Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be

Subject: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:46 AM

Posting here as an offshoot from the "Tie My Pecker To My Leg" thread. A few posts dealt with the immortal stanza reported in Randolph, Blow the Candles Out, completed with help from posters:

Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier I would be,   
To piss, to piss, two pistols at my knee,   
Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,   
To fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt-er-y.

It was noted that a British variant has

To fight for the Queen's cunt, fight for the Queen's cunt, fight for the Queen's country.

The stanza as it is could not be more perfect. Nevertheless my lady and I thought it would be nice if the song went on longer. So we stayed up late batting our brains over possible further verses. The following are our more or less lame results, put together with the original verse.

- - - Bob Coltman

A SOLDIER I WOULD BE
Verse 1 traditional. Remaining verses c 2006 Bob Coltman

Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier I would be,   
To piss, to piss, two pistols at my knee,   
Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,   
To fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt-er-y.

A cock, a cock, a cockade cap I'll wear,
A boob, a boob, a booby prize I'll bear,
My come, my come, my cummerbund I'll tear,
Jabbed by the prick, jabbed by the prick, jabbed by the prickly pear.

My pee, my pee, my peevish face I'll show,
A whore, a whore, a horrid fit I'll throw,
My ass, my ass, my asthma all aglow,
Gobbling piss, gobbling piss, gobb'ling pistachio.

A dick, a dick, a dictator I'll be,
Jack off, jack off, jack of all trades, that's me,
That shit, that shit, that's itching horribly,
Bit by the bum, bit by the bum, bit by the bumblebee.

Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier all my days,
With balls, with balls, with balsam fir sachets,
My fart, my fart, my far trail I will blaze,
And beat off the meat, beat off the meat, beat off the meter maids.

Bugle call coda

No one better harm me, while I am in the army,   
A cannon would alarm me, So pass me the parasol.   

I   can't get it up, I can't get it up, I can't get it up this morn – ing,
I can't get it up, I can't get it up, I can't get it up at all.

---- Ad lib until tired ----

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 04:06 AM

One small thing....the last line of the first verse should read.

"To fight for the old cunt,fight for the old cunt,fight for the old country".

Cheers me dears.

Stu from Bromley.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 06:18 AM

Nicely done.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle
I 'll present it at down downs this weekend.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 12:03 PM

Stu from Bromley ~~ "Should" is not a word to be used of a traditional song. You mean you prefer the version in which the first verse ends as you have quoted. There is no 'should' about it.

~M~

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 05:13 PM

I remember it differently from my schooldays (c1968)

Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,
Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier I will be,   
To piss, to piss, two pistols at my knee,      
To fight for my cunt, to fight for my cunt, to fight for my cunt-er-y.

Although it's very basic, it seems to make more sense that way as well.
i.e.
For the sake of curiosity I will become a soldier, and with two pistols will fight for my country.
as opposed to:
I will become a soldier, with two pistols. And, for the sake of curiosity will fight for my country.

Other views may vary :)

Cheers
Nigel

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,nerd hunter
Date: 28 Mar 17 - 10:07 AM

i like this

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,Rose
Date: 25 Jan 18 - 06:54 AM

I remember it like this.
Ass hole ass hole a shoulder went to war.
Fuck you fuck you for curiosity.
My cunt my cunt my country went to war fuck you fuck you for curiosity

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: Lighter
Date: 25 Jan 18 - 08:17 AM

Bob Coltman's initial stanza appeared in the sub rosa anthology "Immortalia" in 1927.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 03:17 AM

This is the version I heard in my youth:

A sol- a sol- a soldier I would be
For cu- for cu- for curiosity
I fight for my coun- I fight for my coun- I fight for my coun-t-ry
With a pis- with a pis- with a pistol on my knee...

Cheers, z

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,richi2011
Date: 28 Jun 18 - 06:28 AM

My dad taught me the same song back in the 1970s, but it was slightly different. Here are the lyrics he taught me:

Ass hole ass hole, a soldier in the army
to piss to piss, two pistols at her side
shit hole shit hole, she told me that she loved me
fuck you fuck you, for curiosity.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,J Hadley
Date: 30 Aug 18 - 07:25 PM

This is what I heard in 1961, and the metre is better, it scans well.

Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,
Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier I will be,   
To piss, to piss, two pistols at my knee,      
my cunt, my cunt, my country I will free.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 30 Aug 18 - 07:46 PM

Bolton, 1968-ish:

Arsehole, arsehole, a soldier I will be,
Two piss, two piss, two pistols on my knee
Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,
I'll fight for the cunt I'll fight for the cunt I'll fight for the cunt-er-ee.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,F. J. Smith
Date: 14 Nov 18 - 07:35 PM

What I remember from my grandfather:

A sol, a sol, a soldier I will be,
Two pis, two pis, two pistols on my knee,
I swear, I swear, I swear I will be true,
Oh dam, oh dam, oh damsel I love you.

Oh Hel, oh Hel, oh Helen will be mine,
Oh dam, oh dam, oh damsel you’re divine,

My grandfather passed away in 1972 and that’s all I can remember.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Aug 19 - 02:17 PM

After "Oh Hel, oh Hel, oh Helen will be mine,
Oh dam, oh dam, oh damsel you’re divine"

we have...

"We went to bed, we went to bed, we went to Bedfordshire,
Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,

We had a shag, we had a shag, we had a shaggy dog,
Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,

Oh Hel, oh Hel, oh Helen will be mine,
Oh dam, oh dam, oh damsel you’re divine...

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 29 Aug 19 - 02:33 PM

And of course it's sung, at least to start with, to the opening doublet of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik before it turns militaristic for the fourth line. Mozart would have loved it. He was very much a bums, bellies and tits man, in between writing his sublime masterpieces. It's true I tell you!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,PTP
Date: 04 Mar 20 - 11:55 PM

THANKYOU for creating more of this dirty ditty!

It was toos hort and your additions are welcome!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: Mr Red
Date: 05 Mar 20 - 03:42 AM

A GF once related her version which is under the umbrella of "Back of the Bus Songs" and it is where she sang it. I list it here
song.mister.red/#50

There has been a thread in this parish on such songs.
Back of the Bus thread

Now to that thread to correct my sin of changing the URL without re-directs - it was early days.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,Tel
Date: 14 May 20 - 06:32 AM

The Wolf Cubs taught me (C. 1950) that the first line was
   A sod, a sod, a soldier I will be.
But I like the other versions too.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,Cannibal
Date: 15 Mar 22 - 07:19 AM

Considering my memory of how I heard this wonderful ditty many years ago and some of the comments made here, I think it should go like this.

Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier I will be,
Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity.
Too pissed, too pissed, two pistols on my knee
To fight for the Queens's cunt, fight for the Queen's cunt, fight for the Queen's country!

I am sure we all appreciate the effort of Bob Coltman in contributing a few extra verses - may that tradition continue to enrich our cultural heritage!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: Lighter
Date: 15 Mar 22 - 07:42 AM

Mr. Red's first two lines go to the tune of "Marching through Georgia."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,Sarah
Date: 08 Oct 23 - 10:03 AM

The version I heard from my in-laws (natives of Leicester) goes like this:


Shithole, shithole, she told me I should be
Arsehole, arsehole, a soldier for the Queen
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee
To fight for my cunt, to fight for my cunt, to fight for my cunt-ta-ry

(last line sung with a dramatic flair)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,Sarah
Date: 08 Oct 23 - 10:03 AM

The version I heard from my in-laws (natives of Leicester) goes like this:


Shithole, shithole, she told me I should be
Arsehole, arsehole, a soldier for the Queen
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee
To fight for my cunt, to fight for my cunt, to fight for my cunt-ta-ry

(last line sung with a dramatic flair)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Mar 24 - 04:51 AM

Back when I was in school (in the 1980s in Ahmedabad, India), our version said:
"With piss, With piss, with pistols in my hand,
With penis, with penis, with penicillin in the medical chest..."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Apr 24 - 03:52 PM

2 pistols, to pistols by my side
the fight for the old cunt, fight for the old cunt, fight for the whole country

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: NightWing
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 01:19 AM

In the various kennels of the Hash House Harriers in Colorado, we sang it:

Shithole, shithole, she told me I should be
Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be
A whore, a whore, a horsey I will ride
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee
For cunt, for cunt, for country and for Queen
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be

BB,
NightWing

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Apr 24 - 07:52 PM

Nice addition Night Wing - verses I had never heard.

It appears we both date back to the alt.net newsgroup days and both discovered our individual kennels near the same time.

I enjoy your posts of 25 years.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

ON ON !