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New words for the 12 days of Christmas

DigiTrad:
AUSSIE TWELVE DAYS OF XMAS
THE TWELVE BUGS OF CHRISTMAS
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PARODY)
THE TWELVE DAYS OF MARXMAS
THE TWELVE THANKYOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS
TWELVE DAYS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (ORIGINAL)
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PC)


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Richard McD. Bridge 14 Dec 98 - 04:59 AM
AndyG 14 Dec 98 - 05:17 AM
George Henderson Nenagh singers circle 14 Dec 98 - 06:49 AM
dick greenhaus 14 Dec 98 - 03:13 PM
Richard McD. Bridge 15 Dec 98 - 06:57 AM
Barbara 15 Dec 98 - 09:20 AM
dick greenhaus 15 Dec 98 - 05:45 PM
John in Brisbane 15 Dec 98 - 06:47 PM
bbc 15 Dec 98 - 08:50 PM
Dale Rose 16 Dec 98 - 01:56 AM
John in Brisbane 16 Dec 98 - 06:46 PM
Dale Rose 17 Dec 98 - 12:02 AM
Q 04 Nov 04 - 04:42 PM
open mike 04 Nov 04 - 06:10 PM
Leadfingers 04 Nov 04 - 07:36 PM
Q 04 Nov 04 - 08:01 PM
muppitz 05 Nov 04 - 06:58 AM
sian, west wales 05 Nov 04 - 08:30 AM
GUEST,gail 16 Nov 04 - 10:23 AM
MMario 16 Nov 04 - 10:28 AM
GUEST,Elfcall 16 Nov 04 - 10:58 AM
Leadfingers 16 Nov 04 - 11:36 AM
MMario 16 Nov 04 - 11:48 AM
ToulouseCruise 16 Nov 04 - 12:09 PM
Juan P-B 16 Nov 04 - 12:40 PM
The Villan 16 Nov 04 - 01:18 PM
Juan P-B 16 Nov 04 - 07:06 PM
Leadfingers 16 Nov 04 - 08:03 PM
Louie Roy 17 Nov 04 - 12:20 PM
Juan P-B 17 Nov 04 - 01:04 PM
Tradsinger 17 Nov 04 - 05:54 PM
Joe_F 17 Nov 04 - 10:14 PM
semi-submersible 18 Nov 04 - 06:47 AM
Jim Dixon 09 Dec 04 - 08:08 AM
paddymac 09 Dec 04 - 10:10 PM
GUEST 12 Dec 04 - 11:45 AM
GUEST,Ex Rugby playin cop 12 Dec 04 - 06:00 PM
JennyO 13 Dec 04 - 04:45 AM
open mike 14 Dec 04 - 06:34 PM
Peace 14 Dec 04 - 07:04 PM
Bill the Collie 16 Dec 04 - 08:48 PM
GUEST,Loni 16 Jan 06 - 07:17 PM
GUEST,Livi 08 Nov 06 - 01:40 PM
MMario 08 Nov 06 - 01:49 PM
tenn_jim 08 Nov 06 - 02:24 PM
GUEST,Nfkfiddler 09 Nov 06 - 10:25 AM
Little Robyn 09 Nov 06 - 01:44 PM
GUEST,Ann 09 Nov 06 - 03:02 PM
Canberra Chris 09 Nov 06 - 04:13 PM
mrdux 09 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM
GUEST,Mike - Wembley 14 Dec 06 - 03:54 PM
GUEST,Rory 09 Oct 07 - 05:55 AM
Bryn Pugh 10 Oct 07 - 06:00 AM
Brendy 10 Oct 07 - 09:06 AM
Leadfingers 10 Oct 07 - 11:07 AM
Bru 10 Oct 07 - 11:35 AM
GUEST,BillyTEACHES 02 Jul 11 - 01:58 PM
Fergie 02 Jul 11 - 09:13 PM
GUEST,Vardabomb 18 Dec 11 - 06:51 AM
Ross Campbell 18 Dec 11 - 07:16 AM
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Subject: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Richard McD. Bridge
Date: 14 Dec 98 - 04:59 AM

Has anyone conveniently got any of the sets of alternative words to the 12 days of Christmas?

