The Hole In The Elephant's Bottom

My ambition's to go on the stage
And now you can see that I've got on.
In the pantomime I am engaged
To play the elephant's bottom.

Now the girls all think that I'm it
When they sit in the stalls I can spot 'em
And I wink at the ones in the pit
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.

Now this part doesn't have any words
There is nothing that can be forgotten
I spend all my time pushing property turds
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.

One day we played in a farce
And they stitched up the backside with cotton
It split and showed all of me bum
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.

One day two queers came in
On the stage before anyone could stop 'em
But they gave me a lovely bouquet
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.

The manager said 'That's all wrong!'
As they sit in the stage you could spot 'em
So I use a telescope now
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.

My landlady packs up my meals
One day I went out and forgot 'em
So now every day she feeds me with buns
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.

There are pockets inside of the cloth
For some bottles of beer if you've got 'em
But they hiss and they boo if I blow out the froth
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.

Now the fellow who plays the front part
As an actor he is simply rotten
Through bad beer he does nothing but fart
While I play the elephant's bottom.

Some people may think this song good
Others may think that it's rotten
Those who don't like it can just push their nose
Up the whole of an elephant's bottom.