BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net

Subject: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net.
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:26 AM

Crazy Train or Emotional Subway Attack

This morning I had the most bizarre subway ride. I board the Number 3 train at Grand Army Plaza after 9 a.m. Find a seat, then settle into reading Henry James for class. I hear a woman's voice gradually rising in volume. She is preaching the "Lord's" word to the train car's sleepy riders. Of course, I had forgotten the headphones for my subway evil sounds blocking device. The train stops and starts.
The words denigrating "gay devils" reach my ears. I stand up.

Me: "Excuse me, but do you mind keeping your voice down, I am trying to read."

Preacher Lady: (screams) "I got to testify."

Preacher lady hitches up her skirts and tells me that I am going to hell for interrupting you-know-who's word. Two or three OTHER Christian ladies on the train start shouting at me and discussing my prospects as the Devil's prison bitch. The last straw was a 50 something red faced man in a suit slamming his Bible towards my face.
There was only one thing I could do.

Me: "If you all don't lower your voices and cease calling me Satan, I will have to sing show tunes."

The other straphangers look at me with stony faces.
I begin to sing.
"Its very clear, our love is here to stay. Not for a year, but forever and a day…"

Preacher lady and the Jesus police start mumbling and beseeching G_d to strike me down and boil me in molten tar. (I look better in silver.)
The train reaches Wall Street. Confused subway riders check out the scene. I begin swaying and feeling the music.

The slamming Bible man looks like he is going to pop a blood vessel. "I cast ye out, Satan."

I go into jazz dance crouch and then spring up to belt out, "THAAAAAAT OLD BLACK MAGIC, HAS ME IN A SPELL…"

Bible man has to get off the train as I wriggle and shimmy. "That same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine!"

Bible man exits. SHOW TUNES 1, FUNDAMENTALISTS 0.

"So when you walk alone and forlorn, and hear that Cadillac horn remember, love isn't born, its made…and that's why every window has a window shade…bad a biddle be bop…"

I try to discuss freedom of religion with the ladies, but all attempts at reasonable discourse fail.

By 34th street, the last of the Christian word warriors has left the train. 3 subway riders shake my hand and say, "I have always wanted to tell those idiots to shut up! Bless you."

I am shaking. I don't know what comes over me at times like this. I only know that I cannot stay silent. I wish that I had my ukulele with me.

At 42nd street, a woman strides into the car and starts PREACHING. The entire car bursts into laughter. I interrupt this new preacher lady and note that she is wearing a flowered straw bonnet.

Me: "Excuse me, Ma'am…but I must warn you that there has been a 12 subway stop donnybrook regarding the unwanted intrusion of religious beliefs into our morning commutes."

Preacher Lady 2: "I got freedom of speech! And GOD TELLS ME THAT THE GAY DEVILS ARE CONTROLLING NEW YORK."

Me: (standing up) "If you do not cease and desist fouling the air with homophobia, I must sing…SHOW TUNES."

There are now 3 or 4 gay men on the train. They start laughing.

Preacher Lady 2: "The Lawd says you are going to …" (litany of punishments that would be fun with the right person).

Me: (sings) "The Girl that I marry will have to be, as soft and as sweet as a nursery… the girl I call my own, will wear diamonds and laces and smell of cologne…"

One of the boys on the train starts to harmonize.

Preacher Lady 2 makes her way down the car, pointing and exclaiming, "I have met the devil right here!"

Me: (sings) "Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets…"

Dancing around the subway poles and doing my best Gwen Verdon kicks, I feel the spirit in me.

I close with "Pennies from Heaven" and make sure to get the Jazz Hands in for good measure.

As Preacher Lady 2 runs to the next car at 72nd Street, the doors open, a perfect end of song button for my gay pointing gesture.

The subway riders break into applause and I bow. Rock on.

Several straphangers whisper, Happy New Year to me in Hebrew.

An Orthodox lady hands me an orange.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

***************

This was written by K.R. Munson
Copyright 2004
Please give credit when quoting this material.
Please don't steal my stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: MMario
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:29 AM

BRAVO!

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:32 AM

Music is the Ultimate Weapon...

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:33 AM

Wunderbar! Excellent!


Will it work with Mormon missionaries, or do you think that they'd join in? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: greg stephens
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:34 AM

Is this preaching on trains common in America?

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:40 AM

The people who were preaching can in no way be called Christian. Such an attitude is totally unbecoming of a true Christian...I mean...none of us are perfect but what leads people to behave in such a way. You can't make people believe but you can lead them to an understanding.
I say FOOLESTROUPE good on yer...well done.
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:42 AM

Wasn't me - I don't live in New York...

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:56 AM

So it is right then the Devil DOES HAVE ALL THE BEST TUNES.

Would loved to have been on that train. Wonder what the reaction would be to an evangelical atheist?

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 10:01 AM

You wish it was though. I certainly wish it was me. Good on K.R.Munson (THAT's how he spells it, right?)

This made me feel good. The world is still worth saving.

I'd better get cracking...

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 10:03 AM

I think it's actually she... but I'll give you one guess why she had enough of the homophobia...

