BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert

Subject: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,NOFAD
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 10:49 PM

As a representative of the National Order of Females Against Dimwits...and we are no fad...I would like to ask some questions about Bobert.

1. When is he going to fix the Wes Ginny slide rule?

2. When is he going to stop blaming his own flaws on his "friends"?

3. When is he going to realize that he is wrong and she is right?

4. When is he going to shape up and do as he is told?

5. When is he going to stop leaving the toilet seat up?

6. When is he going to take the garbage out?

7. When is he going to repair the roof?

8. When is he going to apologize, profusely, for neglecting all of the above and for his general insensitivity and obsessive maleness?

We at NOFAD are concerned, and we intend to act on this matter and see that Bobert shapes up and flies right, instead of laying around like an old hood ornament.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 11:11 PM

Gad, I thought Bobert was an old hood ornament!

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Once Famous
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 11:14 PM

Seems like Bobert and his hand are pretty well acquainted.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 11:15 PM

No it's more Bobert and his foot ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 11:17 PM

I feel sorry for Bobert. Once NOFAD gets on a man's case his life of relative freedom is effectively over.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 11:26 PM

"Hood ornament"???

Hey, ain't nuthin wrong wid me 'er my Wes Ginny Slide Rule, gol dangit! I ain't got no more "flaws" than the next guy and, hey, think about the toilet seat thing fir a minute... No don't... Let's get to the real crux of the charges: admitting that womenz is right. Well, hey, law of averages says they gonna luck out now and then. As fir the garbage thing: now that's plain garbage as far as I can see and the roof only leaks when it rains so, ahhhhhh, that's 10% of the time and accordin' to the Wes Ginny Slide Rule that means its fine 90% of the time. Back when I was in school, GUEST, NOFAD, a 90% would get youa low A, thank you....

"Obsessive maleness"??? Oh, the word is out? Sorry, womenz, but the P-Vine is gonna be the recipient of all that good stuff. There, GUEST, I apologized.

What else? Oh yeah; "Shape up"... Hey, Iz bold and bulky fir a skinny hillbilly. Okay, maybe more like bold and wirey... But I certainly don't need no shapin' up, sho nuffg I don't. If I was in better shape I'd have to take my seff out in the backyard and pour some whupass on myself...

"Hood ornament"???

Okay, maybe. But like one off a '54 Cadillac and not a danged '81 Chevette, thank you...

That's my story....

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: John P
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 08:33 AM

Bobert,
Not to worry. NOFAD is wonderful. Ever since they came to my house and tied me up (very exciting!!) and gave me those pills, I've been in such a great mood! I used to ignore my wife all the time, and not help out around the house. Can you imagine that? Now, my favorite activity is shopping for new aprons and dishcloths at the mall. Not that I get out to the mall all that often -- there's always so much fun stuff like cleaning and fixing things to do at home, and then when the missus gets home I get to give her a back rub and fill the bath tub for her! If I do it just right she lets me watch sometimes! Wow!

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 09:05 AM

Don't worry John P there's a whole bunch of guys fixing to come over and help you escape just as soon as they can move the foot that's been nailed to the floor. Meantime they'll just circle a bit and watch for developments, if there's nothing on the shopping channel.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 09:49 AM

National Order of Females against Dimwits.......I am personally not too keen on self hate groups.
Why is it always a guest that attacks people in this way????
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Men are from ? and Women are from Venus
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 11:32 AM

I commend the National Order of Females against Dimwits....... for gettin'on ole Bobert's case. Now, Mr Bobert knows that he can ask questions about women and how strange they are any time, Mr G Silver. Is there a problemo with women asking questions about men. Now, I am an open minded person, and am not into specism, but i do wonder what planet men come from, on occasion. And at the risk of alien-ating a lot of catters, I would like to suggest that a little interplanetary debate could help us awhile.

best wishes

Venus

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 01:05 PM

Women are extremely hot, have an unbreathable atmosphere, have clourds composed of sulfuric acid, exert pressure of 92 atmospheres, are covered with lava flows and craters, and are covered with fool's gold?

