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Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...

DigiTrad:
AUSSIE TWELVE DAYS OF XMAS
THE TWELVE BUGS OF CHRISTMAS
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PARODY)
THE TWELVE DAYS OF MARXMAS
THE TWELVE THANKYOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS
TWELVE DAYS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (ORIGINAL)
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PC)


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GUEST,Ross Guertin 28 Mar 02 - 10:10 PM
Seamus Kennedy 29 Mar 02 - 12:46 AM
Seamus Kennedy 29 Mar 02 - 12:49 AM
Anahootz 29 Mar 02 - 02:10 AM
Big Tim 30 Mar 02 - 01:59 AM
Tam the bam fraeSaltcoatsScotland 30 Mar 02 - 04:40 AM
Big Tim 30 Mar 02 - 05:03 AM
Herga Kitty 30 Mar 02 - 10:03 AM
GUEST,Blackford John 27 Oct 04 - 02:21 PM
GUEST,Lighter at work 27 Oct 04 - 05:41 PM
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GUEST,Jack 23 Nov 04 - 03:15 PM
Schantieman 24 Nov 04 - 10:53 AM
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GUEST,pacer@mail.uch.org 30 Nov 04 - 12:16 PM
GUEST,Scotus 30 Nov 04 - 07:08 PM
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GUEST,kevin 09 Dec 04 - 03:43 PM
Tattie Bogle 09 Dec 04 - 08:20 PM
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Henrik W. 12 Dec 04 - 08:03 AM
Flash Company 12 Dec 04 - 10:09 AM
GUEST,Susu 15 Dec 04 - 09:41 AM
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PoppaGator 15 Dec 04 - 01:27 PM
GUEST,maimzini@pacbell.net 15 Dec 04 - 07:57 PM
GUEST,susu 16 Dec 04 - 10:22 AM
breezy 17 Dec 04 - 10:52 AM
Tattie Bogle 19 Dec 04 - 05:44 AM
GUEST,guest 20 Dec 04 - 10:55 AM
ossonflags 20 Dec 04 - 04:06 PM
GUEST,Susu (susanneboston@msn.com) 20 Dec 04 - 05:12 PM
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GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca 01 Jan 05 - 11:28 AM
GUEST,susu (susanneboston@msn.com) 01 Jan 05 - 12:37 PM
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Subject: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Ross Guertin
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 10:10 PM

I heard this a long time ago, I think it was taped from a Scottish radio station a while back; it's the drunk version of the 12 Days of Christmas... I think the last the first day goes something like "A wee mickie and a half pint." It's real, it was a live performance though, I don't even know who it was by, though he was a Scot. Anyone have the words to this, or at least know what I mean?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 29 Mar 02 - 12:46 AM

I do my own version of this one. Here it is with some American drinks named. Please feel free to substitute your own. ^^ On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a glass of Long Island Iced Tea
On the 2nd...2 pints of Guinness, and a pint...
On the 3rd...3 Scotch and Sodas, 2 pints..
On the 4th...4 Gin & Tonics, 3 Scotch...
On the 5th...5 Cuervo Gold!! 4 Gin...
On the 6th...6 Blood Marys, 5 Cuervo...
On the 7th...7 Dry martinis, 6 Bloody...
On the 8th...8 Margaritas, 7 Dry...
On the 9th...9 Manhattans, 8 Margaritas...
On the 10th..10 Sex-on-the beaches,9 Manhattans...
On the 11th..11 Screaming Orgasms, 10 Sex...
on the 12th..12 Alka-Seltzer, 11 Screaming...

I've also done this all the way up to 22 Days of Christmas with a different drink for each day, culminating with the Alka-Seltzer. Merry Christmas.

Seamus


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 29 Mar 02 - 12:49 AM

Oh, yeah. I call it the 12 Drinks of Christmas, even when I sing 22, and if you pretend to get drunker as the song progresses, it has a nice comic effect. Now, let's sit back and wait for the MADD threads to start.

Seamus


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: Anahootz
Date: 29 Mar 02 - 02:10 AM

How 'bout the Canadian version, as done by Bob & Doug? They only get to #8 before they get in an argument aboot where the donuts come in, but from 8 it goes:

8 comic books
7 packs of smokes
6 packs of two-four
5 golden toques
4 pounds of Back Bacon
3 french toast
2 turtlenecks
And a beer...in a tree.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Big Tim
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 01:59 AM

Anyone remember the comedy version (by Frank Skerrit?) in the 80s. Was quite a hit single, can't lay my hands on my copy at present. Based on the actuality of receiving all those gifts in the confined space of an ordinary house. Hilarious, especially after a couple of sherries on Christmas Day.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Tam the bam fraeSaltcoatsScotland
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 04:40 AM

There was one done by Bill Barclay from Scotland, I don't know if anyone out there know's him.

