Transcribed by me from the video found at YouTube.


IF SCOTLAND TURNS REPUBLIC
As recorded by Will Fyffe, 1932.

1. I’m not a politician; don’t believe in politics,
But Russia says in years to come we’ll all be Bolsheviks.
They tell us bonnie Scotland a republic’s going to be,
Except in Aberdeen an Glasgow, Grynneth(?) an Dundee.
I always did believe in safety first,
And mind ye, if the worst comes to the worst—

CHORUS: Och, if Scotland turns republic, I’ll tell you wha I’ll do:
I’ll wear a sporran round my neck.
It’ll look like whiskers on a Bolshevik.
I’ll be known as Will Macfyffesky when mysel I introduce.
If Scotland turns republic, I’ll buy a public hoose.

2. I’ll have to go to Moscow just to spend a couple o days,
To pick the Russian language up and get into their ways.
It’ll come in very handy when I get behind the bar.
Then I can say things to them in their own vernacular.
The whiskers have got on; they’ll have to watch,
But I’ll tear them off and tell them off in Scotch. CHORUS

PATTER: Ha-ha! Can you imagine me settlin doon in public hoose in a place like Aberdeen? I’ve got to settle up in Glasgow first. Here, I can just picture mysel behind the bar, with a lovely set o lace curtains, throwin bombs at the barmaids, an …(?), eh? An the five-years plan, too; have you heard about that Bolshie idea? Work five years for money! I can see a Scotchman doin that for a start, especially in Aberdeen. But wait till I get my public hoose! I’ll close what time I likesky, an when I’ve won over the eatsky(?), will that cause any trouble an strifesky wi the wifesky? Not on your lifesky, Mr Fyffesky! I’ll be too busy with the whiskey an the beersky. You know, I don’t know much about this Bolshevism, but they talk about doin away with the kings an queens. Doin away with the kings an queens! What are they gonna do with the aces an the jacks? But you now where I got my idea? I was listnin’ to one o those tee-total spokers the other nicht in the park, an he was shoutin: “Doon wi the drink!” That give me the idea o buyin a public hoose. That’s why the foot is down. An mind you, it’ll come in handy for the Bolshies, cause I hear they’re very fond o fightin, an a man that’s fond o fightin’s always fond o drinkin, so you see, whatever happens, I’ll be all right. CHORUS