The preferred ones would be either the set starting with (on the first day) "a pint and a half of real ale" or the set starting (also on the first day) "a port and a double brandy"


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: AndyG
Date: 14 Dec 98 - 05:17 AM

You might try here,
Not drink but computing.

AndyG


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE POACHER'S CHRISTMAS (Sid & Bob Kipper
From: George Henderson Nenagh singers circle
Date: 14 Dec 98 - 06:49 AM

The Poachers Christmas written by Sid and Bob Kipper

On the first day of Christmas my dog and me brought back, A partridge in an ould sack.

On the second day of Christmas me dog and me brought back. Two moorhens and a partridge etc.

Three lame ducks,

Four bald coots,

Five Goose eggs

Six bootiful turkey's,

Seven pleasant pheasants,

Eight stone crows,

Nine breeding rabbits (all them dirty habits)

Ten hares retreating,

Eleven salmon smoking,

Twelve stags a rutting.

And finishes with :

On the thirteenth day of christmas my dog and me got caught with,

12 stages a rutting, 11 salmon smoking, 10 hares retreating, 9 breeding rabbits all them dirty habits, 8 stone crows, 7 pleasant pheasants, 6 bootiful turkeys, fuve goose eggs. Four bald coots thre lame ducks two moorhens, And a partridge in an ould sack

Hope this gives you a laugh


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 14 Dec 98 - 03:13 PM

There's at least a half-dozen such parodies in the DT. Try a search for *Xmas12*


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Richard McD. Bridge
Date: 15 Dec 98 - 06:57 AM

I'll try that searchterm. I wonder what I did wrong when I searched - 'cos I did, honest!

Thanks to others.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Barbara
Date: 15 Dec 98 - 09:20 AM

I found one parody using Dick's phrase, four using [twelve days], one more using [12 days] and a different set using @parody @xmas.
I didn't find the one I just posted to the 'Young and old' thread, "12 Days of Christmas With My Mother".
Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Dec 98 - 05:45 PM

Barbara- It takes time. dick


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 15 Dec 98 - 06:47 PM

My favourite monologue is The Twelve Thank You Notes of Christmas. Written and performed from the perspective of an English gentlewomen, I find it a gem of crafted prose - and absolutely hilarious. Thank you for starting this thread; I had no idea that it was in the DT.

Regards
John


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: bbc
Date: 15 Dec 98 - 08:50 PM

I like that book of thank you notes, too, John. I'm using it in a holiday lesson for 5th graders tomorrow--starting w/ a rap & Chipmunk version of the song, going over the cost of the 12 days of gifts, & reading the thank you notes. I know that at least one of us will enjoy it! :)

Christmas cheer,

bbc


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Dale Rose
Date: 16 Dec 98 - 01:56 AM

I could not pass up adding this gem~~a standard at Christmas time here in the Ozarks!

The Ozark Twelve Days Of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve stills a’brewing
Eleven catfish swimming
Ten acorns growing
Nine fiddlers fiddling
Eight banjos strumming
Seven coons a’playing
Six hounds a’baying
Five spinning wheels
Four razorbacks
Three fat quail
Two hickory nuts
And a possum in a gum tree!

Note: for those unfamiliar with the term, a razorback is a wild hog, once common in Arkansas, but now extinct, at least in Arkansas. Unfortunately you can’t find out much about them on the internet. Alta Vista lists 38,340 references, but the first 200 are mostly related to the University of Arkansas Razorback athletic teams, and assorted businesses with razorback in the name.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 16 Dec 98 - 06:46 PM

Dale, 'coons' is far from PC here, I gather you mean racoons - which to me means some sort of overgrown squirrel. Am I close?

Regards
John


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Dale Rose
Date: 17 Dec 98 - 12:02 AM

Yes, raccoon. Some consider them a delicacy. Here is an url that will tell you just about everything you need to know about them, and a bit more. Nice picture at the bottom of the page.