Geez!

"...during the last few years scientists have found that the kinship ends here. Venus is very different from the Earth. It has no oceans and is surrounded by a heavy atmosphere composed mainly of carbon dioxide with virtually no water vapor. Its clouds are composed of sulfuric acid droplets. At the surface, the atmospheric pressure is 92 times that of the Earth's at sea-level.

"Venus is scorched with a surface temperature of about 482° C (900° F). This high temperature is primarily due to a runaway greenhouse effect caused by the heavy atmosphere of carbon dioxide. Sunlight passes through the atmosphere to heat the surface of the planet. Heat is radiated out, but is trapped by the dense atmosphere and not allowed to escape into space. This makes Venus hotter than Mercury.

"A Venusian day is 243 Earth days and is longer than its year of 225 days. Oddly, Venus rotates from east to west. To an observer on Venus, the Sun would rise in the west and set in the east.

"...Venus' surface is relatively young geologically speaking. It appears to have been completely resurfaced 300 to 500 million years ago. Scientists debate how and why this occurred. The Venusian topography consists of vast plains covered by lava flows and mountain or highland regions deformed by geological activity. Maxwell Montes in Ishtar Terra is the highest peak on Venus. The Aphrodite Terra highlands extend almost half way around the equator. Magellan images of highland regions above 2.5 kilometers (1.5 miles) are unusually bright, characteristic of moist soil. However, liquid water does not exist on the surface and cannot account for the bright highlands. One theory suggests that the bright material might be composed of metallic compounds. Studies have shown the material might be iron pyrite (also know as "fools gold"). It is unstable on the plains but would be stable in the highlands. The material could also be some type of exotic material which would give the same results but at lower concentrations.

"Venus is scarred by numerous impact craters distrubuted randomly over its surface. Small craters less that 2 kilometers (1.2 miles) are almost non-existent due to the heavy Venusian atmosphere. The exception occurs when large meteorites shatter just before impact, creating crater clusters. Volcanoes and volcanic features are even more numerous. At least 85% of the Venusian surface is covered with volcanic rock. Hugh lava flows, extending for hundreds of kilometers, have flooded the lowlands creating vast plains. More than 100,000 small shield volcanoes dot the surface along with hundreds of large volcanos. Flows from volcanos have produced long sinuous channels extending for hundreds of kilometers, with one extending nearly 7,000 kilometers (4,300 miles).

"Giant calderas more than 100 kilometers (62 miles) in diameter are found on Venus...."

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 01:49 PM

Boberdzz I am wif you 100% on this one brother. I allus pee wif the toilet seat left down and caught hell fer that aslo! Thar ain't no pleasing them.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 03:31 PM

there is a remedy for that Tweed...take the toilet seat off and they won't be able to complain about it!

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Constance Sallyport, NOFAD
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 03:42 PM

We at NOFAD have heard of you, Tweed, and we consider you to be utterly beyond redemption. We have been well informed of your nefarious activities and disgusting nature by an affiliate member, Ms Penelope Rutledge in the UK. NOFAD intends to press for legislation which would require compulsory sterilization of your kind in order to prevent the complete downfall of western civilization. God grant that we succeed in this holy mission!

Amergin, you have been put on our priority list. Expect to be visited by a NOFAD emergency response team sometime within the next 30 days. Do not attempt to escape. Resistance is futile. You will either learn to be a sensitive, caring, and obedient male...or you will be neutralized.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 03:46 PM

MAdame:

May I suggest you stick to your giant caldera? Tweaking Tweed is an unholy dangerous thing for anyone of a feminine persuasion to be doing.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Constance Sallyport, NOFAD
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 03:55 PM

As a lady to a gentleman, Amos, I appreciate your concern for my personal safety, but know this: we at NOFAD know no fear! We are strong, we are invincible, and we are NO FAD.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 04:10 PM

Dear madame:

It is not fear but a deep moral difficulty which puts you at risk. You are torn between the fading headlabnds of Victorian moral conventions astern and the bright hope of private artistry and the scintillating temptations of the House of Tweed a point of the port bow, five cables off.