However I would like to get the words to his 12 days of Christmas (Drunk version)

Tom


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Big Tim
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 05:03 AM

I've dug out the old single. Who's Frank Skerrit? It was actually by Frank Kelly, very,very,very Irish, prob Dub, in 1983. Called "Christmas Countdown" ("traditional"). I believe it was a big hit in Ireland and only a minor one in UK. Don't have time to transcribe the whole thing now - big job with no "pause" control. The first two verses are;

Day One. Dear Nuala, thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear tree. We're getting the hang og feeding the partridge now although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again. Yours affectionately Guvnot(?) O'Lunacy.

Day Two. Dear Nuala, I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible rowin' the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet and the stitches are due to come out in a week or two. The vets bill came to nearly 12 pounds.

After this the chaos gradually builds up ending up with the poor ould mother on two bottles of whiskey a day plus 128 grains of valium in "a home for the bewildered"! "Dear Nuala" becomes "ye ould bag" and "slurryhead", the vets bill skyrockets, terrible goings on between the eight maids a milking and the eleven lords a leaping, etc.

Extremely funny!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 10:03 AM

Was it Frank Kelly or someone else who worked out the full implications of the accumulation? - 1st day, a partridge, 2nd day 2 turtle doves and a partridge - by day 12 the recipient had acquired 12 partridges, 22 turtle doves, 30 French hens, 36 colleybirds, 42 geese (a-laying, so there might have been more) and 42 swans. Plus 40 maids a-milking (which suggests there must have been a few cows around too) and another hundred assorted bodies (dancing ladies, leaping lords, pipers and drummers drummers). No wonder she needed a drink (at least she had the 40 gold rings to pay for one).

The Kipper Family used to perform the Poacher's Christmas, starting with a partridge in a sack. On one of the days there were rabbits, all with dirty habits, so the total would have been increasing exponentially.....

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Blackford John
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 02:21 PM

Does anyone know the version sung by Andy Ramage


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Lighter at work
Date: 27 Oct 04 - 05:41 PM

How about the Vietnam War version? Starts with "old Ho Chi gave to me - a sniper in a palm tree."


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:09 PM

I just bought a copy of the Frankie Ford version in hopes of finding the one where a lady sings it.No lady singing but it was the song.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Jack
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 03:15 PM

The Scots version was indeed sung by Bill Barclay who used to appear regularly on Radio Forth in Edinburgh when I lived up there.

His webpage is here: http://www.billbarclay.com/

On the first day of Christmas his true-love gave to him a Wee Heavy and a half pint.

J


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Schantieman
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 10:53 AM

There was a play on the radio one Christmas - well, more of a monologue really. Penelope Keith or someone of that ilk reading her letters of thanks (at first) to her true love. Rather like Big Tim's contribution above. Eventually she calls in her solicitors. You had to be there.

Steve


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 11:33 AM

I remember a similar version sung by a female and with each line she talked like she was getting a little more smashed as she sang. This dates back to the early 70s. Anyone remember it? I think WGN in Chicago used to play it.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,pacer@mail.uch.org
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:16 PM

I've been trying to get that female version from the 70's. The funniest I've ever heard! I heard it on the LOOP several times and then found it on cassett in some little store near sox park. Can't locate it. PLEASE...anyone who knows where to find it, let me know!!!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Scotus
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 07:08 PM

I'm pretty sure Andy Ramage's version is from Bill Barclay (but it may be the other way round, of course).

Jack


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Melani
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 07:22 PM

I once sent a fancily-printed version of the formal Edwardian-style "Twelve Thank-you Notes of Christmas" to my relatives as a Christmas card. Same basic idea as the version above, but ending with a summons from a solicitor.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,kevin
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 03:43 PM

www.aprilwinchell.com has the female version of this song in the multimedia section.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 08:20 PM

Buy the CD "Bah humbug": the Bill Barclay version is on there along with another dozen or so very funny "Alternative christmas songs" - greentrax recordings G2CD7007 at www.greentrax.com. According to the CD sleeve, Bill Barclay originally recorded it in 1974, but re-recorded it for Greentrax in 1991.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 07:23 PM

LOZER just give me the wordz to the 12 dayz of drunkin xmas out therre cuz we gettin drunk over herre! yay yayeee


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Henrik W.
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 08:03 AM

Drinks in Bill Barclay's rendition

1st day: wee heavy and a half pint
2nd day: two nips of gin
3rd day: three black and tans
4th day: four Baby chams
5th day: five Happy Days
6th day: six Carlsberg specials
7th day: seven rum & cokes
8th day: eight nips of whisky
9th day: nine vodka'n'limes
10th day: ten creme de menthes
11th day: eleven Blue Lagoons
12th day: twelve Alka Selzers

Actual version impossible to reproduce in writing - must be heard!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Flash Company
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 10:09 AM