I had an infestation at my house a few years ago. Even tying down the lids of garbage cans with bungee cords did not help. The little fellows ripped them right off. Possums (properly opossums) were a problem, too. I trapped one in the corner of my carport one day, and sure enough, he fell over like he was dead. I let him go.

I think if the song were to be rewritten nowadays, someone would likely work the armadillo into the mix, maybe to replace the razorback, seeing as they are all gone anyway.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Q
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 04:42 PM

Resurrecting a five y'ar old thread for an old parody from eighteen hundred and forty-six.
Halliwell, "The Nursery Rhymes of England," 1846. Obviously the little kiddies in the nursery had a much better grasp of language then than they do now.

CCXXVII

One old Oxford ox opening oysters;
Two tee-totums totally tired of trying to trot to Tadbury;
Three tall tigers tippling tenpenny tea;
Four fat friars fanning fainting flies;
Five frippy Frenchmen foolishly fishing for flies;
Six sportsmen shooting snipes;
Seven Severn salmons swallowing shrimps;
Eight Englishmen eagerly examining Europe;
Nine nimble noblemen nibbling nonpareils;
Ten tinkers tinkling upon ten tin tinder-boxes with ten tenpenny tacks;
Eleven elephants elegantly equipt;
Twelve typographical topographers typically translating types.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: open mike
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 06:10 PM

ok anyone got the bluegrass version?


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Leadfingers
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 07:36 PM

When the Middle East calms down I will post 'The Twelve days of Ramadan' and start it all up again .


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Q
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 08:01 PM

Could be a long wait-


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: muppitz
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 06:58 AM

There is an "Aussie 12 days of Christmas" in the database.
I don't know how to do a link to it, but if you search for the title I've just given, that should take you to it!

muppitz x


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: sian, west wales
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 08:30 AM

Not what anyone actually wants BUT ...

Y cyntaf dydd o'r Gwyliau
Fy nghariad anfonodd i mi:

(On the first day of Christmas
My love sent to me)

Betrisen ar y pren gerllyg.
A partridge in a pear tree.
Dwy golomen ddof,
Two tame doves
Tair iâr Ffrainc
Three french hens
Pedwar aderyn ffeind,
Four gentle birds
Pum modrwy aur,
Five gold rings
Chwe gŵydd yn fyw,
Six live geese
Saith alarch yn nofio
Seven swans a-swimming
Wyth mul yn rasio
Eight mules a-racing (!)
Naw tarw yn rhuo
Nine bulls a-bellowing (!!)
Deg my ladi yn dawnsio,
Ten 'my-ladies' dancing
Un drym ar ddeg yn drymio,
Eleven drums drumming
Deuddeg my lord yn campio.
Twelve 'my-lords' a-sporting.

Tune is completely different too. There's another Welsh one that features a parrot instead of a partridge. Go figure.

sian


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,gail
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 10:23 AM

On the first day of Christmas my landlord game to me
A wee heavy and a half pint

On the Second day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Third day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Fourth day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Fifth day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Five Babychams
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Sixth day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Six Shots of brandy
Five Babychams
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Seventh day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Seven Bloody Vodkas
Six Shots of brandy
Five Babychams
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Eighth day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Eight Carlsberg Lagers
Seven Bloody Vodkas
Six Shots of brandy
Five Babychams
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Ninth day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Nine Halves of shandy
Eight Carlsberg Lagers
Seven Bloody Vodkas
Six Shots of brandy
Five Babychams
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Tenth day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Ten Pints of bitter
Nine Halves of shandy
Eight Carlsberg Lagers
Seven Bloody Vodkas
Six Shots of brandy
Five Babychams
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Eleventh day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Eleven Fast Blue labels
Ten Pints of bitter
Nine Halves of shandy
Eight Carlsberg Lagers
Seven Bloody Vodkas
Six Shots of brandy
Five Babychams
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint

On the Twelth day of Christmas my landlord game to me
Twelve Alka seltzers
Eleven Fast Blue labels
Ten Pints of bitter
Nine Halves of shandy
Eight Carlsberg Lagers
Seven Bloody Vodkas
Six Shots of brandy
Five Babychams
Four Double Diamonds
Three Black and Tans
Two Nips of Gin
And a wee heavy and a half pint


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 10:28 AM

double diamonds?

wee heavy?


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Elfcall
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 10:58 AM

Guest Gail - I always thougt it was eleven Bass Blue labels.

Elfcall


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Leadfingers
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 11:36 AM

Mmario - Double Diamond was a Top Pressure (NOT REAL ALE) draught beer now fortunately gone to the slops bucket in the sky , and a wee heavy is some sort of foreign (Scottish) booze .


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 11:48 AM

thanx LF!


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 12:09 PM

LF.. DD is still around to be honest... might be a different brew, but it is available in my area both canned and on tap.

Brian.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Juan P-B
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 12:40 PM

This is one I cobbled together a couple of Christmasses ago to play at Staines FC - Enjoy!

12 Cajun Triangles
11 Banjos Plunking        
10 Hurdy Gurdies
9 Bodhrans thrapping
8 Fiddlers scraping
7 Whistlers tooting
6 Ethnic Drummers
5 Man-do-lins
4 Harmonies
3 Artisans
2 Show of Hands
And a song from Martin Carthy

Juan P-B


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: The Villan
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 01:18 PM

A Double Diamond works wonders works wonders works wonders
A Double Diamond works wonders works wonders works wonders

Juan P-B
Wouldn't it be nice if you could have everybody there that features. :-)


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Juan P-B
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 07:06 PM

Ah! Villan, That WOULD be a line-up

Almost had it at Gosport Easter Fesitival once.

My Bodhran buddy took umbrage at the term 'thrapping' but I thought it described the sound exactly!

Is that onomatopaeic (Spelling)

Cheers
Juan P-B


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Leadfingers
Date: 16 Nov 04 - 08:03 PM

Juan-PB - Didnt you have A4 sheets with the various bits printed on ?
Or was that some OTHER nutter at Staines ??


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Louie Roy
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 12:20 PM

I don't know whether this has been posted before but here is another version
The first day after xmas my true love and I had a fight
So I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite
Then with a single cartridge i shot that blasted partridge
That my true love had gave to me
The second day after xmas I pulled on my rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves
The third day after xmas my mother caught the croup
I had to use the 3 french hens to make some chicken soup
The calling birds were a big mistake their language was obscene
And the 5 golden rings were a completely a fake
And they turned my fingers green
The 6th day after xmas the 6 geese wouldn't lay
So I gave the whole dog-gone gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A
On the 7th day after xmas what a mess I found
All 7 of the swimming swans had drowned
On the 8th day after xmas before they could supect
I bundled up the 8 milking maids 9 pipers pipeing
10 ladies dancing 11 lords a leaping 12 drummers drumming
And sent them back collect
I wrote my true love and said we are through love
And said in so many words your xmas gifts were for the silly birds
7 swimming swans,6 honking geese,4 calling birds,3 french hens 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Juan P-B
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 01:04 PM

G'Day Leadfungus!!

Yes that was me and the Rock Chicks - Still have the 'handouts' and still doing the song.

Shall we see you for the Staines Chrissymuss thingumibob??

Hasta
J P-B


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Tradsinger
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 05:54 PM

I seem to remember a rugby club version that started:

On the first day of Christmas I took to bed with me
The Lord Montague of Beaulieu (pronounces 'byoolee')

Alas my memory runs out at that point.

Gwilym


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 10:14 PM

Tradsinger:

Yes, that was current at St Andrews University while I was there in 1958. Lord Montague had, I believe, been convicted of sodomy. Here's the rest of it -- WARNING! NASTY! --

Twelve twisted twats,
Eleven lecherous lesbians,
Ten torn-off testes,
Nine gnawed-off nipples,
Eight aching arseholes,
Seven sex-starved spinsters,
Six convicted vicars,
Five -- choir -- boys!
Four Boy Scouts,
Three dirty whores,
Two shithouse doors!
And my Lord Montague of Beaulieu.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: semi-submersible
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:47 AM

Four cotton shirts, three bent pins, two pounds of ham, and a parsnip in a pear tree. (Our family didn't take it any farther. May have been borrowed from Walt Kelly; I haven't reread those Pogo books in far too long.)


