THE TOURIST'S COMPLAINT
(Leon Rosselson)

Well, I've done my tourist duty up and down the Eiffel Tower
And I've watched flamenco dancing in Seville.
I've sampled Spanish sherry and been down with dysentery,
Cos it's not a holiday unless you're ill.
I've seen the Cote d'Azur where the air is clean and pure
And the Coca-Cola adverts grow on trees.
The waiters are offensive and the scenery's expensive
And they charge you ten percent just to breathe.

CHORUS:
Cos I've seen the Mona Lisa and the leaning Tower of Pisa.
I've been to Timbuktu and back again;
But the only thing I know is that everywhere I go,
The Coca-Cola always tastes the same.

I've got stacks of souvenirs I've collected over years,
Like gondolas that play Santa Lucia.
I've got ash trays, bags and boxes and a little wooden whatsit,
But what's it for I've not the least idea.
It was from an Arab peasant in the middle of the desert
That I bought a native pot made of clay,
But when I turned it over, it was only to discover,
It was manufactured in the USA.

Once I found a quiet village in the heart of Sicily.
No cars or noisy tourists did I meet;
And the view was picturesque as the sun set in the west
And the natives urinated in the street.
Well, their folk customs were charming. I remember well one morning
When the Mayor and 13 others all got shot,
And I thought that things were swinging
When the church bells started ringing.
Then they rang for 30 days without a stop.

Now I've had my photo taken in a market in Tangier,
And last year went to see the sites of Greece,
But the only thing I saw were a million other tourists
And I'd seen them all the year before in Nice.
So next year I'll stay at home. No longer will I roam.
I don't care what the blooming(?) neighbours say.
I'll buy a sun-ray lamp and a set of foreign stamps
And I'll send myself a postcard every day.

Have fun

Les Jones