The Penelope Keith version is probably the one written by John Julius Norwich, in which the true love starts off delighted with the partridge, gradually becomes more exasperated, and finally breaks off the engagement on the arrival of 'the entire percussion section of The Liverpool Philharmonic'.
There is also a television version which I can't remember beyond the first day being ' A sixty inch colour TV' and featuring along the way 'Five Old Bings'

FC


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Susu
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 09:41 AM

The female version was supposedly by Madeline Kahn, but I could not verify that. I have an old copy still and could translate it if anyone wants, but I don't know where you can get an actual copy of the song.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Susu (susanneboston@msn.com)
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:09 PM

Okay after going to the website by April Winchell I learned that the artist was Fay McKay (I think I knew that like 100 years ago but forgot, and then a local station here in Dallas said they thought it was Madeline Kahn so I thought that wouldn't surprise me. Here are the Lyrics to that version as best I could do on short notice. I could get more detailed on the gibberish if you want, but you will have to email the request to me. Susu
12 Daze of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas my true love to me 2 Cutty Sarks, and a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me 3 Old Crows, 2 Cutty Sarks, and a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 4 Old Fitzgerald's, 3 Old Crows, 2 Cutty Sarks, and a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me- 5 dry riiiiigh - rye (giggles), 4 Old Fitzgerald's, 3 Old Crows, 2 Cutty Saaarks (belching the word Sarks), and a partridge in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 6 Cuba Libre's, 5 dry riiiiigh rye, 4 Old Fitzgerald's, 3 Old Crows, 2 Cutty Saahhh , and a tree, and a bird with the fruit on the limb.
On, on the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me 7 Johnny Walkers, 6 Cuba Libre's, 5 dry rye, 4 Old Fitzgerald's            , 3 Old Crows, 2 Cutty Sss, and a tree, and a tree, and a tree in the meadow.
On the eighth day of Christm, on the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave me 8 Sea Old Fashions, 7, 7, 7 Johnny Walkers, 6 Cuba Libre's, ah (skips 5), 4 Old Fitzgerald's, 3 Old Crows, 2 Cut, and a, and a surrey with the fringe on the top.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave meeee 9 my, my, 9 my, mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the- 9 mar- margaritas, 8 Sea Old Fashions, 7 Johnny Walkers, 6 Cuba Libre's, aaahh, 4 Old Fitzgerald's, 3 Old Crows, eed uuh, uh, doo doo doo dee do (whistles).
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave 10 rum mai hai, 9 ria 9 ris, 9, 9 roto rotors, 8 Sea Old Fashions, 7 Johnny Walkers, 6 Cuba, iah, oh, chucka chucka chucka, aaahh, (whistles).
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true gave love to meeeeeee 11, 11, 11 (makes puking sounds and coughs thank you) bloody mary's, 10 rum mai hai, 9 ria, 8 Sea (quickly runs through the rest of it making gibberish noises then whistles)
On twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave meeeee 12 by my sweetie, 11 of that green stuff, 10 mai mahama, 9 rigor mortis, 8 Sea Old Fash, 7 somma, 6 shuue, ohh uuhhh, 4, 4 Old Fitz, 4, 4 Old Fitzgerald's, 3 Old Crows, 2 City Parks and a cartridge in a pear treeeee.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Susu (susanneboston@msn.com)
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:26 PM

It won't let me create a link (I get an error message stating that this site is stealing the links site's bandwidth) but I can send it to anyone who emails me for it. Susu


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: PoppaGator
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 01:27 PM

Heard on the radio last night: Frankie Ford's "12 Drinks of Christmas." (That's Frankie Ford who recorded "Sea Cruise" in the 1950s, not Frank Ford of www.frets.com.)

Frankie's is a New-Orleans-flavored version, with references to Hurricanes and Ramos Fizzes included in his roster of drinks. He tries to sound as drunk as possible, and progressively moreso as the song progresses; on the third day he gets "3 Chivas Regals," but by the 8th or 10th day it has become something like "3 Reegus Chevals."


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,maimzini@pacbell.net
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 07:57 PM

I haved the recording. It is definitely not Madeline Kahn. I'm in radio and play it where we broadcast. I've had the recording for years, finding it on a tape and keeping it ever since. I have played it every year at Christmas time, never knowing who it was, nor ever being able to find it in record stores. Lord knows I've looked. I chalked it up to a female comedienne of the kind that thrived in the early sixties, when the performing venues were in the Catskills and Miami Beach. These were the days when Jackie Gleason did his show in Miami and Johnny Carson was based in New York City.

Intrepid listeners have been on the hunt this year and we have several leads as to the singer's identity. A recording? Well, who knows. Someone has it somewhere who might someday make it commercially available. We've talked about doing that next year as a charity effort. We'll see. The "quest" among listeners has taken a life all its own though, and of course, the song is priceless and brilliantly performed.