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 10:04 AM

Oh, excellent tale!! Bravo!! Sing SHOW TUNES!! Yes!!!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 10:39 AM

Yes, excellent, I can hardly wait to use this but I don't know show tunes, so I'll have to sing IRISH SONGS or MURDER BALLADS... what a riot.
And, they were too Christian, very Christian, stereotypically Christian. It is large part of Christianity to preach and convert, or at least preach and attempt to convert. I never heard of it happening on mass transit but hey, you got a captive audience unless they want to be late for work! Not dumb at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 10:40 AM

BTW, this is a music thread. What would you sing to silence such intruders, whether religious or other?

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 10:58 AM

It sounds wonderful, good on Ms/Mr Munson.

I've never seen a preacher on a train - but then my morning trip is only 2 stops (5 minutes) - I don't know if we have travelling preachers here in Oz. I hope not.

Tho more than once I have wanted to remove some nutter/drunk on a train or a bus & what a way to do it

Singing solves many problems.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Stuff - no thread suits it..
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 11:09 AM

You know I've actually done this!

Not to shut down a religious ranter, but someone who was on the bus next to me on his cell phone. He was talking so loudly, without any regard to his volume that I just started humming, and then broke out into song;

"On a wonderful day like today, I defy any cloud to appear in the sky, dare any raindrop to plop in my eye, on a woooonderful daaaay like todaaaay".

He turned around and gave me such a look! How could I be so rude?!!!!

I smiled and sang the second verse right to him. He didn't speak until I'd finished, and then he said to whomever was on the phone "Did you hear that? Can you believe this??? I'll call you later."

When he put his phone away, I smiled and said, "Now wasn't that fun?"

Of course he was convinced I was completely demented, and he got up, scowling, to leave.

I just had to zing him one more time, so I said to his departing back, "I take requests!".

..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 10:00 PM

Somehow I feel that in Australia they would be in breach of several things including 'creating a public nuisance' on Public Transport. And I find mobiles on buses offensive, may be not so much on our commuter trains - space and noise level may have something to do with it.

They used to frequent Brisbane centre, especially around the City Hall Mall & tried the Queen St Mall.

I seem to remember The Council passing some regulation that had the fundamental evangelists up in arms about 'free speech' and their 5th Amendment right - but in Australia 'the 5th Amendment' gave aboriginal the status of citizens, including the right to vote. As far as I know there is no official 'Right of Free Speech' in Australia, but we have a legal system where all that is not specifically prohibited is allowed.

I think if you read the piece closely, you will understand why 'Show Tunes' - I know it's not compulsory, but 'Show Tunes' seem to be a big hit in the Gay Community.

Actually, I was wrong -

Laughter is the ultimate weapon, Music can be her Handmaiden.


Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: GUEST,winterbright
Date: 02 Oct 04 - 01:33 PM

LOL!!!
I've just printed this out; the timing is perfect! My (Unitarian Universalist) church is doing a service on The Welcoming Congregation tomorrow, and I want to pass this piece along!
Thank you! Mazel tov! Blessed be! (and, yes, God(dess) bless you!)
Keep up the good work!

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: Willie-O
Date: 02 Oct 04 - 03:01 PM

"It ain't necessarily so (x2),
The things that you're liable
To read in the bible
They ain't necessarily so."

Gospel for agnostics.

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 02 Oct 04 - 08:55 PM

Omigod -- I think I'm in love. I may be turning into a pain-in-the-soandso, but y'all are gonna have to put up with me forever.

"There Is Nothing Like A Dame", and "You've Got To Be Taught", and "Bloody Mary Is The Girl I Love" need to go on everyone's list. "People Will Say We're In Love" might be another good one for the same list.

Life's such a great trip. No wonder wanting to cling to it is part of the test of sanity in some circles.   Tw

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 04 - 09:45 PM

Hmmm. Now I think I should know more show tunes. Oh well, I can just sing vintage Dylan stuff, I guess, if someone starts preaching at me on the subway. I don't think anyone would dare preach on the Toronto subway, though. The general idea there is to stonily avoid eye contact or any other form of contact with the other riders if at all possible. It's sort of an unspoken rule. You are allowed to talk to your friends, though, just not to anyone else.

The original story is a real treat to read.

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 06:44 AM

Can't say I've come up against that here. I think the assumption on a train in London would be that they were off their rocker, or drunk or drugged.

We're coming up to the time of the year when Christmas Carols would be in seaso. I wonder how they'd have coped with that? Joined in?

I remember, back in the days of CND marches, I used to enjoy sneaking up with a guitar behind anybody who was shouting insults at the marchers, and drown them out with songs.

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 09:06 AM

well, I don't ride the bus or subway much anymore, but I have heard preaching on both. (Wash DC area)..It is 'technically' illegal, but enforcement is hard....bus drivers are frankly scared to interfere with stuff in the back, and won't even call unless there seems to be a serious incident. In the subway it is ususally over before you can get TO anyone to complain.

K R Munson's way is the best, IF you know the songs and if you have the gall...*grin* Somehow, these 'witnessers' take your resistance as proof that they need to work harder...as if yelling and demanding make their message more true....

Subject: RE: BS: Weird Funny Music Stuff I Found on the Net
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 10:08 AM

So singing a Christmas Carol or a good old hymn would throw them right off balance...

They'd be far more likely to win freinds and influence people of course if they did come on singing Gospel Music or stuff like that. But I imagine that is not really what these pseudo-Christian Taliban are actually trying to do.