Lyr Req: When You Wore a Condom

Subject: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: GUEST,cmcw
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 08:04 PM

This is an hilarious song sung to the tune of "when you wore a tulip". Does anyone have the words?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: Leadfingers
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 09:16 PM

I have a 'sort' of fragment that goes :-

You wore no blouses and I wore no trousers
And we both wore no underclothes
For when you caressed me you damn near undressed me
Such a blessing no one knows
I went to the doctor , he asked Where did you knock her
I said Down where the Green Grass grows
He said in less than a twinkle , that pimple on your winkle
Will be bigger than a Red Red Rose

Is that any use to you ?? No Condom , I am afraid , hence the pimple !!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 02:56 AM

I believe John Dwyer used to sing this. Maybe Maggie (Stilly River Sage) has it somewhere. I have a vague memory of the end of the line being "...and I wore a great big smile," but most of my memories are vague these days...

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 08:54 AM

You can hear an MP3 very close to Leadfingers' version here

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: Barbara
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 01:13 AM

That was written by the late Helen Thomas, of Vancouver BC, (she was in her 80s when she died a couple years back) I believe. Here are the bits and pieces I remember, but someone sang it at Rainy Camp this last weekend, so we should have all the words here soon. Here's what I can remember

If you wear a condom, a big rubber condom
then I'll wear a great big smile,
Get out that gutta-percha,
It ain't gonna hurt ya,
And stretch it for a mile
(......)
So get out that condom, a big rubber condom,
Come on and make my day
Put on that condom, that big rubber condom,
And we'll go for a roll in the hay!
(all I can remember)

Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 12:55 AM

Oh, heck, why not?

When you wore a condom, a safe yellow condom,
I had a big, fat "O!"
When you caressed me, nothing distressed me --
What a blessing, no man knows!
It was all so thrilling without the mood-killing
Of those voices that screamed "Uh-oh!!"
You wore those condoms -- I'm so glad you donned 'em! --
I won't see my belly grow!!

Subject: clap, clap!
From: JesseW
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 01:51 AM

Thanks! Lovely addition...

P.S. Um, I suppose avoiding what's in the subject line is another benefit; anyone want to add a verse on that?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: GUEST,cStu
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 11:34 AM

>You can hear an MP3 very close to Leadfingers' version here

that link is broken now (though still worth clicking ;~) )

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 03:56 PM

Here are the original lyrics:

When you wore a tulip, a sweet yellow tulip,
And I wore a big red rose,
When you caressed me, 'twas then Heaven blessed me.
What a blessing no one knows!

Life was so cheery when you called me "Dearie."
It was down where the blue grass grows.
When you wore a tulip, a sweet yellow tulip
And I wore a big red rose.

--------
Another "condom" version:

When you wore a condom, a safe latex condom,
And I wore my diaphragm,
Oh how you thrilled me! And no worries filled me!
It was "Oh! Ohh! Ohh!!! Hot damn!!!"

Love was endearing, no bugs or babies fearing -
It was fun where the short grass grows!
When you wore those condoms (I'm so glad you donned 'em!)
And we wore no other clothes.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: when you wore a condom.....
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 08:53 PM

A much-abused song, it appears. Cray has two raunchy versions, one dating from 1915; but neither mentions condoms.

Subject: Parody: When You Drove A Buick-And I Drove A Ford
From: Genie
Date: 15 Jun 08 - 12:47 AM

I think this is a pretty old parody, probably dating back to about the date of the original song.

When you drove a Buick, a big yellow Buick,
And I drove a little red Ford,
When you passed by me, you tried hard to guy me,
But your teasing I ignored.
When you hit that muck, dear, then you got stuck, dear -
Your engine, it huffed and roared.
I hated to do it, but I tied you to it
And I towed you with my little red Ford.