Bruce
Sacramento


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,susu
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:22 AM

Ok folks! here is some answers for you. As I stated before the artist is FAY MCKAY, she was a comedienne in the 60's performing with Liberace on several occasions. She was kind of plump in a Roseanne Barr way, I say Barr because that was one of here thinnest periods, kind of roly poly. I believe she is no longer with us, but she was a comic genius with this song but never got the recognition she deserved. The actual name of the song is "The 12 Daze of Christmas". Happy Holidaze to all of you. Susanne


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: breezy
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 10:52 AM

must endorse the Bill Barclays rendition


'Join in , Its easy'
+
'I didnt make a noise during the bingo'

'Dya no no the wurds?'

+

'Watch yer timing'

The CD 'Bah humbug' only came out two years ago I think, great pressie from Greentrax - not as I previously thought.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 05:44 AM

I gave all the details higher up the post, Breezy. How many cums and rokes (as in Bill Barclay song) have you had?
Cheers and Garry Crimble to all
Batty Togle


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 10:55 AM

I just heard the female version this morning -- The 12 Drunk Days of Christmas. The singer is Fay McKay and I'm trying to locate it.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: ossonflags
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 04:06 PM

" On the first day of Christmas I took to bed with me, my Lord Montague of Beulee"...............................


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Subject: Copy of 12 Daze of Christmas (Fay McKay)
From: GUEST,Susu (susanneboston@msn.com)
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 05:12 PM

Hey guest who posted this morning @10:55 a.m. about the Fay McKay version, I have it. Susu


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 07:10 PM

Bill Barclay is in the line-up for Maggie Cruickshank's annual charity concert at the Pleasance Edinburgh on 15th January: hope it won't be too long after Christmas for him to do the song!
Tickets always sell out fast for Maggie's concert: if anyone's interested, PM me for more details.
TB


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,cindy
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:10 AM

To Susanne of Boston, I would love it, if I could somehow download a copy of the Fay McKay version. Do you think it's possible?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:43 PM

Fay McKay is still alive. I just heard her on a local NH radio station, doing a phone interview.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:41 PM

! http://www.playingsafely.co.uk/12stisofchristmas/12-STIs.html


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 11:28 AM

I've been trying to find the lyrics for this version of "The 12 Days of Christmas". If you could e-mail them to me I'd be very grateful.
Thanks.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,susu (susanneboston@msn.com)
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 12:37 PM

Molly, if you are looking for the Fay McKay version, then look above to my post dated- 15 Dec 04 - 12:09 PM. If you are looking for another artists' rendering then you may wish to submit a new request listing which one you are looking for. Best of luck. Susu


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Subject: Re: Lyrics to humorous version of "The 12 days.."
From: GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 01:37 PM

I think the version is called "Christmas Countdown", and features a mother who is driven to valium and whiskey in her attempt to cope with the accumulation of gifts over the twelve days.
Thanks again.


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Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN (Frank Kelly)
From: GUEST,susu (susanneboston@msn.com)
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 02:32 PM

Molly,you would be talking about Frank Kelly's version here you go. Hope this helps. Susu

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN
(Frank Kelly)

Day One
Dear Nuala,
Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again.
Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O'Lúnasa (pronounced Govnet O'Lunacy)

Day Two
Dear Nuala,
I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two. The vet's bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write.
Yours ever,
Gobnait

Day Three
Dear Nuala,
We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds' droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters. Thanking you for your kindness.
I remain,
Your Gobnait

Day Four
Dear Nuala,
You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet's bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend.
Gobnauit

Day Five
Nuala,
Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings ! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings.
Your affectionate friend,
Gobnait

Day Six
Nuala,
What are you trying to do to us ? It isn't that we don't appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet's head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash ! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check.
Gobnait

Day Seven
Nuala,
W e are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they've gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair.
Gobnait

Day Eight
Nuala,
Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home ? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother's rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I'm very annoyed with you.
Gobnait

Day Nine
Listen you louser !
There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I'm warning you, you're making an enemy of me.
Gobnait

Day Ten
Listen manure-face,
I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You'll get yours !
Gobnait O'Lúnasa

Day Eleven
You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like "Outlook". I'll get you yet, you 'ould bag !

Day Twelve
Listen slurry head,
You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, 'cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they'd been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds' blood and feathers, [sobbing] while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I'm a broken man.
Gobnait O'Lúnasa


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 05:06 PM

That's the one. Thanks a lot.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: susu
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 10:04 PM

You are very welcome. Susu


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: pdq
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 11:06 PM

'susu' appears to have joined Mudcat.

Is this an attempt to bring 'harmony' to Mudcat?