Approach his domain and you will be swept up by the Blues, rhythmed into a shivering custard of hot, aspiring acquiescence and converted into an all-too-compliant disciple of the Blues before you know what hit you; your faint aspersions will be lost on the wind and your distant moral codes will be just memories or forgotten dreams, washed away by strong pounding sunlight and ineluctable string-bending rhythms.

Do not say you were not warned, although it will not matter; for your conversion will so delight you as to brook no regret.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Constance Sallyport, quite independently of
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 04:20 PM

Amos, I find myself strangely moved by the compelling way you express yourself, by your stirring command of the English language, the exquisite word-pictures you draw upon the palpitating air. Tell me more! To hell with Tweed...when and where can you and I meet privately to discuss your fascinating philosophical outlook in greater depth?

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 04:53 PM

Dear madame, Amos is but a figment of Tweed's imagination, a phantom of quasi-delight, a decoy in the duckpond (so to speak).

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 05:09 PM

This NOFARD sounds sorta familiear....I would ejaculate thet this female impersonator iz in actuallment none other than my nemodnes, Penelope Rutleggs, who is, as we all know the nefarimous KHINGKHANDU!

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 05:12 PM

Who is aslo Tweed!! My god, I am losing my mind..

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: open mike
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 05:15 PM

why is he such a numpty?

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 05:34 PM

Rapaire:

You are a denigrating rapscallion, a pit of cast-off turpitude, a tiny cesspool of bewildered immorality. If you can find it I will meet you on the field of honor.

Dear Madame Sallyport, I pray you second me there, and when we have dispensed with this addlepated nuisance we can retire to a nearby salon for more interesting conversation.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Constance Sallyport
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 05:44 PM

I'll be there, Amos, with bells on. I have no fear that you will trounce that cheeky upstart, Rapaire. I have decided to take an extended leave of absence from my duties at NOFAD.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 05:46 PM

Done, sir! Tweed will act as my second.

We shall meet at dawn -- oh, say around 6:30 or so -- in the meadow around Trail Creek Spring on Howard Mountain, on Monday, October 11. Not only can I not meet earlier due to a prior engagement in New York City, but this will give you time to attend church on Sunday and wipe clean the sins that currently sully your immortal soul.

As weapons, I select halberds on horseback.

I'll get the coffee and doughnuts.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 05:48 PM

I do believe an awakening has begun!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 05:51 PM

Not really -- I've been up since 6 a.m.

Freshly ground Kenya AA, freshly brewed, okay?

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Constance Sallyport
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 06:11 PM

My heart beats faster at the thought of this manly test of derring-do, in which nobility and virtue shall confront duplicity and depravity on the field of honor! And what better setting for it than beautiful Howard Mountain in Colorado?

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 06:17 PM

Woman, you keep outa this! You don't even know that Howard Mountain is in Idaho, just about five miles from where I'm sitting. This here is a traditional honor thing between a couple of REAL MEN.

Amos -- do you have a doughnut preference? I highly recommend the raspberry filled ones here.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Constance Sallyport
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 06:35 PM

Don't get testy with me, you degenerate! I look forward to seeing you facedown in the dust. There is a Howard Mountain in Colorado, and I had assumed it was that one. I see that there is also some geographical pimple called "Howard Mountain" in the state of Idaho. Very well, Idaho it is then. I'll be there!

Howard Mountain, Colorado

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: GUEST,Penelope, Venus & Cheryl
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 07:38 PM

..Can you bring Bobert along? We think he's kinda cute, evn if he DO ask some strange questions sometimes!

The NOFAD Social Committee for Female Improvement and Emanticipation

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 07:40 PM

"Emanticipation". What a great word!

