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2002 OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth (Helen's Mum)

18 Apr 02 - 09:29 PM (#693312)
Subject: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Helen

My Mum, Gwyneth, died suddenly at home on Monday afternoon. She has been fighting off diabetes for 33 years and heart trouble for the last decade or so, plus all the related health troubles. She finally went, and I know that she wanted to go quickly and not linger on in hospital. So, she is released from her troubles, and we are dealing with the suddenness of it but we think she was better off to go quickly and without fuss as well.

My Dad, my sister and her family, and my hubby and I didn't have chance to say goodbye, but I don't think that there is any unfinished business that any of us can regret.

My sister and I arranged the funeral which was yesterday afternoon. Harp music, and the hymns/songs were In the Garden, Whispering Hope, and The Old Rugged Cross. The organist played Land of My Fathers, the Welsh national anthem, because Mum's mother was Welsh and we had a harper at her funeral too. While everyone was standing around afterwards the harper played Celtic music including some of Carolan's tunes. There were lots of roses in the church, and we had some of Mum's things on a table at the front - one of her needlepoint tapestry pictures, a couple of photos and a crocheted rug she had just finished making. I read the Eulogy I had written the night before in about 10 minutes flat. I surpised even myself at being able to get through it all in one go.

While arranging the funeral service I only had one little disagreement with the minister, Gwen, about religious interpretations, but......(grin)

I am listening as often as I need to, including right now, to Paul/Musicman's beautiful Farewell CD. It is like medicine for the soul.

Thank you Paul. I don't know if you will ever realise how much this CD is worth to me. I play it whenever I need to feel calm and soothed and I get uplifted by the beautiful simplicity of it.

Please, everyone, play a tune, sing a song, light a candle, say a poem, or just smell a rose and think about a beautiful woman who loved people - all sorts of people - more than anyone else I know.

Helen, who will miss Mum most at 9am Sunday morning, when it's time for our weekly phone call

18 Apr 02 - 09:40 PM (#693318)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Amos

Awww, Helen -- deepest condolences. This is not a change that will smooth out overnight, but it will smooth out. Keep breathing -- even losses come to an end.

We're behind you all the way , especially on Sunday morning.

Warm regards,

Amos

18 Apr 02 - 09:51 PM (#693327)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Alice

Helen, my deepest sympathy to you in the passing of your mother. I will light a candle and sing a song for her AND for you. Take care.

Alice

18 Apr 02 - 09:52 PM (#693329)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: alison

Helen, I am so sorry to hear about your mum,
I'll play my harp for her on Sunday morning....

love and hugs

alison

18 Apr 02 - 09:53 PM (#693330)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: kendall

My deepest sympathy too. 'tis a far better place she is in now.

18 Apr 02 - 09:56 PM (#693331)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: catspaw49

Helen my old friend, you of course have my deepest sympathy but you obviously had many a fine time and a wonderful relationship. She may have left this world but she will never leave your heart.

All Our Very Best

Pat and Karen

18 Apr 02 - 09:57 PM (#693332)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Helen

Thanks, you guys.

And it's nice to see that the Mudcatter with the same name as Mum's youngest grandson was the first to answer this thread. Hi Amos!

Helen

18 Apr 02 - 09:59 PM (#693334)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: GUEST

Helen, Please accept my condolences on the loss of one so close to you. How thoughtful of you to have 'Land of My Fathers' played. I've an autoharp on which I'm learning a collection of Welsh Folk songs including 'The Last Rose of Summer' and 'Machynlleth'. Whenever I play them I'll think of a beautiful woman's spirit kept alive by a loving and respectful daughter. May she rest in peace.

18 Apr 02 - 10:01 PM (#693337)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Helen

Not so much of the "old", thanks 'Spaw!

Here is the Eulogy I wrote and read on behalf of my sister and myself.

We believe that we have a good idea about what sort of person Gwyneth was and what made her "tick". We have come to the conclusion that her prime focus has been on understanding and relating to people and finding out what makes other people tick.

But it wasn't just a cold, clinical analysis of people. She loved doing things for other people. She loved talking with people. She loved making contact with people and making them feel at home. She was always - until her health problems worsened over the last few years - bright and smiling and alert. She also never had an unkind or nasty word to say about someone, but she would spend time trying to work out why they did what they did.