Anyway, welcome susu!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: susu
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 08:27 PM

Well pdq, since I am a wealth of useless knowledge, I thought I may as well join in. For some reasone everything I know seems to come in handy here! Thanks for the welcome. Susu


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Nov 05 - 10:32 PM

The 'drunk' days of Christmas was a 45 record released in 1983 by Fay Mc Kay on Halo records. It's extremely rare and the demand is huge. Copies on Ebay can auction up to $150. Was never issued on CD anywhere.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 03 Nov 05 - 11:18 PM

ossonflags: I believe that's spelled Beaulieu.

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: The cats eat the rats and the rats eat the cats and we get the skins for nothing. :||


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST,"12 daze" is on Ebay now
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 02:03 AM

The 12 daze of Christmas by Fay McKay is on Ebay now.
Here is the url link:

http://cgi.ebay.com/12-daze-days-Christmas-DRUNK-VERSION-Fay-McKay-twisted_W0QQitemZ4789668372QQcategoryZ306QQssPageNameZWDVWQQr


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST,Looking for a Song
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 11:19 AM

Does anyone know if Paul Lynde (Uncle Arthur on Bewitched) did a drunk version of the 12 days of christmas? When I was coming home from college sometime between 1988 and 1991 I heard the funniest version of the twelve days of christmas. I recall that the guy sounded like Paul Lynde. It may have been a sound a like. He sang the song in English without any English or Scottish accent but continued to get more and more drunk. It seemed to me the first day of christmas was a Martini. Not sure.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: Artful Codger
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 04:38 PM

I vaguely recall Paul Lynde doing that.

When I hear the 12 days of Christmas, I'm reminded of a song the Smothers Brothers once did on their 60's TV series:

MONDAY WE SAW ON TV
(The Smothers Brothers)

Monday we saw on TV
A toy to buy for Christmas:
A sexy Sally doll with skin-tight stretch pants.
Oh boy, oh boy, we really gotta get that toy!

Tuesday we saw on TV
A Toy to buy for Christmas:
Melvin Monster, nasty plastic man
And a sexy Sally doll with skin-tight stretch pants.
Oh boy, oh boy, we really gotta get that toy!

[You get the pattern.]

Monday ... A Sexy Sally doll with skin-tight stretch pants
Tuesday ... Melvin Monster, nasty plastic man
Wednesday ... Kittyland A-Go-Go, a swinging doll house
Thursday ... Bang, bang! A submachine gun! Boy, what a toy for war games!
Friday ... A wig, a wig, a Little Wendy wig for fifty dollars
Saturday ... Boom, boom! A little bitty H-bomb. Boom, boom, a patriotic toy
[slower] Sunday we saw on TV the following [??]: [Dick delivered a short sermon against the overcommercialization of Christmas.]

I must've been about 10 when I heard this. I remember the song so well because I'd just gotten a small reel-to-reel tape recorder for Christmas. When the show reran, I was ready!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,BGODINNYC1@AOL.COM
Date: 16 Dec 05 - 02:31 PM

YES THIS HAS BEEN RECORDED ON A CD "THE TWELVE DAZE OF CHRISTMAS" IS BY FAY MCKAY AND CAN BE ORDERED OFF HER WEBSITE WWW.FABULOUSFAYMCKAY.COM


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 20 Dec 05 - 10:22 PM

Quickie FYI...

In the 12 Daze of Christmas, Fay McKay got five "Dry Rob Roys"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Dec 05 - 08:37 AM


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Tummy AuGratin of Manchester, NH
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 04:41 PM

www.fabulousfaymckay.com and 25 bucks will get you the CD featuring the song (and others)!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Anne Lister
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 01:29 PM

I saw Jasper Carrot do a drunken version of this at the Albert Hall, must have been 1974/5, ending with him looking speculatively at the hole in his guitar as if about to throw up into it.

That was in the days when he was more of a folkie than a comedian.

Anne


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,oldhippie
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 05:37 PM

Dave Lippman sings the following:


THE TWELVE DAYS OF BUSHMAS
On the 1st day of Bushmas my Supreme Court gave to me
A duly selected Presidency

On the 2nd day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Three hundred dollars
Instead of a democracy

On the 3rd day of Bushmas my President gave to me
No Kyoto protocol
So I could warm up
To a check for 300, instead of a democracy

On the 4th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Space missile defense
In order to form
A more perfect union or at least a warm fuzzy feeling of
Warming up to having no democracy

On the 5th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
A stop to the START Treaty
So we'll be legal
Building Star Wars II
To defend our lack of a democracy

On the 6th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Stock market tips
To replace Social Security

On the 7th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Faith-based initiatives
To replace Social Security

On the 8th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Drills for the Arctic
Water filled with arsenic
Oil won't mix with water
But oil and government oughta
In a centrifuge
Which he'll set up in a wildlife refuge

On the 9th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
A - bill - of - rights!
Not for gays or blacks or free speech
Not for none of these
But for health insurance companies