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Subject: Lyr Add: 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (Bob & Doug McKenzie
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 08:08 AM

Copied from http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/xmas/thetwelvedaysofchristmasbobdougmckenzie.shtml

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
"Bob & Doug McKenzie" (actually Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas)

(B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus)

B: OK, g'day. This is our Christmas part of the album. You can play this at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothin' else to do.
D: G'day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part.
B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get...um...your true love for Christmas.
D: Look out the window!
B: Where? (Chuckle) What are ya doin'?
D: Snow, hosehead!
B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's Christmas time. Hey, hoser!
D: What?
B: Here's a quiz. (Chuckle) Quiz for Doug.
D: OK, I have my "thinking tuque" on.
B: Yeah, right. What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 'Cause, figure it out, right? Christmas is when?
D: Um, the twenty-fifth.
B: Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth? Christmas Eve, right? So...
D: That's two
B: That's two. And, then what's after that? (Pause) Boxing Day.
D: Wrestling Day.
B: Wrestl...get out!
D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
B: That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'!
D: New Year's!
B: Four and what's....
D: New Year's Eve?
B: That's five. Where do ya get twelve?
D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four. So, that's nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery" days.
(Music starts)
B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to get someone for Christmas.
D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck! (Organ starts) By the way, that's ME on the organ.
B: Oh, geez.
D: You start.
B: OK.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
A beer.

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Two turtlenecks,
B: And a beer.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Three French toast,
D: Two turtlenecks,
B: And a beer.
D: There should be more there, eh?
B: Where? Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Four pounds of back-bacon,
B: Three French toast,
D: Two turtlenecks,
B: And a beer.
D: ...in a tree. See, you need more.

B: Oh...fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Five golden tuques,
D: Four pound of back-bacon,
B: Three French toast,
D: Two turtlenecks,
B: And a beer...where?
D: (with Bob) In a tree.

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!
D: ...Christmas, my true love gave to me,
C: Six....
D: Six packs of two-four,
B & C: Five golden tuques,
C: Four....
D: Four pounds of back-bacon,
C: Three....
B: Three French toast,
C: Two....
D: Two turtlenecks,
C: And a beeeeeeeeer.
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. OK.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Seven pack of smokes,
C: Nice gift!
D: Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four,
B & C: Five golden tuques.
C: Four....
D: Four pounds of back-bacon,
C: Three....
B: Three French toast,
C: Two....
D: Two turtlenecks,
C: And a beeeeeeeeer....
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. Keep forgetting.
D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too hard for us! Go, hoser.

B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
D: Eight comic books,
(Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind)
B & D: Seven packs of smokes,
Six pack of two-four,
B: Five....
C: (catches up) Five golden tuques,
Four pounds of back-bacon,
Three French toast,
Two turtlenecks,
ALL: And a beer.
B & D: On my tree.
B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um....
C: TWELVE!
B: Twelve!
D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve....
(Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in)
ALL: Five golden tuques,
Four pounds of back-bacon,
Three French toast,
Two turtlenecks,
And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
D: Where'd you learn to do that?
B: Um, albums.
D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas.
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And good day!
B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too.
D: Shhh!
B: OK, you know what you left out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, no!
B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth day or the eleventh day, but I want donuts!
D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody!
B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts.
D: So, go out to the stores and get some presents!
B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the "Thirteen Days of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain saw!
B: Take off!
(As music fades:)
D: Boy, that song was a beauty. It...it moved me.
B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven."
D: What?