She loved telling us about her experiences and about her early life. She was a storyteller in the sense that an event was never a simple statement of what happened. It had to be told in the context of other events, of the motivations of the people involved and the other related elements which make the re-telling into a story rather than just a simple statement. She often said that she wondered why we never wrote books, but we often wondered the same about her. In fact only last Sunday she told Helen that she was going to concentrate on writing more of her stories.

She undervalued herself. She thought that she was less clever than she really was. She showed her true colours when she looked after children - her own children, her grandchildren, and other children. She loved involving us in learning and reading and using our minds to find out "Why?", because she loved all of those things herself. She learned many skills, and she spent many years working on needlepoint tapestry and crocheting projects. She was so proud and pleased, and a little surprised (we weren't surprised!) when she topped the flower arranging class. She told us a number of times about how her dressmaking teacher at Tech had offered to help her to become a teacher herself, but unfortunately the poultry farm needed "all hands on deck" and that dream never became a reality for her.

The biggest highlight of her life was meeting Dad. She often told us about how they met and how quickly they both realised that they belonged together. Although they teased each other a lot she often said how she had "struck it lucky" when she found Dad. She never took him for granted. And to see them together it has always been easy to see how much they loved each other.

We believe that our Gwyneth will - in the shortest possible time - join the ranks of those loving, caring and wise Guardian Angels up in heaven who help people here on earth by saying "You can do it!", "You are special!" and "You are loved and valued!" to as many people as she can. So if you hear a whisper in the trees or see a flash of light from the corner of your eye then maybe she is standing next to you whispering words of love and encouragement. Or maybe it is simply your memory of her and she is saying what she would have said if she were still here.

Helen

18 Apr 02 - 10:43 PM (#693363)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: khandu

So sorry, Helen. I will lift a tune for her. Grace and Peace to you and your family.

Death is a one-horse town through which Life passes and keeps on going."

khandu

18 Apr 02 - 11:03 PM (#693372)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: CarolC

I'm so sorry for your loss, Helen. My deepest sympathies to you and to your family. It sounds like your Mum was very special.

18 Apr 02 - 11:29 PM (#693379)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: WyoWoman

Helen, I would have liked your Mum a great deal. You all struck it lucky to have drawn each other in the great Lottery. And she was especially lucky to have a daughter who took the time to observe her and know her well. That's one of the deepest human desires -- to be fully known and appreciated -- and one that is so often thwarted.

Thanks for sharing her with us.

Love and rockets, WW

18 Apr 02 - 11:38 PM (#693384)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Ebbie

What a neat mum. Perhaps you might post the eulogy in an area where you spend a lot of your day. My guess is that it will make you smile through your tears every time you look at it and remember her.

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

Ebbie

19 Apr 02 - 12:30 AM (#693409)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: katlaughing

Helen that is a beautiful eulogy. Your mum would've been proud, I am sure. She sounds like a wonderful person.

I think there are several of us who listen to Paul's CD for the wonderful effect it has. My mom died within a few days of his wife and that CD has always been very special to me as it reminds me so much of the love he had for his wife and I had for my mom.

I will light a candle and sing a song when your Sunday morning rolls around and when I get to my new house, I will be sure to think of you and your mom when the rosebushes bloom.

luvyakat

19 Apr 02 - 12:49 AM (#693415)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Lyrical Lady

My regards to you and your family Helen.

Barb

19 Apr 02 - 02:08 AM (#693446)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Genie

What a beautiful eulogy, Helen--obviously about a very special woman. I'm glad you had such a great mum and such a close relationship with her. I know it will be hard to 'let her go', even knowing that she "is in a better place" now. I, too, will think of her [and you] as I smell my roses and sing, especially on Sunday mornings.

Genie

19 Apr 02 - 02:19 AM (#693448)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: KT

Helen, I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your mum. May you find comfort in your memories of her. She sounds like a wonderful woman. Surely she was by your side as you delivered that beautiful eulogy. I'll hold you both in my thoughts, especially Sunday morning. KT

19 Apr 02 - 02:23 AM (#693449)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: mouldy

You have my complete sympathy. It's exactly a year since I lost my mum, (April 13th), and I know what you must be feeling like. When the death is sudden it feels like a great big hole has been ripped in your life. I admire you for being able to so well and so succinctly talk about your mum in your eulogy. I'm sure she would be proud of you. Take time out to remember her, and grieve for her when you feel like it. People are more understanding that you give them credit for, especially when they know the circumstances. Talk about your mum. The ancient Egyptians had a lovely phrase: "To speak the name of the dead is to make them live again".