On the 10th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Cheaper public schools
Cloning corporate tools
Teaching to the test, screwing all the rest
If they don't like
Our new federal standardization of their kids
To work in faith-based health insurance companies

On the 11th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
War against....somebody
Over in....someplace
To teach a lesson and save our face
Taking our $300, and our fuzzy feeling
And our bill of rights
Here we go to war,
I think we all know what it's for
To defend our lack of a democracy

On the 12th day of Bushmas
My President gave to me
Deficit spending so they can pay back
Those who really suffered from the attack
Oil billionaires
It will trickle down he tells us
And we must be tough
Only terrorists refuse to buy more stuff!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,webwalker222
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 02:52 PM

Back in the early 80's I heard a version of 12 Days where the lyrics were all fairly normal but the guy who got to sing the Partridge part was very very drunk and at one point just managed to stammer out 'and a p, and p, and a p, oh heck it was a big bird that made a heck of a mess'. I heard it on the radio up in Northern Canada, can't remember who did it. Anyone?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: NightWing
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 05:12 PM

WebWalker,

I have a distinct memory of hearing Foster Brooks do something like that, but I can't find it with Google.

BB,

NightWing


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 05:21 PM

I saw/ heard Doug Hudson sing a drunk version of the 12 Days of Christmas at Sidmouth festival last month. Luckily I wasn't in a row near the front, because he sloshes his glass around while he sings it, and acts progressively tipsier.

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Vixen
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 07:48 AM

Jon Campbell of RI, USA wrote "the 12-steps of Christmas" which I posted about here years ago. It's hilarious. I still haven't found the lyrics, but here's what I (vaguely) recall:

one damp basement
two bumperstickers
three cups of coffee
four ????
SER-REN-IT-TEE
etc...

It might be a good companion piece to the "12 Drinks" versions above.

V


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Michael
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 07:28 PM

Is there anywhere i can listen to bill barclay's version of the twelve days of christmas on the internet?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: bobad
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 07:43 PM

A Canadian version eh!

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
Bob & Doug McKenzie


(B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus)

B: OK, good day. This is our Christmas part of the album. You can
play this
at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if
there's
nothin' else to do.
D: Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part.
B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the
Christmas
part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get..um...your true love for
Christmas.
D: Look out the window!
B: Where? (chuckle) What are ya doin'?!?
D: Snow, hosehead!
B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's
Christmastime. Hey, hoser!
D: What?
B: Here's a quiz. (chuckle) Quiz for Doug...
D: OK, I have my "thinking took" on.
B: Yeah, right. What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 'Cause,
figure it
out, right? Christmas is when?
D: Um, the twenty-fifth...
B: Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, right? So..
D: That's two
B: That's two. And, then what's after that? (pause) Boxing Day
D: Wrestling Day
B: Wrestl..get out!
D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
B: That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'!
D: New Year's!
B: Four and what's...
D: New Year's Eve?
B: That's five. Where do ya get twelve?
D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four. So,
that's
nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery"
days.
(Music starts)
B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to
get
someone for Christmas.
D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck!

(organ
starts) By the way, that's ME on the organ.
B: Oh, geez.
D: You start...
B: OK...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
A beer.

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.
D: There should be more there, eh?
B: Where? Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Four pounds of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.
D: ...in a tree. See, you need more.

B: Oh..fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Five golden tuques,
D: Four pound of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle necks
B: And a beer...where?
D: (with Bob) In a tree.

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!
D: ..Christmas, my true love gave to me,
C: Six...
D: Six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tuques
C: Four...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French toast
C: Two...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. OK.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Seven pack of smokes,
C: Nice gift!
D: Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tuques.
C: Four...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French toast
C: Two...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. Keep forgetting.
D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too
hard for
us! Go, hoser.

B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, may true love gave to me,
D: Eight comic books
(Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind)
B & D: Seven packs of smokes
Six pack of two-four
B: Five...
C: (catches up) Five golden tuques
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
ALL: And a beer...
B & D: On my tree.
B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um...
C: TWELVE!
B: Twelve!
D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve..
(Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in)
ALL: Five golden tooks
Four pounds of back-bacon,
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
D: Where'd you learn to do that?
B: Um, albums.
D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas...
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And good day!
B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too.
D: Shhh!
B: OK, you know what you left out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, no!
B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth
day or
the eleventh day, but I want donuts!
D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody!
B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts...
D: So,..go out to the stores and get some presents!
B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you
buy a
dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the
"Thirteen Days of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!
B: Take off!
(As music fades:)
D: Boy, that song was a beauty. It...it moved me.
B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven".
D: What?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: rich-joy
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 10:16 PM

Oooooh ... I want more of Ossonflags' version (Dec '04 posting) :

" On the first day of Christmas I took to bed with me, my Lord Montague of Beaulieu"...............................


Anyone??!!


