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Forgotten songs: The Pig Wanker

sinpelo 20 Feb 06 - 02:35 PM
Bert 20 Feb 06 - 02:40 PM
fat B****rd 20 Feb 06 - 02:40 PM
Leadfingers 20 Feb 06 - 04:35 PM
sinpelo 20 Feb 06 - 04:45 PM
The Fooles Troupe 20 Feb 06 - 05:53 PM
Big Al Whittle 20 Feb 06 - 08:11 PM
sinpelo 20 Feb 06 - 08:51 PM
Les B 21 Feb 06 - 12:59 AM
Keith A of Hertford 21 Feb 06 - 02:29 AM
sinpelo 21 Feb 06 - 04:25 AM
Paul Burke 21 Feb 06 - 04:27 AM
sinpelo 21 Feb 06 - 04:54 AM
GUEST,Raggytash 21 Feb 06 - 05:27 AM
GUEST,Mingulay at work 21 Feb 06 - 08:02 AM
GUEST,Bill the sound 21 Feb 06 - 07:17 PM
Geordie-Peorgie 22 Feb 06 - 06:11 PM
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Subject: ADD: The Pig Wanker
From: sinpelo
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 02:35 PM

Well, I've managed to dig up an obscure old song that praises a rustic profession that seems to have been rather neglected in folk song. Fortunately, I found this surviving copy written on parchment in a pig manure pit (I'd inadvertantly dropped my jacket into it..... I wouldn't have bothered retreiving it but my sandwiches were in the pocket). I thought I'd share it with you and I was wondering if anyone else has discovered any old and hitherto unknown folk songs. If so, perhaps you'd like to share them with us here.

Perhaps I should explain the word: "wanker" to those of you across the Atlantic. In Britain, if the word appears in print, it is generally written thus: "W**ker". This is because it refers to the commonly considered unsavoury practice of masturbation. For "w**k", read "jerk-off". So, if you're visiting London and someone refers to you as a 'Merchant Banker', the chances are that they are using Cockney, rhyming slang rather than making assumtions about your professional status.

THE PIG WANKER

I follow the trade
of me fathers before
So fill up me tankard
an' I'll tell ye some more
if it's stories ye hanker
I've tales by the score
for I am a Pig Wanker
.....Yes. I said a Pig Wanker
Oh I am a Pig Wanker
so pour me one more

And pull me pork jerkers
Don't slacken your pace
'Til you see that berserk
Sort of smile on his face
But, if he's as limp
As the hay in the rick
You'll find a little foreplay
Might just do the trick

Now pigs is so ugly
it's the Devil's job to mate 'em
so they calls me in
to deseminate 'em
though me methods seem odd
the boars appreciate 'em
for I am a Pig Wanker
...yes. I said a Pig Wanker
Oh I am a Pig Wanker
so pour me one more

And pull me pork jerkers
Don't slacken your pace
'Til you see that berserk
Sort of smile on his face
But, if he's as limp
As the hay in the rick
You'll find a little foreplay
Might just do the trick


(the nearest thing to a bridge that you'll ever find in a traditional English folk song)

Now Gertrude's the bonniest
Sow on the spread
But a boar's shaft is spiralled
Like a corkscrew 'tis said
An' despite her allure
The boars won't endure her
'Cos Gertrude's encumbered
With a left hand thread

And pull me pork jerkers
Don't slacken your pace
'Til you see that berserk
Sort of smile on his face
But, if he's as limp
As the hay in the rick
You'll find a little foreplay
Might just do the trick

For I follow the trade
Of me fathers before
So fill up me tankard
An' I'll tell ye some more
If it's stories ye hanker
I've tales by the score
For I am a Pig Wanker
.....Yes. I said a Pig Wanker
Oh I am a Pig Wanker
So pour me one more


(This last verse is usually sung face down in the gutter having been ejected from the pub by an outraged landlord. Try to land with your head over a drain as this improves the accoustics considerably.)


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: Bert
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 02:40 PM

Wonderful!


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: fat B****rd
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 02:40 PM

Folk Music !! Phew !!


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: Leadfingers
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 04:35 PM

There's nothing like a good song well sung - And thats NOTHING like - - - - - - -


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: sinpelo
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 04:45 PM

We-e-e-ell.... that could be why it ended up in the pig s**t. History is history. Who are we to judge?

Any more forgotten gems?


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 05:53 PM

That's real Fooles Troupe Material - thanks!


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 08:11 PM

sounds like a dangerous profession, I wouldn't like it if I was a pig. I would put up strong resistance.


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: sinpelo
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 08:51 PM

Well, perhaps not if you consider that the alternative would be..... how can I put this sensitively?.... humping a sow. However, I think, if I were a boar in such an unenviable position, I would pretend to be mad.... hearing voices, thinking I'm Napoleon, the works. I should imagine there's a hefty surcharge for deseminating a mad boar. I'd grin and bear it but, by God! I'd make the buggers pay!


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: Les B
Date: 21 Feb 06 - 12:59 AM

Boy - that song just gave me a flashback to an event of about 30 years ago. I worked as a filmmaker at an agricultural university in the midwest (USA). We would get calls to go and film happenings down at the barns.

I was my turn to film, so I went along to record semen collection from a prize boar. I was curious as to how they were going to proceed. I had grown up on ranchs in the west and had seen things done with cows and horses, but never with pigs.

They walked this big boar into a portable chute and lashed him securely to the side, which they then tipped over until he was laying on his side, squealling and farting! A vet then stepped up and gave him an injection which put him to sleep. Then came the amazing part (to me) - They shoved about a 3-foot black probe (rod) up the poor beast's ass, and then I noticed it had an electrical cord attached. When they turned on the juice, just briefly, that boar convulsed and spurted forth with about a quart of semen. I imagine you could call that an electric boar wanker ! Thanks (I think) for the memory.


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 21 Feb 06 - 02:29 AM

Was this song not first collected by Rev. Sabine Baring-Gould on a pig farm in Borsetshire, and featured in Songcatcher?


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: sinpelo
Date: 21 Feb 06 - 04:25 AM

Could be. All I know for sure is it ended up in a pig manure pit in Upper Snorkington-On-The-Slode. That's probably why it's so lonely. C'mon, folks. Scrabble about in the manure there may be other gems waiting to be rediscovered.


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 21 Feb 06 - 04:27 AM

I think this song is offensive, as it mentions pig and pork in the same context. Think of their feelings!


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: sinpelo
Date: 21 Feb 06 - 04:54 AM

Actually, that's something I try NOT to think about!!


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 21 Feb 06 - 05:27 AM

They don't write them like that any more ......... thank you,

Wonderful, brought tears to my eyes


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 21 Feb 06 - 08:02 AM

I'm now steeling myself for the Muslim backlash. I fear there'll be demonstrations in Codgerton-cum-Offten and probably flag burning in Todgerton Parva, So, no change there then!

Abu bin andunnit


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: GUEST,Bill the sound
Date: 21 Feb 06 - 07:17 PM

I used to know a lot of these songs but now I have forgotten them.
Bill the sound


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Subject: RE: Forgotten songs
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 06:11 PM

By heck! There's sum jobs long gone and nee mistake - Or is it still a gannin concern? I remember that Rebecca Loos on a 'reality' TV programme hevvin te 'work' a pig but aah thowt she wuz just deein' it for artificial insemination like!

I remember tellin' a lass aah was gannin aboot with in Florida that me Granda used te be a 'knocker-up'

She sez tiv us "Oh George! I hope it dizzent run in the family!"


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Mudcat time: 31 July 9:41 PM EDT

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