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: paddymac
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:10 PM

Seems like there's a Cajun version out there now also. I chuckled when I heard it, but I onle heard it once and don't remember anything about it, except that it tickled me.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 11:45 AM

i have been tasked to find the funny musical version of the twelve days of christmas.
This is the one where a lover does buy for his sweetheart all the items one at a time, as per the real song. By the time the lady gets the leaping lords, her life is apparently ruined, with cows crapping all over lawn, milkmaids being chased by leaping lords etc.
I have never heard it, by the person who wants it for his wife is not into computers, and does not believe me when i tell him anything can be found on here.
So lets help me out peeps.
Can anyone sell me, rent me,or even record for me, or anything else, the musical version of this song.
By the way, i have tried search engines too.
For contact direct, my name is James, and email is interxuk@yahoo.co.uk


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Ex Rugby playin cop
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:00 PM

In my Police rugby playing days we used to sing a similar song to the one by JoeF.
Twelve twitching twatties
Eleven languid lesbians
Ten torn off testicles
Nine gnawed of nipples
Eight aching arseholes
Seven suspended vicars
Six sex starved spinsters
Fi----ve foot of crap
Four bog doors
Three whores drawers
Two boy scouts
And my Lord Montague of Beaulieu


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Subject: ADD: Christmas Countdown (Frank Kelly)
From: JennyO
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 04:45 AM

Hi James. What you are after sounds like "Christmas Countdown" by Frank Kelly. I posted it here once before. It's a very funny 12 days of Christmas send-up that I have on a CD. It is spoken with a very Irish accent with the traditional music playing in the background - I love it.

By the way, why don't you join us here at Mudcat? It's free, no strings attached - you can send other members personal messages, trace threads you like, and there is the chatroom. We are all mad, but don't let that put you off. Anyway, here are the words of Christmas Countdown:

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN
(Frank Kelly)

Day One
Dear Nuala,
Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again.
Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O'Lúnasa

Day Two
Dear Nuala,
I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two. The vet's bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write.
Yours ever,
Gobnait

Day Three
Dear Nuala,
We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds' droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters. Thanking you for your kindness.
I remain,
Your Gobnait

Day Four
Dear Nuala,
You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet's bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend.
Gobnait

Day Five
Nuala,
Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings.
Your affectionate friend,
Gobnait

Day Six
Nuala,
What are you trying to do to us? It isn't that we don't appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet's head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check.
Gobnait

Day Seven
Nuala,
We are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they've gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair.
Gobnait

Day Eight
Nuala,
Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother's rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I'm very annoyed with you.
Gobnait

Day Nine
Listen you louser !
There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I'm warning you, you're making an enemy of me.
Gobnait

Day Ten
Listen manure-face,
I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You'll get yours !
Gobnait O'Lúnasa

Day Eleven
You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like "Outlook". I'll get you yet, you ould bag!

Day Twelve
Listen slurry head,
You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, 'cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they'd been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds' blood and feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I'm a broken man.
Gobnait O'Lúnasa



Jenny


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: open mike
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 06:34 PM

ok i found the bluegrass version...
1 Plot beneath the Weepin' Willow Tree
2 Bluebirds singing
3 Mac Wiseman's
4 Salty dogs a-barkin'
5 banjer strings
6 white horses treadin'
7 snakes a dreadin'
8 hot biscuits a-risin'
9 poundin' hammers
10 brooks a-flyin'
11 earls a-pickin'
12 colonel finger lickin'

i do not know who did this..
i caught it on paper just by
luck--i was stuck in traffic
by a toll booth on a bridge
by san francisco..and was
able to scribble down the whole thing
on an envelope while traffic was stalled.
of course it does not hurt that many of
the verses were repeated often!

enjoy!


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Peace
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 07:04 PM

On the three hundred and twenty-seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me . . . .


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Bill the Collie
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 08:48 PM

Hawaiian version as sung by Rudy Aquino of the island of Maui. Rudy sings it complete with arm-waving, gesturing, dance steps etc for each item and it can all get remarkably wild if the audience participate, especially if they have taken a refreshment or two.

Number {numbah?) one day of christmas my tutu gave to me,
one mynah bird in one papaya tree
two coconut
three dried squid
four flower lei
five big fat pig
six hula lesson
seven shrimp a-swimming
eight ukelele
nine pound of poi
ten can of beer
eleven missionary
twelve television.

Tutu here means grandmother. Poi is food made from taro root and its distinctive dark grey colour is used by the locals to scare tourists (or to dare them to eat the stuff).


