I did my best to transcribe this, but several phrases are missing or questionable, and corrections are welcome. The decision of where to put stanza breaks was somewhat arbitrary, but the line breaks are chosen to emphasize the rhyme.


JUDGEMENTS*
(Leon Rosselson)
As recorded on the album by Adrian Mitchell and Leon Rosselson: "A Laugh, a Song and a Hand-Grenade" (1968)

Since I was young, I've always been keen on judging others.
I used to practice flagellation on my younger brothers.
From there, my path was straight and true;
My school was right; my college, too.
I joined the most exclusive clubs
And mingled with the noblest bloods.

My views were strictly orthodox, quite above suspicion.
In the art of legal strategy, I was soon a skilled tactician;
And so today, above the fray, in my exalted state,
I judge the crimes of mortal men, a messenger of fate.

Give that fellow fifty years;
My liver’s bad this morning.
Cut off that lying peasant’s ears
And let that be a warning!
For punishment’s the only way
To teach the plebs crime does not pay,
And every day is judgment day.

Hey, ding-a-ding-ding! I love the spring when the pretty birds sing so gaily.
I don my wig and dance a jig and dole out judgments daily.

In ordinary clothes, I'm an ordinary man, but dressed in my regalia,
I chastise every law breaker and castigate each failure.
Jail that drunk; divorce that wife!
Adultery's pollution!
Put that man away for life.
It's time for retribution!
Burglars, rapists, sex perverts,
Let every man get his deserts.
My duodenal also hurts.

Hey, ding-a-ding-ding! I love the spring when the pretty birds sing so gaily.
I don my wig and dance a jig and dole out judgments daily.

For I am the man, yes, I am the man whose word is consecrated.
My word is the word of the law, and the word of the law is sacred.
By punishing, we will deter.
The law is a corrective.
Bring back the executioner
To make it more effective.
Bring back the noose, and then bring back
The birch, the stocks, the stake, the rack.
Oh, God! I've got a heart attack!

And now …
With duty garland, functions clear,
I will not have a thing to fear,
For, Lord, I'm sure that by and by
We'll be together there on high
Comparing notes, just you and I.

Hey, ding-a-ding-ding! I love the spring when the pretty birds sing so gaily.
I don my wig and dance a jig and I dole out judgments daily.

- - -
My spell-checker insists on JUDGMENTS although the title has it JUDGEMENTS, according to Spotify, YouTube, and Discogs.com.