I still have my "bad days", but they seem to be far fewer now - usually when I'm tired or under the weather. I have felt a bit guilty about seeming to have mourned my mum more than I did my dad, but immediately after my dad died I moved house and then found I was pregnant. I don't think I really had time then, and I think that I am allowing myself the luxury of doing it now!

Andrea

19 Apr 02 - 02:26 AM (#693453)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Cappuccino

My sympathies. May I be forgiven for interrupting this thread by asking more about that CD that helped you?

- Ian B

19 Apr 02 - 02:43 AM (#693459)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Jeanie

Thinking of you and your family, Helen. With Love and a Hug, Jeanie

19 Apr 02 - 03:09 AM (#693468)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: fat B****rd

Please accept my condolences. Best regards from fB

19 Apr 02 - 03:19 AM (#693470)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Musicman

Helen.... sorry to hear about your mom.. i know what it's like having lost a father, father in law , and my wife.....

I am glad the CD has been there as a friend for you.... I continue to be amazed at the people it touches and the way that it comforts....

(Ian, you can read about the cd helen and kat are talking about here: Farewell CD)

19 Apr 02 - 03:49 AM (#693481)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: bet

Helen, My deepedt sympathy. Ah yes, music is the food of the soul. bet

19 Apr 02 - 06:50 AM (#693559)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: GUEST,Helen, on hubby's computer

KT, I'm sure she was by our side during the whole funeral. Her mother has been around many members of the family since she died a few years ago, and I am sure that Mum will be too.

And thanks again, everyone for your kind thoughts.

Paul, don't be amazed or surprised about the power of your CD. The explanation is simple - it was made with love.

If a JoeClone could fix my line breaks in the Eulogy - which I did insert but they have turned into ghosts and floated away - I'd appreciate it.

Helen

(hope the line breaks are OK, a JoeClone)

19 Apr 02 - 07:03 AM (#693567)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Nigel Parsons

Helen: (((((((hugs))))))
and tho' it may mean little to you, to your mother,"Pob Hwyl!"

19 Apr 02 - 07:56 AM (#693602)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: GMT

Helen, my condolences. The next world is surely richer.

Gary

19 Apr 02 - 09:00 AM (#693648)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Mrrzy

Beautiful, Helen. Keep her memory alive, she sounds absolutely worth it!

19 Apr 02 - 11:27 AM (#693762)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: SINSULL

Helen,
Celebrate her life. She lives on in you.
Mary

19 Apr 02 - 04:12 PM (#693935)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Irish sergeant

helen; Please accept my condolences and prayers. There a no words that adequately comfort at a time like this but my condolences anyway Kidest regards, neil

19 Apr 02 - 04:24 PM (#693943)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Sorcha

If I may, I'll add my condolences too. There is something to be said for sudden--my mum lingered, and lingered and lingered........we were all exhausted. Too exhausted to grieve much for almost a year. I'm sorry Helen.

19 Apr 02 - 06:25 PM (#694011)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Morticia

Please accept my condolences too, she sounds like a wonderful mum,and indeed she must have been, she had a wonderful daughter.I'll be thinking of you Sunday morning.

19 Apr 02 - 08:21 PM (#694063)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Celtic Soul

Helen, she must have been one amazing lady, considering the grace and inspiration in your words about her. My heartfelt condolences to you.

19 Apr 02 - 09:23 PM (#694089)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Herga Kitty

Helen

Losing a parent is very hard and you were absolutely spot on, thank you for sharing this. Sudden deaths are very difficult for surviving spouses and loved ones to adjust to, but lingering ones can be awful for everyone involved, even though there is theoretically more time to come to terms with events.

I hope you're OK.

19 Apr 02 - 10:31 PM (#694113)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: GUEST,Guest

To Helen and all the kind people that answered her "What a wonderful bunch". I visit the Mudcat regularly and never cease to be amazed at the topics being "Wrung" yes you wring the last drop from them!!!This topic brought tears to my eyes and may you long be spared to bolster each other. A lovely thread

19 Apr 02 - 10:32 PM (#694116)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Robin2

Helen,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand, as I lost my dad 4 weeks ago. How wonderful she could go as she chose, with no lingering in the hospital.

She sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Your memories will be special, and I'm sure you will think of her everyday.