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Loni
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 07:17 PM

Hey, there's a New Zealand one, and it has tuis and pipis and things in it.
And my Dad tried to teach me the Beaulieu one, but he only knew 'three french whores, two double doors and lord montauge of beaulieu' which sucked. So thanks guys, you've got TWO versions of that on here - both slightlyd ifferent to my Dad's...
Hey, on holiday, when my brother was eating us out of house and home every morning, we made up another:

On the Xth day of Christmas, Henry had for breakfast:
1 - a plate of toast and baked beans
2 - two sausages
3 - three black puddings
4 - four fried eggs
5 - five stinky curries
6 - six bits of toast
7 - seven glasses of juice
8 - eight red apples
9 - nine omelettes
10 - ten Weet-a-bix
11 - eleven ham steaks
12 - New Forest ponies


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Livi
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 01:40 PM

I'm looking for a version of 12 days of Christmas that a friend of mine has asked me to buy. She can't remember the words, but knows it's a man singing it. She heard it on the radio last christmas and apparantly it is a comical version 'where everything goes wrong'. She thinks the song may have involved 'geese start fornicating' and somethings wrongly arriving at someones house. I've looked all over for this version and am desperate to find it!As you can tell, the description isnt very clear, but i was wondering if anyone else might be able to shead some light on the words or the song.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 01:49 PM

Livi - sounds like the recording by Frank Kelly - see the posting above with the words.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: tenn_jim
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 02:24 PM

The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas
.
On the first day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
Some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the second day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the third day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the forth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the fifth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the sixth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the seventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the eighth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the ninth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the tenth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
11 rasslin' tickets
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin' tickets
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Nfkfiddler
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 10:25 AM

What a collection................

Dates me a bit but I remember:

Four... drip dry shirts
Three rubber gloves
Two fountain pens
And a gadget for making morning tea.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Little Robyn
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 01:44 PM

The New Zealand is called Pukeko in a ponga tree

and you can see it there if anyone is interested. It's not a funny version - just adapted for kiwi kids.
Robyn


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Ann
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 03:02 PM

Looking for something that is similar to the original version, but ends in the maids a milking fornicating with the footmen. A version where everything goes wrong. She sends the ring back, as things arrive at 'her' house. Similar to 'Christmas Countdown' but starts with 'The first day of christmas'.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Canberra Chris
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 04:13 PM

The Shiny Bum Singers from Oz, who satirise the bureaucracy and are touring UK nexr year have the following:

On the twefth day of Christmas
My branch head gave to me
Twelve flouros flashing
Eleven copieers clanking
Ten tearooms flooding
Nine computers crashing
Eight pollies pouting
Seven journos jaunting
Six SOGs a-sleeping
Five synergies
Four new ideas
Three false starts
Two bum steers
And a consultative committee.

'Pollies' in Oz-speak are politicians, SOGs are senior officers (grade x).

Chris


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: mrdux
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM

A Puppy's 12 Days of Christmas
               (Be sure to read down to Day 12)

               On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Four broken window candles
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Five chewed-up stockings
               Four broken window candles
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Six yards of soggy ribbon
               Five chewed-up stockings
               Four broken window candles
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Seven scraps of wrapping paper
               Six yards of soggy ribbon
               Five chewed-up stockings
               Four broken window candles
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Eight tiny reindeer fragments
               Seven scraps of wrapping paper
               Six yards of soggy ribbon
               Five chewed-up stockings
               Four broken window candles
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               My wreath in nine pieces
               Eight tiny reindeer fragments
               Seven scraps of wrapping paper
               Six yards of soggy ribbon
               Five chewed-up stockings
               Four broken window candles
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
               My wreath in nine pieces
               Eight tiny reindeer fragments
               Seven scraps of wrapping paper
               Six yards of soggy ribbon
               Five chewed-up stockings
               Four broken window candles
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

               On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               Eleven unwrapped presents
               Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
               My wreath in nine pieces
               Eight tiny reindeer fragments
               Seven scraps of wrapping paper
               Six yards of soggy ribbon
               Five chewed-up stockings
               Four broken window candles
               Three punctured ornaments
               Two leaking bubble lights
               And the Santa topper from the
               Christmas tree.