Cheers! R-J


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: woodsie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM

Doug Hudson's 12 Drinks Of Christmas is hilarious - you must catch him live.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 03:17 PM

Woodsie - can you remember the words of the Doug Hudson version......? (Silly question, I know, but I heard them last month and I can't remember them!)

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,guest - jenny Fitz
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 06:30 PM

Knowing I like a good parody, Richenda put me on to this link ... good stuff. Thouhgt I'd addone I did awhile ago. I guess every family or industry has their own version of 12 day parodies!

And everyone has a pushy insurance broker!!

The 12 days of insurance

I was new to insurance when my broker sold to me … a basic house and contents policy

On the next day my broker rang, suggesting I include …
Fire, flood and theft with my basic …

On the 3rd day my broker advised me to include …
Light-ning strike, Fire flood and theft with …

On the 4th day my broker asked me to include Tracey No 2, Lightning …
(this song was written in Darwin …)

On the 5th day my broker prayed that I include - An Act Of God! …

On the 6th Day my broker bid me to include Drunken Neighbours drinking

On the 7th day my broker said I should include lawyers litigating ..

On the 8th Day my broker obliged me to include Feral squatters squatting …

On the 9th day my broker insisted I include crocodiles attacking …

On the 10 th day my broker harrangued me to include volcanoes erupting …

On the 11th dfay my broker demanded I include … meteors impacting …

On the 12th day I simply refus-ed to include .. Aliens abducting, …
…Fire, flood or theft I want a basic house and contents policy!!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: ktbear
Date: 29 Dec 06 - 04:30 PM

I am desperately looking for the Penelope Keith version. Heard it on the way home from shopping on Saturday, and still can't stop laughing. Having been the partridge in the 4th grade Christmas play, it is one of my favourite Christmas songs, along with all of the wacked out versions. Anyone remember the Donny and Marie "2 falling gloves..." version? BTW: what do you get when you type "Penelope Keith partridge" into Google?
KT


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: oldhippie
Date: 29 Dec 06 - 08:22 PM

And a Hawaiian version:



Numbah One Day of Christmas
(The 12 Days of Christmas local style)
- by Eaton B. Magoon Jr., Edward Kenny, Gordon N. Phelps

Numbah One day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
One mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Two day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Two coconut, an' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Tree day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Foah day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Five day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Five beeg fat peeg... foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Seex day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg (that make TEN!),
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Seven day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Eight day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg (that make TWENNY!), foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Nine day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Nine pound of poi, eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin',
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah let, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Ten day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Ten can of beer, nine pound of poi, eight ukuklele, seven shrimp a-swimmin'
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg,
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Eleven day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Eleven missionary, ten can of beer, nine pound of poi,
Eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

(Numbah Twelve day of Christmas the bes', and the bes' stuff always come las'...)

Numbah Twelve day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Twelve TELEVISION, eleven missionary, ten can of beer,
Nine pound of poi, eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin',
Seex hula lesson, FORTY steenkin' peeg,
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree!

Music and lyrics published by Hawaiian Recording and Publishing Company, Inc., and copyrighted in 1959.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: Joe_F
Date: 29 Dec 06 - 09:05 PM

Richjoy: The version current at St Andrews University in 1959 was
(WARNING: NASTY & SEXIST):

Twelve twisted twats
Eleven lecherous lesbians
Ten torn-off testes
Nine gnawed-off nipples
Eight aching arseholes
Seven sex-starved spinsters
Six convicted vicars
Five choir boys
Four Boy Scouts
Three dirty whores
Two shit-house doors
And my lord Montague of Beaulieu.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: woodsie
Date: 29 Dec 06 - 11:12 PM

Sorry Herga I only saw him do it once!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:40 PM

British comedian Jasper Carrott also recorded a version close to that Bill Barclay song:

On the First Day of Christmas my true love sent to me                A Wee Heavy and a Half Pint
2nd: Two Nips of Gin
3rd: Three Black and Tans
4th: Four Double Diamonds
5th: Five Baby Shots (later, Five Baby chams)
6th: Six Shots of Brandy
7th: Seven Carlsburg Lagers
On the Eighth Day of Christmas, the Silly Old Faggot sent to me: Eight Bloody Vodka'n'Limes
9th: Nine Halves of Chandy
On the Tenth Day ... to me: Hey Jude, don't take it back. Sing your sad song and make it better again. Show Me the way to go home.
11th: Eleven Blast Blue Labels (?)
12th: Twelve Alka Seltzers


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: The Walrus
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 01:57 AM

Joe_F wrote on 29 Dec 06 @ 09:05 PM

"...Richjoy: The version current at St Andrews University in 1959 was
(WARNING: NASTY & SEXIST):

Twelve twisted twats
Eleven lecherous lesbians
Ten torn-off testes
Nine gnawed-off nipples
Eight aching arseholes
Seven sex-starved spinsters
Six convicted vicars
Five choir boys
Four Boy Scouts
Three dirty whores
Two shit-house doors
And my lord Montague of Beaulieu
..."

