Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington

Subject: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Flash Company
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 05:49 AM

I've been away for a few days otherwise I would have mentioned this sooner!
Apparently a theatre group in Norfolk as publicity for their Pantomime decided to e-mail all the local primary schools offering to go and perform an excerpt from the show for the children and hold a discussion group to explain the true history of the tale. Out of 15 e-mails sent they got 3 replies!
Reason? The title of the show fell victim to the anti porn software the schools were using. Dick Whittington & His Cat contains a rude word, so will not pass!
I've been too busy to think of it myself, (Holidays are so time consuming!), but there must be a song in there somewhere, go for it!

FC

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 10:19 AM

scat?

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 10:25 AM

Dick and Prick and Tyke and Pike
Wick and Mick, and Dyke and Bike
Come and Bum and Thumb and Rum
Are words that might offend.

Essex, Sussex, Middlesex,
Names to get computers vexed,
Niggardly's a dodgy word,
It's better not to send.

Harlow's not a word to use.
Scunthorpe makes it blow a fuse,
The PC's working overtime
Attempting to defend.

With gay abandon let's decide
Such prudery to set aside,
I've given you a point of view -
And now it's time to end.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Flash Company
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 10:46 AM

Here's a health to you Mr McGrath, we'll let you sit down any time!
Harlow reminds me of the story of Jean of that ilk insisting on addressing Margot Asquith as Margott with a hard T. Eventually she told her 'No my dear, the t is silent as in Harlow!'

FC

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 10:48 AM

Thanks Kevin.

I didn't think Harlow was a problem (unlike Harlo, with silent t?)

Kitty

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 10:49 AM

Great minds, FC.....

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Flash Company
Date: 18 Oct 04 - 06:40 AM

Kitty, the trouble is, when you get to my age, you have a mind full of useless information trying to get out!

FC

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 18 Oct 04 - 07:44 AM

Get your Dick out of the title
leave Dick out, that much is vital
In the title of an e-mail
Its like flashing at a female
Remember thats the trick
Keep your inbox free of Dick

Write the rest yourself - I've got work to do!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Flash Company
Date: 18 Oct 04 - 07:53 AM

Right, I have had a serious think about this one, I don't know how to do sound effects, but you will all know the tune:-

I went into my Primary School as happy as could be,
I went to check my e-mail, and oooh, look what I see,
A tale about a Lord Mayor,historical and true,
But it says that his name is (rap-a-tap-tap)
And I don't know what to do!

I went to the Headmaster as worried as can be,
I said 'The local theatre group will entertain for free,
A story of a Lord Mayor from the birthplace of our nation,
But it says his name is (rap-a-tap-tap)
And he's into flagellation!

The Head replied 'This will not do,they'd better shelve this play,
Or I'll speak to the Chief Constable and have them locked away
I don't care about history, they must obey the rule,
No one can mention (rap-a-tap-tap)
In the classrooms of my school!'

So come all you local theatre groups if you want to entertain,
And do the tale of Whittington, then let me please explain,
You must change his name to Harry, and don't mention the cat
Or we'll run you in for your (rap-a-tap-tap)
And that's the end of that!

My god, thats better out than in!!!

FC

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Bo Vandenberg
Date: 19 Oct 04 - 01:07 AM

A possible fourth verse for McGrath:

The bishoprick is very rude
A queen is someone very lewd
Meanings change and who can say,
The way a word will bend?


Sigurd

Subject: RE: Song Challenge Unmentionable Whittington
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Oct 04 - 01:23 PM

I was involved in a production of Dick Whittington a few years ago in which the leading lady had to utter the immortal line "Two days in London and still no sign of Dick!". We tried to reason with the director to modify the offending line as it could be misconstrued, but he refused, on the grounds that although adults might see the double entendre, the kids who made up the majority of the audience wouldn't. He was proved wrong when we did our first show in a primary school and the whole auditorium erupted into gales of laughter that held the show up for five minutes! Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings...