I extracted this text from From Fringe to Flying Circus: Celebrating a Unique Generation of Comedy, 1960-1980 by Roger Wilmut (London: Eyre Methuen, 1980), page 94:


ON GOING TO THE EXCUSE-ME
Alan Bennett

Bolding Vedas, Shanks New Nisa
The Trusty Lichfield swirls it down
To filter beds on Ruislip Marshes
From my loo in Kentish Town.
The Burlington, the Rochester -
Oh, those names of childhood loos;
Nursie knocking at the door
"Have you done your Number Twos?"
Lady typist - office party -
Golly! All that gassy beer!
Tripping home down Hendon Parkway
To her Improved Windermere.
Chelsea buns and lounge bar pasties
All swilled down with Benskin's Pale;
Purified and cleansed with charcoal
Fill the taps in Colindale.
Here I sit, alone and sixty;
Bald, and fat, and full of sin.
Cold the seat and loud the cistern
As I read the Harpic tin.