Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber

Subject: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 09:30 AM

Here's your choice of two stupid bank robbers. And if you can combine them in a song, you get double points:

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED: A gas station attendant in Euless, Texas, reported that a man stepped in and made a small purchase. When the clerk opened the cash register to get his change, the man sprayed him in the face with pepper spray, grabbed $200 from the register, and then fled. The robber left behind a bit of a clue, however: he left his
wallet on the counter. Police waited a few days and then called the
wallet's owner and told him someone had found it, and he could come by
the police station to claim it. When Joseph Fahnbulleh, 22, arrived for
his wallet, he was arrested. (Ft. Worth Star-Telegram) ...For assault,
robbery, and driving without his license.

--------

TRY, TRY AGAIN: A robber who hit a grocery store in Minneapolis, Minn.,
made the mistake of putting his gun on the counter so he could use both
hands to scoop up the $2,000 in cash he got from the heist. As he was
stuffing the money into a shopping bag featuring a Smiley Face, the
clerk grabbed the gun, pointed it at the robber, and ordered him to
leave. The robber did, but came back a few minutes later asking for his
gun back. During the ensuing fight the robber's mask came off and he
fled a second time, again without his gun. Police arrived just as the
robber was leaving. They charged Dantzler L. Thomas, 24, with
aggravated robbery. Officers found a left glove in Thomas's car; it
matched a right glove left at the store. (Minneapolis Star Tribune)
...And I can't help but picture that glove as being still wrapped
around the gun.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 10:16 AM

Desperate times, desperate measures.


A

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: Flash Company
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 10:23 AM

Something similar in Manchester UK, where a robber launced a flying kung-fu kick at a bank security screen and bounced off!
Unable to take no for an answer, he did it again, twice! Same result.
Made his get-away limping.
FC

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: GUEST,toenails john
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 10:40 AM

(black velvet band)

I i was filling up with gas, while in texas
A witness to crime i was found
gazing upon an id-iot,
my eyes were drawn, from the dry dusty ground
There before me, god only love him
was a half witted oaf of a man
demanding a fee of 200 dollars
with a pepper spray can in his hand

and his brightness shone out like dull diamonds
Would any-one ever please mind him
He fled from the store with his ransom galore
leaving his wallet and ID be-hind him

His brother was working in Minneapolis
Turning his hand to the trade,
but stupidity runs in your making lads
and he couldn't keep up the charade
He was halfwitted, inbred and stupid
matching himself with one other
The two thickest crooks in the u s of a
Him and his wee texas brother

And their brightness shone out like dull diamonds
would any-one ever please mind them
if there's a cotton wool bars in america's jails
They'd both be safer behind them

This lad keen on getting his money
scooped it up with both hands,
dis arming himself of his akward old gun
and played straight into the shop clerks hands,
he fled forgetting his weapon,
but returned to claim what was his
and on his way out, the second time
he met the local sherriff

(altogether)
And the brightness shone out .................

It's a start anyway :o)

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 11:39 AM

Got a lot of promise, TJ!! I Like it.


A

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 11:45 AM

I remember a video of couple of bank robbers in the UK - the had attempted to rob a Building Society and the alarm went off. Having walked in through the door, in their panic, they forgot which way the glass doors swung and pushed, kicked and butted the doors until there was a gap and made their escape. It was assumed they thought the doors had been locked when the alarm went off.

They got nothing - unless they were caught and given a sentence.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 11:55 AM

Then there is the silly thief who used a knife to try and rob the till.... of a gun store!


LTS

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: SharonA
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 03:14 PM

All I've got right now is a title: "Clueless in Euless".

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Stupid Bank Robber
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 01:49 PM

These remind me, incidentally, of a would be bank robber I read of a long time ago: He wrote his demand note on a withdrawal slip, then stood in the long line. Got up to the window and handed the note to the teller.

She looked at the note, smiled sweetly, and said: "I'm so sorry, sir, but this window is only for deposits. You need to go to the next window."

The robber obediently got in the long line for the next window, while the police were called. He didn't get to make his "withdrawal".

Dave Oesterreich