Take care of yourself, be good to yourself. Give yourself time to say goodbye.

With loving thoughts,

Robin

19 Apr 02 - 10:52 PM (#694123)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Ian Darby

Helen

Your Mam is probably floating about in a much nicer place now.

I've been through this and I know how it feels.

It gets easier with the passage of time, just remember all of the good bits.

Ian.

20 Apr 02 - 01:32 AM (#694163)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Stephen L. Rich

My family went through much the same thing when my mother died. She, also, had been ill for quite a long time. I hope that this won't sound harsh. It's not meant to, but the sense of relief can go a long way toward tempering the grief. One's life keeps moving onward. There's nowhere else to go.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Stephen

20 Apr 02 - 01:40 AM (#694164)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Stephen L. Rich

For the sake of clarity, the last two sentences were in reference to those still living.

20 Apr 02 - 02:05 AM (#694170)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Night Owl

Helen...I am so sorry to hear of your Mom's passing...please accept my condolences.

AND I'm thankful that you have Paul's cd with you......amazing to me how one cd can both "blow away" deep pain AND offer celebration of a life. Thinking of you here.....will pm you soon.

20 Apr 02 - 07:03 AM (#694232)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: van lingle

Sounds as though you were lucky to have been a part of each others life for so long, Helen. If it's any consolation my own dear mother passed away 7 years ago and I still feel her presence, still know her love, humor and kindness. We'll certainly play a song for her tonight. Take especially good care of yourself.

Dave.

21 Apr 02 - 01:40 AM (#694708)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Helen

Thanks again, everyone.

I have made up a website with a couple of photos, the eulogy, and the poem. I'll also be putting the hymns in on another page, later.


Gwyneth

http://uk.geocities.com/helen_in_oz/index.html

Helen

21 Apr 02 - 02:20 AM (#694717)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Lonesome EJ

Sorry for your loss, Helen. Stay strong.

21 Apr 02 - 03:30 AM (#694730)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Áine

Dear Helen,

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to cancer in 1986; but, there isn't a day that I don't feel her with me in some way. Whether sudden or slow, the pain of losing a loved one is the same. Time may dull the pain a bit, but there will always be an empty space in your world. Just remember that she is always with you, in your heart and mind and soul. My mother had time enough to tell me that she knew I was 'grown up enough to deal with' her passing, and that she wanted me to be happy and well. And I think all mothers wish that for their children.

So, my wish for you is happy memories of your mum; hold them close to your heart and consider yourself lucky that you had her in your life as long as you did. And know that she would want you to be happy and well. Take care and yourself and your loved ones.

All the best, Áine

21 Apr 02 - 11:43 PM (#695319)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: DancingMom

My sincere condolences. Hold tight to those precious memories.

Love bears all things. Sharon

22 Apr 02 - 12:03 AM (#695329)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: open mike

My mother,whose name happens to have been HELEN, also passed away recently. As did my father! Father: March 30, Mother: April 7. what a time! they are together now, and the fact that I was able to spend a week with my mother in the hospital before she left was a miracle. Though she was not apparently conscious, i sang for much of the time, and i believe she could hear me. I know others in the hospital could hear and appreciate the tunes. Esp. found it helpful to sing "I Am A Pilgrim" and "Give Me The Roses While I Live" strangely enough....alsofound it very helpful to read Ram Dass's book Still Here--his book Be Here Now was a pivotal work for the 60's and his current title is also very moving. He had a stroke a while back and his book is on aging and dying.... difficult subject matter.....

22 Apr 02 - 08:25 AM (#695479)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: PeteBoom

Much sympathy...

Pete

23 Apr 02 - 07:28 PM (#696942)
Subject: RE: OBIT: My Mum, Gwyneth
From: Helen

Thank you, all of you, for your kind thoughts.

I'm sorry for all of you who have also lost a parent, or someone close to you.

The advice in this thread will help me a lot,too, like Áine's reminder that my Mum would want us to be happy. I also think that, despite the shock, it is much better for her to have gone quickly. Now my sister and I just have to help Dad to recover from the shock and work out ways to ease the loneliness.

So, then, my advice to you is to give someone you love a big hug, tell them you love them and how much you value them in your life, because it may be your last chance to tell them, or more importantly, it will make them feel good in the here and now. (I never believed in waiting until someone's funeral to tell them how special they are.)

Helen