               On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
               A dozen puppy kisses
               And I forgot all about the other eleven days.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Mike - Wembley
Date: 14 Dec 06 - 03:54 PM

The "port and a double brandy" version was sung by Doug Hudson and if you ask, you can find him on

"Doug Hudson"

Tell him gooday from Mike ex-Tokyo!


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Rory
Date: 09 Oct 07 - 05:55 AM

Hey i'm irish living in Middle East and i remember hearing the ramadan song On the first day of ramadan my true love gave to me, a falcon in a plam tree, thats all i remember, well it's ramadamadingdong now but would love to sing it for our party at eid in 2 days time, (end of ramadan).

Any chance you could email it to me? toowuha@hotmail.com

much appreciated

Rory


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Oct 07 - 06:00 AM

Five choir boys
Four pairs of drawers
Three French whores
Two shithouse doors
And my Lord Montagu of Beaulieu.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Brendy
Date: 10 Oct 07 - 09:06 AM

... one from years ago, at home:
(I can only remember from '5' down)

Terence O'Neill!
The R.U.C.,
Big Bill Craig,
Ronald Bunting,
and The Reverend Doctor Ian Paisley.

B.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Leadfingers
Date: 10 Oct 07 - 11:07 AM

GUEST Rory - E Mail sent !!


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Bru
Date: 10 Oct 07 - 11:35 AM

This is the best one I know; unfortunately, the text doesn't do the parody credit. It's much funnier to hear than to read.

          *       *         *         *

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me - is finding a Christmas tree.

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Hang-overs
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Sending Christmas cards
Hang-overs
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
five months of bills
sending Christmas cards
Hang-overs
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
facing my in-laws
five months of bills
oh I hate those Christmas cards
Hang-overs
Rigging up these lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
the Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
sending Christmas cards
Oh Geez
I'm trying to rig up these lights
And finding a Christmas Tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
I want a Transformer for Christmas
Charities and what do you mean - your in-laws
Five months of bills
Oh making out these cards
Edith get me a beer huh?
What we have no extension cards
And finding a Christmas Tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Finding parking spaces
Daddy I want some candy
Donations
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hang-overs
Now why they Hell are they blinking
And finding a Christmas Tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
Buy me something
Get a job you bum
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills.
Yo-Ho sending those Christmas cards
Ah geez look at this
One light goes out they all go out
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Stale TV Specials
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
I got to go to the bathroom
Charities
She's a witch I hate her
Five months of bills
I don't even know half these people
Who's got the toilet paper huh?
Turn on the flashlight I blew a fuse
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking
aghhh
Charities
Got to make 'em dinner
Five months of bills
I'm not sending them this year - that's it
Shut up, you
Fine you're so smart you rig up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,BillyTEACHES
Date: 02 Jul 11 - 01:58 PM

Hello, all, from the Green Mountains of Vermont (USA): I have been looking for some time now--I remember hearing it on public radio in the late '80s/early '90s-- for the name of the author/artist of the "12 days" version in which an older Irish(???) dad keeps receiving different kinds and amounts of booze from his very "loving" daughter each day of the 12. By the final day, of course, the very sloshed old geezer is calling her every name in the book and pleading with her not to send any more or face extremely serious consequences. Any thoughts as to the name of this version? Thanx so much!


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Fergie
Date: 02 Jul 11 - 09:13 PM

Jazus! BillyTEACHES. please get a grip. It's the middle of bloody summer and you want to know about the Twelve Days of Christmas. Please get a life.


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Vardabomb
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 06:51 AM

anyone know the rest of the version ending
3 french whores
2 shithouse doors
and a postcard very filthy ?
an old boy used to sing that every xmas when i first started working


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Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 07:16 AM

If BillyTEACHES is still looking - read the thread - words supplied by JennyO 13 Dec 04.

If Vardabomb does the same - similar words found at 17 Nov 04.


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