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 08:42 PM

Listen here, you know-it-all female! Idaho's Howard Mountain was named for Dr. Minnie F. Howard, one of Pocatello's early and leading women and her family, but mostly for Dr. Minnie. She was a suffragette, a community activist, a leader in the state temperance movement, one of those who found and restored Ft. Hall, a preserver of pictographs, and could probably have whomped you with both hands tied behind her back! And...she was a lady, to boot.

You jist let Amos and me have at each other, and you kin swoon over the winner or the loser as you see fit.


Amos, I've ordered a dozen doughnuts of assorted types -- crullers, bismarcks, glazed, filled, and so forth. Will that be enough, or will we want more?

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 08:56 PM

LOL! Best buy a big assortment of donuts, guys. Howard Mountain will never be the same after this event.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 10:08 PM

A strange choice of weapons, but I accept. My sole stipulation is that I have a frozen one -- the halberd, not the horse.   I am not fond of the odor of dead fish at room temperature.

The awakening I spoke of was not in reference to you, Rapaire--not everything is about you, you know!--but to Madame Sallyport (a charming name for a feminine second and even more so for a feminine principle!).

A

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Bobert
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 10:40 PM

Well gol danged! I ask one lousy question about womenz and now I got half the male Mudcat population standin' in line waitin' to blow the crap out of each other....

Is it too late to withdraw my question?

I mean, womenz ain't half bad... Really!!!! And I'll lift that danged toilet seat if it it saves one Mudder life... I promise I will...

Hey!

Hey!!!

Hey!!!!!!!!!! Put that danged pistol down, fir God's sake...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 06:58 AM

We ain't gonna shoot anyone, Bobert.

Here's a picture of a halberd.

But if Amos did not mean that "awakening" remark for me, I have no quarrel. So unless the gentleman insists, I will step forward and offer my hand (still attached) in friendship and let this misunderstanding fall into the past.

I'll still buy the doughnuts.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Janie
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 11:31 AM

Aw shucks! I wanna watch 'em fight!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 11:44 AM

Oh, bravely offered, and gladly accepted, sir!! I promise you that if ever I find the need to insult you, I shall make little quote marks with my fingers in the air, to alert all concerned that this is the moment not to be mistaken!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 11:55 AM

Aw well shit........Damn thing just starts to get entertaining and the fucker peters out to nothin'...............This is why I am around less nowadays..................***sigh***...............Somebody could have at least blown away Boboertz' Patti Poopchute doll.........................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 12:09 PM

Hey -- Spaw -- fock you, you tin-hearted day-trippuh!! You wanna get smacked with a frozen halberd on horseback, jus' lemme know!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Janie
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 02:33 PM

Come on Spaw. You gonna take a talkin' to like that from some old coot from the left coast! Show him what a REAL man is made of....er...from what a real man is made.....well, anyway, just like you said, it was just getting interesting.

Janie
President Emeritus
I Swan! (International Society of Women Against Namdipants.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 12:46 AM

Ex-members of NOFAD are also going to be rather disappointed, I think.

What is the derivation of the expression "I swan!" anyway? I've always wondered about that.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Janie
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 08:31 AM

Dunno. I would guess it wasn't ladylike to say "I swear" so ladies changed it to "I swan." Same process as "gol dern it"

I hope Spaw isn't planning on sending Pa and Cletus. I want to see a fight, not a farting contest!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: Tweed
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 08:54 AM

I wish he would send Pa and CLETUS as they were the only ones around here thet I could understand what the hell they wabz talkin about. Hey, it's almost Spaw's birthday again ain't it? Posonby the whole cast in here could come up wif a Spaw Birthday Chili Supper followed by a gala and star-studded farting contest.

Subject: RE: BS: Women's latest questions about Bobert
From: CarolC
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 11:28 AM

Tweed, if you lose your mind, try looking for it behind the refrigerator. Most of the time when I lose things, that's where I find them.