BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths

Subject: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Mr Red
Date: 14 Jan 05 - 03:58 PM

No idea who he is but credit where credit is due - I like 36


1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey, the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 04:35 AM

Great stuff Mr Red.
My personal choices would have to be 7, 12, 29.
Good laugh..

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: GUEST,Giok
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 04:58 AM

3 18 and 32 Peter Kay is a slightly chubby English comic, and very funny in a non rude way; unusual that!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 03:02 PM

He's occasionally rude Giok - watch the 'VCR' gag on his 'Live At Bolton' DVD!. One of the funniest men on TV - so hilarious a Yank could watch one of his shows and not get a single gag! He's an icon.
S:0)

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Bernard
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 03:18 PM

Garlic bread!? Garlic? Bread? It'll never catch on...

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Mr Red
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 07:36 PM

Not in Maison Rouge - that's fer sure.

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Michael
Date: 16 Jan 05 - 03:24 PM

His DVDs are available from Amazon

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 12:47 PM

Wow wow wow wow sweet child of mine, tell me does Chorley FM really exist!?!

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: GUEST,jOhn from Ull
Date: 18 Jan 05 - 09:43 AM

I often make cup a soup in a bowl, i'm not scared.

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 18 Jan 05 - 11:21 AM

It exists on my 'Chorley FM - Coming In Your Ears' Tee-shirt that Mrs. Johnny so kindly gave me for Christmas.
S:0)

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: skipy
Date: 18 Jan 05 - 05:27 PM

Turn the bloody phone off mother!

Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 11:15 AM

Wardrobe Monsters? There's no such thing as Wardrobe Monsters! Its the burglars coming through the windows you should be scared of!

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Ritchie
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 02:12 PM

have it ....

phoenix nights ....."how far away are they?" ...and what about keith lard ...?

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: just john
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 02:22 PM

I strongly disagree with #6. Mildly disagree with #1, and have conter-evidence for #10.

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: C-flat
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 02:38 PM

Since seeing Peter Kay at Newcastle City Hall I've been unable to get into a taxi without slipping into his version of "taxi tourettes' syndrome"
"Been busy?"
"What time d'you finish?"

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: PoppaGator
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 03:13 PM

All pretty funny, and thoroughly understandable to this "Yank," except for #5:

"5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator."

I didn't grow up in the 80s, but my kids did, and I tried to be somewhat aware of what was going on -- what the hell do those numbers mean? Is a British thing, or would American Gen-Xers know what this is all about?

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: PoppaGator
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 03:15 PM

"BOOBLESS" upside down? Is that all it is?

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 06:24 PM

there wasn't much to do in the north during the 80s.

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 06:39 PM

Poppa:

Yeah, but it's all in the presentation, done while telling a long story and putting in values into a calculator intended to accompany the narrative. The guy's looking at the numbers,. looking at the numbers, and all of a sudden he realizes that the digital numbers also make letters and yuck-yuck breaks out in unprecedented volume.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 20 Jan 05 - 11:07 AM

And the CELEBRATED JACK HUDSON played the detective in the spoof 'Crimewatch' scene in Phoenix Nights. Talented guy, Jack - look out for his new 'acoustic' CD coming soon. And his appearance at Market Rasen Folk Club.

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Stu
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 04:30 AM

Everybody in! It's spitting!

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: GUEST,Linda Kelly
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 02:35 PM

Just supping a glass of Rola Cola!

Subject: RE: BS: Peter Kay's Universal Truths
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 03:29 PM

tru nuf -
#31 :O !