO
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 11:16 AM

This thread reminds me of a scene from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, where the mice wanted Arthur Dent's brain in order to find out the answer to life the universe and everything:


"No, no," said Frankie, "it's the brain we want to buy."
"What!"
"I thought you said you could just read his brain electronically," protested Ford.
"Oh yes," said Frankie, "but we'd have to get it out first. It's got to be prepared."
"Treated," said Benji.
"Diced."
"Thank you," shouted Arthur, tipping up his chair and backing away from the table in horror.
"It could always be replaced," said Benji reasonably, "if you think it's important."
"Yes, an electronic brain," said Frankie, "a simple one would suffice."
"A simple one!" wailed Arthur.
"Yeah," said Zaphod with a sudden evil grin, "you'd just have to program it to say What? and I don't understand and Where's the tea? ? who'd know the difference?"
"What?" cried Arthur, backing away still further.
"See what I mean?" said Zaphod and howled with pain because of something that Trillian did at that moment.
"I'd notice the difference," said Arthur.
"No you wouldn't," said Frankie mouse, "you'd be programmed not to."

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 11:24 AM

And then they came for me....

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: JennyO
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 12:06 PM

Then of course there's the live organ transplants scene from "The Meaning of Life":


MR. BROWN:
Yes?
MAN:
Hello. Uhh, can we have your liver?

MR. BROWN:
My what?
MAN:
Your liver. It's a large, ehh, glandular organ in your abdomen.
ERIC:
[sniff]
MAN:
You know, it's, uh,-- it's reddish-brown. It's sort of, uhh,--
MR. BROWN:
Yeah,-- y-- y-- yeah, I know what it is, but... I'm using it, eh.

ERIC:
Come on, sir.
MR. BROWN:
Hey! Hey! Stop!
ERIC:
Don't muck us about.
MR. BROWN:
Stop! Hey! Hey! Stop it. Hey!
MAN:
Hallo.
MR. BROWN:
Ge-- get off.
MAN:
What's this, then? Mmh.
MR. BROWN:
A liver donor's card.
MAN:
Need we say more?
ERIC:
No!
MR. BROWN:
Listen! I can't give it to you now. It says, 'in the event of death'. Uh. Oh! Ah. Ah. Eh.
MAN:
No one who has ever had their liver taken out by us has survived.
MR. BROWN:
Agh.
ERIC:
Just lie there, sir. It won't take a minute.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 12:18 PM

Have you got enough parts left to keep the beautiful Kay happy, Ken ?

If not then I'm sure that I'd be willing to help out !

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 12:26 PM

The male body has a spare of almost everything except your brain, spinal cord, nose, dick, and asshole. Hang on to those bits with at least one hand.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 01:21 PM

I am doin that with one hand, but its realy hard to type. Holding them all with one hand is also very uncomfortable.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Morticia
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 01:23 PM

They didn't remove the ...........GIN.....did they?

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 06:52 PM

I just wrote "There used to be a lot of arguments about whether Adam had a belly button."   Then just for fun I checked with Google, and found this contemporary page on the Internet - Did Adam have a belly-button? - and that is just one of 26,000 which come up for scrutiny if you type in "Adam + belly button" - so that "used to be" is not too accurate...

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 07:00 PM

Of course he did. That's where god stuck his finger in and announced "He's done".

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 07:01 PM

The real question is where is the scar from the rib removal?

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Don Firth
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 07:44 PM

Spare parts. Well . . . being of the male persuasion, I hesitate to put this forth, but. . . .

The real story of Genesis.
God made Woman first.
Being His first shot at making a human being, He made her with three breasts.
Woman checked her reflection in the pond and said, "I dunno about this. . . ."
She went to God and said, "you know, I think just two of these things will be sufficient."
God looked her over and said, "Yup. I think you're probably right."
So He removed one of her breasts.
As Woman frolicked happily among the trees in the Garden, God stood there and thought, "Now, what can I do with a useless boob?"
Then God made Man.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 01:09 AM

Here's the way I heered it....

Well, it seems that as God was just about done creating the universe, he had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of goodies, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.

He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the natural ability to micturate while standing up.

"It's a pretty handy thing, pun intended," God told the couple who he found hanging around arguing about naming the animals. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."

Adam was decisive, the take-charge guy he was. He jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me, Lord! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. I'd be so great! When I'm walking around the Garden, admiring this domain You've created for me to dominate, I could just let it rip! It'd be so cool! Oh please, God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please........." And on and on he went.

Eve just smiled and shrugged. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee.

And so it was written. And so it was done. And it was good. And Adam did proceed to wet down the bark of the nearest tree as high as he could reach.

"Oh that's fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. "Now what's left here for Eve? Oh yes... multiple orgasms."

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: open mike
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 02:37 AM

I heard that your little toe and wisdom teeth will one day be
non-existant, and un-necessary, and that they are becoming more
(or is that less?) vestigial in each generation of humans.
Evolution in action!

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 09:32 AM

Speaking of vestigal organs, I know lots of people who seem to have vestigal brains.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 10:04 AM

BTW Ken - now when you're eating celery in bed, you'll have to put the salt in Kay's navel.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Dead Horse
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 06:14 PM

Cant stomach celery (groan) but will use hers for the salt when eating boiled eggs & dippers!
I wonder where my navel fluff will end up?

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: C-flat
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 05:47 AM

and what will you contemplate?

C-flat.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 07:10 AM

I suppose the only problem with putting the salt in Kay's navel is that it'll fall out when she's dancing.

Subject: RE: BS: Spare parts
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 09:44 AM

Use a big ol' crystal of rock salt. No, wait, this a folk forum. Nevermind.