The version I heard (mid seventies) was slightly different:

(12 and 11 forgotten)
Ten tattered tits
Nine gnawn-off nipples
Eight 'airy arseholes
Seven convicted vicars
Six sex-starved spinsters
Five queer boys
Four shit-house doors
Three French whores
A pair of dirty drawers
And my lord Montague of Beaulieu.

W


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 08:14 PM

A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE
2 TURTLE DOVES
3 FRENCH HENS
4 CALLING BIRDS
5 GOLDEN RINGS
6 GEESE A LAYING
7 SWANS A SWIMMING
8 MAIDS A MILKING
9 LADIES DANCING
10 LORDS A LEAPING
11 PIPERS PIPING
12 DRUMMERS DRUMMING


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:35 AM

This is the 12 days of christmas sung by disney princesses.

On the 12th day of christmas, my true love gave to me:

12 tigers purring
11 pies a baking
10 mermaids swimming
9 roses blooming
8 crowns a shining
7 dwarfs a dancing
6 mice a sewing
5 emerald rings......
4 storybooks
3 fairy wishes
2 glass slippers
and a magical shell of the sea.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 10:42 PM

Jon Campbell wrote the "12 Steps of Christmas" on a CD released in 1996 of the same name. It is available at Looney Tunes records in Wakefield, Rhode Island. Address any questions to campbellemore@yahoo.com


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Mark Ross
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 12:53 PM

I remember a somewhat rowdy party in Kansas City in around '78. The version of 12 Days I vaguely recall ended up every time with "and a handjob in the backseat." Anyone else know this one?

Mark Ross


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:05 AM

Sad to report that Fay McKay (mentioned earlier in this thread) passed away in 2008 at age 77.

However, her classic Twelve Daze of Christmas has been posted on YouTube.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 05:05 AM

Five choir boys
Four Boy Scouts
Three dirty whores
Two shit-house doors

When living on the Isle of Wight I heard this one but didn't quite catch all of it but I know it ended with 'A one-legged horse with VD' if anyone knows the rest of this version please could you pass it on so I can recite it at Christmas.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Desi C
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM

The late Dermot Morgan, who played Father Ted, recorded a very funny version, mostly spoken where he's sending all these gifts to a lady and in the form of her letters in reply she's at first very grateful for the Partridge, up to the gold rings, then she's gradually getting more and moe annoyed e.g "I suppose you think it was funny sending those ten feckin Lords a leaping all over the place, they scared the life out of the six Frenc hens" or something like that. It must be one of the most Parodied X'mas Songs ever ;)


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Subject: ADD: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Dec 10 - 05:33 PM

Day One
    Dear Nuala,
    Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again.
    Yours affectionately,
    Gobnait O'Lúnasa
Day Two
    Dear Nuala,
    I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two. The vet's bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write.
    Yours ever,
    Gobnait
Day Three
    Dear Nuala,
    We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds' droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters. Thanking you for your kindness.
    I remain,
    Your Gobnait
Day Four
    Dear Nuala,
    You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet's bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend.
    Gobnauit
Day Five
    Nuala,
    Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings ! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings.
    Your affectionate friend,
    Gobnait
Day Six
    Nuala,
    What are you trying to do to us ? It isn't that we don't appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet's head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash ! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check.
    Gobnait
Day Seven
    Nuala,
    We are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they've gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair.
    Gobnait
Day Eight
    Nuala,
    Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home ? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother's rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I'm very annoyed with you.
    Gobnait
Day Nine
    Listen you louser !
    There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I'm warning you, you're making an enemy of me.
    Gobnait
Day Ten
    Listen manure-face,
    I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You'll get yours !
    Gobnait O'Lúnasa
Day Eleven
    You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
    It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like "Outlook". I'll get you yet, you ould bag !
Day Twelve
    Listen slurry head,
    You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, 'cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they'd been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds' blood and feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I'm a broken man.
    Gobnait O'Lúnasa

    See above (click). Seems to be exactly the same thing, although I admit I didn't compare the two side-by-side. -Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 03:57 PM

London, England. Late 60's variation...

Twelve tattered twats
Eleven lazy lesbians
Ten Girl Guides
Nine gnawed-off nipples
Eight useless queers
Seven sex-starved spinsters
Six upright figures
Five choir boys
Four Boy Scouts
Three dirty whores
Two bog-house doors
And my Lord Fortescue of Forleigh


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Bill Watkins
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 05:01 PM

We used to sing this in Scotland, can't remember the rest - but this version scans nice:
7 Swansea strippers
6 geezers layin'
5 old queers ...
4 call girls
3 French maids
2 Turkish dwarves
and Lord Montague of Beuliegh


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